Tuesday, August 31, 2010

American Towelie Bond


1. "Well, legally and technically Anderson Cooper just hired us to clean his pool, but if you want any kind of a decent tip, you'll frolic, gaw dam you!"

2. "Don't be silly. I am way more nubile than you."

3. "Didn't I see you at Comic-Con last week?"

4. "Pardon me, are those Bugger Boy jeans you're wearing?"

5. "OK, You kids can stay on my lawn," Old Man Sullivan yelled from his doorway.

Best of divine miss m
Know the difference between a Lamborghini and a boner?

Neither one of them has a Lamborghini.

Best of GregMan
We all knew what to expect when Ang Lee remade "The Parent Trap".

Best of Mr. Hankey
Scenes from the movie of the screenwriting of Ben Affleck & Matt Damon's Good Will Hunting.

Best of Tim
In a perfect world this is Peter Labarbara and Ben Brown meeting in college.

Best of dub
Magnification of the tattoo reveals "If you can read this, your lack of a gag reflex is great".

Best of robert
Hey - I saw that on People of Abercromie.

Best of molson
Fetch the Gimp.

Fetch! I said Fetch!

Best of Jay Guevara
"Hey, you're a Democrat too? What are the odds?"

Best of JohnS1959
The fight was intense but Bruce won by virtue of his wedgie proof underwear...

Best of Vinney
"Hey Todd, let me show you a great way I learned to do sit ups."

Ang Lee's First Beach Blanket Movie

Brender
1. Nothing like the last summer weekend on Fire Island.

2. After Don't Ask-Don't Tell was ended, the Navy revised its SEAL Training exercises.

3. MTV never again invited Anderson Cooper to MC a Spring Break.

4. The crew of Excalibur wondered why the holodeck was always so sticky after Captain Sulu used it.

5. Ang Lee's first children's movie, Brokeback Sneetches.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Patterned after Soviet-style reeducation gulags, Obamalama's concerted effort to stamp out homophobia includes 30-day internment in desensitization camps. "Clean and jerk" face offs and HARD labor take on new meanings.

Best of dub
Sullys search for Asian seamen was just a bit off.

Best of blue
The long line for tickets to Homo Con lead to some interesting diversions.

Best of divine miss m
Gearing up for the charge of the Breech Loader Brigade.

Best of Submariner
Reminds me of that Italian ghey bar - "Innuendo."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"No, I don't think sarge said that the reward is a kiss for each one successfully done."

Best of Dr. Doom
The competition to be Barney Frank's Congressional Page gets tougher every year.

Best of dadoctah
"As your agent, it's down to either this or 'So You Think You Can Dance'. Which is it gonna be, Mr Hasselhoff?"

Monday, August 30, 2010

Continuing in the "Things the POTUS Cannot Operate" Series


1. "Taking money from white people... this feels so... natural... somehow."

2. "Creating and saving jobs is fun! I should do this once a week!"

3. "Thanks for your 'contribution,' Ma'am. This is a real nice hole-in-the-wall you got here. Be a shame if anything happened to it."

4. Seeing money being handed to a black man, the clerk in the background instinctively puts her hands up. (ATDHE)

5. "Stop bitterly clinging to my money, b---h!"


Best of Oiao
"Why, um, yes. The $4.29 in you pocket might get you onto the Obamacare list."

Best of Jay Guevara
"$0.23, $0.24, $0.25. There you go. That's what was left of your 401(k). No need to thank me now."

Best of prince of leaves
"'Muffelatta'? What does my mixed ancestry have to do with today's sandwich special?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Change for a hundred? Sure, here you go. 1,2,3.. You know, it was only 3 years ago that I first started running for president. I realized that I wanted to be president at a very early age, probably when I was about 25. Now where was I? Oh, yes, 25. 25, 26, 27, 28... You know, obesity rates are up in 28 states, isn't that amazing? 28 states out of 50. Anyway, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55 ... You know, I'll be 55 when I leave office in 2016. At least I won't be like Reagan. What was he when he left office, 95? Yeah *chuckle*. Gaia, I crack myself up. Where was I? Oh, yeah, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, and 100. There you go, my good woman."

(Yeah, I know it's better seeing Penn and Teller do it, and I know it's pretty long. So sue me.)

Best of Mr Hankey
I can't believe they want to charge me...don't we own this company yet??

Best of Vinney
"This is the only meaningful change anyone is getting from me, sweetie."

Best of JohnS1959
"Well, I'm going to redistribute it, of course", huffed the President.

Best of dub
$1.49 for a large Kool Aid is a steal!

Best of Mr. Hankey
In celebration of Labor Day, I've taken this establishments ill-gotten gains & am passing them to...wait did you vote for me?

Best of molson
Neat. There's pictures of dead white guys all over these napkins.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Just hand it over. The jewelry, too. Damned kulaks."

Not The Avengers


1. "There seems to be a force field of some kind obstacling my passage."

2. "P'tagh! Your foolishness has shamed me for the last time. Fetch my b'ath l'eth!"

3. "Dammit, Barry, you're makin' me look like a fool in front of all the chalk-faced whores!"

4. "That reminds me, next week we're going to nationalize Traveler's Insurance."

5. "No, you idiot. It's Pelosi who'll dissolve if water touches her. My only vulnerability is tribbles."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Well this situation calls for drastic action.", thought the President, "Should I appoint a Rain Czar or an Umbrella Czar?"

Best of Mephitis
Piss, boot, instructions on heel. This guy could not possibly work out the details.

Best of Dr. Doom
Lets see - incompetent government leaders employing ineffective strategies instead of obvious solutions - looks like the BP oil spill all over again...

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
His work done, Barry Poppins opens his magical umbrella to fly to another country in need of economic disaster.

Best of JohnS1959
"Well that's just great", thought Mr. Obama, "I cut my vacation short and come all the way down to New Orleans to commemorate the victims of Katrina and of course it is raining - how inconvenient can my life get?."

Best of Army of Dad
Michelle:I don't know nothing about using no umbrella!

Best of blue
"Mr. President, if you had just turned a little to the right it would have gone through..."

Threadwinner: dadoctah
Unfortunately, Batman arrived too late to warn the First Couple not to accept any gifts from the Penguin.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Michelle, call Mr. Soros and ask him for orders on how to deal with this."

Best of GregMan
Barry's thinking, "If M'chell's hips got through this gate, why won't the unbrella?"

Best of dadoctah
Worst. Mentos commercial. Ever.

