Go for it, Monors.
"Nothin' honey, just replying to a message from a supporter. On an unrelated note, I have to use the men's room."
Best of Double the U
Before his wife returned he couldn't cross his legs like that.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Really, Tony, you really have to do that now?... Let me ask you something. If you were speaking to 45,000 people, and someone in the back threw a pie, would I still be looking to rip your d*ck off and collect as much alimony as I possibly could? Put the g-damned Blackberry down and order."
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Huma replaced his sexting phone with shiny black chinese thumb cuffs, forcing the Perv of the Month to stare at his hairy palms in frustration.
Best of Submariner
I don't care WHAT your Mother or Grandmother's names were. Our daughter's name is NOT going to be Ima or Fonda, and that is the last I'll hear on the subject.
Best of prince of leaves
Huma: "Hmm, I dunno, can't decide between the chicken with risotto or RIPPING YOUR F-ING HEAD OFF. I think I need another minute..."
Best of prince of leaves
Weiner: "I just want a tossed salad."
Best of any mouse
Huma: "Now that NY has finally legalized gay marriage I can divorce this yahoo & marry Hillary!!"
Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, Anthony, what did the unemployed perv say to his wife?"
"Huh?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
20 comments:
"What else do the simple folk do,
To help them escape when they're blue?
Vinneh
Huma decided that it was too early to make jokes about the hot dogs on the menu.
Before his wife returned he couldn't cross his legs like that.
"Really, Tony, you really have to do that now?... Let me ask you something. If you were speaking to 45,000 people, and someone in the back threw a pie, would I still be looking to rip your d*ck off and collect as much alimony as I possibly could? Put the g-damned Blackberry down and order."
Huma replaced his sexting phone with shiny black chinese thumb cuffs, forcing the Perv of the Month to stare at his hairy palms in frustration.
I'm still trying to figure out how that pepper grinder gets used ... but maybe I'll just bring my own pepper from now on ...
Dear Hot-to-trot;
Yes, I like pina coladas and getting caught... well not so much getting caught - in the rain or otherwise.
"God, I just can't believe I married this bozo & changed my name to Huma Weiner!!!!!"
I'll have the oysters Rockefeller. Give Casanova over there a triple shot of salt-peter...
I don't care WHAT your Mother or Grandmother's names were. Our daughter's name is NOT going to be Ima or Fonda, and that is the last I'll hear on the subject.
Weiner: "I just want a tossed salad."
Huma: "Hmm, I dunno, can't decide between the chicken with risotto or RIPPING YOUR F-ING HEAD OFF. I think I need another minute..."
Huma: "Now that NY has finally legalized gay marriage I can divorce this yahoo & marry Hillary!!"
"Put that down and start acting like my beard"
"ya owe me a coke"
"Hey I got a text from Whoopi", said Anthony, "I'm in, but they want me to call them and not text for some reason"...
"Order me the fruit salad, Huma, but tell them I want the peaches hairless. Gotta be hairless."
"Hey, Anthony, what did the unemployed perv say to his wife?"
"Huh?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
Where will you be when the moment strikes?
Next time on..."The Bachelorette"
Weiner: (to himself) Whoa, now THAT one's got some nice curves...
Huma: (to herself) I wonder if I can get them to slip some ground glass into his pot pie?
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