Monday, September 27, 2010

The Hat of Miss Jane Pitman

Knowledge Is Power


1. "Brai... oh, it's you. Never mind."

2. "Pleased, um, to meet you, transvetite corpse of Sammy David Jr."

3. Desperate to get close to the president, Helen Thomas resorts to blackface.

4. "So, Tyra, you say something called a 'Wraith' sucked out your life force?"

5. "So, I touch that flower, spores shoot in my face, and I get all happy and mellow? I um, recall Frank Marshall Davis telling me something similar."

Best of JohnS1959
"I would have bet 40,000 quatloos on you", said Provider Denethor of Beta Orindi 7, "But in this economy I decided gold was a better investment."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Who will help me liquidate the kulaks as a class?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Saying she got the idea from Lady Gaga, Mammy went before the One wearing her Sunday best, including the thin-sliced deli meat meant for supper.

Best of dub
For the first time, I am proud to be I had chicken noodle soup for dinner, but I bought the black belt instead because brown is just, did I ever tell you about my granddaughter, I think I need to get the oil changed on the Buick but, but, but...I'm sorry, who are you again?

Best of blue
"Aunt Zeituni what a surprise! I thought they deported you!'

Best of Jay Guevara
"Sorry Aunt Zeituni. It won't happen again. Please don't cast a spell on me."

Best of dadoctah
Tyler Perry has finally lost it.

Best of sonicfrog
Obama strives to strike a deal with Trade Guild Viceroy Nute Gunray to blockade conservatives from polling places in the upcoming November elections.

Best of Matt the K
A poor, senile Wesley Snipes relives his "To Wong Foo" glory.

29 comments:

JohnS1959 said...

"I would have bet 40,000 quatloos on you", said Provider Denethor of Beta Orindi 7, "But in this economy I decided gold was a better investment."

Dr. Doom said...

The line for government handouts...

Jack Reacher said...

"So, you get ESPN with that thing?"

Jack Reacher said...

"Who will help me liquidate the kulaks as a class?"

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I lived long enough to see the first and the last black president.

JohnS1959 said...

Supporters of the President have taken to wearing their hearts on their sleeves lately.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Saying she got the idea from Lady Gaga, Mammy went before the One wearing her Sunday best, including the thin-sliced deli meat meant for supper.

-OR-

"Remember that time you cut across my lawn on your bike and flipped me the bird, sonny?"
With a voodoo costume accented with freshly fileted goat heart, the Santeria priestess cast a spell that had Obamalama clucking like a chicken and laying eggs in the rose garden.

-OR-

Ironically, after staring up at such an awkward angle for over an hour without getting so much as a "howdy do" from Obamalama, the woman needed neck surgery and a back brace that was not covered by Universal Healthcare.

-OR-

The DNC pays the Screen Actors Guild time & a half union scale to have a mob of smiling sychophants standing at the ready 24/7 should Obamalam happen to figure out how to open the Oval Office door. Putin gets the same thing for free by using gulag prisoners on work release.

dub said...

Smeegle, try some sunscreen next time.

dub said...

Excuse me sir, is this the line for reparations?

dub said...

Back of the line Mrs Parks.

dub said...

For the first time, I am proud to be I had chicken noodle soup for dinner, but I bought the black belt instead because brown is just, did I ever tell you about my granddaughter, I think I need to get the oil changed on the Buick but, but, but...I'm sorry, who are you again?

Anonymous said...

"Trick or treat, Mr. President."

Vinney

Dr. Doom said...

Editorial Comment:


I don't know Carpe Phlogiston, he has been laying eggs in the rose garden for quite a while now...

blue said...

"Aunt Zeituni what a surprise! I thought they deported you!'

Jay Guevara said...

"Sorry Aunt Zeituni. It won't happen again. Please don't cast a spell on me."

HLam said...

Whoa! Okay Selma, if you want to shake my hand you have to be able to lift your arm a little higher.

metalgarth said...

Yes, my great uncle was head of security for the Wicked Witch of the West. How did you know?

Anonymous said...

After Michelle saw this black truffle hat and matching outfit, she just had to have it.

Vinney

Oiao said...

"Why yes Mr. President, I kan do tat Lewinski thing, but I don't need no Intern title!"

dadoctah said...

Tyler Perry has finally lost it.

prince of leaves said...

Even if it meant squeezing into a crowd with no facemask or hand sanitizer, even if it meant disguising himself as a black woman instead of a white one, even if it meant risking all the hard work and planning it had taken to fake his death and disappear from the limelight, Michael Jackson just had to meet President Obama, just once.

prince of leaves said...

October 2, 2010: Encountering the tragic inescapability of the Grandfather Paradox, a time-traveling M'Chel from the year 2083 was predestined to fail in her effort to warn Barack not to eat the botulism-tainted wagyu later that afternoon.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Thank you, Dr. Doom! I don't believe Carpe's been used in an ad hominem for well over half a year. :-)

sonicfrog said...

ORA: In a desperate move to thwart the certain electoral onslaught by the Republicans and once again side step the voting rights laws, Obama strives to strike a deal with Trade Guild Viceroy Nute Gunray to blockade conservatives from polling places in the upcoming November elections.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Obamalama to Shrink: Doc, I ignored my handlers and opened a package containing a fetish doll... now it follows me everywhere!!

-OR-

ROOTS, The untold story.

Dr. Doom said...

No sir, thank you. Glad I could provide a bit of validation...

Matt the K said...

A poor, senile Wesley Snipes relives his "To Wong Foo" glory.

Matt the K said...

"Citizens of Watts: Yes, I AM a fan of 'Sanford and Son'. No, I um didn't want you to bring me the corpse of Aunt Esther as a keepsake. But I um appreciate the sentiment."

dadoctah said...

"Ma'am, just how long ago *were* you chosen as Miss Wasilla?"