Every Halloween Needs a Witch

Sondra K

Best of prince of leaves
In an artist's loft in San Francisco, Nancy Pelosi poses for her Hero of the American Soviet People statue.

Best of Oiao
"Yes! I am going to write a book after I quit the house in Jan 2011. You'll have to buy it first to find out what is in it!"

Best of Double the U
"You need to let us win the game before you see if you are enjoying it."

Best of Submariner
Where will YOU be when your musculature goes into botox seizure?

Best of JohnS1959
"Yay, they scored a touchdown!", screamed the Speaker at the World Series.

Best of dub
As Johnny vigorously serviced her cock, Nancy joyfully explained how she too helped save the world.

Best of Submariner
Botox Cocktail over here!

Best of Jack Reacher
ORA "Butt-scratcher!"

The Dude, the Bong, and the Ugly

1. Helen Thomas and Alvin Greene prepare for a l-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-g election night.

2. "Michael Phelps had a garage sale."

3. "Some guy named Lileks is at the door, offering 50 bucks for the 1970's poster of zebras with trees coming outta their asses."

4. Senator Milkuski campaigns in a minority precinct.

5. "Daddy, I found this cache of pictures of Mommy with Dr. Zaius in Cancun, and I was wondering..."

Best of blue
I don't need no ED vacuum pump, I'm black!!

Best of Vinney
"Put that away you twit. I said at the end of every rainbow you can find a pot of gold...of gold"!

Best of Submariner
So you got this for me at Old Navy? Thanks, Dawn.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Leprechauns play evil practical jokes. Séamus just gave Willie a magic fleshlight... it's got teeth and it's hungry.

Best of Oiao
Another Richard Pryor moment in history.
"Quit your bitchin already. I just added some liter fluid to get it going."

Best of Adriane
You know, I sort of recognize a young Barack Obama, but damn! I had no idea Bill Ayers was that short!

Best of JohnS1959
The Travelocity Gnome likes to let his hair down on occasion.


Best of Rodney Dill
Goddam LOTR fans... I said I wanted a Vodka Gimlet

Yoo Hoo... Koo-o-o-o-o-be-e-e-e-e

1. "This one looks about right, Mr. Sullivan. Should I begin slathering it in K-Y?" The unglamorous life of an intern at The Atlantic.

2. Finding two pumpkins of just the right size and shape, Billy asks if he can be alone for a while.

3. "Get the lighter ready, Jim. I'm fixin' to blow."

4. Bending over to pick up the pumpkin, Billy has a horrible flashback to his time as one of Barney Frank's pages.

5. Just to make The Lottery more festive and seasonal, they're using pumpkins this year instead of rocks.

Best of blue
With 2 of these I can cross dress as Elvira tonight!!

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
With 2 of these shoved down the back of my pants, I can trick or treat as Michelle!!

Best of dadoctah
With each passing day, Tobey Maguire regretted more and more his decision to leave the Spider-Man franchise.

Best of Rodney Dill
Fourth and Ten... putz

Best of prince of leaves
In the opening sequence from "Aliens 13", Jimmy the slow-minded but kindhearted colonist discovers the xenomorph's spawning bed...with predictably horrifying results.

Best of jj
Timmy recoiled in horror at the White House garden as he sees M'chelle unhinge her jaw and prepares to feast on young, white flesh.

Best of dadoctah
With the collapse of Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Saturnalia into a single "winter solstice" celebration, plans were set for similar consolidations of other holidays. Here we see Rodney as the Halloweaster Leprechaun, preparing for the Valentine fireworks display.

Best of Dr. Doom
Joey took his date to the pumpkin patch. The next day he would tell all his friends that he "lustily fondled her gourds"...

It Wasn't Funny When Ted Danson Did It and It ain't funny when you Twinks do it

1. "Wow, the fat coach and the wide receiver are really going at it."

2. You guys are just trying to make the Tea Party look back.

3. Folsom Street comes to Coal Country.

4. Two of the youths were able to identify the man who molested them, while the third suggestively implied it really wasn't so bad.

5. Andrew Sullivan's Google Image Search for 'filthy black boys...' yadda yadda yadda...

Best of blue
Rejects from the Fighting Aryans cheerleader contest

Best of Rodney Dill
...and Don Imus was once again in the news...

Best of Vinney
The rescued Chilean coal miners revealed that costume parties became key to their survival.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
darkened skin + exposed underwear + funny headgear ... it's the Halloween Wiggers Ball!

Best of prince of leaves
Guy in helmet thought bubble: "Whoa...the shirtless guys on the other side have chest hair and actual upper body mass...suddenly I feel so puny and inadequate in my shamelessly-displayed pubescent boyish scrawniness..."

Best of Submariner
Now; let's go score with THOSE Grambling cheerleaders.


ATDHE-A

Oh, Sweet Mystery of Life at Last I've Found You

1. "Can't... breathe... seriously... can't... breathe..."

2. "Oh, coach. You've made me the happiest wide receiver in the world. Yes, yes I will marry you!"

3 "I feel so safe when you hold me close and swaddle me in your moobs."

4."McRib is back! McRib is back! Thank God Almighty, McRib is back!"

5. "Oh, yeah. That vertabrae is totally smashed, and I think I just severed your spinal cord. I probably shouldn't have picked you up to check."

Best of Whacko
Coach finally began to diet when the gravitational pull of his body mass started to attract smaller nearby objects.

Best of Vinney
The real reason "excessive celebration" became a penalty.

Best of blue
When I said us fat people needed to stick together, I didn't mean like this!

Best of dub
Fox's newest show "BJ for the Bear" proved to be just a bit too much.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Come on coach, let me go already", cried Bobby, "We're just warming up here - the game hasn't even started yet!"

Threadwinner: molson
The bad touch Bears.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Seriously Coach Kettle, the AMA says that 68-inch gut means you're a dead man walking!

Best of Submariner
You. Me. A bar of Dial. A bottle of red. The showers; after the team leaves...

Best of dadoctah
The reason this will be the *last* season for "So You Think You Can Dance?"

Thursday LOL Babe

Best of Rodney Dill
Careful. She might have genital hogwarts

Best of Submariner
Sure; I'd be HAPPY to take you back to Witch Mountain, sweety. But we need to stop for a few minutes at my camper on the way, ok?

