Saturday, January 29, 2011

Saturday's Theme Is Basketball


1. "And if you miss this layup, I swear I'll break both your arms. Ask Tommy if you think I'm sh-tting you."

2. "Coach Sullivan, if you ask me if I need help spanking the monkey again, I'm calling Child Protective Services."

3. "Look, coach, I'm sorry I screwed up your point shaving scheme... but did you have to send the Russian Mob to break my arms?"

4. "32... 33, whatever it takes."

5. "Coach, just saying, maybe if you stopped showing us your Quonset hut designs and taught us some actual plays, we might actually win some games."

Best of Artfldgr
What? What did i just hear? Did "Simba the penis" talk to me?

Best of blue
"Look dude, if you don't stop wanking off in the shower, we'll break more than your wrists!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"34.... 34.... 34.... 34.... Bueller....Bueller...."

Best of prince of leaves
The casts made Jimmy useless on the court, but at least he would pass his boater's safety class with no problems.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Awright men, V the K's chosen Basketball as this Saturday's theme. We're up against ghey Tuesdays and girlie Thursdays so if you can't show me some really sick intercourse dribbling, hit the showers now!

Best of Submariner
Coach Twain got double duty by color-coding Billy's casts to teach him Mississippi River buoy navigation along with court management.

Best of dub
Seriously kids, dont any of you know at least ONE black guy??

18 comments:

Oiao said...

Number 33 to Coach: "Coach, quit calling me Clubber!"

Artfldgr said...

What? What did i just hear? Did "Simba the penis" talk to me?

blue said...

"Look dude, if you don't stop wanking off in the shower, we'll break more than your wrists!"

Rodney Dill said...

"34.... 34.... 34.... 34.... Bueller....Bueller...."

prince of leaves said...

The casts made Jimmy useless on the court, but at least he would pass his boater's safety class with no problems.

prince of leaves said...

Jimmy felt lucky that the coach had only broken his arms after the bad layup -- after their double foul in the last game, Trevor (#32) had to scrounge a new left leg from Pablo's (#34) remains.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Remedial education basics to mainstream slow kids: each gets a "this is a basketball court" scale drawing, miniature ball and hoop net sample to take home and memorize. Coach says it'll be awhile before they're allowed to play with real b-balls, especially Tommy "limp wrists" McDoogal.

-OR-

But coach, isn't that an illegal play?
Shaddup, Timmy! If a freaking liberal hispanic got away with splitting the president's lip, it's okay for Manuel to do it to his black opponent!"

WordVerify: timbur - A phrase Hosni Mubarak is hearing chanted in the streets.

Submariner said...

What we know:

If #33 is his point guard, the bench-riders are all worse ball-handlers.

Submariner said...

Jon Edwards learns that his future is not in sports.

Submariner said...

Inspiration hit Coach Lipshitz during his third time-out;

Maybe we should recruit some black guys for Golda Meir Accountant Academy Prep?

Submariner said...

Ray Belichick waits for his "spotter" to tell him the play the opposition coach is drawing up during the break.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Awright men, V the K's chosen Basketball as this Saturday's theme. We're up against ghey Tuesdays and girlie Thursdays so if you can't show me some really sick intercourse dribbling, hit the showers now!

Submariner said...

Coach Twain got double duty by color-coding Billy's casts to teach him Mississippi River buoy navigation along with court management.

dub said...

Here's what we'll do first...first clue.... sounds like.... Sut Bex.....

dub said...

Seriously kids, dont any of you know at least ONE black guy??

jj said...

Fr. Tim at St. Al's was really looking forward to this game ending so the team could 'hit the showers'...

Submariner said...

OK, guys, here's the plan;
Timmy takes the ball out and everyone breaks towards the home sideline. Timmy fires a high pass above the outstreched arms of EVERYone. All of Team Mean Green dive into the crowd, aiming for AoM. During the free-for-all, everyone gets to grope her. Colin gets first choice of grope-target. And guys? Remember to say "Happy Birthday from the Cap This! monors!"

Dr. Doom said...

"Wow", thought Bobby, "Coach has never called that play outside the showers before."