Monday, April 25, 2011

Two People Who Have Never Been in My Kitchen

Al


1. "Kali-ma! Kali-ma!"

2. The horrible specter of death comes for Nancy.

3. "Psst, Nancy... why are you wearing Hillary's ben-wa balls around your neck?"

4. INVISIBLE DANGLING STRING!

5. Some people just never get the knack of the Royal Wave.

Best of Submariner
OJA:
"...with the help of almighty Gaia and this good hand, I managed to get all the entrails back inside!"

Best of GregMan
For his next trick, Harry the Magician and his lovely assistant Nan will make the budget deficit of the federal government magically double in size.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Oh! Oh! Mr. Kotter!"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Sixty years later, Harry Potter and Hermione still won't shut up up about how they saved the world from Voldemort.

Best of Mr. Hankey
The Captain & Tennille reunion tour annoucement seemed deceptively evil this time around.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Darn, almost! Next time that fly buzzes her, I'm gonna catch and eat it.

Best of any mouse
"Marklar will never raise Marklar again! Marlar here might do Marklar, but Marklar will Marklar!"

Best of Submariner
American Gothic, Soho Edition.

Best of Steve O
"And now, I shall reach over and touch the left breast of the beast.

Best of MissC
Not only have they never been in your kitchen, I seriously doubt they have been in their own, or know what one looks like. They just assume that all food is a ritual sacrifice.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"There's too many microphones up here. Where is that young Gavin Newsom at?"

Best of Mr. Hankey
As the chairman of the Welcoming Committee, it is my privilege to extend a laurel, and hearty handshake to our new ...n****r....I mean President!

Threadwinner: blue
Riff Raff and Magneta saying goodbye...

46 comments:

JohnS1959 said...

Two people who have never been in anyone's kitchen - that would be too much like actual work...

Submariner said...

Nancy prays that, just this once, Harry won't speak.

Submariner said...

OJA:

"...with the help of almighty Gaia and this good hand, I managed to get all the entrails back inside!"

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

"...and I vow to find the perpetrator responsible for foisting this Fembot series on an unsuspecting public and prosecute them to the MAXIMUM extent possible under the law!"

Submariner said...

"Vote Dem and I promise this chick in every pot!"

Harry Reid proves yet again that he just doesn't get it.

Submariner said...

Will anyone open the bidding at even ONE dollar? Anyone?
Anyone?
OK, how much will I have to pay you to take her off my hands?

Submariner said...

♪ I beg your pardon, I never promised you The Rose Garden. ♪

Submariner said...

Reed "...and THIS is how I keep my pimp hand strong!"
Pelosi thawt bubble; "Must.Not.Smile.
Must.Not.Laugh.
Republican-Wins.
President-Palin.
Speaker-Paul..."

Anonymous said...

"Oh this is embarrassing. When I said I don't want to meet with that whore, I thought my staff said you were Snooki Polizzi. My bad"!

Vinney

GregMan said...

Yes they're real, and I WILL squeeze her boobs with this hand to prove it!"

GregMan said...

For his next trick, Harry the Magician and his lovely assistant Nan will make the budget deficit of the federal government magically double in size.

GregMan said...

"You are getting sleepy, sleeepy, just like an Air Traffic Controller..."

Submariner said...

Budget Cuts!?!
HEE-AL! By the power of Lenin and Obama, I cast out thy demon!

The DNC gets religion.

Jack Reacher said...

"Right now, the national debt represents a pile of dollar bills for every American about so high. Our plan is to triple that. Any questions? Didn't think so. You're excused."

Jack Reacher said...

"Oh! Oh! Mr. Kotter!"

Mr. Hankey said...

Sixty years later, Harry Potter and Hermione still won't shut up up about how they saved the world from Voldemort.

Mr. Hankey said...

The Captain & Tennille reunion tour annoucement seemed deceptively evil this time around.

blue said...

"Yes it is true, Nancy & I are the real birth parents of Barry Soweto...now all you birthers - STFU!!!!!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Darn, almost! Next time that fly buzzes her, I'm gonna catch and eat it.

