Saturday, February 27, 2010

Suit Up, Cowboy


Divine Miss M

So, We're Back to This


1. Peter North's dog interrupts another intimate moment.

2. Once animal trials were complete, Burt intended to try his cryogenic experiments on humans.

3. Ah, summer in Michigan.

4. Determined to prove Global Warming was real, Al Gore insisted on playing frisbee with his dog in Minnesota in February... with sadly fatal results for the dog.

5. Frozone had finally had it with his cracker neighbor's racist dog.

Best of molson
Only Al Gore had the stunning brilliance to hold the Water Dog competition in upstate New York in February.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hmm," thought Earl, "Might need to put a screen on the intake side."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thawtbubble of disturbed husband: "Crap! If that's all it does to the damned dog, it sure as hell won't grind up the wife!"

Best of curly
Up next on News-10: Dog appeared before a startled Nebraskan, thanks to a tear in the dyslexic time/space continuum.

Best of GregMan
"Dammit Sparky, I told you not to take that drink-a-gallon-of-milk challenge."

Best of Army of Dad
The puppy porno money shot.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Git Along, Y'Little Varmint!

Brender


1. "Have it shaved and brought to the hot tub at once!" Richard Gere ordered.

2. Sullivan's Valentine's Day present from Richard Gere was a little late, but much appreciated.

3. On February 15th, these things were marked down 50% at the Folsom Street Love Accessories store.

4. Only after the Revived Bubonic Plague had killed 200,000,000 people was Patient Zero identified.


5. The winner and runner-up in the Don Imus lookalike contest were a dessicated old lady and a rodent in a cowboy outfit.

Best of dadoctah
"So I asked the boys in the lab if they could do a little genetic engineering, and come Christmas we're going to kick Zhu Zhu Pets' asses!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"...but what if I don't want to move to the fireswamp to live with your family?"

Best of sonicfrog
Ellen DeGeneres really suffers without make-up.... The Wife? Even worse!

Best of Festivus
Ellen, moments before an embarrassing ride and timely revelation that she needs glasses.

Best of Submariner
In Mother Russia, Sybian rides you...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Damn right, capybara pee is potent. It eats right through this glazed ceramic tile floor in a matter of seconds.

Best of racerboy
Save a rodent, ride a cowgirl??

Best of Matt the K
"Thanks!-- I just had it stuffed."



Oh no, they're into the pot

Brender

1. "Hey, look, we found some alien face-huggers pods."

2. Dick Cheney is pleased with progress on his "Human Whack-A-Mole" game.

3. The young actors of Octomom: The Musical prepare for the birth re-enactment scene.

4. Barney Frank's backyard features a rather elaborate "hide and seek" field.

5. The children were delighted with the new port-a-potties... at first.

Best of dadoctah
In this humble village, all they have is clay. But inshallah, they've got a *lot* of clay!

Best of Vinney
Before He changed the jugs of water to wine, Jesus messed with the wedding guests.

Best of dub
Its sad when this is the only way we can see really big jugs on this site.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Jimmy Carter was particularly proud of Habitat for Humanity's earthquake-proof homes for midgets.

Best of Submariner
'Ow To Speak 'illary:
Pantry


Thursday, February 25, 2010

She Farts on Your Car


Best of curly
Filling your methane-powered car: yur doin it right.

Best of dub
Yet another picture you'll never see with a Prius.

Best of Festivus
Unfortunately she decided to pose right in the middle of the back-stretch.

Best of Kaptain Krude
The preview for the new Transformer movie. Actually, this IS the new Transformer movie.

Best of racerboy
Not the kind of *forced* induction I was talking about, honey...

Me and My Shadow

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Incoming Fashion Casualties

Schneider

1. I am really beginning to suspect there are a lot of gheys in the fashion industry.

2. ORA: If a frown from Miranda Priestley can end a designer's career, you can imagine what happens when she openly vomits.

3. Dark Helmet's mistresses anxiously await his return from Druidia.

4. "I swear the next person who asks what attached to my vag and died is getting his eyes scratched out."

5. "Does Cthulu know you're wearing his baby clothes as an apron?"

Best of Double the U
Children's television continues its slippery slope.

Best of Matt the K
Tina Fey prayed that this rejected SNL skit would never see the light of day.

Best of Submariner
Evidently, Ang Lee is remaking Sleeping Beauty and has decided to reduce the number of Good Fairies.

Best of molson
What not to wear when riding the bus.

Best of sonicfrog
Winona Rider... Nooooo!!!!!!!

Best of curly
The Chris Matthews 'Thrill Running Up My Leg" contest drew an ecclectic crowd.

Best of Submariner
few minutes later, Jackie Chan put on a heckuva display jumping in and out of the ladders and hand-chopping appendages.

Best of Vinney
Sadly, Nellie was diagnosed with clitoral elephantitus.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Oneupmanship: Copycats co-opted the "wings" concept, so Carefree trumped the competition with 2 new pantyshields - the "Surfboard" for active girls, and the Horseshoe Crab to pinch off heavy flow. ouch! Neither one flew as well as wings.

And she can't get up...



1. When you're too f--ked up to sit on a toilet the right way, it's time to call it a night.

2. Larry Craig was bitterly disappointed when he saw what he had spent 20 minutes tap-dancing with.

3. IDK who she is, but if she lives anywhere in the mid-Atlantic region, I guarantee my son will bring her home one night.

4. I hate bobbing for apples with scene chicks.

5. "Rusty was a good goldfish. I will mourn for him always." (FLUSH)

Best of GregMan
"Oh man, where does the ignition key go?" Sandy was just a few short minutes away from starring in the next episode of Cops.

Best of dadoctah
This is a side of Marie Osmond most people don't get to see.

Best of Jay Guevara
Medea went off the bathroom to sulk, while her boyfriend Lance (next photo down) stormed out of the club.

Best of Submariner
From that look, methinks she found the power adjustment for the bidet...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
After The Addam's Family went into syndication, THING would hang around goth nightclubs stroking the heads of unconscious drunk chicks while they sat on bidets.

Best of metalgarth
ORA: 15 years later, Butters wishes had been a "faggy goth kid" instead of a "cryin' little pussy"

Best of metalgarth
Amy Winehouse meets the Tidy Bowl Man.... film @ 11

Best of mega
Jimmy Fallon takes the "slave ownership" game a little too seriously.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Tuesday Trouser Sausage

Divine Miss M


1. Proof you don't have to star in a Twilight movie to be allergic to vaginas.

2. Minnie Pearl's Great Grandson also tended to have things dangling off his clothes.

3. The Invasion of the Brain Slugs was facilitated by a sudden fetish for weird hats.

4. And people think the Europeans are better than us... why?

5. "I'll take one of those outfits," AOM told the clerk. "Do you have any larger sizes?"

