Monday, January 31, 2011

Bringing Good Things, Et c....


1. Obama takes time off from his busy golf and partying schedule to check progress on the First Lady's customer vibrator.

2. "Jet Turbines? No, this is one of eight pieces of 'public sculpture' purchased with the last $4 Billion of Stimulus Cash, Mr. President. It's called 'Fallen Pagoda.'"

3. "Well, Mr. President, I imagine if you threw a puppy into one of those, it would get sliced to pieces. I have a box of puppies in my office if you'd like to find out."

4. "Well, yeah, that used to be the Orgasmatron, but we hooked it up to Sarah Palin and she overloaded it."

5. "Yes, it's similar to the design we're using for the long-range stealth bombers the Chinese are building. Was that a yawn, Mr. President? If this stuff is boring, we can always talk sports."


Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"Taco bell buys these to process their 88% meat..remember, Taco spelled backwards is O cat!"

Best of metalgarth
"The word that comes to mind is Doohickey"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Now that we've purchased the commercial ad rights to Mt. Rushmore, we're gonna use this router to carve that logo on George Washington's forehead.

Best of jj
Obama, "Yes, this custom made paper shredder will work fine. We'll take 200 of 'em".

Best of Adriane
"They say this cat, Shaft, is bad mother... "

Best of prince of leaves
"We don't really know what it does, or what it's for, sir...an engineer named Galt built it, but left it behind when he walked out last week."

Best of mega
"This recharger for the Chevy Volt will store conveniently in people's garages. Will $20 to your campaign fund get this into the next SOTU?"

Best of mega
"Yes, of course, Mr. President, it's pointing toward Mecca."

Best of mega
"...and if it turns out there's a market for this thing, we'll start cranking them out at our plant in Szenchen."

Best of Rodney Dill
"...then this got lodged in his ass."
"More properly, rectum..."
"Rectum? Damn near killed him."

Best of Whacko
No problem, Mr. President. We can have this titanium alloy turbine rotor carved down into a 56 degree wedge for you by Tuesday. There's plenty in stimulus money for that plus you can claim you created a few jobs."

Best of Jack Reacher
"This one's going into a Jet Blue aircraft, so we let it sit here on the platform for an extra ten hours."

Best of JohnS1959
"Yes sir", said the President of GE, "This will create over 10,000 jobs. Thanks to your leadership there will be 1200 design jobs in China, 5300 manufacturing jobs in Mexico, and around 3500 tech support jobs in India. Oh and we'll need one of those exemptions for Obamacare..."

Best of curly
Nothing to see here folks; just Obama shopping for a new ego massager.

Best of Oiao
"Mr. Obama. We put the whole potatoes into that end, add a lot of heat, and the tator-tots come out this end for the school lunch programs.

Best of GregMan
Humanity's first Warp Engine was almost ready to take mankind out to the stars when President Soetero cancelled the Manned Space Program to pay for some more union kickbacks.

32 comments:

blue said...

No Mr Preident, we can't loan it to Acorn to intimidate conservative voters....the controls are just to complicated for street thugs."

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"Taco bell buys these to process their 88% meat..remember, Taco spelled backwards is O cat!"

Dr. Doom said...

"What is it you ask?", said the ghost of Amerikkka Future, "It is the skeleton of capitalism, Barry, picked clean by socialist spending programs..."

blue said...

in a re-make of Goldfinger, Blackfinger says "No Ms. Palin, I expect you to die."

metalgarth said...

"The word that comes to mind is Doohickey"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Now that we've purchased the commercial ad rights to Mt. Rushmore, we're gonna use this router to carve that logo on George Washington's forehead.

-OR-

This is the grinder portion of that giant garbage disposal Congress ordered to help flush the country right the drain.

-OR-

"Imagination at Work"
Oh, it doesn't really "DO" anything. A bunch of us imagined a drill that can journey to the center of the earth. We'll bill the Defense Dept. and take the rest of the week off.