Best of Adriane
Well, Babsy Boxer has a Senate seat, and she's a witch ...

Best of dadoctah
She can always count on the vote of her gay Uncle Arthur.

Thursday Babe, New Format

They Ain't Got No Alibi...

These are the five left-wing bloggers President Teleprompter held a conference call with yesterday. Have at them.

Breitbart

Best of molson
Leftard powers unite. Form of a grogan.

Best of Submariner
Hello; I'm Hope N'Change. This is my brother Darryl, my other brother Darrel, my adopted brother Darnell, and my other, other brother, Bruce.;

Best of Jack Reacher
These promotional campaigns for zombie movies are getting boring.

Best of prince of leaves
The five smiled awkwardly, eager to return to the safety and comfort of their respective mothers' basements.

Best of Spin
The Clenus Five

(definitely not hard rock)

Threadwinner: Dactyl
Wanna see someone get in their faces and punch back twice as hard? Toss a couple twinkies and a snickers bar in there.

Best of GregMan
So Ang Lee is remaking the 1932 movie "Freaks", is he?

Best of Lincolntf
So Obama finally made up for his Special Olympics gaffe by hanging out with the Bowling Team? Good for Barry.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I just noticed that beer goggles make assholes appear almost intellectual... except the fat broad.

Best of Double the U
Later that day they all took off their business attire, put on their favorite Star Wars costumes and headed over to the convention center.

Respect your privacy, I'm a FRAKKIN' LION, so FRAK You!

Spin
1. ORA: "Don't be ridiculous, Brick. Menstruation doesn't attract bears."

2. ORA: Reg Barclay's holodeck fantasy of watching Counselor Troi take a crap on an African veldt was one of his sickest.

3. The wife of Zero Impact Man died today in a tragic accident at the Central Park Zoo.

4. Jeannie didn't know it, but she was about to join the Circle of Life in a big way.

5. Here I sit all broken hearted, came to sh-t but was savagely mauled by a lion.


Best of Adriane
"You know," thought Liona, "I don't go over to her house and dooty in her back yard. Maybe I should mention it ..."

Best of GregMan
"I think I'm gonna need a bigger roll of toilet paper."

Threadwinner mega
As a metaphor for November 3, it totally works, though the part about the Dems shitting all over the country before being ripped to shreds was a bit too subtle for some.

Best of jj
"Sheesh...I'll take the Redskins and the spread". Ann's misunderstanding of her of her bookies warning would prove to be fatal.

Best of Vinney
Lion Thought Bubble:
"Jeez lady, light a match! I thought you were a dead zebra."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Who will win in the contest between razor-sharp claws and last night's chili-cheese fries?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
According to a recent Hustler poll, Scat Cat porn only appeals to a very tiny percentage of sick intercourses.

Best of Army of Dad
"I just hate those f-ing lionesses. Always killing food for their man and then just watching as the new guy kills their young, what bitches...there's one right behind me...well this is awkward."

Best of Mysterion
Tom was in a tough spot. Should he shout out and warn of the approaching lion. Or, keep quiet and avoid being labeled a pervert.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Lyin'? No. I really gotta take a dump."

Best of molson
I can haz a square?

Feather McStripeylegs

1. Cher was distraught when her cloned organ bank escaped from the clonus facility.

2. "Damn, look at those hippies wailing for trees. They look really stupid."

3. Who would have thought sweet young Joan Jett would grow up to be a diesel dyke.

4. "How convenient," thought Hillary. "I love it when hitchhikers bring their own trunks to dispose of their dismembered remains."

5. Being shunned by the football team was only the beginning of Billy's downward, transgendered spiral.

Tuesday's Tattered Twinks

1. Nubile Youths Grasped by Ennui in Trouble, a Samuel L. Bronkowitz production.

2. Barney Frank's interns receive the news that they are being let go.

3. "Kyle, Bruce, the Democrat Get-Out-The-Vote Drive has assigned you to the Castro District. You'll be issued rubber gloves and lube on your way out. Have fun."

4. So, explain to me again how my wearing a purple shirt keeps these two twinks from getting their asses kicked?

5. McDonald's was relieved when the new shipment of Boy Toys finally arrived.


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Let's just say that when these two came in to apply, the Marine recruiter bit his tongue so hard, it took 19 stitches to staunch the bleeding.

Best of Rodney Dill
Shia Labeouffettes

Best of sonicfrog
Before They Were Stars: Secrets Revealed: C Thomas Howell and Wham's Andrew Ridgley were a thing... something... apparently.

Best of Vinney
For $25 a month the NAMBLA Children's Fund can support a family of chicken boys in Fire Island. So give.

Best of Matt the K
Ramone and Raoul prove that it IS possible to be TOO gay to join Menudo.

Best of Dr. Doom
Billy and Joey have just been told what their share of the national debt is...

Best of Army of Dad
A young Orlando Bloom had to do some terrible things to get by while he waited to make it big.

Meanwhile, In Barney Frank's Crawlspace

1. "Mr. Sullivan, this remodeling job is never going to get done if you keep trashing the place every time I go home."

2. Gay Crackhouse Makeovers, new for Sweeps, from HGTV.

3. MTV Cribs visits Lindsey Lohan.

4. January 2013: President Palin was shocked at how thoroughly the Obamas trashed the White House on their way out.

5. Army of Son tried to explain, "Apparently, someone sold off the furniture for booze and then his friends showed up and trashed the place. I think it was Bush's fault."

Threadwinner: Rodney Dill
"220, 221, Whatever it takes."

Best of GregMan
"Well, hell, who wouldn't have ennui in a dump like this?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Well, on the bright side, at least my community is organized."

Best of Jack Reacher
Dave found himself working alone after the 390th repetition of the "Here, grab my tool" joke.

Best of Mr. Hankey
"The Wizard of Oz 2010" - Updated remake finds Donny's house landing in OZ, only to see the dead feet of Joy Behar curl up under the rubble.

Best of Submariner
"Juan Epstein and Arnold Horshak; The Early Years"

Could be worse, could be Rahmbo nekked

1. While everyone else was distracted by the dimwit president's juvenile prank, Joe Biden followed that hot sheriff into the sauna room.

2. The AssPress assures that this shot is in no way staged, because men often hang around in locker rooms wearing business suits, and if you were a liberal elite and not a stupid peasant from flyover country, clinging to your Bibles and guns, you'd realize that.