-OR-

...and when the yellow Vogon ship slowly came to rest above the Rotunda, the Hoopy Frood himself leaned out a port hole, tossed me a towel and yelled, "Make May 25th National Towel Day!" So, that's what I'm proposing.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"Nancy just suggested another use for these microphones, so if you will excuse us, I'm going to watch!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Reid Thawtbubble - Times like these I wish I had a custard pie.

-OR-

Here, Nancy, lemme shoo those pink elephants away.

-OR-

Pelosi Thawtbubble - Seriously, how do they expect us politicians to "speak directly into the microphone" when there are 9 microphones and we talk out of both sides of our mouths?

WordVerify: hoddless - the state of being without a hodd

any mouse said...

"Marklar will never raise Marklar again! Marlar here might do Marklar, but Marklar will Marklar!"

blue said...

"I know I'm not ray Bradbury, but Nancy still does me!'

jj said...

Harry describes how he got a 'Lewinski" when Nancy interrupts him, reminding Harry that she has bigger balls than he does.

Submariner said...

American Gothic, Soho Edition.

Jack Reacher said...

ORA: "Hold on, Nan. Did you say 'Susquehanna Hat Company?'"

Steve O said...

"And now, I shall reach over and touch the left breast of the beast.

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

As they wave farewell to the departing plane, Nancy still can't believe he really was a Kenyan

Dr. Doom said...

"Must not choke the Speaker", thought Harry, "...must resist the urge to choke the Speaker..."

mpur said...

DOOM!

Dr. Doom said...

In a throwback to an old Steve Martin gag, Harry began to sing, "I can't stop my hand, I can't stop my hand". Things went rapidly down hill from there (at least for everyone but Fox News)...

vw: plaveria, an extraterrestrial parasite which forces its hosts to babble in public and spend money they don't have to fund Cowboy Poetry Festivals and such (explains a lot doesn't it?)

Spin said...

"Someday Nancy, sooner than later, this will all be swampland"
Now that's progress!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

You see, Nancy, the US debt is like religion. Waaaaay up at the top people claim or imagine there's a real number ... and beneath "the one" ... as far as the eye can see ... there are billions and billions of zeros.

-OR-

Coaching Nancy on the upcoming budget battle
Wax on - right hand. Wax off - left hand. Wax on. Wax off. Don't forget to breathe... verrrry important.

WordVerify: trigness What an egotistical math professor wants to be called- "Your Trigness"

Mr. Hankey said...

Holding her rewards close to her breast, Nancy watches as Harry grabs at the coins being tossed his way.

MissC said...

Not only have they never been in your kitchen, I seriously doubt they have been in their own, or know what one looks like. They just assume that all food is a ritual sacrifice.

Mr. Hankey said...

Not to be outdone, Harry & Nancy announce their own "Royal Weeding" will take place in the White House vegetable gardens this weekend.

Submariner said...

Did the guy who took the picture of this Vogon cowboy poetry reading live? I'm just asking...

Kaptain Krude said...

"...and soon, very soon, we shall be back into power. And then, *then* you will see tax increases the likes of which you have never seen! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha! ... Oh crap, is that microphone live?"

Media: "You're a Democrat, don't worry about it, we've got your back."

Kaptain Krude said...

"There's too many microphones up here. Where is that young Gavin Newsom at?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"We don't know how yet, but we will blame this on Bush somehow!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Harry's ADHD Memoirs
I rubbed a black guy's head once... felt like a velcro loofah. When I was young, nappy meant bedtime. Wonder if O would prefer a flashy Caddy with fins to that armored limo? What's with ebonics and rappers who spit, anyway?

WordVerify: inflati - Bernanke almost got the word out before he was gang tackled by the fat cat bankers in the first row.

Matt the K said...

Him: "You out there, V the K, raise your hand, touch your fingertips to the screen, and I will HEAL you of your conservative views. Amen!!!

Her: "Pray, PRAY for my face!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Ted & Tammy are still selling snake oil?
Brothers & sisters, dial 1-900-IMA-ILLEGAL, pledge $5 to the DNC and we'll send all your family members laminated green cards that fooled 93% of ICE agents in a recent survey! Hallelujah!

Mr. Hankey said...

As the chairman of the Welcoming Committee, it is my privilege to extend a laurel, and hearty handshake to our new ...n****r....I mean President!

blue said...

Riff Raff and Magneta saying goodbye...