Monday, May 23, 2011

Will All the America-Hating Marxists Please Raise Their Hands


1. "Well, I inherited the economy from my predecessor, but shooting Bin Laden in the face... that was all me, bitches!"

2. After demanding a high-five for single-handedly taking down Bin Laden, Obama was surprised with the entire military and defense establishment left him hanging.

3. The weakened president could only manage one sad, dispirited jazz hand.

4. "... and the streets will run red with the blood of the capitalist oppressors." Someone accidentally loaded Obama's speech for his San Francisco fundraiser onto the Teleprompter for his address to the CIA. No one really noticed, though.

5. The oldest of the CIA veterans pondered the irony that the POTUS was the kind of Marxist tinpot they were being paid to assassinate back in the seventies.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Yes. With this mighty left hand I personally strangled bin Laden while the SEAL team looked on in awe."

Best of HLam
"Yes, I am the one that called God and had him call off the Rapture. It was me. Just me. All me. You're welcome."

Best of dadoctah
Apophis realizes too late that he's forgotten to put on his kara kesh.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Good-bye middle class, good-bye health insurance overhaul, good-bye balanaced budget, good-bye American freedoms, good-bye second term, good-bye yellow brick road... and good-night Irene.

Best of jj
Excuse me...someone wrote a bunch of stars on this wall. Give me a minute while I erase them...

Best of blue
"Excuse me while I whip this out!'

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Talk to the palm, Israel."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Will the operator of a black Cadillac sedan identify himself? You're parked in a restricted zone."

Best of Mr. Hankey
"You're welcome. I'm so glad I was there to accomplish your mission for you. No more thanks are necessary."

Best of GregMan
"And this is the hand I used to give Frank Marshall Davis a reach-around!"

Best of dub
Sully's search for "negro handjob" led to more disappointment.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Obama demonstrates the power of the dark side...as he lifts his X-Wing from the swamp.

Best of Vinneh
"Wait 'til he finds out the boys down in the cyber lab loaded Tropic of Cancer on the teleprompter."

Best of Submariner
♪STOP!
In the name of freedom♪
♫Before you break the bank♪
What the...
Who the heck let Forbes near ToTUS?

Best of Rodney Dill
"Who cried when Old Yeller died?"

37 comments:

Army of Dad said...

Instead of yo mama so fat jokes we have Obama so dumb he 'sieg heiled' with the wrong hand!

Army of Dad said...

"I all I am saying is give tax and spend a chance"

Submariner said...

"...and a LEFT-handed "Seig Heil" shouout to my buddy, George Soros!"

Submariner said...

"No, I wasn't worried. Had the so-called Christian "Rapture" have taken place on cue, I still would have reported Monday to finish tearing down Amerikkka. Next question... uh, Mr. Mathews?"

Submariner said...

Would someone please turn off that spotlight? It's causing proplems in reading my impromptu answers off TOTUS.

Submariner said...

"Next question; anyone besides that joooooo?"

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

"Yes. With this mighty left hand I personally strangled bin Laden while the SEAL team looked on in awe."

HLam said...

"Yes, I am the one that called God and had him call off the Rapture. It was me. Just me. All me. You're welcome."

-- or --

Guy out of frame: "Let's call this meeting to order. ORDER! ORDER!"

Obama: "Turkey on Rye with a side of slaw."

dadoctah said...

Apophis realizes too late that he's forgotten to put on his kara kesh.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Good-bye middle class, good-bye health insurance overhaul, good-bye balanaced budget, good-bye American freedoms, good-bye second term, good-bye yellow brick road... and good-night Irene.

-OR-

As Obamalama waved good-bye a hush fell over the crowd. Senior members of the clandestine fraternity fought back panic... "How could he possibly know the special sign?" "Who leaked our private ID?" "He's broken the code!" "Quick, let's choose a new secret hand signal."

jj said...

Excuse me...someone wrote a bunch of stars on this wall. Give me a minute while I erase them...

jj said...

Those of you being investigated by the DOJ, raise your hand...

blue said...

"Excuse me while I whip this out!'

Submariner said...

Goodbye, and, uh, thanks for all the cash...

Oh, and, um, Don't forget your Che towel.

metalgarth said...

How long before he realizes that someone put the 'hokey pokey' on his teleprompter

Kaptain Krude said...

"Uh, and then I, uh, spiked the football, uh, using this, uh, kind of motion. Uh, right there on, uh, the memorial, uh, kind of ground. Of course, uh, those, uh, stupid Republicans will never, uh, run that footage during election season. You guys, uh, are all on my side, uh, right?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Talk to the palm, Israel."

Spin said...

"and I shall be greeted thus-ly"

Jack Reacher said...

"Will the operator of a black Cadillac sedan identify himself? You're parked in a restricted zone."

Jack Reacher said...

Confident and dry, yes. Secure; not so much.

Jack Reacher said...

Obama appeals for quiet after his announcement that the prohibition on domestic CIA operations will be lifted for enemies of the state.

Mr. Hankey said...

"You're welcome. I'm so glad I was there to accomplish your mission for you. No more thanks are necessary."

Mr. Hankey said...

Obama demonstrates the power of the dark side...

GregMan said...

"And this is the hand I used to give Frank Marshall Davis a reach-around!"

GregMan said...

"Barry waves bye-bye to Amerikka. Bye-bye, Amerikka, bye-bye!"

The new elementary school readers were better than Look-Say, but not by much.

dub said...

The arugula? Over here.

dub said...

Kobe I'm open!

dub said...

Sully's search for "negro handjob" led to more disappointment.

JohnS1959 said...

The Obama Deficit Reduction Strategy:

"Now ladies and gentlemen, the next item is a CIA Memorial Wall. This is an artifact from amerikkka's imperialistic past. I'm sure it can be demolished and made into a fine artificial reef for one of you", hawked the President, "Let's start the bidding at 50 million shall we?"

Mr. Hankey said...

Obama demonstrates the power of the dark side...as he lifts his X-Wing from the swamp.

Mr. Hankey said...

Not spending enough for a true luncheon with Obama, the supporters who paid between $5,000 to $10,000 get to view the open palm of his hand.

Anonymous said...

"The only thing worse than getting between Michelle and a tamale is getting between me and a telepromter."

Vinneh

Anonymous said...

"Wait 'til he finds out the boys down in the cyber lab loaded Tropic of Cancer on the teleprompter."

Vinneh

Submariner said...

STOP!
In the name of freedom♪
♫Before you break the bank♪
What the...
Who the heck let Forbes near ToTUS?

Submariner said...

"Hey Rocky; watch me pull a ruined economy out of a hat!
Nothing up muh sleeve..."

Submariner said...

A split second later, "The One" learns that he isn't, and mind-power bullet stoppage in the matrix was just a special effect.

Rodney Dill said...

"Who cried when Old Yeller died?"