Threadwinner: Uchuck the Tuchuck
Shane found having his brain digested by a large parasite oddly arousing.

Best of Silhouette
Must be Lord GaGa.

Best of GregMan
When the Safe School Czar said he wanted to bring back school uniforms, traditionalists rejoiced. Not for long, however.

Best of blue
Why is everyone laughing at me??? Oh wait, my shirt is unbuttoned.....

Best of dub
If you get the black trousers, the appendage is a good 6" longer.

Best of Army of Mom
Ang Lee's remake of Sigmund and the Seamonster

Best of Dactyl
Uh, you got something on your face right there...and on your shirt...and on your, um, you know what? Never mind.

Best of BubbaLove
The gay British TreeMan was delighted at the chance to show off his growths and his wood in such stylish fashion!

Best of molson
Worst Harry Potter impersonation ever.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Lee Majors turned down a lucrative offer by San Francisco's Gey Theater to star in a remake called The 6 Million Dollar Bionic Fruit.

Best of Vinney
Bruce's off the rack pants were always tight in the crotch until his tailor came up with a unique solution.

Things to Drag Behind Your Pickup in Texas

Schneider


1. Why you should never mouth off to your face-painter.

2. "So, guys, you didn't do anything to me while I was drunk, did you?"

3. A generation of teenage girls had their gaydar permanently scrambled by Twilight and so Billy's plea for help went unnoticed.

4. Dad scoffed, "I have no son... er... daughter... whatever the hell you are, I don't have you."

5. "Y'know kid, I kinda wanna sign you up with eHarmony just to see who the f--k they pair you off with."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Long before today's generation of brainless pathetic wiggers, there were... windians.

Best of Submariner
Evidently, Skeletor had a love child with Tammy Faye...

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"But Mom, I don't WANNA wear the hoodie Gramma gave me! It makes me look weird!"

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
"Grandma Stacia; Lemmy just called and said Hawkwind was gettin' back together, on tour. Can I go?!"

Best of Matt the K
Even Skeletor hates Skeletor sometimes.

Best of Dactyl
The voodoo priestess of Sherman Oaks was not what you might expect.

Best of molson
And to think people thought Teletubbies didn't f@ck with kids minds.

Best of metalgarth
King Diamond's kids really had no idea what to rebel against

Best of Steve O
SWF. Seeking same. Loves art, rainbows, incomprehensible symbolism.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Hard Hats and ... Idiot.


1. In a further effort to revive the decadent seventies vibe at the White House, PBO begins auditions for the New Village People.

2. PBO explains how sinking $3,000,000 in stimulus funds into a Village People Museum will create or save 60 jobs.

3. PBO was happy to host SNL, but disappointed when asked to reprise The Pepsi Syndrome sketch.

4. "I am, uh... told that what these, uh, blue collar types lack in, um, imagination, they, um, make up in um, pure animal lust."

5. "I didn't get a harrumph out of that guy."

Threadwinner Best of Matt the K
"And you see, with this um, spending program, I got college students a job, I got factory workers a job, hell, I even got M.C. Hammer over here a job."

Best of HLam
"Now Joe here, Joe's in charge of the passing out thewhite hats, because NO ONE messes with Joe."

Best of mpur
Bob the Builder sends some "associates" to discuss the use of the "Yes We Can" catch phrase.

Best of molson
Of course I'm going to do sex to them. What do you think the hard hats are for?

Best of Mr. Hankey
Obama decides to show the US that he will solve the economic crisis by crushing coal within his bare fists to make diamonds.

Best of curly
"...and my teleprompter repair crew is headed by an African-American."

Best of Jack Reacher
"This one, M'Chell? Seriously? He's not even a lawyer and, uh, smart, uh, like me."

Best of Jay Guevara
"How come he can't figure out the words? It's 'Y...M...C...A.' Is that so difficult? Hell, get him a teleprompter."

Best of GregMan
"Get that black guy to stop standing behind me. He reminds me too much of Frank Marshall Davis and I'm getting flashbacks of getting sodomized."

Best of GregMan
"Yeah, those dumb bible-clinging working-class rubes aren't nearly as smart as we liberals are... oh hell, there's one standing right behind me, isn't there?"

Best of dub
And with my Peace Prize money, yes, I bought me a colored guy. You guys were right...this is awesome.

The One L-Lama, he's a priest...

Brender



1. Sullivan's Google Image Search for "Obama's back door" was his most disappointing to date.

2. The Dalai Lama walks past the Democrat Party's last vestiges of decency and responsibility.

3. Misunderstanding Oscar Wilde's final words, the Lama decided both he and the curtains would have to go.

4. "Wow! The Safe School Czar sure does go through a lot of Kleenex and Boy's Life magazines."

5. "Yuck! Ultra-tight jeans. Latex body stockings. Empty tubes of hair gel. Eiffel 65 CD's. Gauloises cigarette packs. The White House really has been taken over by Euro-trash."

Best of BigdaddyNick
Obama still hasn't received full consciousness. Even though the polls show him on his death bed.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
My shoes are untied! Ha ha ha, I can't tell you how many times I've heard that one.

Best of Mr. Hankey
He kept saying "I thought you guys were hairier" and that he was scared "I was going to spit at him?"

Best of Submariner
♪ Hello, Dali. Well hello, Dali.
It's so nice to have you in back, where you belong...♪

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Saturday Open Mike Night

Hat Tip: Sonic Frog



Threadwinner Best of Vinney
Exclusive pictures of the John Murtha autopsy.

Best of David
The Wii Sh*t was a huge hit at the Enumclaw Consumer Electronics Show.

Best of Dactyl
Honey, have you seen my keys?

Best of Submariner
Defying convention yet again, Andrew Sullivan put his lawn jockey in the living room.

Best of Submariner
But what was really amusing was how Darla continuously hummed "Oh, Dear, What Can THe Matter Be" while she experimented with colon probe techniques.

Best of dadoctah
See, now *this* is the reason I stopped watching Ace Of Cakes....

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Despite mixed reactions from patients, veterinarians looking for new sources of revenue are rushing to buy the new cola machine for their lobbies.

Best of Jack Reacher
Darla failed her veterinary technician exam when she diagnosed the patient with an enlarged prostate, failing to realize the entire front half of the patient was missing.

