Monday, August 30, 2010
Continuing in the "Things the POTUS Cannot Operate" Series
1. "Taking money from white people... this feels so... natural... somehow."
2. "Creating and saving jobs is fun! I should do this once a week!"
3. "Thanks for your 'contribution,' Ma'am. This is a real nice hole-in-the-wall you got here. Be a shame if anything happened to it."
4. Seeing money being handed to a black man, the clerk in the background instinctively puts her hands up. (ATDHE)
5. "Stop bitterly clinging to my money, b---h!"
Best of Oiao
"Why, um, yes. The $4.29 in you pocket might get you onto the Obamacare list."
Best of Jay Guevara
"$0.23, $0.24, $0.25. There you go. That's what was left of your 401(k). No need to thank me now."
Best of prince of leaves
"'Muffelatta'? What does my mixed ancestry have to do with today's sandwich special?"
Best of Kaptain Krude
"Change for a hundred? Sure, here you go. 1,2,3.. You know, it was only 3 years ago that I first started running for president. I realized that I wanted to be president at a very early age, probably when I was about 25. Now where was I? Oh, yes, 25. 25, 26, 27, 28... You know, obesity rates are up in 28 states, isn't that amazing? 28 states out of 50. Anyway, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55 ... You know, I'll be 55 when I leave office in 2016. At least I won't be like Reagan. What was he when he left office, 95? Yeah *chuckle*. Gaia, I crack myself up. Where was I? Oh, yeah, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, and 100. There you go, my good woman."
(Yeah, I know it's better seeing Penn and Teller do it, and I know it's pretty long. So sue me.)
Best of Mr Hankey
I can't believe they want to charge me...don't we own this company yet??
Best of Vinney
"This is the only meaningful change anyone is getting from me, sweetie."
Best of JohnS1959
"Well, I'm going to redistribute it, of course", huffed the President.
Best of dub
$1.49 for a large Kool Aid is a steal!
Best of Mr. Hankey
In celebration of Labor Day, I've taken this establishments ill-gotten gains & am passing them to...wait did you vote for me?
Best of molson
Neat. There's pictures of dead white guys all over these napkins.
Best of Jack Reacher
"Just hand it over. The jewelry, too. Damned kulaks."