Saturday, November 13, 2010

Maid in America


1. "Because of ObamaCare, I can't afford to keep the entire household staff. I have to let two of you go, and I think the fairest, most amusing way to choose the lucky ones is a no-holds-barred cage match... Thunderdome, if you will..."

2. "I'm so very, very disappointed in you, Vivian. How could you vote for Christine O'Donnell?" Kathleen Parker deals with the help.

3. "Vivian, there's a negro at the door. You hold him at bay with the Glock while I dial 911."

4. "Of course I accept your sexuality, son. It's just weird how you and your father have the same cross-dressing fetish."

5. "I don't mean to appear so disappointed, Army of Mom. I had just heard so many legendary things about your outfits that this one is something of a letdown."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
After the initial shock of arriving home early and catching Herman in drag wore off, it dawned on Gertrude... "Well, hey, I don't have to do any more freaking dishes, ironing or vacuuming, do I, Hermoine?"

Best of prince of leaves
In Bizarro World, Mrs. Sumner is devastated when she learns that the household staff is replacing her with a illegal immigrant.

Best of jimmy
Iris was livid. "I don't care if you've hired Gloria Allred, get back in the kitchen and make me a cocktail."

Best of Oiao
I keep having this reoccuring vison of a big spider that will satisfy me. Go get me a big spider!

Best of blue
...and put Ray Bradbury in the room next to mine."

17 comments:

SPN Headlines said...

Happy Saturday!

One very disturbing provision of ObamaCare is the "Twitter" requirement - SHOCKING details at:

http://spnheadlines.blogspot.com/2010/03/obama-health-care-doctors-will-patients_17.html

Peace! :-)

Carpe Phlogiston said...

After the initial shock of arriving home early and catching Herman in drag wore off, it dawned on Gertrude... "Well, hey, I don't have to do any more freaking dishes, ironing or vacuuming, do I, Hermoine?"

-OR-

As Colonel Mustard and Prof. Plum took turns boinking Nurse White in the guest bedroom, the last thing Mrs. Silver heard was the cocking of a small revolver. Seems the butler wasn't nearly as upset as Miss Grey about the just announced pay cut!

prince of leaves said...

In Bizarro World, Mrs. Sumner is devastated when she learns that the household staff is replacing her with a illegal immigrant.

prince of leaves said...

Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick reprise their roles in "Rocky Horror Picture Show II"

Oiao said...

"Michelle called from her vacation. You have just been outsource to Indian labor. Now put a dot on your head, don a Saree, get a nose piercing and start kissing serious ass for less money!"

jimmy said...

"Alright, Vivian, you're right..." Iris whimpers. "The reason I can't hold onto a husband is because I'm in love with you. Well, that...and I'm a total bitch to everyone."

Oiao said...

Did I ever confide in you about my Benny Hill fetish? No? Let me show you.

jimmy said...

Iris was livid. "I don't care if you've hired Gloria Allred, get back in the kitchen and make me a cocktail."

dub said...

Ok Rebecca, if this must be my first cavity search, so be it...

Oiao said...

I keep having this reoccuring vison of a big spider that will satisfy me. Go get me a big spider!

Oiao said...

I know you vote strait Democrat ticket, are propper and subserviant, but answer me truthfully. Can you believe how big Michelle's ass has become?

blue said...

...and put Ray Bradbury in the room next to mine."

jimmy said...

"Vivian, we have to get out of Bay City as soon as possible. Obama found out I'm in the top 2%, and the family fortune is at stake! I hear Texas is nice this time of year...

Mr Hankey said...

I want to see a good spit shine on these chamber pots tomorrow or there will be trouble.

Mr Hankey said...

Dammit Amelia Bedelia...what kind of idiot puts real sponges in a cake. I think that little Kyle Brown is dying and you'll probably get the chair.

Dr. Doom said...

"No Ma'am I wasn't having an affair with your husband", pleaded Sally the upstairs maid, "I was merely polishing knobs as you instructed me to do!"

Anonymous said...

"Babette, there were spots on the silverware-again. If you want to continue to work here, you need to get your head out of your Olbermann. Understand"?

Vinney