Monday, January 17, 2011

In the Mouth of Madness

Van Helsing



1."No way, babe. That's was Billy Clinton's jaunt. I like it anal... and passive."

2. The president's last words. "Sniper? I don't even know her."

3. ORA: "Is it, um, safe?"

4. The succubus was many years too late. The soul had already been sucked out by Frank Marshall Davis, sometime in the late sixties.

5. "Does my breath smell like dog dick?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Impressive, but unnecessary. Remember; I'm only half-black."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Drew Carey's career hosting The Price is Right died when POTUS chose his post-2012 vocation. Forget spaying/neutering pets, good dental hygiene's the new cause célèbre.

Best of Oiao
Obama thought bubble: "Damb, this crazy bitch did have me tattooed onto her tonsils!"

Best of Dr. Doom
Ms. Bunny Smith holds nothing back at Mr. Obama's open casting for 'Podium Aide'. The dog eventually won the job...

Best of dadoctah
A confused Annie Sullivan tries to teach Barry to fingerspell "water".

Best of Mr Hankey
Who needs wafers when you can feed off the god right in front of you??

Best of jj
Boy in back thought bubble, "What the hell..I've taken four pictures and none of them have an image of the president..."

Best of dub
Not surprisingly, this is not the only gaping hole that Sally is known for.

Best of Adriane
Pedal faster, Scoob! Obama is torturing Velma and Scrapy until they tell him where we hid Sarah Palin!!!

Best of Steve O
Tamara releases her second Shakra.

Best of Submariner
The body snatcher would later apologize to the entire pod collective for mistaking the Obamessiah for a human life-form.

Best of prince of leaves
"Ack ack AACCKKK!" cried the Martian infiltrator as it sensed its prey and threw off its human disguise. Sarah Jessica Parker just looked on impassively.

Best of DaveP.
Then her fangs emerged, her head snapped forward on a neck suddenly gone long and scaly... and as quick as that, Joe Biden was President and the Secret Service had a new fear of snake women.

47 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

Marci spent so much time teacher her dog to shake hands that he eventually grew one.

Jack Reacher said...

After listening to an Obama speech for half an hour Marci couldn't stop yawning.

Jack Reacher said...

And to get them out of the way--
Laxative, Dawn, Old Navy, where da white women...

Jack Reacher said...

"Impressive, but unnecessary. Remember; I'm only half-black."

blue said...

seeing Dorthy offering herself to Obama, M'Chel, the wicked bitch of the west wing, screeched: "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

"Did you hear the one about..."
Mitzy didn't get the punchline but felt an obligation to laugh at his lameass joke about being audited.

-OR-

Drew Carey's career hosting The Price is Right died when POTUS chose his post-2012 vocation. Forget spaying/neutering pets, good dental hygiene's the new cause célèbre.

-OR-

You, madam, are the new Monica Lewinsky! C'mon down!

-OR-

His limpwristed shake surprised Mary, but she dutifully followed the coaching instructions of nearby agents and pretended it was powerful.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

~Release the Kraken!~
Fearing the worst, Susan glanced down at her palm and saw the dreaded Black Spot!

-OR-

aeeeiiiiiiiiii... cooties!

Oiao said...

Obama thought bubble: "Damb, this crazy bitch did have me tattooed onto her tonsils!"

Oiao said...

Obama thought bubble: "Hummmm, this reminds me that we have to start redistributing all the gold fillings from the white people."

Dr. Doom said...

Ms. Bunny Smith holds nothing back at Mr. Obama's open casting for 'Podium Aide'. The dog eventually won the job...

dadoctah said...

Ironically, there's film of her mother in February 1964 making exactly the same face in the audience at the Ed Sullivan Show.

dadoctah said...

A confused Annie Sullivan tries to teach Barry to fingerspell "water".

HLam said...

Most dogs become aggressive when strangers approach their humans. After seeing the arms of President Zero Fido didn't particularly view him as a threat.

Anonymous said...

"Sandra Bullock? Shut up"!

Vinney

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

Obama: "Gezz...it takes more than hand stoking to get M'Chel off!"

Ted Nugent said...

"...I make the pussy purr with
The stroke of my hand..."

Mr Hankey said...

Who needs wafers when you can feed off the god right in front of you??

Mr Hankey said...

Feed me more of that Hope & Change bullish*t!!

jj said...

Two Secret Service agents were reportedly killed today as an unknown woman unhinged her jaw in an attempt to eat the president.

jj said...

Boy in back thought bubble, "What the hell..I've taken four pictures and none of them have an image of the president..."

Anonymous said...

I hope the dog's driving home.

Double the U said...

Yeah, I usually scream when I see his face also.

dub said...

Not surprisingly, this is not the only gaping hole that Sally is known for.

Anonymous said...

No No, just because I passed health care it doesn't mean I become your dentist.

Adriane said...

Pedal faster, Scoob! Obama is torturing Velma and Scrapy until they tell him where we hid Sarah Palin!!!

Passionate Conservative said...

Monlica Lewinsky sure has let herself go

Steve O said...

Obama makes a note to not squeeze so hard next time.

Steve O said...

Tamara releases her second Shakra.

Dactyl said...

"DATE RAPE!!!!"

Submariner said...

She; "I've been GEESED!"
The One; "Don't you, um, mean, uh, goosed?"
She; "I can count, Barry..."

Submariner said...

The body snatcher would later apologize to the entire pod collective for mistaking the Obamessiah for a human life-form.

Submariner said...

Everything was going well until the Pres made his arugala buy in public...

Submariner said...

Tiger Woods! I can't believe it's really you shaking my hand! I'll never wash it again!

prince of leaves said...

"Ack ack AACCKKK!" cried the Martian infiltrator as it sensed its prey and threw off its human disguise. Sarah Jessica Parker just looked on impassively.

prince of leaves said...

"RRWWAAAAAAAA!" One of the pod people recognizes its own.

prince of leaves said...

2014: the carefully-orchestrated propaganda campaign had pushed Obama's polling through the roof, to the point where even gut-stabbing random well-wishers at public events seemed to increase his popularity.

Spin said...

i-Won's thawt bubble:

Don't do that lady, it make your tits all wrinkly.

GregMan said...

"Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!"

Jack Reacher said...

ORA: "Avenge me!"

Oiao said...

Let me see your 'O' face!!!!!


I could not resist.....

Oiao said...

Obama Thought Bubble: "I hope this little yellow tape is stronger than it looks. That white ho looks crazy!"

DaveP. said...

ORA: "Show me your WAR FACE!!"

DaveP. said...

ORA: "Show me your WAR FACE!!"

DaveP. said...

Then her fangs emerged, her head snapped forward on a neck suddenly gone long and scaly... and as quick as that, Joe Biden was President and the Secret Service had a new fear of snake women.

Submariner said...

My dog?
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!
Me Korean; that main course tonight.


ATMCHE*


*And then Margaret Cho's head exploded...

Kaptain Krude said...

"I don't care what kind of video it is, ma'am, I'm really not interested in performing for that. Perhaps Tiger Woods would be more interested in that...?" Recruiters for the porn industry ran into some resistance when it came to recruiting for bukake movies.

Steve O said...

When a liberal releases the second Shakra, it's usually not a pretty sight.