Monday, April 18, 2011
Certified Old Dude
1. "So, Grampa, which Soylent Green Plant did the Death Panel assign you to?"
2. "And so we're married. Thank you, Massachusetts legislature!"
3. "Some guy named Waldo tried to touch me in the girls room. I beat the piss out of him and took his shirt. How was your day?"
4. (Grandpa:) "Thanks to your big mouth, I have to check in with the police once a month, you batty little snitch."
5. "Well, I guess you are mine after all. Paternity tests don't lie. Thanks, Maury."
Best of dadoctah
Hef still makes a point of personally reviewing all the applications for prospective Playmates.
Best of GregMan
"I'd tell those kids to get off my lawn, if I could remember where it was."
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Illegal anchor babies get citizenship automatically, and 10 to 15 million illegals will get blanket amnesty soon. Want to draw stick figures on this worthless piece of paper little girl?
Threadwinner: Jack Reacher
ORA: Mr. Herbert registers his Spooner St. address with the authorities.
Best of Matt the K
According to the USGS, Larry King is now officially literally 'older than dirt', and he has the paperwork to prove it.
Best of HLam
The waving flag brought back memories of VE Day, 1945, causing Edwin to pick up the young fraulein and ram his toungue down her throat.
Best of blue
"Grandpa, tell me again about the 60s when you would protest the war by burning your draft card."
Best of Jack Reacher
Phil was pleased he received official approval to hike his pants to his nipples.
Assistant to the Regional Threadwinner: Spin
Brigham, is our marriage certificate good everywhere or just Utah?