Tuesday, October 19, 2010

So, Who's the Old Lesbian Next to Pooty-Poot

Divine Miss M

1. Seeing the glasses of booze, Putin realizes he has inadvertently taken Yeltsin's seat.

2. As part of his game to psych out Obama, Putin started hanging out with a creepy mandroid.

3. "I'm just introducing the guy. Why in Lenin's name would I need a Teleprompter for that?"

4. "Da, is true. I have taken up Formula One racing. What new hobby is the American president taking up? Macrame? How very nice."

5. "And if any one of you monors were even *thinking* of a caption suggesting intercourse between myself and the thing on my right... I will find you, and I will kill you."

Instantly Promoted Best of Dr. Doom
"I grow weary of these UN gatherings and all of the pointless babbling", said Mr. Putin, "Fetch me my crossbow Anton."

Best of sonicfrog
Andy Warhol Lives!!!!!!

Best of Submariner
Vlad is momentarily taken off topic by the irony of a Viking named Kitten.

Best of Submariner
ORA:
"They were all poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder."

Best of Submariner
Sam looked at the man next to him, the half-full glasses, and the room full of Russian military brass and mumbled softly to himself, "Oh boy..."

Best of dadoctah
I thought Garrison Keillor was taller....

Best of molson
I can haz all teh vodka.

Best of prince of leaves
"I'm good," Vlad told the waiter serving champagne. "I still haven't finished the lifeforce from this kid here."

Best of Matt the K
All who oppose embalmed Andy Warhol for Lenin room-myate say 'nyet' ...ehhhh???... Dyid not tink so.

Best of GregMan
"I'm delighted to welcome the 2011 LPGA tournament to Russia."

Best of divine miss m
If you squint really hard, Bernie Ecclestone could be the missing link for connecting the Hells Angels to the Village People.

Best of racerboy
I guess that concludes the small-talk portion of our evening.

29 comments:

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The unassuming but deadly stare of a Zetroid-81 causes the champagne-filled glasses in front of Putin to vibrate seconds before Putin's head explodes. Score one for Chechnya.

Dr. Doom said...

"I grow weary of these UN gatherings and all of the pointless babbling", said Mr. Putin, "Fetch me my crossbow Anton."

Dr. Doom said...

At the Moscow Grand Pix, drivers are required to hammer down shots of vodka before the race and at each pit stop...

sonicfrog said...

Andy Warhol Lives!!!!!!

Submariner said...

Vlad is momentarily taken off topic by the irony of a Viking named Kitten.

Submariner said...

ORA:
"They were all poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder."

Submariner said...

"President" for Life? Please; Comrade Obama is such amateur...

Submariner said...

Sam looked at the man next to him, the half-full glasses, and the room full of Russian military brass and mumbled softly to himself, "Oh boy..."

JohnS1959 said...

Putin's cabinet meetings always end with a round or two of vodka pong.

dadoctah said...

I thought Garrison Keillor was taller....

molson said...

I can haz all the vodka.

Anonymous said...

Pete Rose will do anything for a buck.

Vinney

prince of leaves said...

"I'm good," Vlad told the waiter serving champagne. "I still haven't finished the lifeforce from this kid here."

Submariner said...

Vlad takes umbrage to the Maitre'd suggesting he "...might enjoy the 'Fresh and Fruity, Tutti-Puti' breakfast."

mega said...

Urine sampling...the next obvious step after tiger hunting, jet flying, and Georgian-killing.

Matt the K said...

All who oppose embalmed Andy Warhol for Lenin room-myate say 'nyet' ...ehhhh???... Dyid not tink so.

Matt the K said...

"For punish, fyurst Ivan wear syilly hhat, then drink seex glass wine wiss butt-hol. Right Ivan?" ...And that was the last time anyone interrupted one of Vladmir's toasts.

GregMan said...

So it turns out Putin's controller was Phil Donahue all along.

GregMan said...

Pootin thought bubble: "Barry had Frank Marshall Davis, and the only man-love I can get is from this old coot. Life just ain't fair."

GregMan said...

"I'm delighted to welcome the 2011 LPGA tournament to Russia."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Thawtbubbleski: "Which one of those champagne glasses should I pick???"
Job stress caused Putin's 24-year old food taster's hair to turn prematurely white.

divine miss m said...

If you squint really hard, Bernie Ecclestone could be the missing link for connecting the Hells Angels to the Village People.

divine miss m said...

Sometimes when you’re happy and you know it, you don’t have to clap your hands.

racerboy said...

I guess that concludes the small-talk portion of our evening.

Steve O said...

What is our newest Supreme Court Justice doing hanging with Putin?

Steve O said...

Russians know how to handle "last call."

dadoctah said...

Wetting his fingers, Vlad surprised everyone with an awesome wine-glass rendition of the Maple Leaf Rag.

racerboy said...

(probably ORA for most here, but I gotta do it)
In Putin's Russia, FOM pays you to hold an F1 race.

divine miss m said...

Their president eagerly recruits Formula 1, gasses his own car, rides a Harley, and still cuts a dashing figure shirtless on vacation.

Ours rides a girls bike. Like a dork.