1. Another liberal learns the hard way not to mouth off to Dick Cheney when he's been drinking.
2. "Well, Lena, you should have known better than to mouth off to Chris Brown."
3. "All dub said was 'Have you ever considered Jenny Craig?' You didn't have to rip his throat out with your teeth."
4. "Hon, do you think you might be taking this Twilight obsession a little too far?"
5. "Who ever would have thought pestering hunters in the middle of duck hunting season could have led to a shooting accident?"
Best of USMC2841
Hippy Season! Rabbit Season! Hippy Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season Hippy Season! Oh crap! You're despicable.
Best of Submariner
Al Franken experiences "that time of the month."
Best of Dr. Doom
Hmmm... maybe the ducks don't need to be rescued. In fact maybe they are bloody tired of being rescued. Did you ever think of that?
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to watch Night of the Living Dead in black&white, not this newfangled colorized version.
Best of jj
PETA activist Jen tried giving Knute mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Unfortunately, Knute was still conscious.
What??? Too soon?
Best of blue
"...and if you ever try to vote conservative again we'll hit you with two baseball bats!!"
Best of Double the U
This place is great, I ordered a bloody Mary and two people bring me one!
Best of molson
That went well. What do you say we give it another try?
Best of Silhouette
Rainbow began to rethink her whole "tooth brushing is a capitalist male construct" worldview.
Best of prince of leaves
Unfortunately, even though Patient Zero was identified almost immediately, it was too late to stop the zombie outbreak.
Best of Mr. Hankey
Wanting her own 15 minutes of fame, Julie decides to start up a local chapter of the Ellen James Society.
Best of Spineless Vertebra
After one session, the National Organization for Women regretted their decision to sue Fight Club for committing affirmative action towards females.