Best of Adriae
Now be charitable! In Indonesia, the servants carry the umbrella ... and the peacock feather fans ... and the bowls of rose petals ...

Best of blue
M'Chel scores a 9.5 on her high jump landing, Barrack, even with the umbrella assist, has trouble getting off the ground.

Nice Girl Bike, You Sissified Panty Waist


1. ORA: August 30, fell off near Bovey Tracey.

2. "Look, Ma. Look! Look what I can do! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! You're not looking!"

3. Suddenly, Michael Dukakis in the tank looks like an icon of masculinity and brute strength.

4. Ridin' Dirty--- UR Doin' It Wrong. Like a complete dork, akshully.

5. "That little white girl put up a hell of a fight, but the point is, I got the bike!" ATDHE.

Best of Rodney Dill
Obama delivers on the big November Schwinn he promised to Pelosi and Reid.

Best of Silhouette
Tour du MomPants

Best of Silhouette
In the sissy triathlon, this is followed by 25 girl pushups, and then shrieking and missing as softballs are pitched to you underhanded.

Best of Army of Dad
I guess he could have only looked more dorkier if he had tucked his pant leg into his sock.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, Ahmedinejad, fear this! Whoops...the card fell out of my spokes. Darn it."

Best of dadoctah
"I earned this swell bike selling 'Grit'!"

Best of divine miss m
Pants zipped, helmet on, and smiling at strangers; now if we could just get him to stop licking the windows...

Best of Steve O
The Dear Leader is a little bit uncomfortable, wondering if the photographer captured a picture of him making motorbike sounds with his mouth.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Aieee! Gojira!

Sorry, just had to say that.



Best of blue
Aieee! Glenn Beck!

Best of Double the U
Stop saying my shirt says "queer" in English, I know it says "Japan"

Best of Mr Hankey
With 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th, Kyle-San rushes the pitchers mound and attacks ala Hari-Kari.

Best of jj
I don't care if he is a member of Congress, keep that funny sounding guy away from me!

Threadwinner" Dactyl
Ball to the crotch. Take your base.

Best of Adjustah
"Expelliamus! Whoops, I think I just Expelliamused in my pants just a little..."

Best of Dr. Doom
"I am too a batter!", screamed Shoji, "And I am not a broken ladder!"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Look Out!!!! Obama is riding his bike again!!

Best of dub
Hey, dont yell at us kid....your country started it.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Little League Taunts -
Those aren't teriyaki sauce stains on your shorts!
Your mother's a Geisha on the Ginza!
Well, your grandmother wears foot bindings!
Your house is made of recycled rice paper!
Your eyes don't slant!
You throw like a 3-fingered yakuza!

Best of Submariner
Arr you bases ah berong to us!

Best of Spin
"Rosie, you stop that 'ching-chong' clap this minute"

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Le Petit Voyeur


1. "That's it, Army of Mom. Just take off the outfit. Oh, yeah, it's so hot today ... that cool shower's going to feel so-o-o-o-o-o good. Just take off the top... oh yeah... nice..."

2. "This picture of the Principal and the Safe School Czar in the bushes next to the sixth grade locker room should guarantee me straight A's for the next couple of years."

3. "OK, Billy, now stick the bullwhip in your butt. Congressman Frank is a HUGE Mapplethorpe fan."

4. "OK, Lindsay Lohan, let's see what manner of naughtiness you are up to today, shall we?"

5. "Wow! With this telephoto lens I can see all the way into the showers at fat girl camp. OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!" A pivotal event in the life of young Dub.

Best of jj
Now which cell is Paris in??/ There...the one with the cops lined up in front of...

Best of Jack Reacher
"Get another restraining order, I'll just get a longer lens. No problem."

Best of prince of leaves
And if I zoom way in and compose everyone else out of the shot, it'll look like only three people bothered to show up at this stupid football game..." - a future AP stringer discovers the power of selective photography to tell a biased story.

Best of HLam
30 years later Bill Belichik's dad would regret buying him a telephoto lens.

Best of sonicfrog
Geez... With that lens, he really can see Russia from his house.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
With obesity impacting younger and younger demographics, the Thursday Babe film crew goes to extreme lengths to find someone skinny enough to appeal to Dub.

Best of GregMan
"This will make a great closeup of M'chel - oh crap, my lens just shattered."

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"..and if I focus judt right, I can see up M'Chel dress...hmmm...What the F*ck? is that????????"

Best of Submariner
ORA: Mmmmmmm I wish I was a loofah...

Friday, August 27, 2010

Dance Into the Fire

Brender

1. A 7th grade teacher in Missoula, Montana is in trouble over taking her class on a field trip to attend her Wiccan-Lesbian commitment ceremony.

2. "The preliminaries are so boring," Tyler sighed. "Can't we just do The Lottery and start with the stoning already?"

3. Witch burnings have gotten a lot more festive these days.

4. That's no way to treat a yeast infection!

5. Message for Moses, comin' through.

Best of dadoctah
School Spirit assembly at Strange World Of Arthur Brown Middle School.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Joining a gang has always involved pain... the 4-H Club proudly boasts it's own unique hazing ritual as a way to introduce white kids to the "benefits" of cultural diversity.

Best of prince of leaves
Tragically, 17 children had to be rushed to be burn unit at St. Joseph's after the evening's hot dog and baked beans dinner caught up with the girls.

Best of sonicfrog
Melisa Ethridge has found a new girlfriend....

Best of Mr Hankey
In a desperate move to increase recruitment, the Camp Fire girls perform their latest ritual.

Kylie Minogue and the World's Happiest Bear

Racerboy



Best of dadoctah
What started almost sixty years ago with Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop has ended up in a very dark place.

Best of Kaptain Krude
At first, he had a soft response. But Pedobear's interest grew and grew until, eventually, he realized he was very happy.
Then he suddenly lost interest.

Guard the Stairs

Schneider

1. "A floating full torso apparition, it's face frozen in a horrible death rictus of it's final ... oh, no, wait... my bad... how ya doin' Madame Speaker?"

2. "It's the Sta-Puf Marshmallow man? No, it's just Michael Moore in a sailor suit."

3. "Mayor Bloomberg called us. Something about a mosque and 3,000 souls howling in rage?"

4. Um, when did Hurley become a ghostbuster?

5. "Look, the contingent from NARAL is re-enacting the baby carriage sequence from The Untouchables. ... Hey, didn't someone try to stop the baby carriage in that movie?"

