Friday, December 24, 2010

I Saw Some MILF Kissing Santa Claus


1. A cougar offers Santa $1000 for the list of naughty boys.

2. "Would someone tell Mrs. Claus to lay off the Percocet?"

3. Ah, the two symbols of the Democrat Party: An old white guy who gives away billions of gifts he can't possibly afford and an old botoxed whore.

4. Santa signals to the sniper to take out Mrs. Claus with a quick, painless, spine-severing throat shot.

5. Yeah, now you see why he only comes once a year.

Best of embarrassed
With a twinkle in his eye, Santa points to her "chimney"

Best of Vinney
Oddly enough the toys she wanted required batteries.

Best of dadoctah
Has anyone even bothered to tell Betty White she's allowed to take a day off once in a while?

Best of Rodney Dill
"...and Santa, can you make my 'laser tits' stop shooting holes in the floor?"

Best of Submariner
Sorry Agitha, but Santa wanted MILK and cookies...

Best of Oiao
Santa points out where the pearl necklace will go, to match the earings.

Best of divine miss m
Mrs. Brady found innovative ways to avoid empty-nest syndrome.

Best of GregMan
"Did her!" says Santa proudly.

25 comments:

embarrassed said...

with a twinkle in his eye, Santa points to her "chimney"

Anonymous said...

Santa's Christmas MILF?

WV = spends; must be about Obama

Anonymous said...

Oddly enough the toys she wanted required batteries.

Vinney

flyovercountry said...

Santa thought bubble:

I never age, but unfortunately, Mrs. Clause does.

Now, what house has that brunette waiting for me under the tree?

Oiao said...

Now we know how Elfs are made!

dadoctah said...

Has anyone even bothered to tell Betty White she's allowed to take a day off once in a while?

Rodney Dill said...

"...and Santa, can you make my 'laser tits' stop shooting holes in the floor?"

prince of leaves said...

The Clauses prove that life begins at 500.

Dr. Doom said...

Santa works a little elfin magic of his own...

Dr. Doom said...

"Is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just glad to see me Santa?", purred Darla.

Dr. Doom said...

Uncle Joe sets the wheels in motion for a young Barney Frank...

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"...and a happy Kwanzaa to all and to all a good night!"

Oiao said...

Happy Jesus Birthday and Merry Christmas to everyone!!!!!

Submariner said...

Sorry Agitha, but Santa wanted MILK and cookies...

jimmy said...

Santa: "Hey, Susan--ya got a nice set of getaway sticks, but point those laser boobs in the other direction, will ya?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Q: How is Santa like a good sailor?
A: He's got a girl in every department store.

-OR-

I hear Maury Povich's producer is already penciling her in for October... one very strange paternity test show.

-OR-

Trixie whispers in Santa's ear: If that finger grazes my boob once more, I'm going to snap off your most important digit, pervert.

-OR-

Dentucreme wishes all the babyboomers a very happy holiday! Sing along with them... All I want for xmas is my 2 front teef, my 2 front teef yes my 2 front teef."

Note: She's not a hag, she's a crone... and a decent looker if 65. If 50? FAIL

Oiao said...

What? No Yule Log references?

Steve O said...

I don't know. I think she looks pretty good for her age.

Anonymous said...

I would hit it.

Oiao said...

Santa points out where the pearl necklace will go, to match the earings.

jimmy said...

*Susan Seaforth Hayes is 67*

Santa: Okay, she's not a Thursday girl any more--closer to Sunday afternoon--but I'll take
a Sunday buffet over a Thursday cupcake any day.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I wouldn't go that far, Jimmy. You know the old saying... A cupcake a day that doesn't contain much FAT keeps the doctor away. Although maybe not the coroner, considering the side effects of those little pills. OTOH, a Sunday soap opera buffet might be a satisfactory menu substitution in a pinch.

-OR-


Well, Santa, I'd like boobs that don't sag, another face lift, and 3 of those sick intercourses from Caption This to lick strawberry jam off my hoo hoo every day for a year. Oh, and a speedy recovery for VtheK's son!

divine miss m said...

Mrs. Brady found innovative ways to avoid empty-nest syndrome.

GregMan said...

"Did her!" says Santa proudly.

Dr. Doom said...

Santa actually prefers MILF and cookies...