Monday, December 27, 2010

Preserving That "New Plane" Smell


1. Subsequently, bean burritos were removed from AeroMexicana's in-flight menu.

2. From the Producers of Monk comes The Adventures of Captain Wang -- OCD Pilot. Coming this fall on the USA Network.

3. Sure, the experiment was a longshot, but USAirways stood to save a fortune if they could train cats to be flight attendants.

4. "Delta Airlines will now begin our beverage service." Sppritzzz. "That will be twelve dollars, sir. Exact change, please."

5. While Americans put up with increasingly intrusive and Gestapoesque TSA procedures, China solves the terror problem by simply spritzing every passenger with ham juice.


Best of Dr. Doom
After the latest round of TSA inspection enhancements, airlines have found it necessary to disinfect the seats after each landing...

Best of blue
Normal plane maintenance after Whoopie Do's are the in-flight snack.

Best of dub
This procedure is more impressive on Peter North Airlines.

Best of VInney
Korean Airlines prepares for their complementary serving of kimchi.

Best of dadoctah
True Facts: a little-known cult centered in Southeast Asia considers Tony Randall the Messiah.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Kim Jung Il saw the commercial and now wants his version of Air Force One to smell as fresh as the daisies on that douche commercial. Everyone chuckles behind his back at the irony.

Best of metalgarth
the onboard hijacking prevention methods leave a lot to be desired, (unless a bunch of kittehs are trying to take over your plane)

23 comments:

Dr. Doom said...

After the latest round of TSA inspection enhancements, airlines have found it necessary to disinfect the seats after each landing...

dadoctah said...

Two-fisted trigger action, face mask...is Ang Lee shooting a remake of "A Fistful of Dollars"?

blue said...

Normal plane maintenance after Whoopie Do's are the in-flight snack.

jj said...

How to tell if Pam Anderson, Lindsay Lohan, or Amy Winehouse have flown recently?

That fresh Clorox smell from your seat.

dub said...

Sully gives up on Google after yet another failed search for "Squirting Asians".

dub said...

This procedure is more impressive on Peter North Airlines.

Mr Hankey said...

Now that Pelosi is flying commercial, the plebes must be fumigated in advance.

Mr Hankey said...

I'm not saying that someone saw Julie's TSA scan before coming on board, but you know...?

Merovign said...

"And then Chow Yun Fat spun around like this and... Oh, Jeez, sorry Stacy!"

Merovign said...

Captain H. Li Proletariat pre-seeds an international flight with SARS...

Kaptain Krude said...

"I am motherf*****g tired of these motherf*****g smells on this motherf*****g plane!" Ang Lee's sequel to Motherf*****g Snakes on a Motherf*****g Plane was just unnecessary.

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble; "Damn! I HATE it when the trans-pacific flight crew serves Mexican..."

Submariner said...

"Ladies and gents; this is your Captain speaking. We're sorry to inform you that the in-flight entertainment system is ooc. To make up for it, I'm sending back my junior flight officer to give you a live version of 'True Grit.' Thanks for flying AsiaPacific."

Anonymous said...

Korean Airlines prepares for their complementary serving of kimchi.

Vinney

dadoctah said...

True Facts: a little-known cult centered in Southeast Asia considers Tony Randall the Messiah.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Wraydies and gentehmen. Chef Wang aporogizes for smoke in cabin. He say gleash fire out but flied dog no more on menu. Prease to choose a #4 or #7, get flee side dish of sushi!

-OR-

Fing Foo may wear a fancy uniform, but he and everyone else knows that Cootie Patrol is just part of the Communist Manifesto from the chapter on busy work.

-OR-

Kim Jung Il saw the commercial and now wants his version of Air Force One to smell as fresh as the daisies on that douche commercial. Everyone chuckles behind his back at the irony.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Thawtbubble: I don't have a squirt bottle big enough to sanitize that chair Pam Anderson sat in.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Carpe's Thawtbubble: Wouldn't it be great to read a Caption This for this photo contributed by Leslie Nielsen? (RIP)

"The cabin humidifier isn't working! Should we switch to manual hydration?"
"The movie projector's broken, too. Perhaps Manuel could strip and dance while he spritzes?"

metalgarth said...

the onboard hijacking prevention methods leave a lot to be desired, (unless a bunch of kittehs are trying to take over your plane)

molson said...

Mmmmm. Smells like ass.

Anonymous said...

After several hours of Sheryl Crow coached air travelers blasting pressure-differential accelerated fecal particulate into their seats, how DOES an airline company clean up??

Adriane said...

'You idiot!' yelled the Secret Service. 'Vice-President Biden said he wanted a Slurpee, not a Squirty!!!'

dadoctah said...

Tonight, the contestants on Food Network's "Dinner: Impossible" get a real challenge: to create a gourmet dining experience using only airline food and aerosol seasonings.