Friday, March 18, 2011

Figures on a Beach


1. How bad was the tsunami? Kobe beef washes up on the shore of San Diego.

2. When training for Pamplona, it's best to start slowly.

3. Impervious to global events, Hillary, M'Chel, and some friends enjoy some "Me Time" on the beach.

4. "On second thought," J.J. Abrams decided, "Let's go with polar bears and a smoke monster."

5. "You blew it up! Gawd Damn You All to Hell!" The dramatic finale of Planet of the Cows.

Best of USMC2841
We will return to "Bloodbath at Normandy" sponsored by Chik-Fil-A after this brief message.

Best of prince of leaves
Bessie (center) thought bubble: "Dangit...can't enjoy a day at the nude beach without some body-shamed loser in a Speedo showing up."

Best of JohnS1959
Soviet Women's track and field Coach Dmitri Anatov, seen here in happier times relaxing at a Black Sea resort with his team.

Best of Double the U
Wow, Spring Break sure has changed, I guess we do have an obesity problem.

Best of Dactyl
It's a moo-nami. Get it?

Best of curly
Entrants of the “Michelle Obama Lookalike Contest” take a break in their grueling schedules and enjoy a relax afternoon at the beach.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The stupid gringo didn't pay enough attention to the discount tour company's name: "Galápagos-like Adventures, where you cavort with sea cows!"

Best of Mr Hankey
Where The Cows Are

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Theez peezful creachurs bask in ze midday sun, blissfully unaware zat ze great Jacques Cousteau iz but an armz length away from zim. Truly, zey are magnizent creachurs. Az I slip back into ze oshun, I take one lazt look and wonder at ze marvelousness of eet all."

Best of Rodney Dill
Stunt doubles for Snooki at Jersey Shores.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Hey, has anyone seen Bessie lately?
Last I heard, she was hanging around Lady GaGa.
Uh oh.


52 comments:

USMC2841 said...

We will return to "Bloodbath at Normandy" sponsored by Chik-Fil-A after this brief message.

HLam said...

Bessie to Annabelle..."Is it just me or does this sunscreen smell like Barbeque sauce?"

Army of Dad said...

Way to go buddy, it doesn't matter if you low crawl to them, they will fire their farts when they see the white of your legs.

Army of Dad said...

After his retirement, Elmer Fudd went after decidely less 'wascilly' animals.

Anonymous said...

The fat, old guy in the Speedo. Now you know why they call it Laughing Cow.

Vinney

bluew said...

on the Travel Channel, Andrew Zimmern visits India

Anonymous said...

Fetching hamburgers... U R Doing It Wrong!

-Oiao

dub said...

Sports Illustrated Swim Suit, The Enumclaw Edition.

prince of leaves said...

Bessie (center) thought bubble: "Dangit...can't enjoy a day at the nude beach without some body-shamed loser in a Speedo showing up."

prince of leaves said...

Harry's genius was not in finding a creative way to semi-retire from dairy farming, but in persuading the Berkeley granolas that milk naturally flavored with seaweed and sea salt was good for their health.

prince of leaves said...

A typical nude beach, seen through dub's eyes.

prince of leaves said...

The newly-identified species of sea-cow was held up as a particularly vivid example of parallel evolution.

prince of leaves said...

What happened after Bob reached the cows went a long way towards explaining where walruses came from.

JohnS1959 said...

Soviet Women's track and field Coach Dmitri Anatov, seen here in happier times relaxing at a Black Sea resort with his team.

Double the U said...

Wow, Spring Break sure has changed, I guess we do have an obesity problem.

dadoctah said...

Surf n turf. Ur doin it rong.

mpur said...

Spring Break 2011: Show us your udders!!!

mpur said...

Wow. These PETA protests just get stranger and stranger.

dub said...

Why was this posted a day late?

Adriane said...

"I thought I told you to take those cows to the farm!"
"I did. And we had such a good time, I thought today we'd go to the beach!"

Anonymous said...

Climatologist Vern Lawley had the unenviable task of measuring cow farts, but hey it was part of his Dept. of Energy grant.

Vinney

Dactyl said...

It's a moo-nami. Get it?

curly said...

