Saturday, March 12, 2011

RetroSoap Saturday: ObamaCare Edition



1. "I guess the surgery was a success. So, can I still call you 'dad' or would you prefer 'my other mom?'"

2."You mean, one of the little bastards lobbed a paper wad so hard it lodged in your skull?"

3. "I was sure that Death Panel would have voted by now, I wonder what the hold up is."

4. "So, what is it this time, mom? Syphilis or heroin withdrawal?"

5. "So, the diagnosis is, you swallowed a fly and perhaps you'll die?"

Best of dadoctah
This week, on a very special Hot In Cleveland, Valerie Bertinelli drops in on Gabrielle Giffords.

Best of Submariner
Jon Edwards was pretty much happy with his surgery results. With the exception of the dry listless hair, of course...

Best of Jack Reacher
"I don't care if he calls you a goddess, Mom, you can not keep partying with Charlie Sheen."

Best of Matt the K
Tonight, on a very special Laverne & Shirley Reunion, Laverne's daughter learns the truth about 'Uncle' Squiggy.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Don't bother pushing that CALL button, Aunt Mae, I coldcocked the nurse on the way in. No hard feelings, but I had today in the death pool, so close your eyes and count to 10.

Best of Submariner
A simple mix up, really, Mrs. Mueller. You're throat will be scratchy for a few days and won't ever have to suffer tonsilitis. And little Shenaynay Washington won't have to worry about Planned Parenthood recommending an abortion.Ever.

See? Everybody wins...

Best of metalgarth
This week on 'House'. An episode just as stupid as the last 2 that have been shown.

Threadwinner: Double the U
It is so nice that Maureen Dowd can visit the one person that think she is a brilliant writer while she is in the hospital.

Best of jimmy
Daughter Lily's thoughtbubble: "Okay, that's $1000 apiece for the corneas; a cool $500k for the heart; probably $300K for each kidney....too bad she's such a lush, or we'd get two mil for the liver. I wonder if anybody would take those sculpted nails?"

Best of GregMan
ORA: "Yeah, Ma, I know my birth certificate says 'Clonus Corporation', so?"

Best of Oiao
"Promise you won't eat the Soylent Green for two weeks after the Death Board pulls the plug."

Best of JohnS1959
"Sue, I have discovered the one good thing about Obamacare", said Sheila, "I don't get put in a double room with those annoying Canadians and their 'I can't wait fifteen months for my transplant' and their 'I can't travel all the way to Calgary for my knee replacement - eh hoser' stories any more"...

Best of Vinney
"When you passed out we got you to the nearest hospital."
"A hospital. What is it"?
"It's a big building with a lot of patients inside, but that's not important right now."

Best of Mr. Hankey
I'm sorry you don't like the giant cochlear implant stuck on the side of your head - but that's what Obama-care paid for...

40 comments:

dadoctah said...

This week, on a very special Hot In Cleveland, Valerie Bertinelli drops in on Gabrielle Giffords.

Submariner said...

dadoctah; that was totally tasteless and way over the top. And I'm REALLY ticked that you beat me to it...

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

OK, Mr. Nash; now you really CAN do anything.

Submariner said...

Jon Edwards was pretty much happy with his surgery results. With the exception of the dry listless hair, of course...

Jack Reacher said...

When a patient begins wearing a lace table cloth, she's ready to go home.

Jack Reacher said...

"I don't care if he calls you a goddess, Mom, you can not keep partying with Charlie Sheen."

jimmy said...

Lucinda: "Darling, you have to get me out of here. I woke up dressed in this weird tablecloth, and the male nurse keeps calling me 'baby Jane Hudson' and trying to take me for wheelchair rides."

Matt the K said...

Tonight, on a very special Laverne & Shirley Reunion, Laverne's daughter learns the truth about 'Uncle' Squiggy.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Alright, Mom, let it go! I thought the saying was, "Feed a fever, starve a cold."

-OR-

Well, Mommy Dearest, the family drew straws and I won. I get to pull your plug.

-OR-

Why yes, this is your favorite necklace. We already divvied everything up, what with the prognosis and all.

-OR-

Don't bother pushing that CALL button, Aunt Mae, I coldcocked the nurse on the way in. No hard feelings, but I had today in the death pool, so close your eyes and count to 10.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Hello, Mrs. Guthweith. I'm your hospital ombudsman. Have you ever seen the "Soylent Green" movie?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Mom, remember how happy you were when tort reform passed? Want to hear something really ironic?

