Friday, April 22, 2011

Introducing... Army of Grandma

2XU

1. "See! See! I told you the sick intercourse should never have been allowed to adopt children," huffed the perpetually angry liberal hater.

2. "Well, you see, gramma, there's this thing in 4Chan called Rule 34..."

3. Barney Frank's mom likes 'em young and hairless, too.

4. Billy came to regret asking grandma if there were "anything" he could do to make her feel better about the cancellation of All My Children.

5. "Nope. Not working granny. I'm still gay."

Best of HLam
Now grandma, in Backyard Smackdown, this is called a PileDriver...

Best of metalgarth
Her: "Be careful, I have acute angina"
Him: "Well, I should hope so cause, yer boobs are ugly as hell"

Best of Jack Reacher
Never before has the Snuggle bear wished for immediate blindness.

Best of MissC
The backyard version of 'Harold and Maude' began auditioning today...

Best of divine miss m
Grandma always gives it up for the touch of the younger kind.

Best of Kaptain Krude
♫♫♪ And Iiiiiii-yee-iiiii will always love you-yee-ewwwwwww ♫♫♪
The Bodyguard 2, by Ang Lee. In theaters soon.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I'm sorry, but I've finally heard back from Ray Bradbury, and he's accepted my offer."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Segment deleted from the movie "Weird Science": To get a date for the prom, Gary drops a nude photo of a hot babe in the magic pot and makes a wish without noticing a Dentu-Creme ad on the backside of the magazine page.

Best of prince of leaves
The other "love that dared not speak its name" could nonetheless be communicated in long letters filled with elegant cursive writing.

Best of GregMan
"Um, well, OK Timmy, you don't have to get off my lawn."

Best of Submariner
With Barry Williams becoming arthritic, Florence Henderson goes after a new young stud.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
For the sake of morality, I hope he has what Benjamin Button had.

Best of jj
Sans botox, Nancy Pelosi campaigns to future voting blocks.

Best of Mr Hankey
When I told my parents that I got a gum job, they thought I was working for Wrigley's

Best of dadoctah
Historians will look on this as the exact moment that Betty White-mania peaked.

34 comments:

HLam said...

Now grandma, in Backyard Smackdown, this is called a PileDriver...

metalgarth said...

Cinemax's quality late night programming isn't much different in2050

metalgarth said...

So Jimmy, have you ever seen an octgenerain naked?

metalgarth said...

vw: "sizeroup" YIKES!!!!!!!!!!

metalgarth said...

Her: "Be careful, I have acute angina"

Him: "Well, I should hope so cause, yer boobs are ugly as hell"

dadoctah said...

With as yet only limited range, Teddy's newfound mind-control abilities could at first cause only limited damage.

Jack Reacher said...

Never before has the Snuggle bear wished for immediate blindness.

Jack Reacher said...

A rendering of a parental visit, circa 2019, between Charlie Sheen and one of his kids.

Jack Reacher said...

Maureen Dowd discusses her next column with Punch.

dub said...

Sorry Grammy, but death panels are death panels.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Ashton Kutcher is finally waking- up.

Vinney

Submariner said...

Obamacare hits on teddy bears and pubescent teen spokesmen as a way to soften the death panel verdicts. Unfortunately, they didn't even last as long as Norm before giggling.

Submariner said...

Unfortunately, Granny Nan's research and development effort to use Vulcan mind melds as a botox alternative are not showing much promise.

Submariner said...

Now go put the lotion on your skin before I use the hose again...

Submariner said...

Mustang Salley, the later years.

MissC said...

The backyard version of 'Harold and Maude' began auditioning today...

dadoctah said...

Updated Mod Squad promo: "Three hip cops! One bieber! One bear! One osteoporotic!"

Mr. Hankey said...

Always promoting alternative relationships. Glee finally finds the one that "jumps the shark".

divine miss m said...

Grandma always gives it up for the touch of the younger kind.

Dr. Doom said...

Everyone scoffed at Joey until he proved that you could get soylent green by osmosis...

Kaptain Krude said...

♫♫♪ And Iiiiiii-yee-iiiii will always love you-yee-ewwwwwww ♫♫♪

The Bodyguard 2, by Ang Lee. In theaters soon.



wv: wonita - Nita got a little too frisky during the shoot, and had to be reminded to cool it down.

Kaptain Krude said...

"I'm sorry, but I've finally heard back from Ray Bradbury, and he's accepted my offer."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Bear Thawtbubble: Help me. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

-OR-

Oh Sonny, I'm gonna teach you something even your little girlfriend hasn't heard of.

-OR-

Segment deleted from the movie "Weird Science": To get a date for the prom, Gary drops a nude photo of a hot babe in the magic pot and makes a wish without noticing a Dentu-Creme ad on the backside of the magazine page.

-OR-

In a desperate bid to increase soaps ratings, producers for The Young and the Restless blatantly pander to teens and retirement villages simultaneously.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Oooo, and it's a vicious headbutt to Morticia the Soul-Reaper!" Man, wrestling has really gotten lame.

blue said...

"Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?"

prince of leaves said...

The other "love that dared not speak its name" could nonetheless be communicated in long letters filled with elegant cursive writing.

GregMan said...

"Um, well, OK Timmy, you don't have to get off my lawn."

GregMan said...

All I know is if I was that bear I'd be hoping for a death panel right about now.

Submariner said...

With Barry Williams becoming arthritic, Florence Henderson goes after a new young stud.

Spineless Vertebra said...

For the sake of morality, I hope he has what Benjamin Button had.

jj said...

Sans botox, Nancy Pelosi campaigns to future voting blocks.

Mr Hankey said...

When I told my parents that I got a gum job, they thought I was working for Wrigley's

dadoctah said...

Historians will look on this as the exact moment that Betty White-mania peaked.

Spineless Vertebra said...

Billy had become really desperate to find a prom date.