1. A cougar offers Santa $1000 for the list of naughty boys.
2. "Would someone tell Mrs. Claus to lay off the Percocet?"
3. Ah, the two symbols of the Democrat Party: An old white guy who gives away billions of gifts he can't possibly afford and an old botoxed whore.
4. Santa signals to the sniper to take out Mrs. Claus with a quick, painless, spine-severing throat shot.
5. Yeah, now you see why he only comes once a year.
Best of embarrassed
With a twinkle in his eye, Santa points to her "chimney"
Best of Vinney
Oddly enough the toys she wanted required batteries.
Best of dadoctah
Has anyone even bothered to tell Betty White she's allowed to take a day off once in a while?
Best of Rodney Dill
"...and Santa, can you make my 'laser tits' stop shooting holes in the floor?"
Best of Submariner
Sorry Agitha, but Santa wanted MILK and cookies...
Best of Oiao
Santa points out where the pearl necklace will go, to match the earings.
Best of divine miss m
Mrs. Brady found innovative ways to avoid empty-nest syndrome.
Best of GregMan
"Did her!" says Santa proudly.
25 comments:
with a twinkle in his eye, Santa points to her "chimney"
Santa's Christmas MILF?
WV = spends; must be about Obama
Oddly enough the toys she wanted required batteries.
Vinney
Santa thought bubble:
I never age, but unfortunately, Mrs. Clause does.
Now, what house has that brunette waiting for me under the tree?
Now we know how Elfs are made!
Has anyone even bothered to tell Betty White she's allowed to take a day off once in a while?
"...and Santa, can you make my 'laser tits' stop shooting holes in the floor?"
The Clauses prove that life begins at 500.
Santa works a little elfin magic of his own...
"Is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just glad to see me Santa?", purred Darla.
Uncle Joe sets the wheels in motion for a young Barney Frank...
"...and a happy Kwanzaa to all and to all a good night!"
Happy Jesus Birthday and Merry Christmas to everyone!!!!!
Sorry Agitha, but Santa wanted MILK and cookies...
Santa: "Hey, Susan--ya got a nice set of getaway sticks, but point those laser boobs in the other direction, will ya?"
Q: How is Santa like a good sailor?
A: He's got a girl in every department store.
-OR-
I hear Maury Povich's producer is already penciling her in for October... one very strange paternity test show.
-OR-
Trixie whispers in Santa's ear: If that finger grazes my boob once more, I'm going to snap off your most important digit, pervert.
-OR-
Dentucreme wishes all the babyboomers a very happy holiday! Sing along with them... All I want for xmas is my 2 front teef, my 2 front teef yes my 2 front teef."
Note: She's not a hag, she's a crone... and a decent looker if 65. If 50? FAIL
What? No Yule Log references?
I don't know. I think she looks pretty good for her age.
I would hit it.
Santa points out where the pearl necklace will go, to match the earings.
*Susan Seaforth Hayes is 67*
Santa: Okay, she's not a Thursday girl any more--closer to Sunday afternoon--but I'll take
a Sunday buffet over a Thursday cupcake any day.
I wouldn't go that far, Jimmy. You know the old saying... A cupcake a day that doesn't contain much FAT keeps the doctor away. Although maybe not the coroner, considering the side effects of those little pills. OTOH, a Sunday soap opera buffet might be a satisfactory menu substitution in a pinch.
-OR-
Well, Santa, I'd like boobs that don't sag, another face lift, and 3 of those sick intercourses from Caption This to lick strawberry jam off my hoo hoo every day for a year. Oh, and a speedy recovery for VtheK's son!
Mrs. Brady found innovative ways to avoid empty-nest syndrome.
"Did her!" says Santa proudly.
Santa actually prefers MILF and cookies...
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