Best of Double the U
SIR, I am a member of Obama's youth forces. You are attempting to walk up the down stairs. You need to be re-educated. Drop what you are holding and come with us.

Best of mega
"No Avastin for you, old lady. Now get the F out of here." The local Patient Review Boards were not quite as promised.

Best of jj
Nancy Pelosi sends out the Young Democrats to welcome Glenn Beck to Washington DC this weekend.

Best of Spin
Jeez, turn around Bai Ling, the guy with the cameltoe needs to be vaporized.

Best of Steve O
I think that man's pants is eating him.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Naughty Nerds

Schneider

1. Simultaneous Thawtbawbles: "SKANK!"

2. Apparently, the SecState got the idea for an all-female bodyguard squad after a meeting with Moammar Khadafy. Or maybe it was the other way around.

3. "Yeah, I hate working Comic-Con, too. The last John wanted to pay me in Pogs. Still, it beats working the Democrat National Convention."

4. "Well, sometimes it's impossible to define single-particle states, which leaves quantum field theory as the only viable... hold on a sec... Hey, Big Boy, wanna party? No, OK, be a fag, then ... anyway..."

5. George Takei and Wil Wheaton compliment each other's costumes outside Comic-Con.

Best of Rodney Dill
RAMBO+BIMBO=RIMBO
(which actually sounds kinda hot if you think about it)

Best of b lue
"...and the Sargent said that he won't ask, if we don't tell & he gets to watch...."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Yes of course it is fun to tease all the geeks", said Heather, "but lately I have been thinking it is kind of cruel..."

Best of metalgarth
Is Cinemax doing a version of "The Expendables" too?

Best of Rodney Dill
My foxhole or yours?

Best of Matt the K
Blah blah Chalk-Face Whore blah blah.

Best of GregMan
"OK Sandra, you activate your super-nipple-erection powers, and I'll activate my mega-bulging-cleavage powers, and between us we should be able to beat Mother's-Basement-Living-Boy before the seminar on Krypto the Superdog starts at 2:30."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"F*** me, Ray Bradbury!"
"You idiot, that's next week!"

Best of Submariner
Between us?
I think we have a lock on winning the "Fantastic Four" competition.

Faster, Pussycat


1. "Welcome back, Governor Spitzer? Shall we fetch the waffle iron?"

2. OK... Jenna Jamison, yes... Helen Hunt, OK, I guess ... Courtney Love, no... Pamela Des Barres, hell no... Contessa Brewer, yes but just for a hate-f*ck, and Michelle Malkin, hell yes!

3. "So, what'll it be tonight? Faith and good works, or just some good old fashioned sick intercourse?"

4. I CAN HAS OBVIUS CAPSHUN?

5. "Where are the black human females at?" asked Mr. Spock.

Best of Rodney Dill
4 blondes and 8 brunettes.

Best of Rodney Dill
Puss'n'booty

Best of metalgarth
Cinemax presents "Cats"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Use corset in a sentence, bubba: "Corset ain't a Victoria's Secret photo shoot cause this ain't Thursday and none of these gals are purty."

Best of dadoctah
The sixties called. They want their zeitgeist back.

Best of Rodney Dill
El Gato Milf?

Best of Dr. Doom
"No, no, NO", screamed the Cats wardrobe technician, "I didn't say someone retail these girls - I SAID someone re-tail these girls".

Best of Rodney Dill
Mew, or Mew not, there is no try.

Best of Submariner
I.See.Four.Highlights.

Best of Spin
When is a cat a dog?

Best of Vinneh
When Socks the Cat died, Bill Clinton called for auditions.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

You Have the Right to Remain Fabulous

AOS HQ via Al

1. Trailing in his re-election bid, Barney Frank tried to greet returning troops at the airport, like Bush did. None of them would shake his hand, though. Aside from one furtive glance from a flight attendant, no one would even make eye contact.

2. Thoroughly out of touch with reason, common sense, and the American People... the Obama Regime thought putting TSA under the Authority of the Safe School Czar was a great idea.

3. DHS Secretary Napolitano reassured congress, "The border have never been more secure, and there have never been fewer transvestites at our airports."

4. Grandpa just giggled when the lady at the counter asked, "Has any person other than you handled your bag?"

5. The Hare Krishnas finally receive a long-overdue makeover.

Best of Rodney Dill
Obviously flying AirTran Airways

Best of Dr. Doom
Having been banned from the airport restrooms, Senator Craig adopts a new approach.

Best of Vinney
Officer O'Malley was just blending in, going undercover at Key West International Airport. No arrests, but three guys did buy him coffee.

Best of dadoctah
Ladies and gentlemen, meet "Gramps" Lohan.

Best of Mr Hankey
Dontcha hate it when you forgot to pick up the clothes from the cleaners and you have to wear the stuff in the bottom of the drawer?

Best of prince of leaves
Buzz Aldrin's little-known and even-less-talked-about twin brother, Humm.

Best of prince of leaves
"I don't understand what the fuss is about," Jim thought. "They said I could bring on board one personal item and one strap-on..."

Best of Adriane
Ang Lee's remake of Pretty Woman was much, much cheaper to film in Thailand ...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Look what South Carolinians nominate for Senate seats! I stand a damn good chance of getting on the November ballot. Chosing a bus depot as my campaign office means I can literally press the flesh."

Best of Submariner
Barry O's instructions to Joe to "Dress appropriate for us to meet the Queen at Dulles" led to the mother of all Biden-gaffes...

... Or Not


1. The messages in Glee are a lot less subtle this season.

2. Ang Lee remakes They Live. This time, they ain't fightin' over sunglasses. No sir.

3. In 2011, Governor Jerry Brown's pool boy, Eduardo, unveiled the winning design for California's new state flag, featuring the new, voter-approved state motto.

4. In Buzarro universe, gays protest at funerals of Westboro Baptists.

5. A most embarrassing incident ensued when Obama mistook the sign for a Teleprompter.

Best of HLam
In hindsight, the Limo drivers acceptance of the assignment to pickup golfer Notah Begay at the airport was an unwise decision.

Best of molson
Don't worry. Be... Oh WTF?

Best of Jack Reacher
"It's not bad enough I have half a head and a spare arm growing out of me; turns out, they're gay."

Best of Jack Reacher
Carlos was voted Grand Master of the Cinco de Oh My parade.

Best of Jack Reacher
How NOT to get job offers in front of Home Depot.

Best of Mr Hankey
"Adama - the early days on Caprica" tells the real story of why the Cylons destroyed the planet.

