Wednesday, September 15, 2010

All Ass, No Class

Lucianne-dot-com

M'Chel chats on a cell during a 9-1-1 Memorial Service.

1. "You gotta come get me, Yolanda. I'm stuck in the middle of a chalk-faced whore sandwich."

2. "I dunno, Yolanda, soldier's funeral or some such sh-t. I'll be done in an hour or so. Then, we'll hit Old Navy."

3. "Yeah, there ain't even no damb buffet at this thing. So, pick me up some sandwiches or something."

4. "Three bars, wow. For the first time in my adult life, I'm proud of my cell phone company."

5. It was bad that M'Chel took a call during the 9-11 Memorial Service. It was worse that her ring-tone was NWA's "F--- Tha Police!"


Best of Jack Reacher
"...and henceforth, the nuclear football shall be known as the nuclear soccer ball. Make it happen."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Third row, second from the left. Right, blue suit. Didn't get a harrumph from him. Take care of it."

Best of Rodney Dill
The Cop, The Flop, and The Top

Best of JohnS1959
Two hard working public servants and a vacation planner...

Best of dadoctah
Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy. They were each assigned very hazardous duties. But I took them away from all that and now they work for me.

Best of mega
"Confirmed. The memorial faces exactly toward Mecca. Now, let's get back to my salt ban."

Best of Submariner
ORA: "Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel."

Best of Mr. Hankey
"...remind me again what's so important about this place..."

Best of prince of leaves
"Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking Mallorca next month. What? No, the whole island...it's just taxpayer money."

Best of dadoctah
Shouldn't Betty White be here? She's in everything else.

Best of Rodney Dill
"I gotta put you on hold Barry. Ray Bradbury is on the other line."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Well my life is hell girl", whined the First Lady, "It never stops, Spain, Maine, France, Gulf Coast three times now, and now I have to go to this stupid troop honoring thing..."

46 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

"...and don't forget the extra sauce this time."

Jack Reacher said...

"So Putin was driving an econobox? Barack's influence is truly global!"

Jack Reacher said...

"...and henceforth, the nuclear football shall be known as the nuclear soccer ball. Make it happen."

Anonymous said...

Yup, the old chalk face whore is in front of me... yeh,... yeh,..yeh, and she smells pretty too.

Jack Reacher said...

"Third row, second from the left. Right, blue suit. Didn't get a harrumph from him. Take care of it."

Jack Reacher said...

"I'm beat too, Baby. After this, we'll take a vacation."

Rodney Dill said...

Revealed after Great Karnak prognostication: "Trooper, Blooper, Super."

blue said...

"..and I think I'll have Lady GaGa over for a snack..."

Rodney Dill said...

The Cop, The Flop, and The Top

JohnS1959 said...

Two hard working public servants and a vacation planner...

JohnS1959 said...

"Remember Smokey", said the First Lady, "two paces behind and a pace to the right".

dadoctah said...

Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy. They were each assigned very hazardous duties. But I took them away from all that and now they work for me.

Army of Dad said...

V,
3. "Yeah, there ain't even no damb buffet at this thing. So, pick me up some sammiches or something."


Fixed it for ya!

Army of Dad said...

"Yes my refrigerator is running..."

Army of Dad said...

"I told you never to call me here!"

wv: liess How very appropriate.

mega said...

"Confirmed. The memorial faces exactly toward Mecca. Now, let's get back to my salt ban."

Submariner said...

No, dammit! The grey is NOT slimming enough; I've had 16 people greet me with "Shaq! When did you let your hair grow?"

Submariner said...

No, baby; they's greens EVERYwhere but this place ain't gots the class to grow arugala.

Submariner said...

I got two words for you, Pelosi:
"Vince.Foster"
Do I make myself clear?

Submariner said...

ORA:

"Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel."

Mr. Hankey said...

"This old lady just came up to me and wondered when Barry was going to pay off her mortgage & car loans. These suckers really fell for it!!"

Mr. Hankey said...

Hey...I found the missing drapes.

Mr. Hankey said...

"...remind me again what's so important about this place..."

dub said...

This must be photoshopped...Ohura was never part of the away team.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"calling Secret Service - this is LardAssOne - dat white womens bes in fronts da me..takes her out! only me leads dis parade"

Submariner said...

"...an' one mo' thing; who da cracker what thought it'd be a hoot ta give me a midget guard? Find him and send him ta Afghanistan.
The front.
Wit' no backup.
Wit' a "I love Israel" sign."


v word - trama - I bet giving props to real American heroes was to M'chel.

Submariner said...

فجّرت أنا لا أريد أيّ أعذار - هو فوق!

Anonymous said...

"Shanequa, girl you'll never guess who I'm with. You axe her if don't believe me. Laura, I want you to talk to my best friend's cousin's cousin."

Vinney

prince of leaves said...

"Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking Mallorca next month. What? No, the whole island...it's just taxpayer money."

prince of leaves said...

Laura thought bubble: "You're a proper lady, remember that. And proper ladies don't smack other ladies' asses into the middle of next week when they're rude. It's just not done."

blue said...

"..and tell da commissioner dat if Barracks don get dat Heisman dat Bush give up we gonna go medieval on his ass!'

Dactyl said...

"Yeah, Rahm? Thanks for the Laura lookalike actress, but the park service just busted us getting busy in Arlington. Get out here, and don't let Barry find out, okay?"

dadoctah said...

Shouldn't Betty White be here? She's in everything else.

Rodney Dill said...

"F*ck'n shortest trooper, I ever seen."

Rodney Dill said...

"Aren't you kinda short for a state trooper?"

Rodney Dill said...

"I gotta put you on hold Barry. Ray Bradbury is on the other line."

jj said...

Trooper, "Hey, you need a "Wide Load" sign on that rig if you're gonna drive through a national park".

blue said...

"..and buy me one of them Boo-Stee-Yays, so I can look as hot as that white girl>"

molson said...

Of course I want the extra cheese. Who do you think you're talking to jerky?

Kaptain Krude said...

"I can't believe it, Shanaynay. *sniff* Barry left me. *sniff* Can you believe it? He left me for... *sniff* the TelePrompTer! *sniff* I've never been so devastated! Hold on, I've got another call..."



wv: coran - Word Verification Service is trying to tell us something.

Kaptain Krude said...

"No, I ain't heard of no damn Ron Paul! How you get this number, anyway?"

Dr. Doom said...

"That's right Colonel", screamed the First Lady, "Put everything you've got on my coordinates, I'm surrounded and can not escape. Being First Lady is hell anyway..."

Dr. Doom said...

"Well my life is hell girl", whined the First Lady, "It never stops, Spain, Maine, France, Gulf Coast three times now, and now I have to go to this stupid troop honoring thing..."

Dr. Doom said...

"That's right Admiral", ordered the First Lady, "I want a cruise Missile right through that biotch Carla's front door and I want it yesterday!"

Jay Guevara said...

"They're having a sale on big-ass belts? And on dropcloths too? I'm there, girlfriend!"

Anonymous said...

"There's a camera on me right now? Front shot? OMG...tell me, does that front view of me in this pantsuit holding my cell phone whie talking to you make my butt look big?"