Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Dub's Nightmare Fuel

Detroit News


1. Auditions to become the spokesmodel for "Wheat Thicks" were quite competitive.

2. "Wow, what a coincidence! I was also banned from Sea World for confusing the tourists."

3. "When we're done, let's head over to Costco for a pallet of chocolate covered pretzels, a desk of Cheezits, and a hammock of cake."

4. "Don't you fret now, Lamonica, we'll find you a little gay friend to pal around with, too."

5. "Your father died? How sad. Let's party it up in Spain for a week."

Best of Double the U
"Does this make my ass look small?"

Best of Unscrupulous
Store Loudspeaker... "Due to very recent events and a fluke visit by the fire marshall, the store occupancy limit has just been lowered to four. Thank you!"

Best of dub
Laticia, how do I look in my new Levi's 1002's?

Best of Spin
How much junk could a junk trunk trunk if a junk trunk could trunk junk?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Wherever the four euphemisms - Plus-sized, Morbidly Obese, Rubenesque and Gargantua - get together, light actually bends.

Best of Passionate Conservative
Nancy: Do these pants make me look fat?
Charlene: No, all those damn twinkies make you look fat!

Best of molson
Stretch pants do stretch, but I think we're asking for a miracle here.

Best of Adriane
Few people know of Anthony Ray's pre-stardom work as a salesman in Lane Bryant...

Best of mega
We have FOUR women in the White House whose only job is to try on Michelle's clothes to make sure they'll fit? Jeez...this spending is out of control.

19 comments:

dadoctah said...

So *that's* why Hef wants to take Playboy private!

Double the U said...

"So does this make my ass look small?"

Unscrupulous said...

Store Loudspeaker... "Due to very recent events and a fluke visit by the fire marshall, the store occupancy limit has just been lowered to four. Thank you!"

dub said...

Laticia, how do I look in my new Levi's 1002's?

Anonymous said...

Preparing for a booty call, roll 'em in flour and go for the moist spot was never more true.

Vinney

Matt the K said...

"Do these jeans make my mom and sisters look fat?"

Spin said...

How much junk could a junk trunk trunk if a junk trunk could trunk junk?


VW - whilly not even with Extenze ©

Mr Hankey said...

Tiger's booty calls are not quite the same.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The very definition of BUTT UGLY.

-OR-

Responding to the obesity epidemic, designers renamed women's jeans sizes from Small, Medium and Large to Assteroid, Planetary and this Hubble- shot of some Black Holes.

-OR-

Wherever the four euphemisms - Plus-sized, Morbidly Obese, Rubenesque and Gargantua - get together, light actually bends.

-OR-

Fat is contagious.

Passionate Conservative said...

Nancy: Do these pants make me look fat?

Charlene: No, all those damn twinkies make you look fat!

jj said...

Who said something about GoodYear?

molson said...

Stretch pants do stretch, but I think we're asking for a miracle here.

Anonymous said...

Keesha always looked bloated when she got her period.

Vinney

Rodney Dill said...

Bend and SNAP-AP-AP-ap-ap-ap-ap....

Rodney Dill said...

"Don't worry honey... nuthin' could make yo ass look fatter."

WV: spana (as in... yo ass could SPANA major ravine)

Adriane said...

Few people know of Anthony Ray's pre-stardom work as a salesman in Lane Bryant...

mega said...

We have FOUR women in the White House whose only job is to try on Michelle's clothes to make sure they'll fit? Jeez...this spending is out of control.

Matt the K said...

Honey, that ain't the Jersey Shore, that's the whole Atlantic Seaboard.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

This is the sort of wardrobe malfunction our nipple-phobic government, the ACLU and PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Activewear) should be trying to stamp out!