3. At M'Chel's insistence, the MIB's were retasked to monitoring human BMI. The bugs took over three days later.

4. "When I saw that you were a white male, I had to weight the scales against you... force of habit."

5. "See, I told you a deep enema was good for four pounds."
Best of Dr. Doom
"No you have to be at least this heavy to play Turkish Prison with the Vice President", said Mr. Obama.

Best of Vinney
If it were Rep Jerry Nadler on the scales, he wouldn't notice the difference.

Best of Rodney Dill
Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Much, much dumber.

Best of Oiao
Obama: "Hey, uh, you guys ever see my Senator Craig imitation?"

Best of Army of Dad
Scale Calibrator: Another job saved or created.

Best of Steve O
It's not staged, because most people wouldn't be holding a 5lb binder while they step on the scale.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Once you weigh 190, I think we can all agree you weigh enough. Time to spread the fat around."

Joe Biden Likes Teh Glee, Apparently

Moonbattery


1. "I get my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine."

2. "Sheriff, isn't there some... other way... to deal with this little speeding ticket?"

3. "Um, Mr. Vice President... today is Monday. Your campaign stop for congressman Frank is on Tuesday!"

4. "We could sure use the endorsement of the Brokeback County law enforcement community... IYKWIMAIITYD."

5. "Joe, you really gotta stop hanging out in the sauna with Rahm Emmanuel. This is not proper man etiquette."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Sherriff, have you ever played Turkish Prison?", asked the Vice Pesident.

Best of Vinney
"Mr. Vice President, this is a big f*ckin' deal"!

Best of Double the U
...and the very next day the department received a $250,000 check in stimulus funding.

Best of Rodney Dill
"I once killed a man with my fat roll."

Best of Army of Dad
Good thing the chief moved his wallet out of his cargo packet.

Best of Steve O
Joe fails to get out of a speeding ticket.

Best of Submariner
Sorry Mr. Veep, but I ain't clean OR articulate.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Guy peering over Biden's shoulder clearly has VP-ness Envy.

Best of robert
Sheriff Justice's thought bubble: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker.

Threadwinner: Justin
Poor Joe. You're supposed to cop a feel, not feel a cop.

Best of JohnS1959
Unfortunately for the Vice President, he was hitting on the very same airport security cop that busted Senator Craig...

Best of Rodney Dill
"So let's chug on over to mamby pamby land and get you laid, ya jackwagon."

Saturday/Sunday Free For All Featuring the Left-wing Lightning Rod

Sondra K

Best of dadoctah
"And now Trip will sing 'Let Me Call You Sweetheart' while I drink a glass of water."

Best of Spin
Trig Palin gives us some insight into his favorite lunch.

Best of prince of leaves
"Yes, it's true: thanks to our efforts at home, our three-year-old with Down's has more historical knowledge and perspective than the commentators on Daily Kos, Huffington Post, NPR, and MSNBC. Combined."

Best of David
"And she doesn't know the difference between 'its' and 'it's', either"! Moulitsas' ignorance of basic grammar is also revealed.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Little Trig here is just over 3 years old and will need special schooling in order to be a productive member of society. So, to answer your question, yes, I do have experience talking to Democrats and liberals."

Best of GregMan
Sarah holds up a sign with the number of moose she's killed and skinned this season. With her teeth.

Best of JohnS1959
Tiring of the endless drivel spouted by the liberal media, Governor Palin turns over the press conference to Trig. "It is quite simple", Trig replied, "Jobs are not created through government spending, they are created by empowered, engaged entrepreneurs. Washington needs to get out of the way! Now go directly to time out for asking such a stupid question!"

Best of Grinning Cat
Andrew Sullivan's google search for "young boy with teabaggers" was profoundly disappointing.
Even worse, the mere sight of it landed him in a psychiatric facility.

Shunned

1. In Amish football, shunning is the usual penalty for a fumble.

2. "What did they mean by 'chalk-faced whore' Tyler wondered as he walked away from them."

3. "Yeah, well I don't even wanna be friends with No. 9 ... three armed freak."

4. "Dang it, they never invite me to the post-game dog fights."

5. Billy belatedly realizes his faux pas. "Why did I have to invite them over to watch Glee? Stupid! Stupid!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I want to be in that cuddle... um, huddle! I didn't say that out loud, did I?
They never slap me on my butt. Maybe these pants make it look too big?
arrgghh Must.Stop.These.Thoughts!

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I'm nine times the man that no. 9 is!" The math test on Friday was really getting into Kenny's mind.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Why do they listen to Number 9's plans? I keep telling them Plan 9 is from outer space!"

Best of Dr. Doom
"Man these guys are cliquish", thought Billy, "I wonder if the Fighting Aryans could use a tight end?"

Best of Mr. Hankey
I never get to play in any reindeer games...

Easiest Gyno Exam Evah!

Al


1. In a surprise announcement today, the Secretary of State announced that the US would drop all human rights criticisms of China, and went on to call the PRC, "the best frackin' country ever!"

2. The Lockettes.

3. PLA "family advisors" train on the latest abortion tools and techniques.

4. NPR employees drop their usual staid facades to celebrate the firing of Juan Williams.

5. ORA: More incriminating photos of Rich Iott emerge.

Best of Army of Dad
For a crose cumfortaber shave try the new Girrette extra rong razor.

Best of Vinney
The Chinese method for removing crabs was primitive and too extreme for modern medical procedures.

Best of dadoctah
Epilady Mark I was only on the market for four days before being hurriedly recalled.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ladyboy Pride Day Parade in Thailand

-OR-

Yangtze Riverdance

Best of Son Of The Godfather
A cunning array of stunts.

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Look!! There is a chink in her armor!!

Best of blue
The chorus line form the new Hong Kong hit musical "Fook Me, Ray Bradbury" struts their stuff

Best of Dr. Doom
The French surrendered shortly after the Chinese Army Ladies Auxiliary marched into Paris.

Best of Rodney Dill
It slices, It dices, It makes thousands of julienne fries.
My pants are loose
My boots are tight
my balls keep swinging
from left to YIKES!
left
left
left right left

Smuggling Pumpkins

Sondra K


1. "I was thinkin', maybe we should hire a 'Rent Is Too Damn High' czar."

2. "One more crack about my hips fittin' through the door, pencil man, and I'll tell 'em where the real birth certificate is."

