Wednesday, September 08, 2010

All Right, Who's the Wise Guy?


1. Little Jennifer's flawless reading of R. Lee Ermey's Full Metal Jacket monolog was the cutest, most disturbing thing the Marines had ever seen.
2. "All right, which one of you posted the 'midget hooker' caption?"
3. "... and just what do you gentleman want with Kuato?"

4. "Sorry, guys, it's just when I think of you having to salute that Marxist Kenyan piece-of-shit I just get so f--king mad."

5. "The Marines learned a valuable lesson that day; do not let Jerry Seinfeld hire the stripper for your bachelor party."

36 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Red Dress: "Maybe we should chug on over to mamby pamby land where maybe we can find some self confidence for you, you jack wagons! .."

Rodney Dill said...

How the rest of the world sees Hillary Clinton.

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

It's called MY Little Pony, not YOUR Little Pony, and we're all gonna stand right here until I find out which one of you braided his tail in a French Weave!

JohnS1959 said...

"Now drop and give me 20 you useless maggots", screamed Annie.

Anonymous said...

"Listen up you f*%kin' jarheads. That maggot calls himself a President. What is his major malfunction? Even I know it's 'Corps, not Corpse'."

Vinney

Jack Reacher said...

"I love the smell of baby powder in the morning."

Jack Reacher said...

"Kelly says the bank is behind German lines; it's the perfect crime! What are you waiting for?"

Jack Reacher said...

"I've been watching Hollywood's last ten war movies; aren't you guys supposed to murder me, or something?"

divine miss m said...

The man accused of backing over little Jennifer's tricycle was released after she failed to pick him out in an identity parade.

Matt the K said...

"Midget High School Girls in Trouble", a Samuel L. Bronkowitz production.

blue said...

"All right...who is going to dress up as my unicorn...huh, huh??"

Submariner said...

Oh yeah? Well Woody Allen and I LOVE each other, and we're getting MARRIED, and we'll be HAPPY, so there!
poopy-heads...

Submariner said...

Don't be shy, boys; show me how much you like me...

Submariner said...

Look; it's plain I'm a tot. Where's my damn toys?

Submariner said...

If I was named a Muslim named Fatima, I'd a already had a hubby. Which one of you is gonna take me out and show me a good time?

Submariner said...

I don't care WHO said to cordone off the hall;
the little girls room is over there and I gotta go, so get the frack out of my way!

dadoctah said...

Unreleased and likely to remain so: the 1998 big-screen version of "Gomer Pyle", with Dakota Fanning as Sergeant Carter.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

Mom wants to know which of you I look like......

Molly Malone said...

You want to see the great and powerful Oz? You'll have to get through me...

dadoctah said...

A young Stefani Germanotta reenacts the "slave-selection" scene from "History of the World Part I".

An ignorant dickweed said...

"Do me a favor, could say 'Pumpkin' instead of 'ma'am?' It's just a thing, I worked so hard to get that title, so I'd appreciate it, yes, thank you."

Spin said...

"That was my g*ddam pony the SWAT team blew up. Now go kick their ASS!"

Kaptain Krude said...

Don't be fooled by her outward appearance, Marines! She's a stone-cold killer. You'll need all of your fighting abilities and teamwork to beat this level's boss! Now fight!

wv: brocart - No, that's a day late and five captions down. Way to let me down once again, word verification system!

Kaptain Krude said...

Submariner said...

Oh yeah? Well Woody Allen and I LOVE each other, and we're getting MARRIED, and we'll be HAPPY, so there!
poopy-heads...


Ouch, that one's gonna leave a mark, Subby.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Did I say 'at ease'? No, I did not! I said, 'Atten-shun'! When I say 'attention', I mean 'atten-SHUN', you worthless..." The rest of Abby's profanity-laced tirade was mercifully drowned out (but just barely) by a passing fleet of jet airplanes.

Kaptain Krude said...

"While I have you here, gentlemen, I would like to tell you about Ron Paul."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Want me read the paternity test results out loud or will my real daddy take one step forward...NOW!

-OR-

When a superior enters the room, you nimrods should snap to attention! TENNNNN HUT!

-OR-

Men, between the budget cuts and the ranks being stretched so thin, the DI's have had to outsource dress inspections to prissy little girls. So, LISTEN UP, jarheads! I want those shoes so shiny, I'll be able to see clear up my own dress!

Silhouette said...

She's got huge, sharp...er...she can leap about. Look at the bones!

molson said...

OK. This is looking much better. Earlier today there were a bunch of Krishnas jumping around like gerbils on meth and I had to open up a whole can on their sorry arses.

dadoctah said...

If you've seen any movies recently, you know how this ends. She's like a 47th-level ninja, and none of those jarheads is getting out of this corridor with his limbs still attached.

Dactyl said...

"What are you hiding behind those hats?"

Artfldgr said...

Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch...

Artfldgr said...

Ok, which one of you jokers keeps calling the plaza at all hours asking for Eloise?

Artfldgr said...

Aint parent teacher night a bitch when mom wont allow a paternity test.

Mr. Hankey said...

Obama's 2nd cousin takes a trip to school with security detail for a girl's day out.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

OK, which one of yous guys was cracking wise about my thinning hair?!?! Was it you, baldie?

-OR-

The guys are hiding their excitement at seeing a female after months at sea.