Saturday, June 04, 2011

The Boy With Several Pairs of Pants


1. "There, this should foil the Safe School Czar's Pederastic advances."

2. Three-Pants-O laments his rejection letter from the Charles Xavier Academy.

3. "Dawn took me 'shopping' at Old Navy and showed me her trick for getting three pairs of jeans for the price of one."

4. Billy wanted to embrace the 'sagger' look but was too shy to reveal his SpongeBob squarepants boxers.

5. "What kind of a cruel mind-fck is this?" yelled an exasperated Barney Frank.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
John's mom knew it wasn't a chastity belt, but she figured it was just as affective.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Trojans? Oh gosh, I'm sorry Aunt Betty, I thought you said, "wear trijeans."

Threadwinner: blue
After yet another incident on the playground the principal instituted the "Goofus" dress code.

Best of prince of leaves
After just two semesters at UofM, Jimmy had changed his major from engineering to "White Urban Wannabe Studies", had changed his speech from that of an articulate Auburn Hills altarboy to a sneering Jersey patois, and had changed his wardrobe from khakis and polos to...this.

Best of mpur
Remember when a simple T-shirt with the word "Stupid" printed on it was enough?

Best of Dactyl
And Jimmy regrets taking that laxative in 3...2...1...

Best of Adriane
"Um yeah, I put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else. Why do ask?"

Best of Matt the K
Try as he might, Bobby Gaga could never garner the same attention as his big sis.

19 comments:

Shayne said...

The new Congressional dress code, in the wake of Weinergate.

Spineless Vertebra said...

John's mom knew it wasn't a chastity belt, but she figured it was just as affective.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Though oft mistaken as a wigger, Jimbo just had a fetish... he enjoyed the heck out of watching his girlfriend Susie kneel and undo his trousers.

-OR-

Trojans? Oh gosh, I'm sorry Aunt Betty, I thought you said, "wear trijeans."

-OR-

Arriving home after with the college admissions interview...
Dad Thawtbubble: He wore that?! Jeez, he'll be living here when he's 100.

jj said...

Johnny realized too late that if he wanted free clothing he should have gone to Ohio State.

blue said...

After yet another incident on the playground the principal instituted the "Goofus" dress code.

prince of leaves said...

After just two semesters at UofM, Jimmy had changed his major from engineering to "White Urban Wannabe Studies", had changed his speech from that of an articulate Auburn Hills altarboy to a sneering Jersey patois, and had changed his wardrobe from khakis and polos to...this.

WV: "oombacel" -- a subject-appropriate example of the aforementioned patois.

prince of leaves said...

He couldn't play sports, he wasn't particularly bright, and he was generally socially-inept, but there were three reasons why Jimmy was the most dated boy in his class.

prince of leaves said...

Groundwater contamination from years of auto production has made Flint the world's largest cluster of human centipedism.

prince of leaves said...

Granny-J had a good reason for busting out her 9mms.

mpur said...

Remember when a simple T-shirt with the word "Stupid" printed on it was enough?

Rodney Dill said...

Still gets picked on by the boy with 5 popped collars.

dadoctah said...

'ow to speak Wolverine: "dressing in layers".

Dr. Doom said...

The real reason that Michigan can't beat Ohio State...

Dactyl said...

And Jimmy regrets taking that laxative in 3...2...1...

Adriane said...

"Um yeah, I put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else. Why do ask?"

Matt the K said...

Try as he might, Bobby Gaga could never garner the same attention as his big sis.

Submariner said...

Exhibit 1 on why so many U of M coeds prefer their own.

sonicfrog said...

In what appears to be a major oversight, the crime-fighting vigilante MultiPants Boy was, for whatever reason, not featured in the newest X-Men movie.

Anonymous said...

Young Anthony Weiner liked to play jokes with his Poloroid. That's what he says.

Vinneh