3. "To comply with weight and balance regulations, the captain requests that the first lady's hips be stored in the cargo compartment.

4. "All I can say is 'Chained Heat' damn well better be the in-flight movie."

5. The sound of the stairs creaking under the First Lady's weight secretly amused the president.

Best of Passionate Conservative
And after the picture was taken, Worf picked up the President and carried him across the threshold.

Best of GregMan
"Remember, dear, first we yell 'Allahu akbar!' and then we pull out the box-cutters."

Best of Rodney Dill
Michelle gets to go, 'cause bags fly free.

Best of dadoctah
In the event of a water landing, the First Lady can be used as a flotation device.

Best of molson
There should be some of them chrome naked ladies hanging off of those mud flaps.

Best of Submariner
Thawt bubble; THAT would have plugged the hole for sure..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
If you really loved me, you'd order them to redesign this plane to dip down to the curb so I won't have to climb these damn steps!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Older lady voice from inside: "Excuse me, maybe I can help, I speak jive".

R.I.P. Barbara Billingsley

These

Back in Black

Nice cable-knit sweater, poindexter

1. 1950's Internet porn was rather tame by today's standards, and mostly featured Richard Nixon.

2. "I should say something about a chalk-faced whore ... No, wait, Subby already got that one."

3. Look! Somebody discovered 4Chan Rule 34 and made Lamp Pron.

4. Because under Jerry Brown, 98% of the education budget goes to the Union Pension fund, these are the only computers schools in California can afford.

5. The worst part of interning at Media Matters wasn't transcribing three hours of FoxNews every day, it was David Brock telling him ... every fifteen minutes... how much better that "fabulous cable-knit sweater would look wadded up next to my futon."

Best of Dr. Doom
A rare photo of a young Al Gore inventing the internet...

Best of Rodney Dill
"OK... there's the horizontal... now for the vertical..."

Best of Passionate Conservative
Johnny, step away from the Kaypro!

Best of dub
Cool....now he is showing the assembly housing for the Studebaker transmission. How much longer before his hostess shits on it?

Best of Submariner
"...then you snap your sniper scope to the stock, like so..."

Best of Submariner
Thawt bubble; "Day-um! Nancy Pelosi sure is starting to look her age..."

Best of JohnS1959
His dad is just off screen yelling, "Stop fooling with that darned thing and go get a haircut you hippy!"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
The Simpsons Comic Book Guy discovers the internet....the rest is cartoon history.

Best of blue
".. and on the other channel is something new called MTV and they have a song about Ray Bradbury!"

Best of dadoctah
I see a day when we'll be able to use this to watch professional chefs make outrageous cakes, and to follow the exploits of the fine people of New Jersey.

Best of prince of leaves
Try as he might, Brian just couldn't figure out how they got the little man and his miniature Wankel engine into the box.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Oh yeah, I remember those early military sex and hygiene training films... very abstract and mechanical. I think that instructor is holding a vagina.

Best of Spin
Steve Jobs before the cancer and AIDS and soul destroying liberalism.

So, Who's the Old Lesbian Next to Pooty-Poot

Divine Miss M

1. Seeing the glasses of booze, Putin realizes he has inadvertently taken Yeltsin's seat.

2. As part of his game to psych out Obama, Putin started hanging out with a creepy mandroid.

3. "I'm just introducing the guy. Why in Lenin's name would I need a Teleprompter for that?"

4. "Da, is true. I have taken up Formula One racing. What new hobby is the American president taking up? Macrame? How very nice."

5. "And if any one of you monors were even *thinking* of a caption suggesting intercourse between myself and the thing on my right... I will find you, and I will kill you."

Instantly Promoted Best of Dr. Doom
"I grow weary of these UN gatherings and all of the pointless babbling", said Mr. Putin, "Fetch me my crossbow Anton."

Best of sonicfrog
Andy Warhol Lives!!!!!!

Best of Submariner
Vlad is momentarily taken off topic by the irony of a Viking named Kitten.

Best of Submariner
ORA:
"They were all poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder."

Best of Submariner
Sam looked at the man next to him, the half-full glasses, and the room full of Russian military brass and mumbled softly to himself, "Oh boy..."

Best of dadoctah
I thought Garrison Keillor was taller....

Best of molson
I can haz all teh vodka.

Best of prince of leaves
"I'm good," Vlad told the waiter serving champagne. "I still haven't finished the lifeforce from this kid here."

Best of Matt the K
All who oppose embalmed Andy Warhol for Lenin room-myate say 'nyet' ...ehhhh???... Dyid not tink so.

Best of GregMan
"I'm delighted to welcome the 2011 LPGA tournament to Russia."

Best of divine miss m
If you squint really hard, Bernie Ecclestone could be the missing link for connecting the Hells Angels to the Village People.

Best of racerboy
I guess that concludes the small-talk portion of our evening.

Naked in the Streets

Brender

1. "No, just more of Barney Frank's boyfriends on their way to heckle Sean Bielat."

2. Ming-Li hurried off to the sperm bank to make a deposit.

3. "They were gonna buy some pants at Old Navy, but some black chicks had already looted the place."

4. Ann Arbor has gotten so corporate. IKEA sponsors the Naked Mile, and Doritos sponsors the Hash Bash.

5. Even though it was rude, Ming-Li couldn't help laughing at the shortcomings of others.

Best of Dr. Doom
Casual Fridays have gotten a bit too lax in some Southeast Asia cities...

Best of metalgarth
George Takei, blah, blah, blah.... blah, blah, blah (and that's how the worlds laziest monor captions this picture)

Best of Passionate Conservative
You know, in many Asian nations, the people smile when they are sorrowful. Guess something didn't measure up to expectations...

Best of sonicfrog
Why do I suddenly have a bit from the song "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" stuck in my head?

Best of Rodney Dill
"SHRINKAGE!!!!"

Best of Steve O
C'mon. They're Asians. What reaction did they expect?

Who am I kidding... I get the same reaction too, sometimes.

The Importance of Being Frank

1. "I bet with a little bullying, we could get this twisted old fruit to hang himself. Who's with me?"

2. "Now, how can you keep your pimp hand strong with those limp little wrists."

3. As Billy blathered on and on, all Barney Frank could think of was that sixteen year old page with the tight little ass whose shirt tail was always coming out of his pants. He moved his hands strategically to conceal his arousal.

