Monday, September 20, 2010

A Predator Defends Her Young


1. "Honey, the next time you suggest Mommy's stretch pants could re-roof the Pontiac Silverdome, you're riding in the helicopter with Bo. Y'unnerstand?"

2. "You got a B+ in Math. Girl, I'm so proud of you! Let's take a vacation in Tuscany to celebrate."

3. "... and then we went to the Holocaust Museum and saw how the Jews got what was comin' to them on account of the Slave Trade."

4. "Wait... you mean to say this entire Childhood Obesity push was dub's idea?"

5. "Yes. Mother. My. Visit. To. The. Brain. Slug. Planet. Was. Pleasant. And. Uneventful."

Best of blue
"..and Daddy be gettin da immigration laws changed to makes you legal, you being the child of a Kenyan and a Klingon after all."

Best of Vinney
"Mommy, remember a couple of years ago that abortion daddy said he'd support..."?

Best of Mr. Hankey
"...now you stop talking to me like that or I'll push this thing back in."

Best of Jack Reacher
"I know you miss Reverend Wright. We'll re-join his church right after the 2012 elections, don't you worry."

Best of Dactyl
"You are a member of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor!"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Now you just point out to Mommy which one you want killed.

Best of Submariner
Excellent, youngling. We will celebrate your first kill with the bat'leth by tipping a cup of blood wine together; in Spain, of course.

Best of dadoctah
"No, dear, you're not saying it right. It's 'chalk-faced', not 'chuck-faced'."

22 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"...and when I grow up Mommy, I wanna be jes like my favorite First Lady, ...Hillary Clinton..."

blue said...

"..and Daddy be gettin da immigration laws changed to makes you legal, you being the child of a Kenyan and a Klingon after all."

Anonymous said...

"Mommy, remember a couple of years ago that abortion daddy said he'd support..."?

Vinney

jj said...

And yes dear, you too can grow up to become a Teleprompter reader....

Mr. Hankey said...

"...now you stop talking to me like that or I'll push this thing back in."

Jack Reacher said...

"Yes, everyone in America is equal...and we rule them all! Bwahahahahahahhaha!"

Jack Reacher said...

"I know you miss Reverend Wright. We'll re-join his church right after the 2012 elections, don't you worry."

Jack Reacher said...

"You can surprise Daddy by getting him some nice pens, so he can veto bills. I think he'll be needing that a lot, starting next year."

Dactyl said...

"You are a member of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor!"

Oiao said...

"See girl. I told you my other skirt would make a big enough dress for you! I'm 'big boned'"

WV = fluner. Meaning it would be a lot fluner if the Wookie would keep her pie hole shut.

Submariner said...

Honey, I think it's time I told you about your REAL daddy...

Submariner said...

Mommy's going to Old Navy with Auntie Dawn; you stay here in case daddy needs protecting again.

Submariner said...

Daddy? He went to someplace named "Avalon Manor" with Uncle Frank Marshall David...

Submariner said...

Next week we'll have another dress made for you out of the Lincoln Bedroom shower curtains; won't that be great?

mega said...

"I hate this mother f**king job, so don't even go there, chil'n, unh huh", she said through gritted teeth and a forced smile.

Mr. Hankey said...

Now you just point out to Mommy which one you want killed.

Submariner said...

Excellent, youngling. We will celebrate your first kill with the bat'leth by tipping a cup of blood wine together; in Spain, of course.

mega said...

"Mommy! Mommy! Can I buy one of the white people for a pet? Pleeaaasse."
"Not yet, child. Daddy is holding back on that Ammendment until the second term."

mega said...

"....so then your daddy says to me, this is the same nonsense the Kenyan colonialists pulled."

Spin said...

Cmon, we'll be late for Auntie Zeituni's citizenship ceremony.

dadoctah said...

"No, dear, you're not saying it right. It's 'chalk-faced', not 'chuck-faced'."

Submariner said...

How sweet; but mommy doesn't want "fillet of Bo," honey. Mommy prefers the still-beating heart of her enemies...