-OR-

We've just completed a rush job on this replacement butt plug for the Secretary of State. Did you see her face when the last one popped out?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Correction! grrrr -

This is the grinder portion of that custom garbage disposal Congress ordered to help flush the country right down the drain.

JohnS1959 said...

"No sir, the shovel ready projects won't be viewable for two more years", related the Stimulus Czar, "This is the new sculpture for the Rose Garden you commissioned through the NEA. We are just waiting for the giant vat of Chris Matthews' urine to complete the project."

jj said...

Obama, "Yes, this custom made paper shredder will work fine. We'll take 200 of 'em".

Adriane said...

"They say this cat, Shaft, is bad mother... "

Oiao said...

Obama thought bubble: "Yeah, um, about to ruin this US industry also, way ahead of you."


WV = dicer (no joke...)

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Do? Why, it doesn't "do" anything sir...much like yourself, it just sits there and looks pretty.

prince of leaves said...

"We don't really know what it does, or what it's for, sir...an engineer named Galt built it, but left it behind when he walked out last week."

prince of leaves said...

"...and by 2012, the new fleet of commercial-scale Reich generators will be producing enough clean, green orgone energy to meet the needs of up to 2.3 households!"

prince of leaves said...

"And this is the full-scale turbine unit we'll be installing in the Capitol rotunda...when Congress is in session, we estimate there will be enough hot air to power the entire Metro system even at peak hours."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Some guy from the RNC delivered the specs, money and an order for 50 contraptions with these never-dull titanium blades. Don't know for sure, but I think it's their alternative to Obamalamacare, codenamed Soylent Green.

mega said...

"This recharger for the Chevy Volt will store conveniently in people's garages. Will $20 to your campaign fund get this into the next SOTU?"

mega said...

"Yes, of course, Mr. President, it's pointing toward Mecca."

mega said...

"...and if it turns out there's a market for this thing, we'll start cranking them out at our plant in Szenchen."

Rodney Dill said...

"...then this got lodged in his ass."
"More properly, rectum..."
"Rectum? Damn near killed him."

Anonymous said...

"It's great to see you guys at GE inventing stuff. Now, where's that golf course you were talking about."

Vinney

Whacko said...

No problem, Mr. President. We can have this titanium alloy turbine rotor carved down into a 56 degree wedge for you by Tuesday. There's plenty in stimulus money for that plus you can claim you created a few jobs."

Jack Reacher said...

"This will be a museum piece some day, Mr. President, a reminder of when Americans could afford to fly."

Jack Reacher said...

"This one's going into a Jet Blue aircraft, so we let it sit here on the platform for an extra ten hours."

JohnS1959 said...

"Yes sir", said the President of GE, "This will create over 10,000 jobs. Thanks to your leadership there will be 1200 design jobs in China, 5300 manufacturing jobs in Mexico, and around 3500 tech support jobs in India. Oh and we'll need one of those exemptions for Obamacare..."

curly said...

Nothing to see here folks; just Obama shopping for a new ego massager.

dadoctah said...

It's getting to be about time for Ron Popeil to hang it up.

Submariner said...

Obamalama; "I gots one a these hangin' in M'Chel's sweet-tater garden but it's vertical so's the wind can rotate it..."



Note for HuffPo readers; I know that the President is clean and articulate and doesn't speak with a "poor Negro" lack of proper English and diction. The above is something called satire. Now, go ahead and lambaste my lack of understanding for His Messiah-ship's vision for the country.

Oiao said...

"Mr. Obama. We put the whole potatoes into that end, add a lot of heat, and the tator-tots come out this end for the school lunch programs.

GregMan said...

Humanity's first Warp Engine was almost ready to take mankind out to the stars when President Soetero cancelled the Manned Space Program to pay for some more union kickbacks.

GregMan said...

"Well, Mr. President, when the sh1t hits this fan we'll know it!"

GregMan said...

"Yes, Mr. President, the old white people and other rejects from the ObammyCare Death Panels go in this end, and the Soylent Green comes out here."

ORA: "The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed."