Friday, September 24, 2010

The Lightworker

Knowledge Is Power


1. Obama wondered why the cross was not hung upside down like the one in Bill Ayers basement.

2. 'Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn!'

3. "Good morning, infidels..."

4. "And now, let me read from the Gospel of Jeremiah, 'The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing 'God Bless America.' No, no, no, not God Bless America. God damn America...!"

5. "Your God is nothing... Bow down and worship ME!

Best of Submariner
Barry discovers that it's Chris Matthews recreating the "Police Academy" podium scene. Not that he finds anything wrong with that...

Best of Rodney Dill
"...and now from the book of Kobe, Chapter 2 Verse 28... and he sayest unto Kobe... yo... I'm open..."

Best of prince of leaves
The crowd gasped in awe as the Lightworker performed what would later be known as the Miracle of the Levitating Lima Beans.

Best of Steve O
President Obama describes what it means for him to be a musli--a Christian. Christian!

Best of Spin
"I (state your name)..."

Best of jj
And now, a reading from the book of Jules, "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Best of Submariner
Horned god of the woods? Nah, that's just my Secretary of State...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
And finally, if anyone needs to go to the restroom while I'm rambling, please raise your hand like this and one of my highly trained agents will escort you there and then force you to come back.

Best of Vinney
And Lord Obama granted the church special dispensation from energy saving crucifix bulbs.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"And ye shall let loose your grip on thine guns, and be ye not so bitter..." Barack the campaigner swings into action.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Of course I really don't have to go to church...because I am god."

Vinney

Dr. Doom said...

Our Barak who art right here
Hallowed by my name.
My kingdom come, My will be done...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Lightning... there's never a bolt around when we need one.

-OR-

Wait people WAIT! I think my prayers are about to be answered... "We're sorry, your call did not go through. Please hang up and try again." Heh heh heh, nope, damned lines are still busy.

-OR-

Obamalama resorts to televangelism, figuring he can either convert opponents to accept the Righteous Path to Amnestyship or at least get the retards who watch to kick in a Hail Mary dollar towards deficit reduction.

blue said...

"...and now to show the terrorists that we are not anti-mulsim, I hereby declare a new law: All Christian Churches are required to remove their crosses and replace them with a half moon. Any church that does not comply will be closed."

Submariner said...

CAN I get an "Amen!" from the media?

Submariner said...

Barry discovers that it's Chris Matthews recreating the "Police Academy" podium scene. Not that he finds anything wrong with that...

Rodney Dill said...

I just knew the Hadron Collider was going to lead us to an ignoble end.

Rodney Dill said...

Finally, something he doesn't bow to.

Rodney Dill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rodney Dill said...

"A fool and his money are soon parted..."

Rodney Dill said...

"...and now from the book of Kobe, Chapter 2 Verse 28... and he sayest unto Kobe... yo... I'm open..."

HLam said...

"Um, excuse me, can someone help me out here? I don't understand this word. Ri...Right...Righteous. WTF does that mean? And shouldn't there be a Lefteous to balance things out?"

JohnS1959 said...

"Well at least the house is full this time", thought the President.

prince of leaves said...

Thought bubble: "Look everyone see the ring I'm wearing my wedding ring again look at it look at it damn you all see Michelle and I are not having marital problems and if I just keep saying it and paying for her exotic vacations maybe she won't really leave me after all..."

prince of leaves said...

"Blasphemer? I never even met her!"

prince of leaves said...

"Um, hold on, Reverend, could I possibly get a dry Viognier? I'm not really a fan of reds."

prince of leaves said...

The crowd gasped in awe as the Lightworker performed what would later be known as the Miracle of the Levitating Lima Beans.

Steve O said...

I wasn't going to say anything, but I think the entire team is aiming a bit too much to the right.

Steve O said...

President Obama describes what it means for him to be a musli--a Christian.

Steve O said...

Our Dear Leader describes how Jesus would have provided free health care if Republican Jews had given him four more years.

Spin said...

"I (state your name)..."

Submariner said...

Live long and I prosper...

Submariner said...

...and the media went apoplectic because Huckabee's picture had a shelf behind him that gave the HINT of a cross?

Submariner said...

thawt bubble; "We'll STILL need more stakes to put Nan down for good..."

Rodney Dill said...

"I bow before thee Zod.... (why is everyone snickering.)"

sonicfrog said...

"Allah-Akbar.... Oh, crap, wrong venue..."

Ver Word: duckemi

Submariner said...

I am the Gate Keeper; I seek the Key Master...

dadoctah said...

"Baruch ata adonai Eloheinu melech ha-olam...what?...sorry, wrong Teleprompter."

jj said...

And now, a reading from the book of Jules, "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Adriane said...

How he suddenly knew how to play Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor, just by sitting down in front of a pipe organ, remained one of the sacred mysteries in the Church of Barack...

Submariner said...

Horned god of the woods? Nah, that's just my Secretary of State...

Submariner said...

...and the only thing that, um, MAY stay My , uh, hand from smiting this horrible, uhhh, land is if, um, the country returns an overwhelming, uh, majority of, ummm, liberal yes-persons to My, um, service. So help Me, uhhhh, Me.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Errant light reflections... or did Scotty just try to beam the loser up to the mothership?

-OR-

And finally, if anyone needs to go to the restroom while I'm rambling, please raise your hand like this and one of my highly trained agents will escort you there and then force you to come back.

-OR-

Thawtbubble: "Hmmm, I don't recall ever seeing that passage..."
Aunt Jemima 3:28 - Letteth he who can admittest to having totally f*ckedeth uppeth a Presidency, raiseth thine hand.

Rodney Dill said...

"OK Rev. Wright, I'll read it...
'Wa-ta-goo-si-am
Wa-ta-goo-si-am
Wa-ta-goo-si-am'

What does that even mean?"

Anonymous said...

And Lord Obama granted the church special dispensation from energy saving crucifix bulbs.

Vinney

Kaptain Krude said...

"And ye shall let loose your grip on thine guns, and be ye not so bitter..." Barack the campaigner swings into action.

Kaptain Krude said...

"as for your own obvious racism, V the K, your blog: We get it. You’re a racist. As are your parents.
Scumbag." V the K's hate mail author is revealed.