Best of Jack Reacher
It's good to see that funding for the NEA has remained intact.

Best of racerboy
Horribly tacky home decor. I mean, that peppermint-stripe pattern is so 90's!

Best of The Watcher
All right, if I didn't leave the remote here, whereinthehe** did I put it?

Best of Rodney Dill
"FRAU BLUCHER!!!!"

Best of Double the U
You asked for a pony, now shut up!

Best of curly
“So much lube for a simple child’s game?” asked the maid while preparing for Elton John’s pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey party.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Amateur," Sully snorted.

So, Who's been this drunk?


1. And this is how Butters got his family banned from Casa Bonita.

2. John McCain's organ clone is similarly unable to decide between left and right, and so ends up pissing all over everything.

3. Johnny Weir didn't know who had installed the glory hole in the Olympic village, but he was delighted nonetheless.

4. Joe had difficulty adjusting to life in the Heartland after growing up in New York City.

5. A botched PA left Joe with a split piss stream. He made the best of it.

Best of Vinney
It's a good thing Phil didn't have to take a crap too.

Best of Silhouette
"Pffft, the eye doctor said those drops might give me double vision, but I'm fine."

Best of Matt the K
K-Fed's not used to standing up to pee.

Best of Submariner
Thawt bubble; "I, too, can 'save or create' jobs..."

Best of Jack Reacher
Some people are totally creeped out by urinal mats with faces on them.

Best of Rodney Dill
Imaginary Gurinal

Best of GregMan
A young Joe Biden wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Elwood P. Dowd, IV couldn't convince his teachers he was being bullied by two giant rabbits.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Kyle loved the new urinals - especially the blow-dryer for final drips.

Best of curly
Some men will go to extremes to keep Andrew Sullivan from occupying the next urinal and sneaking a peak.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Food, It's What's for Dinner

Brender

1. "Thanks for sharing your snacks, Mr. Cheney."

2. Still, much easier to swallow than Obama claiming the Stimulus created two million jobs.

3. I don't know whether I'm more put off by the scorpion eating or the elegant manicure.

4. "Let's see that Bear Grylls pussy try these apples!"

5. M'Chel introduces the troops to the traditional cuisine of her homeworld.

Threadwinner Best of Silhouette
"Yeah, you've got an impacted bicuspid. Can you angle me lower? I think I see gumline receding." Chase Devlin: arthropod dentist

Best of GregMan
Eating it ain't bad, it's trying to pass it the next day that really hurts.

Best of Rodney Dill
(thinking) "Thank God for Tobasco."

Best of sonicfrog
And you wonder why the attempt to poison the food supply at Ft Hood failed so miserably... Islamo-retards, you'll have to do better than this!!!!!

Best of Unscrupulous
He must REALLY hate bananas.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Alien vs US Marine. The Shadows never stood a chance.

Best of divine miss m
One quick act of devil-may-care, crotch-grabbing brazenness, followed by a week of misery and regret.

Best of Submariner
'et gow uf mah 'ongue!

Best of curly
The menu selections at the chow halls have really suffered under the anti-military Obama regime.

Best of Jay Guevara
For some reason, extreme teabagging never really caught on.

Best of Submariner
What you do when you open the AFRTS movie shipment for your summer deployment and find that every single freakin' one of them is "Eragon."

Best of Matt the K
"I SAID, STAY FROSTY, BRO!!!" Pfc Johnson *really* hated pulling guard duty with Joey the Deaf Scorpion.

Best of dadoctah
"Needs more nutmeg."

Would You Rike Some Flies With That?

Sondra K

1. The McDonald's in Kobe is now open.

2. Ronald McDonald flashes the secret devil sign to his fellow Black Sabbath fans.

3. As soon as they saw Kevin Smith and Michael Moore walk through the door, they knew the monthly sales competition was in the bag.

4. Just as they posed for the group pic, an out-of-control Toyota Prius with failing brakes and no power steering exploded through the front door and wiped them all out.

5. The McBlowfish has to be prepared just right or else you die. Oh, no, wait, that's McRib.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
North Korea's first McDonalds! Citizens are permitted to see pretty pictures of food, can only order boiled grass and actually look forward to finding a dead rat in the Happy Meal[tm] since the nutritional info on the menu states it's high in protein.

Best of Blue
Ronald calls a press conference to explain why the children of these workers have red hair.....

Best of Vinney
The McKado

Best of Mr. Hankey
We serve you long time!!

Best of Mr. Hankey
Hey Sailor-boy, come get "Happy-Ending Meal" today

Best of Submariner
Standard Cap #21: "Aieeeeee - Godzirrah!"

Best of mega
"Hey Lama, nice robes, clown!" Chinese kids had a great laugh after the White House dumped the Dalai Lama off in a taxi at the nearest fast food joint.

Best of Rodney Dill
Special Sauce in 3...2...1...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

And One More

Olympic Babe Thursday

Can you believe some creep was actually stalking Joe Biden when he could have been stalking this?


Granted, maybe the stalker is only into big boobs.

Olympic Babe Thursday

Not much of a rack, but I dig the whole cop-stripper routine.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Chuck, I'm Here for Your Daughter

Brender

1. "She will *too* fit in my crawlspace."

2. ORA: "I'm gonna chain her up in my basement and make a YouTube video about how The Phantom Menace sucked."

3. "She tried switching out my Viagra pills for Tic-Tacs, but I'm still one step ahead of the little Minx."

4. "Philippines? Hell, you can get one off Craigslist if you know where to look."

5. "Well, Morrie's not interested. How 'bout you, Ted? You down for a three way?"

Wicked, Wicked, Wicked Threadwinner Best of GregMan
The live interview with Hugh Hewitt, James Lileks and Dennis Prager was not going the way Michelle malkin had expected.

Best of metalgarth
"Maybe of I just lean a little bit to the left I can dodge that fire and brimstone headed straight for these sodomites"

Best of Mr. Hankey
I told her that I don't need her "long time" just 'bout 5 minutes.

Best of Jack Reacher
"...and I had her microchipped, too, didn't I, Sweetie?"

Best of Matt the K
Dr. Drew 2031: "Yeah, I found her years ago in a bakery store window...just the saddest little thing."

Best of Army of Dad
"So then I figured, when am I going to be in Siagon again!"

Best of mega
"Actually, the Democrats are working out pretty good for me. My cancer treatment was turned down, but everyone gets a hooker."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Ming-Lee keeps looking over at the tracks - still not understanding how just she and these three old men were planning to pull a train.