Best of prince of leaves
"I'm would," thought Hector, "but this damned ennui won't release me.."

Best of Rodney Dill
The motive of Notah's following on the PGA tour was somewhat questionable.

Best of Matt the K
"Dammit, I said NO rainbow and they left out the 'N'!!!" The day Pablo totally blew the Ben Gay account.

Monday, August 23, 2010

How Small Is It, Keef?


1. The San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus, under the direction of chorister Keith Olbermann, presents a rousing evening of Show Tunes. Proceeds go to the Jerry Brown for Governor Campaign.

2. "In response to your question about the amount of facts and objectivity used in my reporting..."

3. "I'll answer a question from the eight-foot talking carrot right after I take a hit off my invisible spleef."

4. "Who wants one of my boogers?"

5. "Hey! You two old lesbians making out in the back. Cut it out! ... What... Oh, sorry Senator Franken and Mr. Donahue. My bad."

Best of Vinney
"My life was a shambles until I heard of Amway."

Best of GregMan
"My brain? 'Bout this big. Now my ego, that's another matter altogether."

Best of metalgarth
"Gays, Lesbians And Assorted Douchebags" (and there was much confusion as to which category Olberman fit into best)

Best of Jack Reacher
"I thank J.C. Penney for the glasses, Mr. Soros for the cash, and Media Matters for the lotion."

Best of JohnS1959
Anthony Smithers of the Federal Bureau of Meaningless Statistics attempts to demonstrate the statistical probability that at least one of the First Family is not on vacation at any given time.

Best of molson
Ooooo. I broke another nail.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Bart had always thought Milhouse seemed a little "swishy".

Best of Son Of The Godfather
The new Glaad windBag... Now you can cram twice as much trash in the same amount of space!

Best of Mr Hankey
Let it be known that I've always preferred you folks over Hefty.

Best of skinnydipinacid
"Before I became the left's bitch, my asshole was this small."

Best of Submariner
Gavin, what exactly do you mean when you say "We're gonna start you out on the training mics?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Wonerful wonerful"

Best of Matt the K
Hmmm...glaad...must be a Dutch word for 'annoying leftist goober'.

Horrible Left-Wing Douchebags from Hell

Al

1. "Would you excuse me, Phil. I have to get this chalice of virgin blood to Pelosi so we can start the ceremony."

2. "No, I hate America more!"

3. "Really, Phil? This plan to saturate the USA with white guilt and affirmative action until a completely incompetent black Marxist could be elected president and destroy the country originated with you and Bill Ayers doing bong hits at an Allman Brothers concert in 1973? That's amazing!"

4. "Oh, Phil, you silly goose. You didn't have to use a date-rape drug in my pinot noir."

5. "You're my eHarmony Match? Uncanny!"


Best of Rodney Dill
"Well up until recently I only thought of Frankenweenie as just another Tim Burton movie."

Best of prince of leaves
Everyone at the event at Mme. Tussaud's DC museum was impressed with the almost lifelike quality of the likenesses of Phil and Al...until they were informed that the museum had no likenesses of Phil and Al on display.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ah, my next book. It's titled Frankensense & Mirth - a spoof about christian hog farmers campaigning to give kosher jews the right to gnosh on bacon during yom kippur as long as they keep their fingers crossed.

Best of GregMan
"What a coincidence! I pray to Great Cthulhu too!"

Best of Vinney
"Phil, this isn't the alcohol talking, but with Danny Thomas as her father,did Marlo have a nose job?...And, was it done at St. Jude's?...I'm very serious, Phil. I'm a US senator, I need to know."

Threadwinner dadoctah
"I'm at my wit's end, Al. How do I keep the ghost of Ted Bessell from hanging around my place?"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Well, you know Phil, after Belushi would pass out from drugs, me & Tom Davis would sexually molest him...we tried writing a sketch about it, but the censors would not let us....

Best of Jack Reacher
"Well, Al, you failed in broadcasting because you had something I never had to deal with; consumer choice. It's a bitch."

Best of molson
A few more glasses of this sh!t and you can top my bottom any day you magnificent vermillion prick.

Best of Dr. Doom
"I don't know Phil", queried Senator Franken, "do you think it is better to be a failed politician who became a bad entertainer or a bad entertainer who became a failed politician?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
What a life you must have led, Senator, when your greatest achievement to date is starring as "baggage handler #1" in 'Trading Places'.

Best of Mr Hankey
...and I can tell you Al that Lebanese women are bitches..."

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Saturday Fun: "What the Hell Is That?"


What is this object? Is it...

1. Rosie O'Donnell's primary mayonnaise conduit?

2. The pipe connecting the California pension system to the taxpayer's wallet?

3. A gigantic pipe that still doesn't manage to fill a gaping tunnel, i.e. metaphor for Andrew Sullivan's typical weekend?

4. The final resting place of Augustus Gloop.

5. The Main Set of the TV Show Caprica, (Thus explaining why no one can identify it.)

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
The main reactor core of Obama's teleprompter

Best of prince of leaves
Nancy Pelosi's botox syringe, newly upgraded via a stimulus grant.

Best of jj
The hallway to Bwarney Fwrank's bedroom.

Best of dub
What Richard Gere's ectopic gerbil sees.

Best of JohnS1959
This is the Barak Obama Memorial Superhighway under the border between Mexico and Arizona...

Best of HLam
It's obviously the supply tube bringing millions of gallons of "Ben 'n Jerry's Chunky Monkey" into Michael Moore's house.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Built under complex US rules and regulations, the Obamalama Super Large Hadron Collider is $861 billion over budget, 9 years behind schedule. The 34th Project Coordinator was recently overheard mumbling - "Sooner or later, somebody's gonna notice it's straight, not curved... but not on my watch!"

Best of Vinney
Photos of Paris Hilton's uterus are leaked to The Enquirer.

Best of mega
Stop being intolerant bigots, okay? This nuclear reactor under the Ground Zero Mosque is for peaceful fuel purposes only, and to increase dialog and understanding.

Best of Mr Hankey
...and this time we are sure that we will get Michelle off!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Vulcan Kittehs Have teh Logic


1. Then, one time, Bones got really pissed and gave Spock the brain of a cat, posted the video of Spock licking his own a$ all over YouTube.

2. "No, Mr Bond. I expect you to die. And logic dictates I have you executed immediately with a bullet to the back of the head. Mr. Tanaka, if you would, please." BANG! "Great, I still have 45 minutes of holodeck time left. WTF do I do now?"

3. "That's not a hairball, it's a tribble, you Vulcan monor."