4. "So, I got a question for you NAMBLA folk, when you stick a cigar in a little boy's butt..."

5. "Oh, look, Barney, here come three of your friends. You should turn over that stool so they all have a place to sit."

Rahr!

Al


1. "Oh, no. I never should have drank those chemicals."

2. "Marvel at my awesome cat's cradle. MARVEL AT IT!"

3. "Um, BRAINS! ... and... um, ARUGULA!"

4. The AP photographer was promptly fired for not positioning the light for a "halo" effect.

5. "I'm a racecar driver. VROOM! VROOM!" The Teleprompter programmer wins a bet.

Best of Dr. Doom
Chirs Matthews' under podium ministrations bear fruit...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Where will you be when your failed policies kick in?

Best of Passionate Conservative
Epic Fail: Obama demonstrates his cow milking technique.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Reject my offer of ObamaCare? Fools! Now I shall release my army of Atomic Mutant Supermen! You will all cower before me!"

Best of Submariner
All together now - "It's George W. Bush's fault!"
No, No, No! dammit. Now repeat after me like you used to...

Best of blue
"...excuse me while I angrily whip this out!"

Best of mklasing
Fear ME! For I can make the Sun bright, even at night!

Best of prince of leaves
Where will YOU be when your teleprompter freezes up in mid-rant?

Best of JohnS1959
The President practices his EPIC FAIL 'look' in advance of the mid term elections.

Threadwinner: Spin
"Heeeere's Baraky"

Best of Rodney Dill
"The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world."

Best of dub
Worst.Syrup.Bottle.Ever

Best of GregMan
"I like turtles!"

obvious racism, nice use of racist “ebonics”

1. "I thought you said Obama was gonna pay our mortgage. I thought said Obama was gonna pay for our gas. I thought you said Obama was gonna close Gitmo. I thought you Obama was gonna..."

2. "Moomma, was Mr. Emmanuel naked when he cornered you on the El?"

3. "So, momma, is it just Prince Valium tonight, or am I gonna have to shove a syringe in your heart again?"

4. "Mommy, wake up. This is the part where the sister yells, 'Don't you turn away you chalk faced whore!' It's the bestest part!"

5. "Told you not to stand in front of the window in Oakland momma. I'll call 9-1-1."

Best of Passionate Conservative
Kuato--the Chicago version of Total Recall takes an interesting twist.

Best of Dr. Doom
A young Michelle Robinson dreams of vacations to come...

Threadwinner dub
In keeping with the tradition of naming the children after things they cant afford, let me introduce to you Diamond, and Car Insurance.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I'm officially known as SSICheck #1298772/f, but you can call me Rakeisha.

Best of Submariner
Watch that hand! I get my kicks above the waist, Sunshine...

Best of prince of leaves
In his latest rant, King Shabazz alleged that the CIA was secretly putting addictive, opiate-like substances in underarm deodorants marketed to the black community.

Don't You Touch Me, Cracker!

Al

1. "Hi, do you live in Chicago? Can I stay at your place for a few months until the election?"

2. "It's really simple actually. You just put in $2,000, and get ten friends to put in $2,000 then when you get to the top of the list, you get $20,000."

3. "Because liberal elites like me don't use 'Kleenex,' you peasant cur. Now, let me wipe my snot on you!"

4."Is that gum, young missy? Spit it out, right now!"

5. "C'mon... pull them. You know you want to."

OMG! OMG! OMG!

Fred Miranda

1. Just to get it out of the way, "Aieeeee! Gojira!"

2. Catching his dad in the showers with the assistant Pee Wee offensive coach would scar a young Fred Phelps for life.

3. "Father Flannagan! Put that back in your pants right this instant."

4. "OMG! That pack of rabid raccoons is tearing through the dugout! My poor teammates! Oh, well, at least it's not another child sex abuse caption."

5. Catching the assistant defensive coach in one of his mom's outfits scars a young Army of Son.

I Love You Cold, Inanimate Geological Feature

Moonbattery

1. ObamaCare's Death Panels will be modeled on Eskimo traditions.

2. Sensing in his stoned-out mind that the glacier felt the same way about him, Rainbow Waterfall Sr. took hugging to the next level and got to third-base before becoming hopelessly frozen stuck and then was eaten by a polar bear.

3. "My experimental wings have failed. Leave me to die in my shame."

4."And how does this part of Straight Camp drive out the gay?"

5. "No, no matter how much he kicks and screams, you can't buy him the glacier. It's the only way he'll learn."

Best of prince of leaves
Dr. Randolph was dismayed to find out his invention offered little protection against the Elder Things the team discovered beneath the ice.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Brokeback Mountain was totally nonresponsive to his lusty thrusts, so Edward Jinky concluded it's as frigid as his last wife and decided to search for a herd of cows.

Best of molson
A fruit roll-up for polar bears.

Best of JohnS1959
Inventor, Robert Singen-Smythe, demonstrates why he is still single...

Threadwinner dadoctah
Day 127: still no word from the rescue party. Should never have bitten into that York Peppermint Pattie.

Best of Dr. Doom
Not phased by earlier failures of his Ice Flyer, Robert Jones keeps on trying. "Hey", he theorized, "If Al Franken can be a senator, anything is possible!"

Best of Adriane
Well, curling is part of the Olympics, so I guess this could be too ... whatever it is.

Best of DaveP.
Is there REALLY anything any of y'all can make up about this picture that comes anywhere close to being as sad and stupid as the truth?

Best of Rodney Dill
Glacier... I don't even know her.

Pikachu? I barely know you!

I think it was Steve O

1. "... and that, grandchildren, is how I met your grandmother."

2. "People at these conventions are so phony... but that's to be expected, I guess."

3. No one bought the congressman's claim that he was involved with a Pokemon Historical Reenactment club.

4. Cinemax for Kids was only slightly less filthy than ABCFamily.

5. "Before we agree to perform at your 'victory' party, Congressman Frank, we must insist on a non-refundable deposit."

Threadwinner DaveP.
...and somewhere out there, a computer dating service facilitator yells, "Damn, I'm good!"

Best of Army of Dad
New costumes for 2010: Peek-at-you and Hello Titty

Best of dub
Wont be the first time I've masturbated to kids programming.
Wait....was that out loud?

