1. Obama wondered why the cross was not hung upside down like the one in Bill Ayers basement.
2. 'Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn!'
3. "Good morning, infidels..."
4. "And now, let me read from the Gospel of Jeremiah, 'The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing 'God Bless America.' No, no, no, not God Bless America. God damn America...!"
5. "Your God is nothing... Bow down and worship ME!
Best of Submariner
Barry discovers that it's Chris Matthews recreating the "Police Academy" podium scene. Not that he finds anything wrong with that...
Best of Rodney Dill
"...and now from the book of Kobe, Chapter 2 Verse 28... and he sayest unto Kobe... yo... I'm open..."
Best of prince of leaves
The crowd gasped in awe as the Lightworker performed what would later be known as the Miracle of the Levitating Lima Beans.
Best of Steve O
President Obama describes what it means for him to be a musli--a Christian. Christian!
Best of Spin
"I (state your name)..."
Best of jj
And now, a reading from the book of Jules, "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."
Best of Submariner
Horned god of the woods? Nah, that's just my Secretary of State...
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
And finally, if anyone needs to go to the restroom while I'm rambling, please raise your hand like this and one of my highly trained agents will escort you there and then force you to come back.
Best of Vinney
And Lord Obama granted the church special dispensation from energy saving crucifix bulbs.
Best of Kaptain Krude
"And ye shall let loose your grip on thine guns, and be ye not so bitter..." Barack the campaigner swings into action.