4. "I named it Uhura because it's a nice big black pu... she's right behind me, isn't she?"

5. "Cheese, Sulu, there's no need to freak out. Haven't you ever seen a pu$$y before?"

Threadwinner: Double the U
Pointy ears, finds almost everything interesting and then quickly ignores it, enjoys chasing lasers, and doesn't pay attention to the emotions of others. Spock on the other hand could speak English and tell you to get the damn twine out of his face.

Best of JohnS1959
"Our minds are one...", said Spock as he completed the Vulcan Mind Meld, "...I can has cheeseburger?"

Best of racerboy
"Frankly, Doctor, your suggestion is not only highly illogical, but - OOOH! Something shiny!!!"

Best of Submariner
hey, Hey, HEY!
That's NOT my MIND you're melding with, genius...

Best of dadoctah
I can has pon farr?

wv: catio. The "random captcha string" concept takes another severe hit.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Yes Captain, this week's female guest star is a cat. Nevertheless, for continuity, you must participate in an obligatory scene laden with sexual innuendo.

Best of Mr Hankey
"I believe you Captain...but kitty here thinks you're a stinking cheater"

Best of dadoctah

"It's not so strange, really, considering how much we have in common. We both have pointed ears, we can both stare at you for hours without blinking, and we both instinctively bury our crap in boxes of sand."

Attack of the the Eye Creature

Brender

1. In 2020, the monument to Nancy Pelosi's Investigations was unveiled.

2. "That reminds me, Un Chien Andalou is playing at the Art House Theater tonight."

3. "Well, my guess is a Tex Avery wolf saw a hot chick and got stuck that way."

4. The roll-out of Apple's new iBall was accompanied by the usual hype.

5. ORA: "Look Out! Here Comes a 200 Foot Ben Stein!"


Best of Rodney Dill
While Sauron had perished, his son continued to thrive as an opthamologist in Newark, New Jersy.

Best of Dr. Doom
Godzilla vs. Mothra the aftermath...

Best of metalgarth
No one will be spared when "the Residents" get their ultimate revenge.

Best of Matt the K
"Aiiieeeeee! Gohzirrr-eye!!!!"

Threadwinner: HLam
Marty Feldman's tombstone was a BIG hit with his fans.

Best of paul
Apple's new iEye.

Best of sonicfrog
ORA: The Decency Squad gets a chance to show their stuff in the new Tick 3-D movie!

Best of metalgarth
10 minutes earlier, King Kong was just minding his own business playing with his Red Rider BB-Gun.

Best of racerboy
NOBODY MOVE!!!

My contact just fell out...

Best of Submariner
Check 4th St. These things normally travel in pairs...

Best of dadoctah
"...and all I could think", said Jerry Henderson, OD, upon seeing the sculpture marking the entrance to his office, contributed by a grateful patient, "was thank god I'm not a proctologist".

Best of dub
Sorry, but it doesnt take an eye that big to see the gut on the chick in the purple shirt.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Nearly 100% of NY residents polled said it was a helluva lot better idea than a freaking mosque.

Best of Adriane
Well, Eye, for one, welcome our new Optic Overlords ...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Hello, Douchie McBadAss


1. With trembling fingers, Barney Frank input his CitiBank Credit Card number to access the rest of the "Hot, Hard, Totally Nude Fireboy" collection.

2. Ang Lee's attempt to merge Silence of the Lambs with Backdraft resulted in one of the most disturbing Oscar contenders of all time.

3. Performance Art or Indecent Exposure, Tyler would let a judge decide.

4. Sometimes, Tyler pondered his career as a stripper-for-hire and wondered if it was really worth it. Army of Mom's shouts of "Show me your hose" could get really shrill at times.

5. "You know, maybe I look douchie enough in just the hat or the jacket. Maybe I don't need both."

Best of Double the U
Two things to include in a male's facebook picture. Flowers. Toilet paper.

Best of Tim
satisfied that no one could see the tentacles Robbie prepares for his first day as a cafeteria worker.

Best of prince of leaves
"How hot am I? I'm so hot, I gotta wear fire gear to keep the flames IN..."

Best of Dr. Doom
Brucie takes one final look at his makeup before his big audition for the New Village People.

Greetings from Summer Camp

Brender

1. "When Obama collapses the Global Economy and reveals The Mark of the Beast, you little brats will be grateful for your two weeks at Camp Glenn Beck."

2. "Re-enacting grandpa's 'Nam flashbacks ain't so bad. Wait until we recreate the Saigon whorehouse."

3. "Fake War! Huh! What is it good for! Absolutely Nothin'! Good Gawd, y'all!"

4. "The worst part is, after we're done playing, the liberal fourth graders spit on us and call us baby-killers."

5. " I love the smell of Juicy Juice in the morning."

Best of metalgarth
"The Lil' Expendables" didn't really live up to its hype

Best of JohnS1959
Those punks in Den 8 won't know what hit them!

Best of Lt. Gen. Harold G. Moore (Ret.)
We were soldiers once... and young. Boy were we young. You know, now that I think of it...

Best of prince of leaves
Billy's thought bubble: "AK-47? What a lame summer camp. I wish Mom woulda let me bring my Barrett M82..."

Best of prince of leaves
"This is the awesomest week ever!" Skylaer Rainbow exclaimed, not realizing that his parents had mistakenly dropped him off at Zombie Hunters' Combat Camp instead of Zoe Hunter's Craft Camp.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
After losing a legal battle with the ACLU, the Cub Scouts began testing various workarounds to effectively weed out sissies.

Best of JohnS1959
Hello mudder, hello fadder.
Here I am at camp gun fodder...

Best of molson
Don't run with scissors. Run with an AK47 instead. Gun safety week was off to a good start.


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Just... WTF...


1. Rick the Gay Manwhore found a way to please his Jewish customers.

2. Yes, I think Judge Walker got the gay marriage ruling ass-backwards, too.

3. "So, how much for the buttless-chap-mannequin with the Mohammed mask?" Because of threats from the Islamic community, this episode of American Pickers will never be aired.

4. The boyfriend sighed. The Obama mask had been humiliating enough, but then Sully heard Greg Gutfeld propose a gay bar next to the Ground Zero mosque, and yadda yadda yadda ... weirdest buttsecks ever.

5. Some Ramadan observances may seem strange to Western eyes....

Best of Tim
General Zod liked to look into his own eyes while making love

Best of prince of leaves
THIS IS [a bit more like the real] SPARTA!!!

