Monday, January 31, 2011
Bringing Good Things, Et c....
1. Obama takes time off from his busy golf and partying schedule to check progress on the First Lady's customer vibrator.
2. "Jet Turbines? No, this is one of eight pieces of 'public sculpture' purchased with the last $4 Billion of Stimulus Cash, Mr. President. It's called 'Fallen Pagoda.'"
3. "Well, Mr. President, I imagine if you threw a puppy into one of those, it would get sliced to pieces. I have a box of puppies in my office if you'd like to find out."
4. "Well, yeah, that used to be the Orgasmatron, but we hooked it up to Sarah Palin and she overloaded it."
5. "Yes, it's similar to the design we're using for the long-range stealth bombers the Chinese are building. Was that a yawn, Mr. President? If this stuff is boring, we can always talk sports."
Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"Taco bell buys these to process their 88% meat..remember, Taco spelled backwards is O cat!"
Best of metalgarth
"The word that comes to mind is Doohickey"
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Now that we've purchased the commercial ad rights to Mt. Rushmore, we're gonna use this router to carve that logo on George Washington's forehead.
Best of jj
Obama, "Yes, this custom made paper shredder will work fine. We'll take 200 of 'em".
Best of Adriane
"They say this cat, Shaft, is bad mother... "
Best of prince of leaves
"We don't really know what it does, or what it's for, sir...an engineer named Galt built it, but left it behind when he walked out last week."
Best of mega
"This recharger for the Chevy Volt will store conveniently in people's garages. Will $20 to your campaign fund get this into the next SOTU?"
Best of mega
"Yes, of course, Mr. President, it's pointing toward Mecca."
Best of mega
"...and if it turns out there's a market for this thing, we'll start cranking them out at our plant in Szenchen."
Best of Rodney Dill
"...then this got lodged in his ass."
"More properly, rectum..."
"Rectum? Damn near killed him."
Best of Whacko
No problem, Mr. President. We can have this titanium alloy turbine rotor carved down into a 56 degree wedge for you by Tuesday. There's plenty in stimulus money for that plus you can claim you created a few jobs."
Best of Jack Reacher
"This one's going into a Jet Blue aircraft, so we let it sit here on the platform for an extra ten hours."
Best of JohnS1959
"Yes sir", said the President of GE, "This will create over 10,000 jobs. Thanks to your leadership there will be 1200 design jobs in China, 5300 manufacturing jobs in Mexico, and around 3500 tech support jobs in India. Oh and we'll need one of those exemptions for Obamacare..."
Best of curly
Nothing to see here folks; just Obama shopping for a new ego massager.
Best of Oiao
"Mr. Obama. We put the whole potatoes into that end, add a lot of heat, and the tator-tots come out this end for the school lunch programs.
Best of GregMan
Humanity's first Warp Engine was almost ready to take mankind out to the stars when President Soetero cancelled the Manned Space Program to pay for some more union kickbacks.