Monday, April 18, 2011

Certified Old Dude


1. "So, Grampa, which Soylent Green Plant did the Death Panel assign you to?"

2. "And so we're married. Thank you, Massachusetts legislature!"

3. "Some guy named Waldo tried to touch me in the girls room. I beat the piss out of him and took his shirt. How was your day?"

4. (Grandpa:) "Thanks to your big mouth, I have to check in with the police once a month, you batty little snitch."

5. "Well, I guess you are mine after all. Paternity tests don't lie. Thanks, Maury."

Best of dadoctah
Hef still makes a point of personally reviewing all the applications for prospective Playmates.

Best of GregMan
"I'd tell those kids to get off my lawn, if I could remember where it was."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Illegal anchor babies get citizenship automatically, and 10 to 15 million illegals will get blanket amnesty soon. Want to draw stick figures on this worthless piece of paper little girl?

Threadwinner: Jack Reacher
ORA: Mr. Herbert registers his Spooner St. address with the authorities.

Best of Matt the K
According to the USGS, Larry King is now officially literally 'older than dirt', and he has the paperwork to prove it.

Best of HLam
The waving flag brought back memories of VE Day, 1945, causing Edwin to pick up the young fraulein and ram his toungue down her throat.

Best of blue
"Grandpa, tell me again about the 60s when you would protest the war by burning your draft card."

Best of Jack Reacher
Phil was pleased he received official approval to hike his pants to his nipples.

Assistant to the Regional Threadwinner: Spin
Brigham, is our marriage certificate good everywhere or just Utah?

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Now that I finally got my GED, I can get one of those high paying four figure jobs."

Vinney

dadoctah said...

Hef still makes a point of personally reviewing all the applications for prospective Playmates.

GregMan said...

"I'd tell those kids to get off my lawn, if I could remember where it was."

metalgarth said...

Yes, I just graduated from 6th grade. Damn standardized tests. Damn No Child Left Behind.

MissC said...

"Grampa! Your face is on that piece of paper! Does this mean you are certifiable?"

prince of leaves said...

How Lefties See Righty Ideology: GOP immigration reform would mean throngs of brown-skinned prospective immigrants getting passed over in favor of unreconstructed Nazi death camp kommandants.

Spin said...

For the first time in her life Amy is proud of her country.

About average age I'd say.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Big deal, I'm a citizen... and it only took 95 years. Now I won't have any representation from the scum in Congress.

-OR-

Illegal anchor babies get citizenship automatically, and 10 to 15 million illegals will get blanket amnesty soon. Want to draw stick figures on this worthless piece of paper little girl?

-OR-

Kid, you only think you're a virgin. Between our corrupt federal and state legislators, thieving bankers and wall street robber barons, you are already well and truly screwed. Enjoy childhood, future wage slave to the elite.

Jack Reacher said...

"That's great, Gramps, now can you drop me off at work? I've gotta start making payments on your Social Security."

Jack Reacher said...

ORA: Mr. Herbert registers his Spooner St. address with the authorities.

Matt the K said...

According to the USGS, Larry King is now officially literally 'older than dirt', and he has the paperwork to prove it.

HLam said...

The waving flag brought back memories of VE Day, 1945, causing Edwin to pick up the young fraulein and ram his toungue down her throat.

blue said...

"Grandpa, tell me aging about the 60s when you would protest the war by burning your draft card."

Jack Reacher said...

Phil was pleased he received official approval to hike his pants to his nipples.

Spin said...

Brigham, is our marriage certificate good everywhere or just Utah?

Spin said...

Although Mohammad may have aged some Aisha has kept her youthful glow.

Kaptain Krude said...

"There, see? It's really not that hard to find my birth certificate! I should run for President!"

Anonymous said...

Hugh Hefner's latest fiance greets him with a flag.

Vinney