-OR-

Good news: Doctor Blyrnfeld successfully removed your giant hemorrhoids.
Bad news: A hacker stole the OR film, put it on YouTube and it went viral. I didn't know you had a tattoo down there!

Submariner said...

No. You'll never play the piano again. We had to pay extra for that assurance...

Submariner said...

Intro scene to an ice-cold, "girl" on "girl" action shot. Heck, I didn't know Ed Woods even made a pron movie!

Submariner said...

They kept dad propped up in the waiting room and he died, Mom. On a happier note; YOU will never have to worry about experiencing appendicitis thanks to Obamacare...

Submariner said...

A simple mix up, really, Mrs. Mueller. You're throat will be scratchy for a few days and won't ever have to suffer tonsilitis. And little Shenaynay Washington won't have to worry about Planned Parenthood recommending an abortion.Ever.

See? Everybody wins...

Double the U said...

"I was sure that Death Panel would have voted by now, I wonder what the hold up is."
Money,like every other government employee they are unionized and are on strike. The union wants more that half your estate.

Anonymous said...

"What? Scott Walker just signed a bill that caused me to lose my free Teacher's sex change operation benefits?"

-Oiao

Anonymous said...

"If you don't mind leaving Martha, but I was watching 'Springer" before you came in."

Vinney

metalgarth said...

Nope. You're going to need a least one more liposuction before Dub will find you acceptable as a Thursday Babe.

metalgarth said...

This week on 'House'. An episode just as stupid as the last 2 that have been shown.

Double the U said...

It is so nice that Maureen Dowd can visit the one person that think she is a brilliant writer while she is in the hospital.

jimmy said...

Daughter Lily's thoughtbubble: "Okay, that's $1000 apiece for the corneas; a cool $500k for the heart; probably $300K for each kidney....too bad she's such a lush, or we'd get two mil for the liver. I wonder if anybody would take those sculpted nails?"

GregMan said...

"So, Ma, how's the cauliflower ear doing? Get it? AH HA HA HAAA"

GregMan said...

ORA: "Yeah, Ma, I know my birth certificate says 'Clonus Corporation', so?"

prince of leaves said...

"Unfortunately, Mrs. Johnston, since you're over 70 as of last Thursday, Obamacare will no longer cover your ingrown toenails. It will, however, cover the use of a Kevorkian machine, which an orderly should have here for you momentarily."

prince of leaves said...

Mother: "Here -- this belonged to my grandmother, and now it's yours."

Daughter: "Oooh! Her priceless Roman cameo brooch?!"

Mother: (snorts) "No, I pawned that to buy booze -- this is her antique diaphragm."

prince of leaves said...

"Yes, Mrs. Pelosi, I know you're used to getting your rejuvenation treatments right from the source. But our company's new concentrated biscuit form works just as well, but without the inconvenience of disposing of the children's corpses afterwards!"

Adriane said...

Elvira, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the blood transfusion ... but I can no longer see myself in this mirror. Is there something you need to tell me?

Mr Hankey said...

Next time it's not just the knees...

Anonymous said...

"Promise you won't eat the Soylent Green for two weeks after the Death Board pulls the plug."

-Oiao

JohnS1959 said...

"Sue, I have discovered the one good thing about Obamacare", said Sheila, "I don't get put in a double room with those annoying Canadians and their 'I can't wait fifteen months for my transplant' and their 'I can't travel all the way to Calgary for my knee replacement - eh hoser' stories any more"...

sonicfrog said...

"Arianna... Please... Listen to me! This is what being a liberal has done to me! Don't you see????... I'm dead on the inside... And now, my outsides are going as well... Please... I beg you... Don't make the same mistakes I did!!!"

blue said...

"So, how is your little leprechaun doing?"

Submariner said...

I'll take "Kevorkian Machine Applications" for $1000, Alex...

Kaptain Krude said...

"Yes, Keith, those bastards at MSNBC don't know what they lost when they fired you. But it's good to see that you are keeping yourself busy."

Anonymous said...

"When you passed out we got you to the nearest hospital."

"A hospital. What is it"?

"It's a big building with a lot of patients inside, but that's not important right now."

Vinney

Mr. Hankey said...

I'm sorry you don't like the giant cochlear implant stuck on the side of your head - but that's what Obama-care paid for...

Mr. Hankey said...

Remember that day when you said you would giveaway your right tit to get Obama into office??