Best of Adriane
Ang Lee's remake of The Man in the Iron Mask added a few special touches for his usual audience...

Best of Submariner
When did Johnny Weir grow a beard?

Saying "Oval Orifice" Would Cause So Many Lost Breakfasts

Brender

1. Obama welcomes the Gym Teacher of the Year to the White House.

2. "See those arugula stains on the carpet? I was wondering if you could just kind of munch them out for me."

3. "Enjoy the Leather Womyn's Retreat. Say 'Hi' to the Secretary of State for me."

4. "We'll just have to keep trying. One of these windows *has to be* a door!"

5. "So, Axelrod tells me you're a Lesbian. What part of Lesbia are you from? I've heard it's beautiful there."

Best of GregMan
"You know, that left-over Star Trek uniform jacket looks very attractive on you."

Best of dadoctah
"I've been a big fan of your work ever since you were on SNL, Mr Lovitz."

Best of Vinney
"Hey Janet, sure I'll be your beard. Let's catch a WNBA game tonight."

Best of Jack Reacher
"The Earthlings suspect nothing. Plan 9 will be a total success."

Best of molson
Oh yeah. That's where I put that dildo.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Vacation to Victory

AOS HQ via Al

1. The president's desire for a quiet vacation was spoiled by Katie Couric and Chris Matthews chanting "Lose the shirt!" whenever he approached the beach.

2. As his approval ratings tanked further, Obama took to carrying a towel everywhere, and demanding that NASA "Signal the Vogons, I'm ready to go."

3. Ah, summer vacation. A $1,600 Versace beach towel M'Chel picked up in Spain, a bottle of cheap vodka from Patrick Kennedy, and a copy of Heather Has Two Mommies given to him by Elena Kagan.

4. "Something about this feels wrong. Shouldn't schoolchildren be singing hymns to me and strewing rose petals in my path?"

5. "This looks like a good place for a mosque."

..............................Best of HLam
Pres. Zero thought bubble, "Left...Right...Left...Right...Left...Right..."

Best of Double the U
I was hoping to get out of Washington for a nice change of scenery. God I kill me.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Life's a beach... and so is Michelle."

Best of Rodney Dill
...with prayer rug in hand.

Best of Vinney
"Shit, my wife goes to Spain and I'm on the Jersey Coast with freakin' Snooki"!

Best of Jay Guevara
Obama thought bubble: "I really appreciate my boss giving me some time off. Mr. Soros is nice that way."

Best of Mr Hankey
The folks at the beach think that Obama is looking at them, but it's just that he's reading his book via teleprompters.

Best of molson
Now where did I put that dildo?

Not Even $26B in Education Stimulus Spending Buys You This Kind of Class

Best of Double the U
So what about a three-some, you, Laura, and me... you can keep the equipment on.

Best of dub
What do you mean you didnt find the WMD's??

Best of Dr. Doom
"Wow this economy really sucks", thought Mr. Bush as he greeted customers at Wal-Mart on Armed Forces Day, "All us retiremented people are having to find new jobs."

Best of Dactyl
Little known fact: Laura Bush is a huge fan of Cesar Romero's 'Joker' look.

Best of Steve O
And in a single afternoon of greeting Troops returning from duty overseas, Bush has spent more time than Obama on the War -- year to date.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Like my bowling shirt? I saw Charlie Sheen in one of these and told Laura to pick up a dozen the next time she stopped at K-Mart.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Welcome back, and thanks for fighting America's enemies. Well, the overseas ones, anyway."

Best of Mr Hankey
...and the Time Patrol realized that going back in time had erased the whole Obama regime forever.

1. "George, I'm flattered and all, but please stop greeting each of the returning heroes with, 'Hey, look at the tits on this one.'"

2. Laura's Thawtbubble: "M'Chel gets to go to Spain with 40 members of her entourage. Where does George take me? To the airport and lunch at A&W. Why couldn't I have married a community organizer?"

3. Remember those dark days of 4% unemployment and a president that respected the troops? This is no time to turn back. Vote Democrat in 2010. A message from MoveOn.org

4. "Laura's just taking advantage of the last few days where she can wear white and not get that bitch Andrew Sullivan all up in her face."

5. "82nd Airborne, nice tattoo. Ask Laura to show you the tramp stamp she got down in SoHo."

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Don't Leave Home Without It



Best of Kaptain Krude
"When I said 'women and children first', I obviously meant 'women who are married to the captain and children under the age of 1 day first'. Having said this, I do believe that it is time for me to be abandoning ship in accordance with the stated procedures, but only after blaming the prior captain for not warning me of the possibilities of icebergs in the area. I'll be seeing you suckers later." How a conference would have gone if Obama had been the captain of the Titanic.

Best of HLam
"...and I brought along these life preservers to help save my Presidency."

Best of blue
"...and now, M'Chel & I join the Skipper, Gillian, the movie star, the professor and Maryann for a 3 hour tour. Since I raised taxes on the rich, Mr & Mrs Howell can no longer afford to go."

Best of GregMan
Pres. Soetero presides over the launching of the Navy's newest aircraft carrier, the U.S.S. Community Organizer.

Best of dadoctah
"...and now, it's off to gather all the animal of the world by twos."

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Push


1. Pushing an overloaded truck uphill while a fat, unionized public employee sits in the back yelling about how you should enjoy the privilege... welcome to Obama's America, kids.

2. "We got it easy. Those poor f-cks on the varsity squad have to push Rosie O'Donnell."

3. "Whoa! I just realized I had the parking brake on the whole time. Dayum, those steroids must be really working for ya, huh, Tommy?"

4. "So, we third-stringers roll this truck into the opposing team's locker room, yell 'Allah Ackbar!' *Something* happens, and we win by default? I don't understand this strategy, coach Abdullah."

5. The really disturbing part of this tableau is the kid in the background apparently masturbating to it.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Metal Mouth

Guest captionist Carpe Phlogistan:

1. Never tell a dentist you'll try anything to straighten your teeth
2. How to Spot a Blind Date from Hell - first clue is when they say she has a great personality
3. TSA Test Dummy
4. Dear teen who needs to rebel or be "accepted" - U R Doing It RONG.
5. Even the Borg have Casual Fridays.

To which one would add... 1. "No, Fry, I did not just give Bender a blow job. How could you think such a thing?"

Best of Tim
All bow before the power of the tiny hat!

Best of Double the U
She'd be cute if.... ah.. no she wouldn't.

Best of Vinney
That hat just does not go with those rivets.