Best of sonicfrog
Lindsey Lohan's latest attempt to sneak out of the Betty Ford Clinic, though not in any way inconspicuous, was at least kind of clever.... kind of.

Best of dadoctah
It's nice to see young people having a good old traditional church wedding nowadays.

Best of Steve O
Okay, here's where I'm conflicted.
The dude's deserves some serious s--- for his costume, but it's not like I'M talking to any hot half-naked chicks...

The Thing with the Things

1. And moving on to number 145,610 on the list of things I'd rather make out with than Joy Behar....

2. Finally, something with possibly too much cowbell.

3. Every Tea Party candidate as portrayed by MSNBC.

4. As exemplified by his slogan, "Vote for Chanthor! He will not ravage your village and rape your children!" opposition to Obama's agenda was a major component of Chanthor's narrow polling lead in a formerly safe Democratic district.

5. Citing this photo of one of Richard Iott's yard decorations from Halloween 2002, liberal websites quickly promoted the "Iott consorts with demons" meme.

Threadwinner Submariner
Whoa! I wouldn't have even realized that was Madonna if it wasn't for her signature bra!

Assistant to the Regional Threadwinner DaveP.
Have I got a blind date to fix you up with! She's tall, has lots of wonderful hair, a great pair of cans, and is she horny? Like you wouldn't believe...

Best of Mr. Right
For Ragnok, the phrase, "I'll be there with bells on" was more than just a figure of speech!

Best of Submariner
Looking good, Secretary Clinton. Now go WOW! those UN delegates...

Best of Spin
See what happens when you don't keep it trimmed ladies?

Best of prince of leaves
As the sequel to "Wicker Man", "Thatch Woman" was about as successful at the box office as you'd expect.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"What's in your colon?"
Capital One claimed the new Ex-Lax commercial was derivative, but the tag line and new mascot were quite memorable and the ad quickly went viral.

Best of Rodney Dill
When critics told Lady Gaga she needed more cowbell, she took them seriously.

Best of JohnS1959
Speaker Pelosi reacts to being told that the military jet she ordered to take her family to Paris was not stocked with properly chilled Dom Perignon.

Best of GregMan
I see M'chell is having another bad hair day.

Best of dadoctah
I don't know what it is, but I don't think I want to eat at whatever restaurant it's advertising.

Best of Merovign
After long last, the public meets Lord Gaga.

Best of molson
Dammit. Who let Janet Reno out of her cage?

Best of mega
"Sir, the immigration office is around the corner. You're entitled to $6,000 per month, plus food and a car." In Europe, no matter how Other you are, you can get on the dole.

Stonewalled

Zionist Boo-Tay

The Jawa Report Requests Your Assistance.

Wednesday Night All Skate

HT: Heather Radish



Best of blue
And if I can get my butt down to this size, I can wear the blue flags as dresses.....

Best of dub
Why am I craving pancakes all of a sudden?

Best of prince of leaves
"Seriously, the asses on those trashy European chicks weren't even this big...combined!"

Best of Jay Guevara
"So I turns around and looks in the bowl, and for real, it was this big..."

Best of JohnS1959
"Let them eat, five, five, five dollar foot longs", sang the First Lady.

Best of Oiao
"I could have never gotten into that Chilean Mine Rescue Capsule because if be about this wide, and my ass is ..............?

Best of dadoctah
It never even occurred to me that the FLOTUS was a theremin virtuoso....

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I've seen pictures of octomom's birth canal and I swear it's this wide.

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"... and lets me tell you- the first black president Bill Clinton is hung like this - Barack, being only half black is pint sized...

Best of Army of Dad
"Den dey says 'let the wookie win'!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"as for your own obvious racism, V the K, your blog: nice use of racist “ebonics” in your dialogue captions between the me and my daughter. We get it. You’re a racist. As are your parents.
Scumbag.
Next question."

Hot Chicks, Douchebags, and Shadow Puppetry

1. The School for the Deaf has finally revamped its sign language courses.

2. Cap This Classic: "Confident! Confident! Dry and Secure!"

3. After hanging out with Dub, Thing became equally averse to the slightest hint of a belly roll.

4. "The outfit? AoM had a yard sale."

5. "Well, doc, it started out as a lump on my ass. Then, it grew into Pete Wentz."

I wanna be a Cowboy

Brender


1. Hans und Gunther prepare for another bountiful harvest of Obama campaign rhetoric.

2. "Little boys, liederhosen, cowsh-t... we're just one trained schnauzer and a gimp suit away from my ultimate fantasy," Sullivan whimpered excitedly. It was a lie, of course. Sullivan's ultimate fantasy involved carrying Obama's caramel-colored baby.

3. The Enumclaw Fetish boys were two more jobs "created or saved" by the Obama Stimulus.

4. ORA: Rich Iott's children working on the family farm.

5. "I figure as long as we're dressed as little Swiss boys, no one will make us stick a finger in Hillary."

Best of GregMan
Ang Lee remakes "Hansel and Gretel" with predictable, yet horrifying results.

Best of HLam
"Now Franz, if you pull up da tail, put this stick in, and swirl it around a little, you'll see where I get the "sweet chocolates" for Her Teacher!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I don't know what father means, but when we walk down here, he sighs and says, "Son, someday you'll have your pick of all these girls and won't give a damn if your wife is frigid."

Best of Mr. Hankey
I don't know why - but we're supposed to leave them out & ready for the U.S. First Lady's arrival.

Best of jj
Let's piss off AlGore and feed these cows refried beans!

Best of blue
"...and if you stand on a stump everything fits together..."

Best of robert
I know I left my watch around here somewhere... oh where could it be?

Best of JohnS1959
Mongo developed a fine eye for bovine mounts in his youth. This would serve him well later in the attack on Rock Ridge.

Best of dadoctah
An hour or so later, after the laughter died down, they explained to little Reinhold that "cowpoke" was just an expression.

Arrested Development

1. Nubile Youths in Trouble, the first collaboration between Samuel L. Bronkowitz and Ang Lee, suffered from the directors' 'creative differences.'

2. Unfortunately, the pilot for Twink Patrol only tested well with a very narrow demographic.

3. "Yeah, well wait until Barney Frank finds out you busted his favorite intern. You'll be handing out parking tickets in Roxbury for the rest of your career."

