Friday, February 11, 2011

Greedo Wore Kicky Pumps, Who Knew?

Cracked

1. Sporting a sweet new pantsuit, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton meets with the Iranian delegation.

2. Seventies porn was so weird. I mean, what's with those mustaches?

3. George and Larry were baffled trying to come up with what toe of what animal the front of those pants resembled.

4. "But why would I shoot first if I'm supposed to collect a bounty on his return?"

5. "OK, Greedo, you can come to the CPAC conference, but your two gay porn actor friends will have to wait outside."

Best of Double the U
And SondraK excitedly said, "That pistol, those high heels, I want both!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Nice F*ckme pumps, Greedo"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
After leaving Congress and losing that cushy health insurance plan, Pelosi could only get cameo television appearances, not enough to afford another face lift.

Best of Silhouette
"Trust me, George. Harrison and I just enjoyed some trailer time before this shoot, and, um, Han shot first."

Best of Matt the K
The only green chick Kirk *didn't* bang.

Best of dadoctah
"Yoosa lookin at meesa? Yoosa lookin at meesa? Ain't nobuddy else here so yoosa got ta be lookin at meesa!"

Best of Steve O
With those shoes, and those lips, I'm guessin' Greedo can pay off his bounty 25 credits at a time, if you know what I mean.

Best of prince of leaves
Lucas: "Rubber? I barely knew her!"

Threadwinner: metalgarth
Uncle Owen never let Luke go to Mos Eisley when they were holding that "street fair" thing.

Best of George Takei
I sure picked the wrong nerd franchise to be in!

Best of Vinney
"OK! OK! You don't have to have sex with Johnnie Wadd. Just put the gun down."

Best of Matt the K
Last night I shot an alien in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

32 comments:

Double the U said...

And SondraK excitedly said, "That pistol, those high heels, I want both!"

Double the U said...

Remember the rules, keep your tentacles off the zap zap switch unless you are shooting at a storm trooper.

Rodney Dill said...

"Nice F*ckme pumps, Greedo"

Rodney Dill said...

Greed: "Chicks don't like you?... I'll call you Hand Solo."

Rodney Dill said...

"Nice Bantha-toe Greedo."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Someday, all formulaic television shows will be remakes of remakes -
Starsky & Hutch in the Year 2525

-OR-

After leaving Congress and losing that cushy health insurance plan, Pelosi could only get cameo television appearances, not enough to afford another face lift.

-OR-

Never Trust Beer Goggles
Hey... wait a minute! As the guy in red shirt sobers up, he realizes he and his friend are about to rolled.

-OR-

This is not your grandfather's America:
Metaphor for today's white middle class and taxation without representation.

Silhouette said...

"Trust me, George. Harrison and I just enjoyed some trailer time before this shoot, and, um, Han shot first."

Matt the K said...

The only green chick Kirk *didn't* bang.

Submariner said...

I'm as tolerant as the next guy, but enough is enough! Somebody has GOT to fix our illegal alien problem...

sonicfrog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sonicfrog said...

And to think, Greedo could have stopped the creation of the hideous "Phantom Menace" or the torturous "Indiana Jones And The Crystal Skull" with just one pull of the trigger... Why, OH WHY, did he not take the shot!!!!!!

dadoctah said...

"Yoosa lookin at meesa? Yoosa lookin at meesa? Ain't nobuddy else here so yoosa got ta be lookin at meesa!"

wv: proon. Like pr0n, but with conjoined twins.

Steve O said...

Looking at Greedo's lips I'm thinking he might be a chick.

Either way, I'll bet she doesn't go home alone from those galactic bars, if you know what I mean.

Steve O said...

With those shoes, and those lips, I'm guessin' Greedo can pay off his bounty 25 credits at a time, if you know what I mean.

Oaio said...

San Francisco, Castro District Improv Theator Night!

Spin said...

Lady GaGa's Born this Way promo pics

prince of leaves said...

Lucas: "Rubber? I barely knew her!"

metalgarth said...

"A Long Time Ago, In a Brokeback Galaxy, Far, Far, Away"

metalgarth said...

"What Happens in Mos Eisley, Stays in Mos Eisley"

metalgarth said...

Nobody really understood just how "wretched" the hive of "scum and villany" was!

metalgarth said...

Uncle Owen never let Luke go to Mos Eisley when they were holding that "street fair" thing.

metalgarth said...

"set phasers for *FABULOUS*"

William Shatner said...

The only green chick Kirk *didn't* bang.

What makes you so sure about that?

George Takei said...

I sure picked the wrong nerd franchise to be in!

Yoda said...

Up fucked, that is!

Anonymous said...

"OK! OK! You don't have to have sex with Johnnie Wadd. Just put the gun down."

Vinney

molson said...

It's a trap!

Steven Speilberg said...

Let's swap out that blaster with a Walkie Talkie for the next DVD release

Matt the K said...

Last night I shot an alien in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

JohnS1959 said...

"No don't take me to your leader, nobody wants to talk with him", said the alien life form, "Take me to 7-11 - I want to get a Big Gulp."

JohnS1959 said...

"I am here to capture and probe an Earthling", said Vorkon, "Is either of you named Bubba or do you live in a trailer park?"

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