1. "I was diagnosed with terminal leukemia, but the ObamaCare Death Panel calculated my value to society and would only pay for a broken arm.
2. Billy learned the hard way not to each for the last shrimp when Michael Moore was next in the buffet line.
3. "Ha! A's for the whole semester, a guest spot on Elle Degenerate and those 'bullies' expelled. Sometimes, it pays to be gay."
4. "I'm gettin' an enema? F--kin' A'!"
5. "And the principal said technically *I* was the bully for wearing an American flag patch in front of those Mexican students."
Best of Rodney Dill
"Yep, Daniela Ruah's boobs are real."
Best of Submariner
After the doc's stiffened his left wrist, Larry Bird's jump shot was deadly.
Best of Submariner
I was jerking off and my wiener exploded...
Best of prince of leaves
The bionic arm implantation a success, Oscar Goldman told the surgeons to complete the boy's upgrades and have him delivered to his Fire Island weekend house.
Best of prince of leaves
Junior veterinary intern Skyler Frost is happy to have survived with minimal injuries the first successful attempt to artificially inseminate Rachel Madcow.
Best of jj
Ron Jeremy's gay fluffer files for Workman's Comp...
Best of GregMan
" A rectal thermometer? F--kin' A'!"
Best of Spineless Vertebra
"My mom made me play football so I wouldn't spend my time smoking weed. Way to go mom!"
Best of dadoctah
Pre-op, of course. C'mon, give me a tough one!
26 comments:
It didn't make him go blind, but something else did happen.
"Yep, Daniela Ruah's boobs are real."
Jackass Thawtbubble: Why didn't I think of it sooner? Combine skateboarding WITH basejumping. No more stupid broken arms, that's my ticket to a Darwin Award!
-OR-
That Dating for Dummies book is full of great ideas. I can meet a LOT of candystripers one broken bone at a time.
-OR-
Heck no, nurse! I didn't soil my shorts. Just haven't washed my feet or tennis shoes this summer.
-OR-
Yeah, yeah, make fun. It could happen to anyone! You try zipping up your fly without dropping your books, a Coke on the floor.
Alternate Ending: You try fishing your ipod out of a garbage disposal while the frat guys flip the switch on and off.
After the doc's stiffened his left wrist, Larry Bird's jump shot was deadly.
I was jerking off and my wiener exploded...
...but I got the carrot away from that damn squirrel!
"That girl wrestler must have really practiced that scissors hold!"
"Can you bring me my chapstick?"
"Go with the gerbil, I'll wack it with my cast!"
-Oiao
The bionic arm implantation a success, Oscar Goldman told the surgeons to complete the boy's upgrades and have him delivered to his Fire Island weekend house.
Junior veterinary intern Skyler Frost is happy to have survived with minimal injuries the first successful attempt to artificially inseminate Rachel Madcow.
Skyler learned the hard way what NOT to grab when wrestling a Turk.
Ron Jeremy's gay fluffer files for Workman's Comp...
An arm wasn't the only thing that got busted that day.
Being a hard-core lefty, Barry asks the night nurse if she can "give me a hand" with a "growing little problem..."
And in entertainment news, Neal Patrick Harris reprises The New Doogie Howser Show set at Key West General Hospital.
Vinney
" A rectal thermometer? F--kin' A'!"
"Plus, that hot nurse made me turn my head and cough!"
"At least I'm right-handed!" Knowing he could still masturbate furiously, Todd wasn't really bothered by his broken arm.
Spikoli; "Hell yes, I ordered the 5 extra large everything pizza's... Damn these hospital drugs're good, dude."
Scenes from the final episode of "Greatest American Hero"
Someone else who has done more to earn a Nobel Peace Prize.
Always the professional, Kyle gestures to the crowd that the shadow puppet show will go on!!
"My mom made me play football so I wouldn't spend my time smoking weed. Way to go mom!"
Pre-op, of course. C'mon, give me a tough one!
"I can't remember what happened", said Bobby, "Some guy said he had to look in my pants for ducks to rescue and the next thing I know I woke up here".
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