4. "This is *so* not fair officer. In Obama's economy, selling BJ's in a public rest room is the only employment available to today's nubile youth."

5. "Is a body cavity search standard procedure after a jaywalking arrest, Officer Takei?"

Best of Dr. Doom
"Son, your pants are way to high on your hips", said Officer Bruce, "We don't tolerate that sort of thing in San Francisco".

Best of jj
Officer Thomas makes another delivery to AOM's home for wayward young boys.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Later, Chester's attorney filed a conflict of interest charge against Officer Flannigan and several other officers who it turned out were working part time for the local McDonalds franchise rounding up boy toys.

Best of dadoctah
The waiting list for Rico and Jeff's act was over 300 bachelorette parties long.

Best of prince of leaves
The inexplicable nudity, the forceful, mechanical gait, the fixed, impassive stare...Officer Novak failed to note the obvious warning signs that he was dealing with a Model 823 Terminator.

Best of Submariner
Before he lost 75 pounds and got the cushy CSI job, George Eads actually had to patrol a beat.

Best of sonicfrog
Alex, I'll go for the win... "How 37% of all gay porn movies starts"

What's Up Chicken Butt?

Psonic Phrog

1. Sometimes the teachers at the School for Tiny Children with Deformed Hands don't know who to call on.

2. Halitosis that can stun an entire chicken yard from twenty yards? You need Dentyne.

3. The secret to Popeye's chicken... fresh ingredients and Chinese slave labor.

4. After receiving a dozen plucked and mutilated chickens on their six month anniversary, Ming Lee began to grow bored with having a Dadaist boyfriend.

5. SyFy Channel's SharkChickenPus totally blew up what was left of the franchise.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Who wants to go to Burger King? Show of hands."

Best of Dr. Doom
Chang employs the ancient Chinese poultry death chant to secure dinner for the other monks.

Best of jj
"Where dog?"

Best of dadoctah
Yoko Ono's installation "Talon Peace" met with mixed reviews.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"It's a good thing you did there, Chin, a real good thing... Now wish it into the cornfield with the others."

Best of Rodney Dill
Nathan's Hotdog eating contest is for wimps.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Who's sorry he voted for OOOOObama?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"No, I said 'PLUCK me, Ray Bradbury!'"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Chicken Pilates

Best of Submariner
I had the same reaction that time I walked in on a poultry orgy...

Best of metalgarth
The "What's in your McNugget?" ads where not a rousing success for Mickey Dees

Apologies for the Mistake Repost of Motorboat Mikulski

So, Amy found this to make up for it...



Threadwinner: dub
Ironically, they have lots of Filet-O-Fish.

Best of dadoctah
In that case I'll just go jack in the box....

Best of Rodney Dill
...so just take your quarter pounder and go home.

Viscous Liquid

1. "Mr President, that $250 check last year wasn't a tax cut, 9.6% unemployment isn't a recovery, and that wasn't lemonade you just drank."

2. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a blundering radical socialist despot... make tea.

3. "Your History courses at Columbia didn't cover Lucretia Borgia? Have some more lemonade, Mr. President."

4. "I am sorry, but being a community organizer in no way qualifies you to run a lemonade stand, but thank you for coming in for the interview."

5. "'What is lemonade made out of?' Cheezus, you really are helpless without a Teleprompter."

Best of blue
"Come on lady, just drink the damn kool-aid, I have more voters drug."

Best of Silhouette
You only think I guessed wrong, that's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned. You fool. Never go in against a Kenyan when death is on the line!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Hon, how's about we trade places? The sun is blinding me and I can't see the teleprompter.

Best of metalgarth
"...saved or created 500,000 pitchers of lemonade"

Best of Unscrupulous
Thank you so much for being the first President to visit our asylum for the clynically insane. How do you like your breast milk?

Best of Dr. Doom
Mr. Obama engages in some 'Lemonade Diplomacy' in order to try to resolve the racial unrest of chalk faced whores everywhere.

Menage a Twats

1. How 'Motorboat Mikulski' got its name.

2. "Oh, that's Senator Mikulski. For a minute, I thought you had Kuato growing out of your chest."

3. Hillary and a pair of boobs.

4. When Chuckie turned and saw the camera, Hill and Babs were trampled to death in the one-man stampede.

5. Hillary considered it her maternal responsibility to suckle the smaller, weaker, uglier senators.

Best of Oiao
When nose rings and nipple rings collide.

OK, that was a really bad visual.

Best of Dr. Doom
Worst threesome EVER.

Best of Vinney
Doing her famous cocktail party Clara Peller impersonation, Barbara Mikulski delivered, "Where's the beef"?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Billary retired that outfit after Mikulski complained of hearing loss. "When you're up close, it makes as much noise as one of those newfangled Frito-Lay Sun Chips bags!"

Best of Dr. Doom
Too late Senator Schumer realized the Secretary of State can unhinge her jaw and devour unsuspecting political rivals...

Best of Rodney Dill
Worst.
Dancing with the Stars.
couple(trio).
ever.

Sunday Free For All: Kirk's Women

Ace



Best of David
Sulu thought bubble: "Yum yum eww eww yum eww eww yum eww eww."

Best of dadoctah
If you loved the Brady Bunch Variety Hour, you're in for a real treat this fall!

Best of Dr. Doom
"I'll take these four Spock", said Jim, "See you in the morning!"

Best of Adriane
"So, do twin androids dream of electric sheep twice?" asked Kirk, friskily.
"That was baaaaaad, even for you..." thought Spock.

Best of Mr. Hankey
With the announcement of the latest final ten contestants - American Idol officially 'jumps the shark'.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Logically, Captain, they will de-volve into a single, albino being, unable to speak using contractions."

Best of JohnS1959
"Let me get his straight Captain. Did you say you want me to behave emotionally, so we can escape this planet of nubile robot women who desire to fulfill our every fantasy?", asked Spock, "As usual, that is highly illogical".

Not Cheerleading for Dub

Fred Miranda

1. "Quarterback dub says the team can't hear the calls over the sound of your thighs slapping together."

2. After a successful ACLU lawsuit, Danny and Kyle were allowed to join the cheerleading squad *and* allowed to continue their hormone treatments.

3. "Help me out, Emily. Which of these guys haven't I done yet?"

4. "The title is 'Head Cheeleader' for a reason. Hand me that cucumber and I'll demonstrate."