Entrants of the “Michelle Obama Lookalike Contest” take a break in their grueling schedules and enjoy a relax afternoon at the beach.

dadoctah said...

"Blood, frogs, lice, flies...help me out here...it's been years since the last time I was at a seder but I honestly don't remember cows."

dadoctah said...

The lesser-known Pamplona tradition of "chilling with the bulls on the beach".

wv: mictumas. One night each year we all celebrate by getting up in the middle of the night to pee.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The stupid gringo didn't pay enough attention to the discount tour company's name: "Galápagos-like Adventures, where you cavort with sea cows!"

-OR-

Without his beer goggles, Henry Bodkins was shocked at what the retirees on Palm Beach really looked like.

-OR-

Boy, that David Attenborough has really let himself go!

-OR-

David Attenborough whispers: There is an element of risk when observing sea cows this close. If the bull catches me, he'll make me part of his herd. That happened once before... I needed a hemorrhoid pillow for a month!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

George had crossed everything off his bucket list save for one item - verify a junior high school chum's claim that by holding your ear to a cow's butt, you can hear the ocean.

-OR-

Ironically, the lost episode of LOST tied up all the loose strings - the entire series was just a mad cow dream.

-OR-

SURVIVOR: Isle of Man
Elmer was the only one not to chicken out and forfeit when contestants were informed they had to swim the Irish Sea and mate with 5 cows or be voted off the island.

-OR-

David Hasselhoff directs and stars in Baywatch 2011, but he's so out of shape, casting call for lifeguards only attracted this bunch seeking sanctuary from McDonalds. Surf's UP!

-OR-

Everyone from the SS Minnow starved to death except the Skipper. He had no problem eating the Professor's final experiment: manatee/Mary Ann clones.

Mr Hankey said...

Where The Cows Are

jimmy said...

The substantial new "Spray Tan" taxation laws drives the Jersey Shore girls to get their tanning done the old-fashioned way.

sonicfrog said...

Ted Kennedy Lives!!!!!!!!!

jj said...

What some of the girls on a "Girls Gone Wild" video look like before you start drinking....

WV: hagnatee....really???

Submariner said...

Put a mumu on 'em and I'd think it was the westward beach on Oahu.

Submariner said...

Great cheese comes from Contented cows. Cows grow content when stoned. Stoned cows live in California.

metalgarth said...

I said wanted pictures of the D-Day BATTLE!

blue said...

After ignoring us for a few days, V the K decides to sneak up on some captions

Anonymous said...

Welcome to Club Enumclaw.

.........arf

Submariner said...

Oh! The huge manatee...

Submariner said...

Al Gore learns an inconvenient truth - it was cattle-produced methane all along...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Beached Whale Thawtbubble: Please, don't roll over! I dropped a contact lense.

-OR-

Psst, Ethel, he's almost close enough. Get ready to sit on his head.

-OR-

Freak your kids out... tell them this is where babies come from.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Theez peezful creachurs bask in ze midday sun, blissfully unaware zat ze great Jacques Cousteau iz but an armz length away from zim. Truly, zey are magnizent creachurs. Az I slip back into ze oshun, I take one lazt look and wonder at ze marvelousness of eet all."

Kaptain Krude said...

What an udderly ridiculous picture.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Eh, pardon me, doc. Is this the way to Tripoli? I knew I should have made that left turn at Albuquerque!"

Rodney Dill said...

Stunt doubles for Snooki at Jersey Shores.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Hey, has anyone seen Bessie lately?
Last I heard, she was hanging around Lady GaGa.
Uh oh.

Anonymous said...

did V the K go to Rio with B Hussein or what?

Mr. Hankey said...

Michelle prefers to bathe in India where she is sacred.

Mr. Hankey said...

The Day After 2: Health Care Reform

Mr. Hankey said...

Michelle is provided a private nude beach during her state visit to Brazil.

Mr. Hankey said...

PETA's view of paradise

Rodney Dill said...

"Tmoonami!!!"

Rodney Dill said...

udderly.worst.beach.ever

Schteveo said...

Pictures of the original idea for what became 'Jersey Shore".

"Jerseys AND Shore!!"

We follow the exploits of a group of very ethnic Jersey Milk Cows, spending a summer at the beach with a very out of shape Pauley Shore!!!