Best of GregMan
"And if I tilt my head a little, I can pick up Air America."

Best of Dactyl
I did all this to distract people from the third eye in my cheek.

Best of prince of leaves
"...and when the handsome prince kissed the magical fish, she turned into a beautiful princess. Well, okay, a moderately-attractive if weird princess. Even magic couldn't do anything about the hooks all those catch-and-release fisherman had left her with...or the fish net and six-pack rings tangled in her hair...or the nasty fishy smell..."

Best of Steve O
Sometimes, picking out just the right hat isn't as critical as you might think.

Primate DS

K is P

1. "Wow, dad. You're a smarter primate than the President of the USA. He doesn't even know how to work a DS. How do you suggest we fix the economy?"

2. "Are you sending dirty texts to Dian Fossey again?"

3. "Awesome manual dexterity, dad. I can see why you were Fossey's favorite."

4. someday, they're gonna take that thing away from him and there's gonna be a YouTube video of an angry German gorilla flinging feces all over the place."

5. In case you wondering what the gorillas did after they got all that cocaine from the Obama Stimulus fund, well....

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"And with this new app you can register as a Democrat online!"

Best of GregMan
"Dian Fossey sent me another nude picture. That chick just can't take the hint that I'm not interested"

Best of GregMan
The really sad part is that his plan is better than mine.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Gorilla Thawtbubble - Hot damn, I finally hacked the Monkey See Monkey Doo Fetish Pron site!

Best of Spin
Hey, check out the swollen bright red ass on this one.
I think she wants me.

Best of molson
Don't hold it like that. It screws with the reception.

Best of metalgarth
Need to climb the Empire State Building? There's an app for that.

Best of dub
Its heartwarming to see Barrack spending quality time with Sasha.
(ATDHE)

Best of Rodney Dill
Feces Flinging... there's an app for that


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

HPOA Quits

The Chive

Can't Sleep, Clown Will Eat Me

blue
1. "Hello, Barney Frank here. What? Nancy, I told you never to call me when I was on Fire Island. What's that? Return to Washington to vote on a bloated spending bill that screws the taxpayers and bails out our union cronies? I'm there!"

2. "McMahon for senate campaign. How may I direct your call?"

3. "Obama Economic Advisory Council. How may I direct your call?"

4. "Stephen King? Hi, this is Pennywise. I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up on Folsom Street. These people scare me! Get me the Hell out of here!"

5. "I have to hang up. An expended 109 MM shell just penetrated my cranium."

Best of Unscrupulous
"Yes, this is Dorothy. Yes, I would love to have aluminum siding installed. On my house? Ohhhhhh. never mind."

Best of metalgarth
"if you know the name of the party that stole your tarts... press 1. If you'd like to select from a list press 2"

Best of blue
Yes, my Hawaiian birth certificate says that Ronald McDonald put his Whopper into Wendy's Hot & Juicy - which resulted in me - the Burger Queen!!!!

Best of Matt the K
"Hello, Acme Guillotine Company...yes, we need to order a few more-- hang on a sec...'OFF with her head!!!'...sorry, I'm back now. "

Best of Spin
Yes, I rolled in flour but no one is looking for my wet spot.

Best of curly
"Curly! How is it in Tikrit, Iraq? What? Hotter than hell and you ain't gettin' any?"

Best of Jack Reacher
I see the MSNBC job fair is in full swing.

Best of JohnS1959
Tony Hayward gets his life back and finds his true calling in life all on the same day...

Best of GregMan
"U.S. Department of Justice, Civil Rights division. how may I direct your call."

Best of Wesley M.
Shelley Finkelbauer -- Stimlus Job "Saved or Created" Number 1, 247,592 -- gets word that her NEA grant has just been approved.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Jane's having second thoughts about Obamalama's full employment jobs bill. TSA's new Scary Clowns division hadn't spooked a single superstitious jihadist from a boarding line in 2 months.

Best of Passionate Conservative
The new JetBlue flight attendant uniform made passengers even more agitated than usual.

Dub's Nightmare Fuel

Detroit News


1. Auditions to become the spokesmodel for "Wheat Thicks" were quite competitive.

2. "Wow, what a coincidence! I was also banned from Sea World for confusing the tourists."

3. "When we're done, let's head over to Costco for a pallet of chocolate covered pretzels, a desk of Cheezits, and a hammock of cake."

4. "Don't you fret now, Lamonica, we'll find you a little gay friend to pal around with, too."

5. "Your father died? How sad. Let's party it up in Spain for a week."

Best of Double the U
"Does this make my ass look small?"

Best of Unscrupulous
Store Loudspeaker... "Due to very recent events and a fluke visit by the fire marshall, the store occupancy limit has just been lowered to four. Thank you!"

Best of dub
Laticia, how do I look in my new Levi's 1002's?

Best of Spin
How much junk could a junk trunk trunk if a junk trunk could trunk junk?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Wherever the four euphemisms - Plus-sized, Morbidly Obese, Rubenesque and Gargantua - get together, light actually bends.

Best of Passionate Conservative
Nancy: Do these pants make me look fat?
Charlene: No, all those damn twinkies make you look fat!

Best of molson
Stretch pants do stretch, but I think we're asking for a miracle here.

Best of Adriane
Few people know of Anthony Ray's pre-stardom work as a salesman in Lane Bryant...

Best of mega
We have FOUR women in the White House whose only job is to try on Michelle's clothes to make sure they'll fit? Jeez...this spending is out of control.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Amazing Part Is, This Is Actually *Less* Ghey Than Regular Figure Skating

Knowledge Is Power


1. When they won the gold, Bruce's dad was so proud he almost took the shotgun out of his mouth.

2. "Bitches! Anyone can look good in basic black," Johnny Weir simpered.

3. Sodomites on Ice was paid for by a grant from the NEA and Barney Frank's $4 million Stimulus earmark.

4. Somewhere, Rick's dad is recalling all those days he got up at 5 AM to take his son to hockey practice and wondering if Bruce's dad still has that shotgun.

5. Obligatory Brokeback Mountain Reference: Ang Lee remakes Slapshot.

Big Love... and I mean REALLY Big Love

K Is P

1. "Oh, Dawn. I haven't been this happy since we looted that Old Navy after the Pistons won the championship."

2. "Please don't eat me."

3. "Hey! You're not a woman! You're Prince!"

4. "We can have hot Afro-Lesbian sex anytime, but Futurama's on right now."

