Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Sew What?

Steve O

1. "Singer... James Singer."

2. A solitary hunter, the UPS truck waits on river banks until prey passes near.

3. Some guys bring roses, others are more practical.

4. Patrick Kennedy's follow-on career as a UPS driver was not successful.

5. "I sure hope Mr. Farley is willing to trade this sewing machine for one of his motivational speeches."

Best of Rodney Dill
Elaine eventually had to resort to other means for having her flounder delivered.

Best of JohnS1959
The newest Super Hero, Oblivious Stitch Boy, fails to save the day again.

Best of dadoctah
Other insurance companies may *say* they provide better claims service, but only MutuSure guarantees a guy in a rented tux with a portable sewing machine at your accident scene within fifteen minutes.

Best of Mr. Hankey
In Hollywood's latest sequel, "Also Cast Away" - A young UPS delivery man returns his sewing machine friend "Stitch" to it's rightful owner at the end of the movie.

Threadwinner: Carpe Phlogiston
White Men Can't Loot, a Spike Lee production

Best of Dr. Doom
"Yes sir", Said Bob, "I'm here to pick up your daughter for the prom. But first I thought she would like to sew me a cummerbund."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"The police appear baffled, but I'll soon have this case sewed up!"

Best of Vinney
"Tonight, don't miss Doug Heffernan's brush with death on a very special King of Queens."

Best of dub
"Dropping a UPS van off in the river" will never be as catchy as "Dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool". Sorry.

Best of dadoctah
Your tax dollars at work: it takes three uniformed cops to investigate this accident.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Am I good at sewing? Let me put it this way; 15 minutes ago, this was a delivery uniform!"

22 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Elaine eventually had to resort to other means for having her flounder delivered.

JohnS1959 said...

The newest Super Hero, Oblivious Stitch Boy, fails to save the day again.

JohnS1959 said...

"I can't wait to use my new button hole attachment", thought Brucie with some excitement.

dadoctah said...

Other insurance companies may *say* they provide better claims service, but only MutuSure guarantees a guy in a rented tux with a portable sewing machine at your accident scene within fifteen minutes.

Mr. Hankey said...

In Hollywood's latest sequel, "Also Cast Away" - A young UPS delivery man returns his sewing machine friend "Stitch" to it's rightful owner at the end of the movie.

Anonymous said...

"Dun da dun da da, dun da dun da da, dun da dun da da, whawwwww, whawwww ............."

Special Agent 000 uses his Singer to stich the evil delivery man...

(this is so bad I don't even want to name myself...)

Carpe Phlogiston said...

A dearth of young female homemakers plus the liberal reinterpretation of marriage sets the stage for guys to skip tradition and date and even marry domestic appliances.

-OR-

Disaster Preparedness Questioned
First Responder Kevin Pillock stands ready to darn victims' socks, but neither DHS nor FEMA could explain why sewing machines still can't communicate well with one another.
Kev's dapper uniform supplied by Well Groomed Grooms, paid for by a small business grant from the Obabamalama/Pelosi Jobs Bill

-OR-

White Men Can't Loot, a Spike Lee production

JohnS1959 said...

"Look Baby, I saved the sewing machine from certain destruction", said Steve elatedly, "Baby? Baby?..."

Dr. Doom said...

"Yes sir", Said Bob, "I'm here to pick up your daughter for the prom. But first I thought she would like to sew me a cummerbund."

Dr. Doom said...

"So", said Steve, "You met my son in home ec class? Why doesn't this surprise me?"

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

"The police appear baffled, but I'll soon have this case sewed up!"

Anonymous said...

"Tonight, don't miss Doug Heffernan's brush with death on a very special King of Queens."

Vinney

Dr. Doom said...

Worst dating site profile pic ever...

Submariner said...

Nominne # 3 for worst video dating ads ever:

"Sew, you crash here often?"

And the Darwin goes to...

Adriane said...

Army of Mom's ... um, creative solution to the 'But I have nothing to wear' problem ...

dub said...

"Dropping a UPS van off in the river" will never be as catchy as "Dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool". Sorry.

dadoctah said...

What subtle signs should we look for so we can recognize the aliens when they land?

Anonymous said...

UPS & downs

Steve O said...

Over-reliance on GPS.

dadoctah said...

Your tax dollars at work: it takes three uniformed cops to investigate this accident.

wv: ganstr - Damn, it feels good to drop letters.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Am I good at sewing? Let me put it this way; 15 minutes ago, this was a delivery uniform!"

Kaptain Krude said...

An apt metaphor for the Democratic Party: the vehicle has been run off the road, nobody cares what happened or wants to be associated with it, and the picture is completely inexplicable. The only other thing it needs is Obama blaming somebody else, and it will be perfect.