Monday, December 20, 2010

God Rest Ye Merry, Justin Bieber


1. "How can we liberals possibly have a happy holiday when the Bush tax rates have been extended?"

2. "Holiday Cheer? We're atheists! Keep it at your own house, Christer."

3. 'Who Can Do the Best Harry Reid Impression?' is a popular Nevada parlor game.

4. Jon Stewart, Julia Duffy, and Justin Bieber synchronize their periods for the holidays.

5. "Man, those Kennedies don't take being completely out of power very well. This is the most depressing kegger ever."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
As they stare at their naked mom blatantly kissing Santa Claus, they're torn... "On one hand, mom's a slut; on the other, think of all the presents!"

Best of dadoctah
"So this year, we spirits got together and said, screw it, we'll all visit Scrooge together and get it over with by 1:30. And Jacob Marley's designated driver, so he's waiting outside in the SUV with the motor running."

Best of JohnS1959
"Billy, we are very disappointed in you", said mom sternly, "You know we are liberals and we don't use the 'C' word in this house. Now go get your Kwanza suit on".

Best of Jack Reacher
Pelosi staffers react to the news that they'll be flying commercial from now on.

Best of jj
Boy thought bubble, "Boy, this new Christmas Drink, 'Creampie Surprise' tastes awfully familiar."

Best of Vinney
Looks like they need Mister Microphone to liven up their holiday party.

Best of Submariner
No dub, it was NOT
"V.the K. in the study with a monstrously large fat roll..."

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"Yea,all 3 of us are gay, what's it to you??"

Best of Mr. Hankey
The carolers stop and stare at the mother of the little crippled boy named Tiny Tim - sliently cursing her for not having an abortion.

Best of Matt the K
"Yes. What do you MEAN Jimmy here is a the result of the laboratory mating of Jake Gylenhaal and Justin Bieber?"

Best of Dr. Doom
The Johnsons knew that inviting Uncle Earl to the Christmas party was a bad idea but the unfortunate incident with the inflatable reindeer on the front lawn was absolutely the last straw...

22 comments:

Carpe Phlogiston said...

From the looks on his kids' faces, Dad realized they'd found his collection of women's clothes and this was an intervention.

-OR-

As they stare at their naked mom blatantly kissing Santa Claus, they're torn... "On one hand, mom's a slut; on the other, think of all the presents!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

If Looks Could Kill
Lester enters the living room dreading another family reunion. Bad enough they know he voted for Obamalama, but now it looks like they've found out about his boyfriend, too.

dadoctah said...

...and everyone agreed it was the crankiest Christmas *ever*!

dadoctah said...

"So this year, we spirits got together and said, screw it, we'll all visit Scrooge together and get it over with by 1:30. And Jacob Marley's designated driver, so he's waiting outside in the SUV with the motor running."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Thanks to decades of liberal diversity's predictable blight, Lance, Muffy and Geoffrey can only stare dumbfounded through the bay window as their Hyannis Port neighbors rush outside to wail, gnash teeth, sacrifice goats and burn incense in response to the total lunar eclipse.

JohnS1959 said...

"Billy, we are very disappointed in you", said mom sternly, "You know we are liberals and we don't use the 'C' word in this house. Now go get your Kwanza suit on".

Jack Reacher said...

"Twenty five percent off is the best you can do? Really?" Nordstrom's shoppers can be brutal this time of year.

Jack Reacher said...

Bill received a less-than-enthusiastic response when he told the trio that, at last, they could serve in the military.

Jack Reacher said...

Looks like someone found Santa's Naughty List on the Wikileaks site, and boy are they pissed.

wv: smack. Yeah.

Jack Reacher said...

Pelosi staffers react to the news that they'll be flying commercial from now on.

jj said...

Boy thought bubble, "Boy, this new Christmas Drink, 'Creampie Surprise' tastes awfully familiar."

Anonymous said...

Looks like they need Mister Microphone to liven up their holiday party.

Vinney

Double the U said...

It is like The Apprentice except it is done with cheap suits, plastic beer cups and taped in the basement of the bus station.

Submariner said...

No dub, it was NOT
"V.the K. in the study with a monstrously large fat roll..."

Submariner said...

From the left:
A progressive DNC Senator, a powerful female lesbian ad exec and a gay with aids = the three magi as re-envisioned in MSNBC's retelling of the Kwanza story for Ramadan.

Submariner said...

Even left wing radicals got the creeps when Chris Mathews "got tingles up his leg..."

Submariner said...

I'm Mary.
This is my brother Darrell and my other brother, Deloris.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"Yea,all 3 of us are gay, what's it to you??"

Dr. Doom said...

"Don't look at me Barbara", said Steve, "I'm not the one who dresses our 15 year old son in a pastel yellow onesie".

Mr. Hankey said...

The carolers stop and stare at the mother of the little crippled boy named Tiny Tim - sliently cursing her for not having an abortion.

Matt the K said...

"Yes. What do you MEAN Jimmy here is a the result of the laboratory mating of Jake Gylenhaal and Justin Bieber?"

Dr. Doom said...

The Johnsons knew that inviting Uncle Earl to the Christmas party was a bad idea but the unfortunate incident with the inflatable reindeer on the front lawn was absolutely the last straw...