Wednesday, May 04, 2011

It's Called Orgasmatron


1. I don't know what it is, but the GITMO detainees gave up Bin Laden forty seconds after it was plugged into their rectums.

2. Visitors to London were baffled by what exactly the Obamas' gift to the newlyweds was.

3. I don't know what it is either, but they spent $40,000,000 in Stimulus on it.

4. The device Bush used to steer Hurricane Katrina into the black neighborhoods of New Orleans is now on display in the Smithsonian.

5. Apple's military division unveils the iMine; more expensive and less effective than other weapons, but it makes our troops feel superior for using it.

Best of USMC2841
    Keep shooting. It's just a minor quake. They build these reactors to withstand anything. Too soon?

Best of Vinneh
    Even a gerbil can be replaced.

Best of Jack Reacher
    "...and this is where the Cook County ballots come out."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    The new massage shower head by Pollenex is specially designed for today's larger woman.

Best of dadoctah
    It was then that I suddenly realized: Ron Popeil had finally gone utterly mad!

Best of dub
    Worst.Kidney.Stone.Ever.

Best of prince of leaves
When Dr. Tokara suddenly dropped the camera and started speaking in gravely backward Latin, the other Large Hadron Collider scientits knew they had discovered the Devil Particle by mistake.

Best of Spin
    "Ok, now give me playful".
    "now pouty"

Best of JohnS1959
    The new iSatellite will be used to capture personal information from all of Apple's spyPhones.

Best of GregMan
    I don't know what it is either, but I bet it needs more than a couple of "D" cells to start it vibrating.

Best of Rodney Dill
    Now all I need is the Illudium Pu-38 Explosive Space Modulator.

21 comments:

USMC2841 said...

Keep shooting. It's just a minor quake. They build these reactors to withstand anything. Too soon?

whacko said...

Just goes to show that a Japanese tourist will take pictures of anything.

Rodney Dill said...

Did you know that each expresso machine installed on a B-52 costs only $32,000,000.00.

Anonymous said...

Even a gerbil can be replaced.

Vinney

Jack Reacher said...

"...and this is where the Cook County ballots come out."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The new massage shower head by Pollenex is specially designed for today's larger woman.

-OR-

AP Newswire: 9 out of 10 dentists recommended Waterpik's new pulsating tartar control wand until our investigative reporter revealed they're all getting kickbacks from whiplash attorneys.

WordVerify: ashour - a term alien abductees use for the lost 60-minutes of probing on the mothership

dadoctah said...

It was then that I suddenly realized: Ron Popeil had finally gone utterly mad!

dub said...

Worst.Kidney.Stone.Ever.

prince of leaves said...

When Dr. Tokara suddenly dropped the camera and started speaking in gravely backward Latin, the other Large Hadron Collider scientits knew they had discovered the Devil Particle by mistake.

Spin said...

Spawn of Sputnik

Spin said...

"Ok, now give me playful".
"now pouty"

JohnS1959 said...

The new iSatellite will be used to capture personal information from all of Apple's spyPhones.

GregMan said...

"Don't get too close to that thing, Kimiko. It looks hungry to me."

GregMan said...

I don't know what it is either, but I bet it needs more than a couple of "D" cells to start it vibrating.

Rodney Dill said...

Now all I need is the Illudium Pu-38 Explosive Space Modulator.

Rodney Dill said...

Just 248 D-cells away from divorce.

Anonymous said...

Tax Payer funded Abortion Technology 'is' getting radical!

- Oiao

Steve O said...

I don't know what it is, but if it's an alternative to waterboarding, I say... well alright!

metalgarth said...

You really don't want to see the robot it transforms into!

metalgarth said...

Under Obamacare, all prostate exams will be done with this doohickey

metalgarth said...

ORA:

Tobias Funke ordered one of these to help him out as an analrapist