Monday, March 28, 2011

Wide Open



1. ♪"He's got M'Chel's ass... (clap) in his hands. He's got M'Chel's ass (clap) in his hands...!" ♪

2. "Ulullulululululululululululululululululululululululululululululu!"

3. "Um, Kobe, I'm... uh... oven? WTF is wrong with my, um, Teleprompter?"

4. "The UN says 'Bomb Libya.' The UN says 'Clap your hands.' Now hop on one foot. Ha! I didn't say 'The UN says...'" Hillary was still the same old bitch.

5. "Praise Allah! M'Chel is finally wearing something that doesn't look like it came from upholstery world."

Best of Double the U
"That better be rain and not spit."

Best of Submariner
They took my umbrella at the door!

Best of metalgarth
"If you're a commie and you know it, clap your hands"

Best of Carl Carlson
"20 odd seasons on this show and that's the best love interest you could find for me?"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"...and Allah, if you are looking fro female suicide bombers, do I have a candidate for you!"

Best of blue
"Why does the band always play Big Bottom by Spinal Tap when ever we enter the room?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
Can we wait until he actually does something deliberately good before giving him a wax statue?

Best of JohnS1959
"Come on people - I gave you my brackets - I drove all the way down to ESPN - I flew all the way to South America to do... something - I forget what all. What else do you expect from me?", grumbled the President.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Yes general, that is right, VCU has destroyed ah... my bracket picking credibility and is um... a clear and present danger to Amerikkka", stammered the President, "I want you to call in one of those air um... strike things like we did on Gadaffi. Only this time don't miss on purpose".

Best of mpur
I remember when we were younger and M'Chel's ass was only this wide.

Best of dadoctah
"Ol' Man Ribbah, dat Ol Man Ribbah...!"
And then Dawn's head began venting radioactive coolant....

Best of Adriane
Proof of the Law of Conservation of Tackiness: Somebody cleans up M'chlle's dress, and Obama's necktie goes off the Rez...

33 comments:

Double the U said...

"That better be rain and not spit."

Submariner said...

Can I get a little, um, help here?
Everybody - Jazz Hands!

Submariner said...

Where's my, ummmm, handout?
What?
Excuse me - I thought, uh, you said George, um, Soros was hosting this, um, party...

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Thought bubble; "Is there ANYone I didn't bow towards?"

Submariner said...

What? NO arugala?

Submariner said...

They took my umbrella at the door!

Submariner said...

Thought bubble: "Watermelon and fried chicken again? Really, Allah?!?



ATDHE-A

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Mammmmmmmmmmy!

-OR-

I'm Comin' 'Lizabeth!... I'm comin'!
ORA Redd Foxx/Fred Sanford

WordVerify: banica - what the racing circuit's going to do if a certain female driver has another on-screen PMS attack.

metalgarth said...

"If you're a commie and you know it, clap your hands"

metalgarth said...

"what did I do to deserve a prom date with an ass this wide?"

Carl Carlson said...

"20 odd seasons on this show and that's the best love interest you could find for me?"

blue said...

"Please tell me that my 72 virgins will not look like her!"

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"...and Allah, if you are looking fro female suicide bombers, do I have a candidate for you!"

blue said...

"Why does the band always play Big Bottom by Spinal Tap when ever we enter the room?"

jj said...

Why the hell does she get two slabs of ribs and I can't get even one cheeseburger. I'm the one that was elected...

Anonymous said...

"If I were a rich man,
yubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba ,bum.
All day long, I'd biddy, biddy, bum,
If I were a wealthy man...."


Vinney

Mr. Hankey said...

Being half-white, Obama's rhythm sometimes gets a little off beat...

Mr. Hankey said...

Unsure as to whether he is for or against the announcement, Obama looks up to the MSNBC announcers for permission to clap.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"No matter how hard I try, I just can't teach M'Chel the Hand Jive!"

Submariner said...

Silent Obamala prayer; "Great and all powerful Allah; Have I not been faithful taking down the Great Satan? Have I not removed threat of military support from my Mideastern Islamic brethren's concerns? Why, oh WHY am I stuck with a mate who is three axe handles wide?"

Jack Reacher said...

"Take my wife--please. I just flew in from Vegas--boy, are my arms tired. So I'm behind this fat chick, and the label on her jeans says 'Guess.' I'm like, 'Oh, I dunno, size 24?'
Thank you, I'm here all week!"

Jack Reacher said...

Obama has just noticed the sign on the ceiling that says "Rahm Kilroy was here."

Kaptain Krude said...

Can we wait until he actually does something deliberately good before giving him a wax statue?

Although it may be hard to tell the two apart...

Kaptain Krude said...

"Um....."

...and the "unbiased" media applauds on cue.

JohnS1959 said...

"Come on people - I gave you my brackets - I drove all the way down to ESPN - I flew all the way to South America to do... something - I forget what all. What else do you expect from me?", grumbled the President.

Matt the K said...

Five dollar Blah blah.

Dr. Doom said...

"Yes general, that is right, VCU has destroyed ah... my bracket picking credibility and is um... a clear and present danger to Amerikkka", stammered the President, "I want you to call in one of those air um... strike things like we did on Gadaffi. Only this time don't miss on purpose".

mpur said...

I remember when we were younger and M'Chel's ass was only this wide.

dadoctah said...

"Ol' Man Ribbah, dat Ol Man Ribbah...!"

And then Dawn's head began venting radioactive coolant....

Submariner said...

Despite doing a killer Jolson, Obamala lost the talent contest for not being in black-face.


ATDHE-A

molson said...

What religion do I have to convert to to get my beatch to stop dressing in the tablecloths?

Adriane said...

Proof of the Law of Conservation of Tackiness: Somebody cleans up M'chlle's dress, and Obama's necktie goes off the Rez...