5. Yarrr! Lickbeard the Pirate claims another wench.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Bammy Loves Sweaty Basketball Players

ESPN


1. Though he missed every shot, Obama demanded credit for "creating or saving over 6,000,000 baskets."

2. "Your macarena is awesome, Mr. President."

3. Anything beyond a simple fist bump is far too complicated for the former community organizer.

4. "But observe how a slow-moving finger can pierce your force field, Obamatreides."

5. "Nice game, Mr. President, but did you have to bring your own personal cheering squad?" "Can't help it. Matthews and Sullivan follow me everywhere. The short skirts and pom-poms are fetching, though."

Best of Vinney
"No, Mister President, you da' man"!

Best of Dr. Hardcrab
Bammy couldn't even grasp the concept of what to do when someone asks him to pull their finger...

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
The guys laughed with admiration as Obama explained the moves he put on Justice Kagan

Best of molson
That's your pimp hand? Naw man that sh!t be weak.

Best of Spin
After watchin you play I'm believin you be 'at least' half white.
ATDHE

Best of Kaptain Krude
"It's not midnight yet, Mr. President. No basketball for you!"

A Commie Organizer Kisses a Gym Teacher

1. "You have very manly lips." "Thanks, Barack."

2. Shocked by the latest betrayal, the Teleprompter vowed revenge. The next press conference, he would feed Obama the entire script of Blazing Saddles.

3. Anyway you slice it, this counts as gay.

4. "Could you pretend to be a middle class taxpayer so I can spit in your mouth?"

5. Desperate to shore up his plummeting poll numbers, Obama tries re-Enacting the Kirk-Uhura kiss at the San Diego Trek Con.


Best of HLam
While M'chel vacations in Spain Barack acts on his impulse to follow the Doobies Bros. advice of "If you can't be, with the one you love, love the one you're with...."

Best of Dr. Doom
No longer content to merely bow to foreign dignitaries to show America's willingness to abase itself, Mr. Obama takes to making out with their grandparents.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
An uncomfortable and awkward silence, broken only by a smattering of disgusted groans, settled over the onlookers... as Obamalama gingerly returned Kagan's chewing gum.

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Obama paused and pondered the question "Is kissing an ugly old lesbian the same as kissing a guy?"

Best of Spin
I see you tried the salmon.

Best of Jay Guevara
Obama thought bubble: "I'm _definitely_ billin' Soros extra for this."

Best of dadoctah
Is anyone besides me getting a little tired of Betty White turning up in freaking *everything*?

Friday, August 06, 2010

Red Faced

John Schneider
While I remain on vacation, please enjoy this captioning opportunity.


Best of HLam
TV reporter: "Can you tell us what happened?"
Dude: "It was horrible. Rosie O'Donnell stormed the buffet table. Everything in sight, gone in 60 seconds. I've never seen food disappear so fast. She was like a machine, she just wouldn't stop. Then all of a sudden she exploded! Blood and body parts everywhere."

Best of Sean
...man, I'm glad I didn't do her.

Best of Army of Dad
Sully's search for 'bloody gaping asshole' yieled a differnt result than he had hoped.

Best of JohnS1959
The President’s new Small Business Czar shouted, "There's another entrepreneur boys, let's get him!"

Best of Steve O
"Eric the... what? Why do they call you that?"

Best of Submariner
Unfortunatley for President Carter, his personal security detachment was no match for the swipping vorpal bunny...

Best of mega
The Lifetime Story of Mel and Oksana pulled no punches, so to speak.

Best of Passionate Conservative
Goatse? WTF?

Best of Silhouette
Have you considered an electric razor?

Best of Rodney Dill
Nathan's Haggis eating contest didn't go over as well at the Hot Dog contest.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Yeah, I'm Obama's Judgment and Good Sense Czar! What of it?"

Women in Red with Hand Devices

John Schneider
While I remain on vacation, please enjoy the free-for-all open captionpalooza.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Vegan Burqa

Brender
While I am on vacation, I am posting open caption threads, and some I started but didn't finish.

1. Unfortunately, Fatima had to leave the Animal Rights protest early so she could take her nine-year-old daughter in for her clitorectomy.

2. The sign reads, "Crazy lettuce lady is NOT my mom."

Curves Goes Jihad

BrenderWhile I'm on vacation, I am posting open free for all caption bait.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Shake Hands with an Asian Guy, $5

Brender
While I am on vacation, please enjoy this unfinished captioning opportunity.

1. "Got any cash? I'm all about the Me's"


Best of Rodney Dill
The years have not been kind to Boy George.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Bigad, they ARE inscrutable!"

Best of Dr. Doom
"Yes, of course we have an immigration policy.", said Mr. Franklin, "We call it indentured servitude. Now get in line with the rest".

Best of Double the U
Yes, yes, I was a founding father, and now you bastages own us all!

Best of dadoctah
Worst. Buddy cop movie. Ever.

Best of blue
Congratulation Mr Lee, the Liberty Bell is yours - cash please.

Best of mega
After all those years on SNL, you'd think Rachel Dratch could come up with a better gig.

Bull Hits

While I am vacating, please finish this unfinished captioning opportunity.

1. This time, Sam Beckett passed on the customary "Oh boy," and opted for, "Ziggy! What the f-ck!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Wait! WAIT! I'm sure your mom was a wonderfully gentle creature. Maybe I was a bit hasty about supporting captive bolt slaughtering methods.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Although el Toro heeded Pedro's pleas of "not in the face!" things turned out badly.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Well Bruce, El Toro Grande does not seem to care for Francois' outfit at all", said the Fashion Correspondent.
"And who can blame him?", retorted Bruce the Fashionista, "This silly man apparently didn't get the memo about wearing red accessories in the morning. And that HAT, how amazingly GAUCHE".

Best of dub
We're gonna need more lube.

Best of Rodney Dill
Red Bull, give you dings.

Best of Submariner
Suddenly, "Juanita" questioned the wisdom of taking Tiajuana's lowest-cost-option sex-change operation...

Best of dadoctah
"Bugs Bunny made this look *so* much easier!"

Best of Silhouette
Why "You Pick" farms won't work for carnivores.

Best of Jack Reacher
That reminds me; I got a letter from the IRS today...

Best of GregMan
Trips through the Labyrinth became much more interesting after the Minotaur caught Teh Ghey.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Don't graze me, bro!"

Monday, August 02, 2010

Kick Those Heels High, Girls!

Doogie
While I am on vacation, please enjoy this unfinished captioning opportunity.

1. Farting in your general direction --- World Champions!