Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Retro Computery


1. "And for maintaining perfect attendance despite having both legs severed in an unfortunate Xerox Copier accident, Joanne Lefkovsky is Bell Labs June, 1965 Employee of the Month."

2. "Oh, boy," what crazy leap had Sam Beckett gotten into this time?

3. Having typed "All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl" 50,000 times, Joanne was ready to start the killing spree.

4. When things got slow at the office, Joanne typed up weird, vaguely depraved captions and posted them under pictures in Ladies Home Journal. Co-workers regarded her as odd.

5. Because her characteristics were not of "a highly stimulating nature," Joanne was never given the password to the bomb shelter.

Best of Double the U
"No... I didn't bring any unauthorized personal into the office and try to hide them, why do you ask?"

Best of prince of leaves
Merlene listened with bemused disbelief to the time traveler's description of the new "ARPANET" project's future as a globe-spanning conduit for pornography -- who would ever find a cartoon-like arrangement of chads on a punch-card titillating?

Best of jimmy
Edna was later dismissed when her boss found her seated on the dot matrix printer, her stolen moment of ecstasy bringing her career to an abrupt end.

Best of dadoctah
Once a month, I get a letter from Mom filling me in on what's happening with my secret half-sister who wants to go into television.

Best of Nose
...hoping Army of Mom has that outfit...

Best of blue
In the 1960's IBM would hire women engineers and put them out front where the clients could see them.

Best of Dr. Doom
The IBM 1967 Product Wall Calendar was not the sales booster that the suits had envisioned...

Best of metalgarth
Choosing the "best ofs" was much more labor intesive back when mainframes were the industry standard.

Best of Army of Dad
Even in the 60s some women didn't have to worry about being sexually harassed at work.

Best of jj
In this undated photo, a young Aileen Wuornos is shown on the day she was fired by a Fl bank. She then decided to go to a bar for a drink.

Best of Matt the K
"Danger, Will Robinson!! Butterfaced twig ahead!!"

Best of GregMan
"Hey, look, the Finance Minister of British East Africa wants to wire me 5 million British pounds!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me..."
Edith finally gets up the nerve to publish her fantasy, and it's a doozy.

Best of mega
To think, all that computer code just to ... oh wait, that's the health care bill.

Best of Merovign
Whatever else you say about the quality of modern civilization, our Geek Chick standards have improved considerably.

Best of Submariner
"Why yes, Uncle Walter, I'd LOVE to play 'Reporter in the Street' with you again. Bring that big ol' microphone in your hand over here."

Best of Rodney Dill
In the early days of computing, Grace Hopper was considered a real hottie.

39 comments:

Double the U said...

"No... I didn't bring any unauthorized personal into the office and try to hide them, why do you ask?"

prince of leaves said...

"What? Me? Oh no, I'm not the one who's been sending out all those 'electronic mail' notes about Spanish Fly to everyone on the DARPA network..."

prince of leaves said...

Merlene listened with bemused disbelief to the time traveler's description of the new "ARPANET" project's future as a globe-spanning conduit for pornography -- who would ever find a cartoon-like arrangement of chads on a punch-card titillating?

dadoctah said...

Tomorrow, you'll see the picture she uses on Facebook.

jimmy said...

Edna was later dismissed when her boss found her seated on the dot matrix printer, her stolen moment of ecstasy bringing her career to an abrupt end.

dadoctah said...

Once a month, I get a letter from Mom filling me in on what's happening with my secret half-sister who wants to go into television.

Anonymous said...

Want_to_play_a_Game_?

Nose said...

...hoping Army of Mom has that outfit...

Jack Reacher said...

What we know: Since she got to pose for the photo, she's the hot one in the office.

Jack Reacher said...

Mom?

blue said...

In the 1960's IBM would hire women engineers and put them out front where the clients could see them.

Dr. Doom said...

The IBM 1967 Product Wall Calendar was not the sales booster that the suits had envisioned...

metalgarth said...

Choosing the "best ofs" was much more labor intesive back when mainframes were the industry standard.

Army of Dad said...

Even in the 60s some women didn't have to worry about being sexually harassed at work.

jj said...

In this undated photo, a young Aileen Wuornos is shown on the day she was fired by a Fl bank. She then decided to go to a bar for a drink.

Matt the K said...

"Danger, Will Robinson!! Butterfaced twig ahead!!"

Rodney Dill said...

"IBM'ed my pants"

Matt the K said...

Scotty in Engineering got all the credit, but all the REAL work was done by Madge.

Matt the K said...

IBM called it the binary code because pretty much all the chicks that worked there were 0's or 1's.

Matt the K said...

Mavis in accounting had the most bitchin' hi-fi set.

GregMan said...

"Hey, look, the Finance Minister of British East Africa wants to wire me 5 million British pounds!"

mega said...

If you keep telling your employees if they let go of their chairs they'll shoot up and crash into the ceiling, eventually you'll find one dupe who believes it.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Fact: The FCC just traced all spam back to one very frustrated woman named Erma Finklestein.

-OR-

Well of course on-line dating has been an abysmal failure. All profiles go through this central clearing house where a bi-curious Mavis Twerm snaps up the hot prospects.


-OR-

To the consternation of systems administrators, turn around times for mainframe projects would always plunge on the night when Elsie secretly began spell checking and printing her annual christmas letters.

-OR-

"Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me..."
Edith finally gets up the nerve to publish her fantasy, and it's a doozy.

mega said...

To think, all that computer code just to ... oh wait, that's the health care bill.

dadoctah said...

She came up with an idea for something she calls "Eunuchs", but we'll probably tweak the spelling a little before we release it to the public.

Anonymous said...

Don't let Josie fool you. When she'd ask the guys if they'd like to see her spread sheets, she'd wink.

Vinney

mega said...

>
> facebook
057 program not found
>
> google
057 program not found
>
> aol
057 program not found
>
> netscape
057 program not found
>
> microsoft word
OK
Installing recent updates....
Time remaining: 3 years, 2 weeks, 12 minutes....

Merovign said...

Whatever else you say about the quality of modern civilization, our Geek Chick standards have improved considerably.

Steve O said...

Where the Wild Things are.

Submariner said...

When Steven Jobs wasn't in the garage with Wasniak, he liked to pretend he was a secretary at TBS.

Submariner said...

"Why yes, Uncle Walter, I'd LOVE to play 'Reporter in the Street' with you again. Bring that big ol' microphone in your hand over here."

Submariner said...

Wanna see how fast my fingers can fly on my vintage Selectric?

Submariner said...

Actually, since HAL was brought in, I AM the entire "Secretarial Pool."

Rodney Dill said...

Brigette Baudot

Rodney Dill said...

"The knob goes all the way to 11."

Rodney Dill said...

In the early days of computing, Grace Hopper was considered a real hottie.

Rodney Dill said...

"...bet I can make her hollerith."

Submariner said...

Due to British budgetary woes, a replacement for Moneypenny was tried to no avail...

Matt the K said...

Nancy's lesser-known cousin Wanda Sinatra had a minor hit with "These Hands Are Made For Typin'".