Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Is Jerry Brown Going to Have to Slap a Bitch?


1. Surrounded by the six most beautiful progressive womyn in California -- all of whom combined weigh less than Linda Ronstadt... Governor Moonbeam takes his oath of office on an old copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves.

2. Gavin Newsom was excited that the negative space between the Governor and his wife kinda looked like a penis.

3. Moonbeam was disappointed that his plans for destroying California were thwarted by the simple fact that after Governor Schwarzeneggar, there just wasn't a lot left to destroy.

4. In his inaugural speech, Governor Moonbeam promises to "keep his pimp hand strong."

4. Governor Moonbeam dispensed with the traditional oath of office and launched into a lecture about balancing chi with the mindthoughts of the universe. But it was California, so no one noticed.

Best of jj
This picture, taken moments before Gov. Moonbeam burst into flames as he touches the Bible.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Jerry passes his first test and moves forward to the next level of Hokey Pokey because that's what it's all about.

Best of Jack Reacher
"and I said, 'Hold it; what do farmers need water for?' They just looked at me. Idiots."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Slowly coming down off a 1983 bong hit of the really REALLY good stuff, Moonbeam blinks, looks at the judge and mumbles, "Whoa, déjà vu!"

Best of Dr. Doom
Well, receiving an oath on the Bible from a liberal is pretty laughable oh wait, that's Mr. Clinton's copy of the Kama Sutra - never mind

Best of Vinney
How come there isn't a man in the picture?

Best of molson
"I do solemnly swear to the best of my abilities to feck the eyes clean out of the tax payer Nah. I'm just joshing you. Wink. Wink."

12 comments:

jj said...

This picture, taken moments before Gov. Moonbeam burst into flames as he touches the Bible.

Mr. Hankey said...

Jerry passes his first test and moves forward to the next level of Hokey Pokey because that's what it's all about.

Jack Reacher said...

"I--state your name..."
"I, state your name..."

Jack Reacher said...

"It was this curly light bulb, and I couldn't see my hand this far from my face. Lame."

WV: stabil---FAIL

Jack Reacher said...

"...and I said 'Hold it; what do farmers need water for?' They just looked at me. Idiots."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Slowly coming down off a 1983 bong hit of the really REALLY good stuff, Moonbeam blinks, looks at the judge and mumbles, "Whoa, déjà vu!"

-OR-

Karmic Humor
The bhuddist Moonbeam maintains that by leaving office with a surplus and taking office with a deficit he has already balanced the budget.

Dr. Doom said...

Well, receiving an oath on the Bible from a liberal is pretty laughable... oh wait, that's Mr. Clinton's copy of the Kama Sutra - never mind...

Dr. Doom said...

"I object to having to raise my right hand", protested Mr. Brown.

Targetpractice said...

ORA:

Judge: "Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"
Moonbeam: "Ain't no thang." (I do.)

Anonymous said...

How come there isn't a man in the picture?

Vinney

metalgarth said...

Frank Barrone is sworn in as Governor in Hell by the only 6 women in the universe more evil than his wife

molson said...

"I do solemnly swear to the best of my abilities to feck the eyes clean out of the tax payer... Nah. I'm just joshing you. Wink. Wink."