Wednesday, April 06, 2011

On The Budget

Jack Creature


1. When Paul Ryan reached the part of the Obama budget dealing with "golden unicorn feces," he knew he would have to propose an alternative.

2. "$34 Million to widen the doors on Air Force One? WTF?"

3. Paul Ryan discovers Obama's FY 2013 Budget is nothing but crude drawings of Barry and M'Chel hopping on a plane with bags of money under voice balloons reading "So Long, Suckers!"

4. MSNBC would later call Paul Ryan a racist for his criticism of a line item in Obama's 2012 budget -- "$11 billion for my homeboys at GE for keeping it real."

5. "And why exactly does Secretary Napolitano need $34 Million for 'Dutch Water Retention Devices?'"

Best of Jack Reacher
"The EPA needs $14 million to clean up after Dawn's head exploded. Sounds reasonable."

Best of metalgarth
$500,000,000 to subsidize manufacturers of pink ties! Nows there's some pork I can get behind

Best of Jay Guevara
"Hey, what's this $20 billion for bail money for the brothers?"

Best of Dactyl
Judging from his expression, this year's centerfold is kinda disappointing.

Best of prince of leaves
"Well, now, these graphs don't look bad, I see the deficit dropping off almost to nothing in the next few...what? Sideways? Oh. Ohhh. Uh-ohhh......."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Obamalama's cutting the middleclass tax burden by 50%! (See footnote 91b)... Assumes middleclass still won't be able to pay so Uncle Sam "will make up the difference in interest and penalties!" Must have been suggested by a banker.

Best of Mr Hankey
Ryan flips to the back and reads "About The Author - Mr Obama was born in (scratched out) and is currently a part time leader of the US when not scheduling world meetings that doesn't interfere with traveling with his family."

Best of GregMan
"$150,000 in printing expenses for a fake Hawaiian birth certificate? Hell, there's a printer in my home town who could do it for half that."

26 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

"'Printed in China.' Huh. Whaddya know?"

Jack Reacher said...

"You know, now that it's a pop-up book, it's a lot more entertaining."

Jack Reacher said...

"So, the cuts are on page 671....'This page intentionally left blank.' Right."

Jack Reacher said...

"The EPA needs $14 million to clean up after Dawn's head exploded. Sounds reasonable."

metalgarth said...

$500,000,000 to subsidize manufacturers of pink ties! Nows there's some pork I can get behind

JohnS1959 said...

Mr Ryan shakes his head in disgust after opening the centerfold of the Democrat budget proposal... "$5B for National Proletariat Radio", he thinks to himself, "the unmitigated depravity of it all"...

Submariner said...

It might be a comic book, but I ain't laughing.

Anonymous said...

"Mister President, may I direct your attention to the graph on page 5-25. If you exptrapilate the data, you can clearly see we're f*cked."

Vinney

dub said...

Sorry Mr President, I dont speak Kenyan. Can someone translate?

Jay Guevara said...

"Hey, what's this $20 billion for bail money for the brothers?"

Jay Guevara said...

Ryan thought bubble: "Goddamnit, I wish Soros would order Obama not to color in the graphs. Or at least to color within the lines."

Jay Guevara said...

"And what's this? $2 million for dropcloths and WWF championship belts? Hell, let Michelle buy her own clothes!"

Submariner said...

What's a 5 letter word for "Status of the Nation?" So far I have B - R - don't know - K - don't know...

Dactyl said...

Judging from his expression, this year's centerfold is kinda disappointing.

Dactyl said...

By the way, that's my Congressman. You're welcome.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Publishing this on Etch-a-Sketches sure pays dividends. Turn them upside down and all the incriminating evidence disappears!

-OR-

I don't know who authorized the playmate centerfolds in this issue but he's sure got my vote!

-OR-

Heyyyyyyy, disappearing ink??

prince of leaves said...

"'Take everything from everyone and then use it to buy the votes of the indolent, leftists, and union members.' I applaud your conciseness, Mr. President, but I was hoping for a little more detail in your budget plan..."

prince of leaves said...

"Well, now, these graphs don't look bad, I see the deficit dropping off almost to nothing in the next few...what? Sideways? Oh. Ohhh. Uh-ohhh......."

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble; "Good, good, saving money by only printing in red..."




v word - chloq - must be the French version of schlock...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Total the expenses, then divide equally by number of taxpayers. Shows my retired grandmother AND my grandkid will both owe a kazillion bucks yet no big bank or corporation will owe anything? Wait... "taxPAYERS"... nevermind.

-OR-

Obamalama's cutting the middleclass tax burden by 50%! (See footnote 91b)... Assumes middleclass still won't be able to pay so Uncle Sam "will make up the difference in interest and penalties!" Must have been suggested by a banker.

Mr Hankey said...

Ryan flips to the back and reads "About The Author - Mr Obama was born in (scratched out) and is currently a part time leader of the US when not scheduling world meetings that doesn't interfere with traveling with his family."

GregMan said...

"$150,000 in printing expenses for a fake Hawaiian birth certificate? Hell, there's a printer in my home town who could do it for half that."

GregMan said...

"See Spot. See Spot run. See Spot take everyone's money and destroy the Amerikkkan economy.

Well, at least they're being honest about it."

Adriane said...

According to this here Blue Book, the Trade In value for America is ...

Matt the K said...

"Wait-a-min-nut...I don't see a provision for my hair gel shipments in here..."

Rodney Dill said...

Wow, that Pelosi is really hot.