Friday, February 11, 2011

The 2025 Princess of Fire Island

Divine Miss M



1. "No, mom, I don't mind at all being the object of your Attention-Whore-by-Proxy Syndrome. Now, let's get to the Today Show, so Meredith Vieira can praise your tolerance."

2. "Years from now, mom, when I'm on my knees in a rest area bathroom, I'll be so grateful you taught me to accept myself."

3. Photos of Justin Bieber's First Communion were released earlier this week.

4. "Mama, don't try to tell me the $4 million settlement the school district gave to that bullied kid's family and these new school clothes you just bought me are just a coincidence."

5. The offspring of the captioner who calls himself 'Army of I Have No Son.'

Best of Submariner
OK, I'm ready to go visit Father O'Malley at the parsonage.

Best of Vinney
"Who do I have to blow around here to get a Happy Meal"?

Best of Double the U
.... but I don't want to wear the princess outfit! I want to be something more manly like a Johnny Weir figure skater outfit.

Best of GregMan
"Daddy? Why are you sobbing?"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
The son of Psycho Dad really regrets his choice in clothes

Best of sonicfrog
ORA: At first, they thought he was a little young for the job, but when they saw his superior stewardess skills, the H.R. guys at P.C. Air hired him on the spot!!!

Best of Oiao
In these hard economic times, litt'l Jimmy had his first memorable epithany; he now understood why there was suddenly food on the table and that he and the food were directly related to that gobbly-gook term of NAMBLA his parents kept talking about.

Best of Dactyl
The real reason Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side.

Best of prince of leaves
At first I laughed at this kid. But then I felt ashamed when I realized that he probably wasn't blind, after all.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
A lightbulb goes off above Columbo's head... little Ralph dropped out of daycare just before little Ruthie turned up at kindergarten!

Best of molson
I feel pretty and witty and ghey.

Best of metalgarth
The Disney Princess thing is going for a different demographic next year.

Best of blue
"...and when I grow up I want to wear pink undies & be in a Thursday Caption This photo!!!"

Best of dadoctah
Early photos may suggest why all Disney cartoon characters either start off or end up orphaned.

26 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Photos of Justin Bieber's First Communion were released earlier this week.
...not sure why I should even try to beat that one.

Submariner said...

"...and someday I'll be an ICE princess!"
Quite early on, the future was clear to Johnny Weir's parents.

Submariner said...

Mommy? Guess where I'm hiding the cucumber?

Submariner said...

OK, I'm ready to go visit Father O'Malley at the parsonage.

Submariner said...

Senator Frank simpered; "Weawy? Who's HE twying to kid? He's not entitowd to be dwessed in WHITE..."

Anonymous said...

"Who do I have to blow around here to get a Happy Meal"?

Vinney

Double the U said...

The new school uniforms made mandatory by the safe school czar only get worse, they are also "ass-less" uniforms.

Double the U said...

.... but I don't want to wear the princess outfit! I want to be something more manly like a Johnny Weir figure skater outfit.

GregMan said...

"Daddy? Why are you sobbing?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

A "Miss" is as good as a mulatto...
In a bizarre twist, conservative republicans decide to field a youthful metrosexual for president.

-OR-

Billy has two mommies -
MOM!... I don't wanna be part of "take your daughter to work" day!!

-OR-

Apparently, the expanding tentacles of Title IX will now force boys to take home ec class whether they want it or not.

Matt the K said...

Welcome to BundyCare! Yay!!! Tomorrow, we learn about arson.

blue said...

"But Senator Frank - I don't want to be your valentine!"

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

the son of Psycho Dad really regrets his choice in clothes

sonicfrog said...

ORA: At first, they thought he was a little young for the job, but when they saw his superior stewardess skills, the H.R. guys at P.C. Air hired him on the spot!!!

dadoctah said...

Why hand-me-downs suck.

Oaio said...

And just to get retribution on his parents, litt'l Jimmy will grow up to be an ultra-conserative.

Oiao said...

In these hard economic times, litt'l Jimmy had his first memberable epithany; he now understood why there was suddenly food on the table and that he and the food were directly related to that gobly-gook term of NAMBLA his parents kept talking about.

Dactyl said...

The real reason Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side.

prince of leaves said...

At first I laughed at this kid. But then I felt ashamed when I realized that he probably wasn't blind, after all.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

A lightbulb goes off above Columbo's head... little Ralph dropped out of daycare just before little Ruthie turned up at kindergarten!

-OR-

Now it makes sense... Whenever she'd get compliments on her cute baby, Marcy used to smile wistfully and say, "I always wanted a daughter."

molson said...

I feel pretty and witty and ghey.

metalgarth said...

The Disney Princess thing is going for a different demographic next year.

blue said...

"...and when I grow up I want to wear pink undies & be in a Thursday Caption This photo!!!"

dadoctah said...

Early photos may suggest why all Disney cartoon characters either start off or end up orphaned.

Dr. Doom said...

I'll take Video Epic Parenting Fails for $800 Alex...

Submariner said...

>giggle<
I just queefed daddy...
>giggle<