Divine Miss M
1. "No, mom, I don't mind at all being the object of your Attention-Whore-by-Proxy Syndrome. Now, let's get to the Today Show, so Meredith Vieira can praise your tolerance."
2. "Years from now, mom, when I'm on my knees in a rest area bathroom, I'll be so grateful you taught me to accept myself."
3. Photos of Justin Bieber's First Communion were released earlier this week.
4. "Mama, don't try to tell me the $4 million settlement the school district gave to that bullied kid's family and these new school clothes you just bought me are just a coincidence."
5. The offspring of the captioner who calls himself 'Army of I Have No Son.'
Best of Submariner
OK, I'm ready to go visit Father O'Malley at the parsonage.
Best of Vinney
"Who do I have to blow around here to get a Happy Meal"?
Best of Double the U
.... but I don't want to wear the princess outfit! I want to be something more manly like a Johnny Weir figure skater outfit.
Best of GregMan
"Daddy? Why are you sobbing?"
Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
The son of Psycho Dad really regrets his choice in clothes
Best of sonicfrog
ORA: At first, they thought he was a little young for the job, but when they saw his superior stewardess skills, the H.R. guys at P.C. Air hired him on the spot!!!
Best of Oiao
In these hard economic times, litt'l Jimmy had his first memorable epithany; he now understood why there was suddenly food on the table and that he and the food were directly related to that gobbly-gook term of NAMBLA his parents kept talking about.
Best of Dactyl
The real reason Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side.
Best of prince of leaves
At first I laughed at this kid. But then I felt ashamed when I realized that he probably wasn't blind, after all.
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
A lightbulb goes off above Columbo's head... little Ralph dropped out of daycare just before little Ruthie turned up at kindergarten!
Best of molson
I feel pretty and witty and ghey.
Best of metalgarth
The Disney Princess thing is going for a different demographic next year.
Best of blue
"...and when I grow up I want to wear pink undies & be in a Thursday Caption This photo!!!"
Best of dadoctah
Early photos may suggest why all Disney cartoon characters either start off or end up orphaned.