Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Instant Captions: Just Add Carpe Phlogistan


1. Thawtbubble - Now I see why Bawney Fwank asked me to pick up one of these and meet him at the Motel 6.
2. Thawtbubble - Checklist for Fed's next Open Market Committee (FOMC)
video cam and tripod - check
automated dildo - check
automated dildo - check
hooker hogtied to conference table - check
3. Credit Fraud, Debased Currency and IRONY - Whaddya mean, you won't take a check?
4. This isn't a new idea, guys. We've been reaming the public for years.
5. The FDA just rejected clinical trial data for this device and the banks refused the company's request for a credit extension. Bernanke is about to be held down and probed until they work out an acceptable loan modification.


Best of curly
Tthe situation is dire; I must call President Obama on my new Vodaphone Model X-5000, endorsed by soccer players world-wide."

Best of Rodney Dill
220, 221, whatever it takes.

Best of Whacko
"No, I don't know what it is either. I just like watching that thing on the end go in and out."

Best of Jack Reacher
Previous Fed secretaries had adjustable money-sprayers, sure. But this one goes to eleven.

Best of Steve O
So, with this little device, an air passenger can avoid the scanners AND the pat-down?
Well, this should end the controversy.

Best of dadoctah
Can't locate her g-spot? There's an app for that.

Best of DaveP.
You're kidding me, right? You guys took down Gozer the Gozerian with this trash?

Best of Army of Mom
Oddly enough, I have one of these.

Best of Army of Mom
Dr. Crusher had the most creative holodeck programs. They were also the messiest to clean up later.

20 comments:

curly said...

"To stimulate the economies of the blue states, we'll drop these babies from the helecopters instead of $100 dollar bills."

curly said...

You call it "Quantitating Easing"; I call it "giving America a good arse reaming".

curly said...

Tthe situation is dire; I must call President Obama on my new Vodaphone Model X-5000, endorsed by soccer players world-wide."

curly said...

"...so Curly's home for a couple of weeks on R&R from Iraq. He'll need to be quickly brought up to speed on our plans for tickling our prostates, er, I mean for stimulating our economy."

Rodney Dill said...

220, 221, whatever it takes.

blue said...

since M'Chel has already worn out 2 sybians, we were asked us to find something better

robert said...

...and it plugs right into the airport body scanners you already have!

...and the emergency stop button is the red button on the top.

Another result of stimulus spending: an Oreck hand vac mated with a French tickler and it only cost $87 million.

Whacko said...

"No, I don't know what it is either. I just like watching that thing on the end go in and out."

Jack Reacher said...

Previous Fed secretaries had adjustable money-sprayers, sure. But this one goes to eleven.

Steve O said...

So, with this little device, an air passenger can avoid the scanners AND the pat-down?

Well, this should end the controversy.

dadoctah said...

Can't locate her g-spot? There's an app for that.

DaveP. said...

You're kidding me, right? You guys took down Gozer the Gozerian with this trash?

Mr. Hankey said...

So this is what Obama meant when he asked for a stimulus...

Dr. Doom said...

"It is called the Inflationater. With this new device I will be able to delay the onset of inflation", said Mr. Bernanke. "Like everything else today, it was made in China."

Anonymous said...

"Guys, once we get it to take out the garbage and mow the lawn, husbands will be a thing of the past."

Vinney

Army of Mom said...

Oddly enough, I have one of these.

Army of Mom said...

Army of Mom's son: Mom, what is that?
AoM: Uh, er, it's an electric ear cleaner.
Army of Mom's son: It's really big.
AoM: *wistfully* It certainly is, son.

Army of Mom said...

Wait a minute ... this isn't a vacuum cleaner ... but it does suck. Never mind.

Army of Mom said...

Uh, son, I've made some improvements. Yeah, improvements to your Jimmy Neutron dog. I think mommy's going to sleep with it tonight. Ok?

Army of Mom said...

Dr. Crusher had the most creative holodeck programs. They were also the messiest to clean up later.