Best of Julie the Jarhead
Michelle Malkin was a little disappointed with the "pickings" at the last Tea Party convention.

Go Fish

Al

1. "$50 says Sullivan can fit it in his ass."

2. 200 yards up the beach, Rosie O'Donnell sniffs the air and smiles wistfully.

3. "I love fishing at the Superfund Site."

4. "We shall name it, 'Hillary.'"

5. "Hey! Chinese guys! We found your kite!"

Threadwinner: Best of Jack Reacher
"Michael Vick wants to know if it will fight Shamu."

Best of Vinney
Iron Chef Bobbie Flay couldn't believe the secret ingredient.

Best of GregMan
"The only problem is, now we're gonna need a really looong frying pan."

Best of Army of Dad
A man purse is gay, but a man purse that needs three guys to carry is is extra gay.

Best of Jay Guevara
"OK, we got the bait, now go get the hook."

Best of molson
We're gonna be needing more butter.

Best of metalgarth
"Report anything fishy to carl@whitehouse.gov"

Best of Submariner
I think that one particular night in the 70's after a Zappa concert, I ate about 7 of those buggers with picante sauce...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Downside to Catch & Release Tournaments: Uh, guys... GUYS! You realize that the last of us to let go of this thing is gonna die, right?


Best of Mr. Hankey
Michelle Obama starts her fight against child obesity with the us eof giant tapeworms

Best of Rodney Dill
"...but Jimmy, I don't want to go to Nineveh."

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Sssssh


1. The world's least competent nose-pickers unite to end poverty.

2. Three outfits not even Army of Mom would own.

3. Dennis Kucinich's interns encourage everyone to be quiet.

4. My guess is, they could solve their poverty problems with a shower, a decent set of clothes, and a job.

5. "End poverty or we'll rub our boogers on you!"
Threadwinner: Best of Vinney
"Hey guys, I have a great idea. If we can't end poverty, let's put on a production of Godspell."

Best of Adjustah
Time had not been kind to Snap, Crackle and Pop.

Best of satted
Sssssh, we will sneak socialism in.....

Best of dadoctah
Catch the season premiere of "Real Housewives of Castro Street"....

Threadwinner: Best of GregMan
"Be vewy vewy quiet, we're ending povewty."

Best of GregMan
Three more congressional democrats announce they won't be running for re-election.

Best of Jack Reacher
The Federal Reserve keeps characteristically mum on its upcoming interest rate decisions.

Best of Matt the K
The Dixie Chicks keep having to find leftier and leftier crowds to play to.

Best of Matt the K
David Lee Roth sinks to an all-new low.

Best of Submariner
What kind of piece of crap is Ben Stiller starring in this time?

Grandpa In Pumps and a Pink Banana Sling

Sondra K

1. HBO's "Hookers on the Point" took a disturbing turn in the 8th season.

2. You know the economy is bad when you see one of these plying their trade in broad daylight.

3. Away from Washington, Barney Frank prefers a more casual look.

4. Dude, Where's My Dignity?

5. In case you're wondering, I have just invested massively in a company that makes eye bleach.

Best of Double the U
This is one of those optical illusion "Are you gay" picture jokes right? Some people focus on the beautiful scenery in the background and other focus on what is in the foreground.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Jeez, Demi Moore is pregnant again at her age?

Best of curly
Although Earl would gladly perform his vile acts for free, he’s still hoping for at least a little ¢hange.

Best of dadoctah
"You know the difference between you and me? I make this look GOOD."

Best of HLam
Your census takers at work.

Best of Vinney
Tom was disappointed no one threw him any Mardi Gras beads.

Best of GregMan
The real reason Evan Bayh quit the senate.

Best of molson
Does anyone know how to clean barf out of a keyboard?

Best of Steve O
Thanks grandpa. I think I can walk the rest of the way to school from here by myself.

Best of Matt the K
Wrong, Part 337

Best of Matt the K
Grandpa Weir wears his Olympic Pride outfit.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Does this city backdrop make me look fat?

Best of Mr. Hankey
Fine....let him get married already

Best of blue
..the last thing Harry remembered was going to a Merry Pranksters Acid Test in 1965.....

Best of Army of Dad
Now I am sorry they asked what he would do for a Klondike bar.

Best of Submariner
I don't think I'll care for Ang Lee's retake of "Our House," but you have to give him credit for getting Wilford Brimley to reprise his role...

Best of Jay Guevara
The Family Values Czar on patrol for unwholesome activities.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Jihad Smurfs


1. "Note to selves: Gallons of TidyBowl are not a good substitute for a properly chlorinated pool."

2. Smurfette was stoic as she walked to her Honor Killing.

3. The Blue Man Group was nearly bankrupted by paternity suits after their tour of the Middle East.

4. "Well, I say screw Mr. Wonka and his stupid gum. Let's suicide bomb his factory."

5. The Genie from Aladdin sure got around.

Best of Army of Dad
The Palistinian cover of Blue was not nearly as good as LeAnn Rimes though it had a very explosive ending.

Best of Army of Dad
Second from left: That girl was such a tease, I will never get rid of these blue balls now!

Best of Rodney Dill
In the Na'vi...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Having learned nothing from hand dyeing son Ritchie's costume black, Laura Petri convinces Sally, Buddy, Jerry and Millie to stomp grapes for a PTA Wine & Cake Sale. Clearly, Rob is not pleased with the results.

Best of metalgarth
The Smorcs were the least foeared force of evil in middle earth.

Best of molson
So where's da blue women at?

M'Chel After Midnight?

You Know Who You Are

1. Whoa! If Barack walks in on this, he's gonna need a corpseman.

2. Many Klingons are closet plushies. Big effing deal!

3. Held down, beaten up, and anally raped by a guy in a donkey suit? America knows just how you feel, honey.

4. The relationship between Chris Brown and Rihanna was even more bizarre than people realized.

5. I wish you monors would stop sending me your boudoir pics as Cap This Material.

6. After Equus, Daniel Radcliffe found it difficult to escape typecasting.

7. So, is that Johnny Knoxville or Steve-O in the donkey suit?

8. How I Met Your Mother goes all out for sweeps month.

9. "Hey M'Chel, how 'bout a nice Kenyan... I mean Hawaiian! Hawaiian Punch!

10. 'Ow to Speak Safe School Czar: "Vanilla."

Best of Double the U
Eeyore had a dark side.

Best of Matt the Kostume
Dammit, I *knew* the Banana Splits made sex tapes back in the day! Kinky bastards.

Best of Army of Dad
Dawn?

Best of Army of Dad
Yet another metaphore for how the Democrats treat black people.

Best of molson
As seen on the Yiffington Post.

Best of dub
In Mexico, pinata hits you.

Best of Dactyl
Note to self: 'again' was a lousy choice for safety word.

Best of Rodney Dill
"SHREK!!!!"

Best of blue
The token black girl from Laugh In learns what "Sock It To Me" really means

Best of DaveP.
Tonight on Fox: When Mascots Attack!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Dude, Lay Off The Roids



1. I don't know, what do you get when you cross The Thing from the Fantastic Four with Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer?

2. Andrew Sullivan's Image Search for "Men with big meat" left him gobsmacked and chagrined.

3. Steroid abuse and high school chess teams, next Montel.

4. The other lunatics at PETA were shocked to learn of Bruce's bizarre fetish.

5. Pleased to meat you.

Best of blue
If you like my arms, wait until you see my junk.....

Best of Rodney Dill
"PastramiMan trumps IronMan every time."

Best of jj
Obama's new Czar of Nerdy Cross-Dressing Dorks prepares to make an opening statement.

Best of molson
Uh 'put a little meat on them bones' is just a figure a speech there Buster.

Best of Vinney
"Now all I have to do is learn how to figure skate."

Best of HowardDevore
2. Andrew Sullivan's Image Search for "Men with big meat" left him gobsmacked and chagrined... and highly aroused.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
All summer long, Ed's wife, kids and neighbors begged him for the secret ingredient that gave "Dad's grilled flank steaks" their piquant aftertaste.

Best of Mr. Right
ORA: Not pictured: Master Shake, Frylock

Best of mega
It was a great practical joke, and would've led to some good cheer and laughter if there hadn't been a feral cat colony next door.

Best of Matt the K
Hiring Nerdus Maximus as the new lead singer was the defining 'Jump the Shark' moment for G.W.A.R.

Best of curly
Change your pathetic Alan Greenspam Ben Bukkake Barry Soetero Hussein George Bush Timothy Geithner arms into these monsters for just 3 easy payments of $19.95!

Best of Kaptain Krude
BEEFCAAAAAKE!

Best of Submariner
I'm ready to train the Pit Bulls, Mr. Vick...

Friday, February 12, 2010

Comfort and Joy


1. "Don't cry... it will grow back."

2. "Son, just remember, blowing that reception in the fourth quarter means I will always love your sister more than you."

3. "If it upsets you so much, maybe you shouldn't think about Joe Biden being one heartbeat away from the presidency."

4. "Look, I'm sorry Mrs. Letourneau has lost interest since you hit puberty, but you had to know it was going to happen."

5. "I know it hurt losing the state championship, but, that was back in November, son. It's February now. F--king man up."

Best of Vinney
"It's tough being the last of the Mohicans. You try it"!

Best of dub
Carl couldnt help but think that the best part about raping handicap chicks is that they cant run very fast with their walkers.



Sorry.

Best of Double the U
It's okay, it's okay. You will find another holier than thou right wing Christian site.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Oh, Nair in the helmet. Yeah, that's a classic."

Best of Matt the K
He...he said... "I pity da fool copy my haircut", then he took my gold chains, mommy!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Mom's Thawtbubble - Oh honey, I should have told you a long time ago... they're not laughing at your hair, but what your head moles spell if you connect the dots.

Best of Adriane
All right, now go win one for The Humungus! The Lord Humungus!

... pep rallies at Thunderdome HS could get a little weird.

Best of sonicfrog
ORA: Dammit! The Hockey stick is dead!!!! DEAD!!!!! Baaaaaaaaa....

Best of Army of Mom
Most of the football team looked forward to Mrs. LeTourneau's cup checks. It just made Ty feel dirty.

Best of Passionate Conservative
"On the other hand, I shaved my snatch to look like your head."

Boy Band

Brender

1. "Well, me droogies, are you up for another night of ultraviolence?"

2. A young dub would amuse himself by following fat chicks around while playing his tuba.

3. In happier times, the Neverland Ranch employed hundreds in uniforms designed personally by Mr. Jackson himself.

4. Jim Henson's Sgt Pepper Babies .

5. "Man, I can't wait to get home and lounge around in my leopard print banana sling."

Best of GregMan
Barney Frank's honor guard prepares to escort him to his favorite bath house.

Best of blue
Latest Ang Lee remake: The Boys in the Band: Before Puberty

Best of censors hip
...and afterwards Uncle Barney gave us these medals!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
San Francisco's adaptation of Snow White.

Best of Adriane
Hey you kids ... get off my sun drenched and palm tree'd villa patio. And don't even think about smashing the antique street light!!!!

Best of mega
Timmy tried to pretend that the chandelier growing out of his head wasn't there, and most of his friends played along with the lie.

Best of Army of Dad
A young Popeye begins life in a child labo camp.

Best of dadoctah
Verne Troyer calls in his shock troops.

Best of Matt the K
"This one time...at Mini Marching Minor Miners Camp..."

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Hey! This Pic Is From Where I Live

Brender

1. "Go, Balto, bring back whiskey and pron!"

2. "I'll dig out the Prius, you guys go out and rip Al Gore's neck out."

3. "Oh, crap. The United Jewish Appeal found us. All right, we'll pledge. We'll pledge."

4. The dogs finally located Chris Elliot, but he still refused to host Late Night.

5. "Fine, Rex! Be that way! But the three of us are gonna have one hell of a snow orgy and you'll be sorry you missed it!"

Best of blue
We have to huddle with the dogs to keep warm while ALGORE runs a nuclear reactor to keep his large ass comfortable.....

Best of dadoctah
"OMG! They're -- they're saving us to eat later!"

Best of dub
Someone should tell that guy that we can see his icehole.

Best of mega
Even the dogs were getting sick of the media bothering Alaskans in their homes to find dirt on Palin.

Best of mega
Russia's remake of Dances With Wolves was faithful to the original version, with some adjustments for the Russian winter, of course. That, and at the end Putin strangles the wolves with his bare hands.

Stacked

Brender


1. After Sasha put on a few pounds, M'Chel's punishment was severe.

2. Stephen King's maid carries one month's output to the publisher.

3. "Unfortunately, the name of our social networking site is 'Facebook,' not Headbook. Ad submission rejected."

4. Lakeesha is proud to receive her first installment from Time-Life books Paris Hilton's Sex Diaries, April to June, 1998.

5. After the Saints won, not everyone looted at Old Navy. (ATDHE)

Best of Vinney
Acting white not only gave Shaneeka a good education but great posture too.

Best of molson
I liked the old bookmobile better. I don't care how much carbon it spewed.

Best of Unscrupulous
This makes a mockery of the "You must be this tall to ride" postings.

Best of Unscrupulous
Ironically, although all of those books are about evolution, the weight of them would prevent her from ever standing erect!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Believe it or not, this isn't the most ridiculous hairstyle to emerge from Wigs & Weaves on 12th Street.

Best of mega
Dear Berkeley Town Council,
Yeah, thanks for sending all the Amazon.com gift cards. It's just what we needed here in Haiti. You really understand the challenges of people like us. Whatever.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

This Amused Me While I Was Snowed In

video

Street Jams

Brender

1. Everywhere he goes, John McCain is haunted by the pajama-clothed ghosts of those he napalmed back in 'Nam.

2. "We loved him long time. Now, we need a ride home."

3. Thailand's first Safe Schools Czar and his second favorite houseboy return from a weekend 'retreat.'

4. Ang Lee's remake of Batman and Robin was, actually, no worse than the original.

5. "I came from the future to warn my younger against a terrible fate... but I forgot how we all looked alike and ended up taking to this kid."

Best of Vinney
Two China Air flight attendents proudly model their new People's Republic uniforms.

Best of Double the U
We knew we were made for each other when we both got each other the same pajamagrams!

Best of dub
Quote: Ching chong fooo fong yooooo feee ching ching cho ahhhhh.
Translation: Why no I quit you?

Best of mega
"We sold our Treasurys to help crush the Evil Empire." Chinese PR campaigns were primitive, but moving in the right direction.

Best of dadoctah
Picture rejected. Squirrel not visible.

Best of Matt the K
"Dude! I had the most humiliating nightmare last night...I dreamt I showed up to class and I was fully dressed!"

Best of Adriane
Cultural Imperialism!!! First we shipped the programming jobs overseas ... then we shipped Casual Fridays ...

OK, So Now People Are Just TRYING to Get on Cap This!


1. I told you you didn't want to know how Cadbury creme eggs were made.

2. Roget's new Picto-Thesaurus was one of the publishing success stories of 2010.

3. As the sheep shortage worsened, small farming communities became increasingly desperate.

4. Billy was determined not to be alone on Valentine's Day.

5. In a surprise development, Congressman Barney Frank announced today he would retire in 2010 to run a chicken farm in Enumclaw.

Best of Silhouette
Disney presents a heartwarming tale of a boy, his rooster, and a Kentucky Derby victory no one ever thought to see.

Best of Silhouette
Free range chickens don't necessarily lead happier lives.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Scenes from the Alabama Sex Addiction Farm.

Best of sonicfrog
Well, this certainly puts a whole new wrinkle into the age old question of "which came first"...

Best of Double the U
The "normal" twin on Little People Big World isn't all that normal.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"But Army of Mom, you said I could have a chance with you if I would show you my cock!"

Best of Dactyl
So I got this email that said it could make my cock bigger, but...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
To the farmer who informed me that chickens go cluck, not kwaaak, I would only ask how you know what they sound like when they're being clucked by a horny teen?

Best of Army of Mom
Pretending to be a rodeo cowboy made Randy feel better about lasting only 8 seconds.

Best of Chad
"Hey Mr. Frank! Watch me ride this cock!!"

Best of Mr. Right
ORA: Despite Officer Barbrady's best efforts, he fails to finish Teetle the Timid Taxidermist in time to save Myrtle from the clutches of the dreaded Chickenlover!

Monday, February 08, 2010

Shut up, honey


1. "Nope, not the tuna salad. Sniff and guess again."

2. "I'm sure no one noticed your little faux pas, but for future reference, when you finish saying grace, you say 'Amen' not 'Allahu Akbar."

3. "You belch like a p'tagh!"

4. "Tearing out Murtha's soul like that was way cool. Your necromonger powers are gowing daily."

5. "He always chokes when he has to eat hot dogs, apple pie, or any other 'American' crap."

Wicked Best of GregMan
"Quiet, Barry, or Mamma spank."

Best of Passionate Conservative
"Which reminds me, one time Michelle got her nipple ring caught in my braces and mmmmahaahpppppphhhhh!"

Evil Best of metalgarth
mmm... mmm... mmmm.... KFC really is Finger Lickin' Good!

ATDHE

Best of molson
I told you not to eat the baby seal liver, but did you listen?

Best of Mr. Hankey
Obama screws up at the "National Patty Cakes Conference"

Best of Mr. Hankey
... I said swallow it all bitch.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Let's just keep quiet about the ACORN jobs saved or created, mm-kay?"

Best of Matt the K
"I can't believe I ate the whole budget...Actually, I can."

Small Portions

Brender

1. "No arugula! For every sprig of arugula I find... I shall kill you."

2. "Whoa! Look who finally found a job he's qualified at. Church's Chicken must be so proud."

3. "Ummm, genius, you *did* see the 'Employees Must Wash Hands Sign' in the men's room? 'Cos there's a big hunk of Charmin 2-ply hanging off your shirtcuff."

4. "I don't know which is weirder, the cardboard cutout of Jason Bateman, or the picture of MLK being attacked by a Goa'uld symbiote."

5. "You must have really pissed off the chef to get that shiv in your neck, Mr. President."

Best of dub
The glove? Oh, I just got done fisting the American public.

Best of Vinney
"Mr. Soros says if I get Health Care passed I can work the fries station."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Token white employee "Goofy Shirley" silently prays that the prince charming behind her brought along a glass slipper. She is so tired of cleaning sneeze guards.

Best of Silhouette
"If anyone asks, you're now employed as a Food Quality Inspector. This meal is your yearly salary and it's worth $200,000." Obama creates or saves another job.

Best of molson
Thank you. That will be $25,000. It does come with a complimentary side of substandard healthcare so it's quite a deal I think.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Um, Mr. President, aren't you supposed to take the clothes hanger out of the shirt before you wear it? Just asking, that's all."

Best of Dactyl
Evander Holyfield thought bubble: "Man, now there's some ears Tyson could sink his teeth into!"

Best of Jay Guevara
Guy on left: "It's a pleasure to meet a fellow editor of the Harvard Law Review."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Thanks to your economic miracle, Mr. President, my Toyota got repossessed before it got recalled."

Best of Rodney Dill
"No soup for you!"

Friday, February 05, 2010

Snuggleburgers

Brender

1. "Oh, Bessie, you were incredible ... I'm spent!"

2. Carly Fiorina's new attack ad depicts Tom Campbell taking the form of a bull and molesting children.

3. Tommy would grow up inexplicably infatuated with Rosie O'Donnell.

4. The Franks were mystified why Tommy always hid in the barn whenever Uncle Barney came to visit.

5. "Well, before you go to the Hormel plant, at least we can have one last night together."

Best of molson
Due to the high concentrations of methane, Timmy knew the obligatory post coital cigarette was a bad idea so he settled for a little snuggle instead.

Best of blue
Timmy fell asleep knowing that he would have to explain this to Lassie.....

Best of dadoctah
"You had me at 'yee-haw'."

Best of GregMan
Tommy had an amazing dream once Bessie began chewing her cud.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The censors removed all references to this particular day on Old MacDonald's Farm from the childrens book of nursery songs. ee i ee i o

Best of dub
So get this, last night I had a dream that I was getting a BJ from Michelle Obama.

Best of Rodney Dill
California legislature contemplates Hay Couple Marriage.

Best of Mr. Hankey
What's more embarassing than having your mother walk in while you're m*st*rb*t*ng?

Kim Che Eaters in the Snow

Brender

1. Despite heavy snow in the DC area, Bennihanna training continued as usual.

2. After seeing Heathers, Dick Cheney became obsessed with human croquet.

3. Training camp for Adam Lambert's back-up dancers was notoriously rough.

4. "All right, who invited Al Gore to our jungle training exercise?"

5. Under ObamaCare, the principles of mass production were applied to chiropractering.


Best of Vinney
Now that global warming has been debunked, unemployed climatologists are now serving as coffee tables.

Best of mega
Admire their inner strength, if you must, but understand that, eventually, ALL prisoners at Holder Reeducation Camp eventually admit that they are cowards and racists.

Best of dadoctah
I'll just hold back and wait for someone else to make the obligatory George Takei reference.

Best of GregMan
A previously unkown side effect of Cadmium poisoning - spinal bending in cold temperatures - immobilizes China's Red Army and allows them to be conquered by Latvia.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Ever since The Matrix, doing a regular backflip just seems to take forever.

Best of Shawn
Modeled after the Murrow building bench memorial, the Nagasaki shrine was hardcore by any accounting.

Best of Steve O
Hey Bubba! Watch me pick a fight with one of these scrawny guys!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Definitely Not Dub



1. "Well, it started as a growth on my shoulder."

2. Sanjay never understood his nickname "Remora."

3. Rajiv's Global Warming Activism was intimately connected to his fetish for huge white predators... and polar bears.

4. An unlikely pairs team won the hearts of skating fans at the Vancouver Olympics, until the ice broke.

5. Bill Clinton was devastated when he discovered his mistress cheating on him with his midget.

Best of mega
NodricTrack's new lineup for 2010 reflected the simple reality that human labor is cheaper than building an exercise machine out of expensive raw materials.

Best of Army of Dad
ORA: I fight gangs for local charities and stuff.

Best of Double the U
The Mustang Ranch gets its second male prostitute.

Best of dub
I'm surprised that Sheila only has one small person orbiting her.

Best of naas
Master & Blaster from Thunderdome reunite

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Bertha's Thawtbubble - "Huh, well that's the last time I swallow a bag of tootsie rolls, sit in a recliner and fart."

Best of Double the U
She recalled hearing a squeak when she sat in the chair.

Best of Blue
Sanjay said -- well, you know, I love this women because cows are sacred in India.....

Flip



1. "Oh, nothing... say, did you catch American Idol last night?"

2. "Hi, Microsoft Tech Support, I'm having a problem with my Sync system ... Sure, I'll hold."

3. "Hi, Hannity... first time caller, long time listener... love your show!"

4. "K-Rock 95.5 plays the hits! Am I the 14th caller?"

5. "Hi, this is Congressman Kennedy's... um, Aide... we're gonna be a little late for the health care vote."

The best mega could come up with
"I don't know, honey, I saw Avatar, and realized life on Earth just wasn't worth living and stuff."

The best GregMan could come up with
"What?!? Scott Brown won???"

The best Unscrupulous could come up with
7O7

The best dub could come up with
Yes, 911? I was just driving down the road in North Portland when I was t-boned by some guy driving a truck...apparently he was distracted by the handjob he was getting from some underage boy. All I heard was "Mr Mayor, Mr Mayor, are you ok?!?".

The best sonicfrog could come up with
Nicole Richie is driving again????

The best Carpe Phlogiston could come up with
You have reached the Toyota Sudden Acceleration & Squishy Brakes Recall Hotline. Please press:
*1 if you want to schedule a repair;
*2 if you're curently experiencing minor problems and need step-by-step instructions for stopping your vehicle before it slams into the rapidly approaching brick wall;
*3 if you've been involved in an accident and are planning to sue our asses for millions.

kudos to Capt. Queeg for beating me to fliptext!

The best Passionate Conservative could come up with
"Obviously, my GPS is not working very well..."

The best dadoctah could come up with
A Spinal Tap/Stonehenge error by the neighborhood planning committee went unnoticed until drivers encountered the "4'-high speed bump".

The best metalgarth could come up with
Sorry hon. I wrecked the car. It always looked so easy on TV when "them Duke boys" did it

The best mega could come up with
"No, hun, don't call 9/11. James Arthur Ray instructed me to do this, and to remain in position for three days contemplating the nature of the universe."

The best Matt the K could come up with
"Hello, Mr. Fayed, Camilla here. You were right, Charlie IS a dirty brake-fixin' sumbitch!"

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

HOV Lane, You're Doing It Wrong

Brender

1. 'Hell's Accountants" were a notoriously low-budget motorcycle club.

2. These flash mobs are really getting tiresome.

3. Imagine them naked and you pretty much have the centerpiece of Andrew Sullivan's wedding cake.

4. After doing Jell-O shots and mescaline for fourteen straight hours, the Super Adventure Club spent the afternoon shooting down imaginary zeppelins.

5. The Bollywood remake of "CHiPs" was unexpectedly homo-erotic.

Best of VInney
Samir Kneivel makes jumping the Ganges River interesting.

Best of Unscrupulous
Well how the hell would YOU shoot invisible birds?

Best of Jack Reacher
"Herb, if you don't stop singing Kill Da Wabbit you're going to have to get off."

Best of Double the U
It is okay, they are wearing helmets.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Dammit, John, when you told us we could carpool with you, we sorta assumed that you had a car!"

Best of D. Dean
Seconds before a squirrel really screwed up the parade.

Best of divine miss m
♪♫ "Vacation, all I ever wanted!
Vacation, had to get away..." ♪♫

Johnny Weir, Always Good for a Tuesday

Army of Mom


1. The mystery of AOM's missing prom dress is finally solved.

2. Johnny Weir shows the innocent look that won the safe school czar's heart.

3. What was that heckle from the President's box? Something about a 'chalk-faced whore?'

4. "Why is a bitterly insane Tonya Harding chasing me with a Zamboni?"

5. "Adam Lambert had a yard sale."

Best of Matt the K
That's Weir with a silent 'Q'.

Best of dub
Why yes, I have been finger banging Mrs Obama...why do you ask?

Best of sonicfrog
k. d. lange is competing in the upcoming winter olympics. man, is there anything she CAN'T do??????

Best of blue
Mommy, why does that girl have sideburns?

Best of Mr. Hankey
Michelle now knows who has been stealing from her closet.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Sure, like the airlines have never switched your luggage with that of the Amazing Mandrake's lovely assistant, Lisa.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Antidote for Viagra

Nice Deb


1. And in the back of the limo was the Ark of the Covenant, and it was open!

2. "And if the Iranians are lucky, I'll show 'em my 'O' face, like this."

3. "My best intern and... Chelsea?"

4. "Laxative... kicking in... must ... reach... utility... belt!"

5. "I swear to you, Mr. Russian ambassador, I have no idea how that model rocket got in the back of my limo."

Best, Baby... Mr. Hankey
...and that's not all... A NEW CAR!!!

Best, Baby... GregMan
"Ow! You just closed the car door on my wang!"

Best, Baby... Vinney
"Wlliam Jefferson Clinton! Get out now. You're in big trouble mister. Since when did you start smoking cigars"?

Best, Baby... Jay Guevara
"Good God! It's a copy of the Constitution!"

Best, Baby... dadoctah
...and when they got out of the car, they found, hanging from the door handle, a bloody hook!

Best, Baby... Mr. Hankey
Emerging from her car, Hillary sees her shadow - six more weeks of winter.

Best, Baby... Submariner
What in THE hell is a penis doing in my limo?!?

Best, Baby... Carpe Phlogiston
Another ghost from Xmas past arrives: Tip ONeill meets Hilary on the street and candidly says, "Wave goodbye to your chances for becoming President, crone."

Best, Baby... Jack Reacher
"And we were lucky enough to find those old Rose Law Firm billing records. Remember those?"

Best, Baby... Steve O
Even after all these years, Hillary is still ocassionally ambushed by Bill's insistent need to "take care of business" whenever and wherever the mood strikes him.

Obama Bows to the Mayor of Tampa


In the ultimate crossover episode, Carl bows to Asian Reporter Tricia Takanawa while American Dad looks on.

The Best, Jerry, the Best of Rodney Dill
"Oh look.... patent leather shoes."

The Best, Jerry, the Best of Double the U
You look Asian so I have to bow to you. My extreme leftist followers will call it "cultural awareness"

The Best, Jerry, the Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Obamalama Thawtbubble - Daddy always said spit shine your loafers so's you can peeks up da babes' skirts. He wuz right!
[apparently, negro dialects cannot be disguised in thawtbubbles]

The Best, Jerry, the Best of dub
Um, Miss Yakisoba, your tampon fell out.

The Best, Jerry, the Best of Silhouette
"Madam President, America apologies for WWII atrocities against the citizens of the great country of Tampai."

The Best, Jerry, the Best of Jay Guevara
Guy in blue tie, explaining to someone out of frame: "It's an Indonesian thing. They're raised to bow to anyone who has accomplished more than they have. That's why he basically walks around in that position."

The Best, Jerry, the Best of mega
DailKos poll: Which was better, seeing Obama bow to a Mayor, or stick his ass in the air at a military officer? 98 % chose "both".

The Best, Jerry, the Best of HLam
"The chow on AF1 gives me nasty gas!" Pffftttt..... "Ah, that's better."

The Best, Jerry, the Best of Mr. Hankey
On his Domestic Apology Tour, Obama is no longer able to look any US citizens in the face.

The Best, Jerry, the Best of Submariner
At least you're not, um, one of those, um, uniformed buffoons I, uh, uh, normally have hanging around me. Um, there's one right, um, behind me, ummmmm, isn't there?

The Best, Jerry, the Best of GregMan
"He's, um, looking at my ass again, uh, isn't he?"

The Best, Jerry, the Best of Jack Reacher
"Would Madam want cream with her coffee?" ATDHE

Lover's Spat

Van Helsing

1. "You made me say those awful things. You!"

2. "What's that boy? Timmy's trapped in the, um, old well?"

3. The crowd had difficulty figuring out what Obama meant when he passionately intoned. "What the f--k is this sh-t? I can't make out Axelrod's handwriting. Turn the damn voice-to-text feature off while I figure this out. Are we still transcribing?"

4. "I'm busy and Nancy's busy pulling my finger --- we don't want somebody sitting back saying, you're not pulling the finger the right way. That's a socialist finger.' Pull my finger!"

5. "Don't you turn your back on me you chalk-faced whore!"

Wicked Best of Silhouette
Detail from The Creation of Obama, on the ceiling of ACORN headquarters.

Best of Rodney Dill
Objects in Mirror are more pompous than they appear.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
You wanted lip service on jobs, not healthcare? Well, I'm going to give you so much lip service on jobs, your welfare checks will have hickeys on them! You're going to be begging me to go back to pretending I can do something about healthcare!

Best of Unscrupulous
"You've screwed me for the last time teleprompter #413! Awww, I could never stay mud at you. Damn! You're making this real hard."

Best of Mr. Hankey
I recommend the Evelyn Woodhead sped reddin' course to all mah friends out there, and you tell 'em you heard it here first on Roller Derby!!

Best of Silhouette
"When I said my administration would be the most transparent, I was talking about smoke, mirrors, and this wonderful, wonderful little plexiglass square."

Best of blue
you...the heckler... get your butt up here so I can bow to you...

Best of dadoctah
"Aiieee! Gojira!!!"

Best of mega
"Republican congressmen at your lion's den offsite, I just have the following ad-hoc, spontaneous comment to make...."

Best of Submariner
I didn't get an obeisance from that man!

Best of Jack Reacher
"Somewhere, out there, is a business crying out to be nationalized."

Best of Steve O
And to the Republicans, "PULL IT I SAY!!"
I SAY "PULL IT!!!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
Much like how a cat will attack it's own reflection in a mirror, Obama will debate his own reflection upon catching sight of it.