Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sunday Guest Captions Are What We Eat

Carpe Phlogistan


1 - "Seriously Warden Jenkins, I went to sleep in a locked cell and woke up looking like this! I don't think these things will come off, do you?"

2- Thawtbubble: All I want is a chance to show I can be the best damned biased host since Keith Olbermann.

3- "Sir, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage."
If you heard him say that, would you -
a) choke on your tongue during a fit of uncontrollable laughter?
or
b) hope for a verdict of justifiable homicide from a judge with daughters of his/her own?
4- Surprisingly, even the ACLU and the EEOC were having a hard time finding a pro bono attorney to represent Clyde in his lawsuit against McDonald's HR Dept.

5- Think he'll get tired of people saying they can read him like a book?


Best of blue
Kyle's friends snickered when, after he woke up, he said "OK guys, time to wash off these temporary tattoos!"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
When this guy shows up as your daughters prom date, you remember why the second amendment is important.

Best of prince of leaves
After the picture appeared in the local paper, Sun Microsystems filed a trademark infringement lawsuit over his "third eye" tattoo.

Best of prince of leaves
"Good job, dickhead," scoffed Hitler's ghost from the bowels of Hell. "Doing the 'Master Race' proud there."

Best of sonicfrog
Although they've been cutting down the size of the product portions, Cracker Jack has doubled... no, make that tripled down on the stick'em-on tattoos!

Best of Vinney
"Think hard, Mrs. Jones. Do you remember if the perp had any distinguishing features"?

Best of sonicfrog
Noting that Kyle was not very talkative during his multiple sessions, the state appointed psychologist found him very difficult to read.....

Best of jimmy
Kyle crumbled under cross-examination when the prosecutor said the defendant's guilt was written all over his face.

Best of Oiao
I guess you won't see any black children riding on his back.

Best of Steve O
Sure, it must have hurt a lot, and he could have bought a lot of cigarettes for the cost of those tats, but just imagine the chicks he'll be able to get.

No, seriously. Just IMAGINE!

Best of Dr. Doom
Actually, Axel lived in fear that the guys would discover his 'LaTeisha' tramp stamp...

Best of Double the U
"Hello and welcome to Walmart, can I help you find anything?"

Best of dub
What? Why is everyone staring? Do I have something on my face??

Best of jj
After Senator Byrd's passing, his Secret Service bodyguard had a difficult finding another assignment.

Best of dadoctah
Striking fear into the hearts of Gotham City's underworld, Graffitiman takes to the streets!

45 comments:

blue said...

Kyle's friends snickered when, after he woke up, he said "OK guys, time to wash off these temporary tattoos!"

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

When this guy shows up as your daughters prom date, you remember why the second amendment is important.

Oiao said...

This is just screaming..."Needs one bullet to head."

Why be cheap. Just double tap the SOB.

prince of leaves said...

After the picture appeared in the local paper, Sun Microsystems filed a trademark infringement lawsuit over his "third eye" tattoo.

prince of leaves said...

"Good job, dickhead," scoffed Hitler's ghost from the bowels of Hell. "Doing the 'Master Race' proud there."

prince of leaves said...

There's something about an "Aryan" boy defacing (literally in this case) his supposedly superior white skin with black writing that screams "cognitive dissonance".

sonicfrog said...

Although they've been cutting down the size of the product portions, Cracker Jack has doubled... no, make that tripled down on the stick'em-on tattoos!

Anonymous said...

"Think hard, Mrs. Jones. Do you remember if the perp had any distinguishing features"?

Vinney

Anonymous said...

I can't stress enough the importance of a strong resume on a job interview.

Vinney

sonicfrog said...

Noting that Kyle was not very talkative during his multiple sessions, the state appointed psychologist found him very difficult to read.....

JohnS1959 said...

"Sorry I'm late for our tee time Reverend Jackson", said Billy Bob

JohnS1959 said...

Number 56 on the list of ways that Mother Nature says STAY AWAY

Submariner said...

Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the cell wall when he's welcomed to his cell by a 378 pound, 6' 8" Masaii warrior?

jimmy said...

Kyle crumbled under cross-examination when the prosecutor said the defendant's guilt was written all over his face.

Submariner said...

Wonder if he got himself a good, Jewish lawyer?

Submariner said...

I have to wonder if Justin Bieber is his current favorite artist?

Double the U said...

Sadly he has a woman waiting for him when he gets out.

Oiao said...

I did not know they could stack shit that high.

prince of leaves said...

The numbers confuse me -- which one is his height, and which one is is IQ?

Oiao said...

I guess you won't see any black children riding on his back.

Steve O said...

Well, it's a good thing he told us what he is or we'd have never known.

Steve O said...

Sometimes being what you are is its own punishment.

Steve O said...

Sometimes losers have a way of self-identifying themselves.

Steve O said...

Sure, it must have hurt a lot, and he could have bought a lot of cigarettes for the cost of those tats, but just imagine the chicks he'll be able to get.

No, seriously. Just IMAGINE!

Steve O said...

The king of subtlety.

DaveP. said...

The hilarious thing is the realization that if this clown had ever met a REAL Nazi- one of the hardcases from Das Reich or Liebstandardt, say- they would have used him to grease their treads.

Oiao said...

Actually, in my world, I simply would ask..... "He's not dead yet?"

Oiao said...

I vote Steve O at 12:27 the Thread Winner! Good one.....

This guy would last about 45 seconds on my block....

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Mother's Rhetorical Question of the Century
OMFG, Lester, what were you thinking!?

Whacko said...

I always thought that fans of professional wrestling should have some sort of mark identifying them to the general public, but this is ridiculous.

Dr. Doom said...

Actually, Axel lived in fear that the guys would discover his 'LaTeisha' tramp stamp...

blue said...

when he woke up, Axel screamed " No, what i said was TATOO YOU!"

Double the U said...

"Hello and welcome to Walmart, can I help you find anything?"

dub said...

That'll teach him to be the first one to pass out at the frat party.

dub said...

What? Why is everyone staring? Do I have something on my face??

jj said...

Some candidates for obama's Inclusion Czar were peculiar indeed....

jj said...

After Senator Byrd's passing, his Secret Service bodyguard had a difficult finding another assignment.

jj said...

Next on the Al Sharpton show, a man who knows what really happened to Tawana Brawley...

Steve O said...

Even scarier:

"Sir, I'd like to ask for your son's hand in marriage."

Steve O said...

Ha. Those stupid frat guys can't even spell "Tulane" right.

Steve O said...

Never, ever, ever... EVER pass out at V the K's crib if you owe him money.

Submariner said...

You want fries, you gotta order at the counter. I only clean up the lot...

mega said...

Ironically, Kyle's motto was "the less said, the better"

dadoctah said...

Striking fear into the hearts of Gotham City's underworld, Graffitiman takes to the streets!

mega said...

Directly above the nose lied the secretive symbol designating "I want to meet an obese Nazi for fun and whatever".