5. "Of course the fighting Aryans have a better half-time show than us. Their band director is Leni Riefenstahl!"

Best of prince of leaves
Monica looked side to side, hoping nobody would notice she'd put her torso on backwards after the quickie under the stands with Scott.

Best of Oiao
"Hey Monica, did you see the bulge in that guy's jersey?"

Best of Vinney
The coach yelled, "We're down 7 points and it's fourth and one. Janet suit up. You're taking it in."

Best of Submariner
What the hell is AoM doing in one of our outfits?

Best of dadoctah
"Gimme a V! Gimme a K! Gimme a Krispy Kreme! And some pork rinds! And a sports bottle full of gravy!"

Best of Rodney Dill
Long Snapper... I don't even know her.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Future queen-size hosiery model Edna Podunk was sure she heard the ice cream truck bells.

Unsightly Bulge

1. "Is it really safe for you to playing when you're eight months pregnant?"

2. "Kuato says on this next play, we should fake right..."

3. "I just asked what that bulge under your jersey was. No need to get testy, Mohammed."

4. The team soon discovered why hiding an alien facehugger in a team-mate's locker was a bad practical joke.

5. "Oh, you're so adorable when you do that heart-thump thing. Of course I'll go to homecoming with you."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Tired of losing a steady 10 to 20 yards every game to a holding call on Kobasky, his team mates resorted to sewing the sleeves of his uniform shut.

Best of Mr. Right
"I told you it was bigger than Dick Cheney's!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
A young Zaphod Beeblebrox often let his second head call the plays.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Say, doesn't that cheerleader look just like Sigourney Weaver.

Best of Submariner
AoM's taking me out after the game...

Big Wigs

Brender


1. "Carrot Top, are you sure you're taking the right kind of, um, steroids?"

2. "Congressman Frank, you look fabulous! And your rendition of "I've Never Been to Me" brought the house down.

3. "Sorry, M'Chel, but there isn't a giant orange wig big enough to draw attention away from your gigantic ass."

4. "Thanks for having me over Makeesha. I get so sick of dealing with chalk-faced whores all day."

5. "No, Rahm, you may not use Telly Prompter as your Drag Queen name."

Best of metalgarth
"Where the White Women Ain't"

Best of Submariner
Uh, M'chel? Are you wearing the drapes from my guest cottage?

Threadwinner: Double the U
ORA: I always wondered what Jackie from 222 was up to.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Call off your damn Portuguesey whatsis so I can pry this damn cat off my head!

Best of Adriane
Then, the good M'chlle and the bad M'chlle touched outside the protective pod and the universe ended ... which seems a bit extreme just to keep the Republicans from retaking the Senate ...

Best of dadoctah
"So I thought to myself, maybe what the organic White House garden needs is the services of a highly-rated bruja."

Best of dadoctah
Peg Bundy has really let herself go.

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
why they won't let lesbian Klingons adopt

Wide Load

Duke of Red

Have I done this already? Meh, who cares.

1. "Mrs. Obama, that skirt is gorgeous. Does it come in sizes for attractive women?

2. The two slender women fought in vain having already passed the event horizon of M'Chel's ass.

3. One M'Chel really is worth 4 Jackie O's... if measured in terms of ass-weight.

4. M'Chel proved herself the epitome of Chicago-style class and sophistication by winning the subsequent belching contest.

5. Thinking back to Malia's "Did you plug that hole, daddy?" comment, the other ladies could not stop snickering.


Best of Submariner
Voice over: "anyone wearing a white shirt may leave. Now."
dub's interview weeded out some applicants for his housekeeping staff quicker than others.

Best of dub
OMG! She really does have 2 smaller women orbiting around her!

Best of Oiao
She kind of has the shape of a pancake syrup bottle...... can't quite remember the name. Ant G somthing or other.

Best of dadoctah
Badink, badank, badonkadonk-donk.

Best of Obama
Have I done this already? Meh, who cares.
Let me be clear. I said the same thing to myself just yesterday afternoon when Michelle was feeling amorous.

Best of DaveP.
Did you ever wonder why, during the 2008 election season, the women's mags kept on talking up Michelle's ARMS as being her best feature? Well, now you know why.

Best of Jay Guevara
Princess Letizia of Spain (far left): "How come she's got a chalk mark partway around her dress?"
Carla Bruni (middle): "Shhh."

Best of blue
3 hopefuls entering the Ray Bradbury conference

Best of divine miss m
They're skinnier, they're prettier, they're younger, plus they get to live in countries more socialist than hers.

Best of Dr. Doom
"She said her life is hell and then she made me eat a whole bowl of ice cream", whispered Carla.

Hey! Hey! You Get Down From That Couch! That's Not Where You Go!

Got Wood?

Well I'm Cheered Up

As seen on AOS HQ...

M'Chel Stares at a Cock

Brender

1. M'Chel tours Tyson Farms and reviews what's left after the wealth has been redistributed.

2. "Chickens will be a most excellent vector once we perfect the anti-Caucasian virus, mistress."

3. "This sh-t's boring. Got any crack?" (ATDHE)

4. "Well, now that we've turned Megyn Kelly into a chicken, I think we can call this meeting of the coven a success."

5. "No, silly women. The sacrifice must be a rooster or the loa no come."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Man", thought the First Lady, "This is hard work - I need a vacation!"

Best of dadoctah
(Kliban cartoon caption): "You call that pillage? A *chicken* is pillage?"

Best of Matt the K
Two Muslims, a Buddhist, and a Hindu walk into a barn...

Best of Silhouette
"Vick's mistake," said FLOTUS, "was using dogs. Nobody gives a damn about cock-fighting. We tell the press it's part of the veggie garden."

Best of Whacko
"Now look, y'all, that's how you suppose to walk!"

Best of JohnS1959
"So you see", said the First Lady, "By replacing all of our menacing military mascots with the friendly chicken, the rest of the world will see how nice and non-aggressive the United States really is. We will instantly improve our standing in the world community!"

Best of Dactyl
The delegates from Indonesia, Mongolia, Nigeria, and Kashyyk await the final decision from Grand Moff Leghorn...

Best of Merovign
The White House, not having learned from the prior iPod and DVD debacles, was about to make another diplomatic faux-pas.

Best of dub
M'chelle thought bubble: "Black cocks are a lot bigger".