Friday, October 15, 2010

I Love You Cold, Inanimate Geological Feature

Moonbattery

1. ObamaCare's Death Panels will be modeled on Eskimo traditions.

2. Sensing in his stoned-out mind that the glacier felt the same way about him, Rainbow Waterfall Sr. took hugging to the next level and got to third-base before becoming hopelessly frozen stuck and then was eaten by a polar bear.

3. "My experimental wings have failed. Leave me to die in my shame."

4."And how does this part of Straight Camp drive out the gay?"

5. "No, no matter how much he kicks and screams, you can't buy him the glacier. It's the only way he'll learn."

Best of prince of leaves
Dr. Randolph was dismayed to find out his invention offered little protection against the Elder Things the team discovered beneath the ice.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Brokeback Mountain was totally nonresponsive to his lusty thrusts, so Edward Jinky concluded it's as frigid as his last wife and decided to search for a herd of cows.

Best of molson
A fruit roll-up for polar bears.

Best of JohnS1959
Inventor, Robert Singen-Smythe, demonstrates why he is still single...

Threadwinner dadoctah
Day 127: still no word from the rescue party. Should never have bitten into that York Peppermint Pattie.

Best of Dr. Doom
Not phased by earlier failures of his Ice Flyer, Robert Jones keeps on trying. "Hey", he theorized, "If Al Franken can be a senator, anything is possible!"

Best of Adriane
Well, curling is part of the Olympics, so I guess this could be too ... whatever it is.

Best of DaveP.
Is there REALLY anything any of y'all can make up about this picture that comes anywhere close to being as sad and stupid as the truth?

Best of Rodney Dill
Glacier... I don't even know her.


25 comments:

dadoctah said...

"I can hear the ocean. From about 35 million years ago."

prince of leaves said...

The glacier-hugging event was going swimmingly until Russ forgot the repeated instructions not to stick his tongue to the metal isolator.

prince of leaves said...

Unfortunately for Russ, the manufacturer had used a defective batch of foil in which the absorptivity and emissivity values had been inverted. It took three weeks to pull his frozen corpse back up through the angel-shaped shaft in the ice.

prince of leaves said...

Dr. Randolph was dismayed to find out his invention offered little protection against the Elder Things the team discovered beneath the ice.

prince of leaves said...

Ang Lee's remake of "The Thing" left moviegoers cold.

Double the U said...

Proving once again that capitalism works... mostly because there is a sucker born every minute.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

(rotate rescue chopper's image to clockwise 90-degrees)
Herman "pitondick" Filpot would've plunged to his death after the climbing rope snapped had he not quickly thought of nothing but Thursday babes, developed one helluva woodie and face f*cked the cliff for 19 hours.

-OR-

On Top of Old Smokey
Brokeback Mountain was totally nonresponsive to his lusty thrusts, so Edward Jinky concluded it's as frigid as his last wife and decided to search for a herd of cows.

-OR-

Inventor Simon Dwitski demonstrates his cross-country ice-planing gadget to prospective investors. Unimpressed, one of them jokes that all he needs is a push... off a cliff.

blue said...

polar bears call these folks "corpsicles"

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

we hugged trees, we hugged glaciers, next we are going into space & we will hug Uranus

molson said...

A fruit roll-up for polar bears.

JohnS1959 said...

Inventor, Robert Singen-Smythe, demonstrates why he is still single...

vw: 'benties': what this guy has a severe case of...

dub said...

Eskimo Gloryhole...UR GUNNA GIT SHRINKAGE!!

Anonymous said...

Just think, not too long ago,
this would have been just a vision in the psych ward.
LIBERALS: Making reality a thing of the past.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Hsssssssssss
Fortunately, Elwood tested the full body Ove'Gruv (Chinese knock-off) on a snowy winter's day. Neighbors said they'd never heard such screaming and whimpering.

dadoctah said...

Day 127: still no word from the rescue party. Should never have bitten into that York Peppermint Pattie.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Harold loved making snow angels so much, he'd go outside as soon as the forecasters predicted the first snowstorm of the year.

-OR-

The Amazing Randi offered one million bucks to the first person who could levitate. So many tried, so many failed.

-OR-

Another VtheK Singalong!
"Those magnificent men in their flying machines, they go up diddley up-up, they go down diddley down-down!"

Submariner said...

Laugh all you want, jackwagon, but when my frijoles lunch kicks in, I'm setting new speed-over-ice records in the "human powered" class...

Submariner said...

ICE FISHIN; UR DUIN IT RONG.

Submariner said...

Don't try this at home; I'm what you call a professional...

Dr. Doom said...

Not phased by earlier failures of his Ice Flyer, Robert Jones keeps on trying. "Hey", he theorized, "If Al Franken can be a senator, anything is possible!"

Submariner said...

Some people love their kites a little bit TOO much.

Adriane said...

Well, curling is part of the Olympics, so I guess this could be too ... whatever it is.

DaveP. said...

Is there REALLY anything any of y'all can make up about this picture that comes anywhere close to being as sad and stupid as the truth?

word: 'mopfatio'. What happens after Rosie O'Donnell jumps off of the Chrysler Building.

dadoctah said...

Worst. glider landing. ever.

Rodney Dill said...

Glacier... I don't even know her.