Saturday, March 26, 2011

And Now, Another Episode of "Twink Hospital"


1. "I was diagnosed with terminal leukemia, but the ObamaCare Death Panel calculated my value to society and would only pay for a broken arm.

2. Billy learned the hard way not to each for the last shrimp when Michael Moore was next in the buffet line.

3. "Ha! A's for the whole semester, a guest spot on Elle Degenerate and those 'bullies' expelled. Sometimes, it pays to be gay."

4. "I'm gettin' an enema? F--kin' A'!"

5. "And the principal said technically *I* was the bully for wearing an American flag patch in front of those Mexican students."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Yep, Daniela Ruah's boobs are real."

Best of Submariner
After the doc's stiffened his left wrist, Larry Bird's jump shot was deadly.

Best of Submariner
I was jerking off and my wiener exploded...

Best of prince of leaves
The bionic arm implantation a success, Oscar Goldman told the surgeons to complete the boy's upgrades and have him delivered to his Fire Island weekend house.

Best of prince of leaves
Junior veterinary intern Skyler Frost is happy to have survived with minimal injuries the first successful attempt to artificially inseminate Rachel Madcow.

Best of jj
Ron Jeremy's gay fluffer files for Workman's Comp...

Best of GregMan
" A rectal thermometer? F--kin' A'!"

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"My mom made me play football so I wouldn't spend my time smoking weed. Way to go mom!"

Best of dadoctah
Pre-op, of course. C'mon, give me a tough one!

26 comments:

metalgarth said...

It didn't make him go blind, but something else did happen.

Rodney Dill said...

"Yep, Daniela Ruah's boobs are real."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Jackass Thawtbubble: Why didn't I think of it sooner? Combine skateboarding WITH basejumping. No more stupid broken arms, that's my ticket to a Darwin Award!

-OR-

That Dating for Dummies book is full of great ideas. I can meet a LOT of candystripers one broken bone at a time.

-OR-

Heck no, nurse! I didn't soil my shorts. Just haven't washed my feet or tennis shoes this summer.

-OR-

Yeah, yeah, make fun. It could happen to anyone! You try zipping up your fly without dropping your books, a Coke on the floor.
Alternate Ending: You try fishing your ipod out of a garbage disposal while the frat guys flip the switch on and off.

Submariner said...

After the doc's stiffened his left wrist, Larry Bird's jump shot was deadly.

Submariner said...

I was jerking off and my wiener exploded...

Submariner said...

...but I got the carrot away from that damn squirrel!

blue said...

"That girl wrestler must have really practiced that scissors hold!"

Julie the Jarhead said...

"Can you bring me my chapstick?"

Anonymous said...

"Go with the gerbil, I'll wack it with my cast!"

-Oiao

prince of leaves said...

The bionic arm implantation a success, Oscar Goldman told the surgeons to complete the boy's upgrades and have him delivered to his Fire Island weekend house.

prince of leaves said...

Junior veterinary intern Skyler Frost is happy to have survived with minimal injuries the first successful attempt to artificially inseminate Rachel Madcow.

prince of leaves said...

Skyler learned the hard way what NOT to grab when wrestling a Turk.

jj said...

Ron Jeremy's gay fluffer files for Workman's Comp...

molson said...

An arm wasn't the only thing that got busted that day.

Submariner said...

Being a hard-core lefty, Barry asks the night nurse if she can "give me a hand" with a "growing little problem..."

Anonymous said...

And in entertainment news, Neal Patrick Harris reprises The New Doogie Howser Show set at Key West General Hospital.

Vinney

GregMan said...

" A rectal thermometer? F--kin' A'!"

GregMan said...

"Plus, that hot nurse made me turn my head and cough!"

GregMan said...

"At least I'm right-handed!" Knowing he could still masturbate furiously, Todd wasn't really bothered by his broken arm.

Submariner said...

Spikoli; "Hell yes, I ordered the 5 extra large everything pizza's... Damn these hospital drugs're good, dude."

Mr. Hankey said...

Scenes from the final episode of "Greatest American Hero"

Mr. Hankey said...

Someone else who has done more to earn a Nobel Peace Prize.

Mr. Hankey said...

Always the professional, Kyle gestures to the crowd that the shadow puppet show will go on!!

Spineless Vertebra said...

"My mom made me play football so I wouldn't spend my time smoking weed. Way to go mom!"

dadoctah said...

Pre-op, of course. C'mon, give me a tough one!

Dr. Doom said...

"I can't remember what happened", said Bobby, "Some guy said he had to look in my pants for ducks to rescue and the next thing I know I woke up here".