Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Can't Sleep, Clown Will Eat Me

blue
1. "Hello, Barney Frank here. What? Nancy, I told you never to call me when I was on Fire Island. What's that? Return to Washington to vote on a bloated spending bill that screws the taxpayers and bails out our union cronies? I'm there!"

2. "McMahon for senate campaign. How may I direct your call?"

3. "Obama Economic Advisory Council. How may I direct your call?"

4. "Stephen King? Hi, this is Pennywise. I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up on Folsom Street. These people scare me! Get me the Hell out of here!"

5. "I have to hang up. An expended 109 MM shell just penetrated my cranium."

Best of Unscrupulous
"Yes, this is Dorothy. Yes, I would love to have aluminum siding installed. On my house? Ohhhhhh. never mind."

Best of metalgarth
"if you know the name of the party that stole your tarts... press 1. If you'd like to select from a list press 2"

Best of blue
Yes, my Hawaiian birth certificate says that Ronald McDonald put his Whopper into Wendy's Hot & Juicy - which resulted in me - the Burger Queen!!!!

Best of Matt the K
"Hello, Acme Guillotine Company...yes, we need to order a few more-- hang on a sec...'OFF with her head!!!'...sorry, I'm back now. "

Best of Spin
Yes, I rolled in flour but no one is looking for my wet spot.

Best of curly
"Curly! How is it in Tikrit, Iraq? What? Hotter than hell and you ain't gettin' any?"

Best of Jack Reacher
I see the MSNBC job fair is in full swing.

Best of JohnS1959
Tony Hayward gets his life back and finds his true calling in life all on the same day...

Best of GregMan
"U.S. Department of Justice, Civil Rights division. how may I direct your call."

Best of Wesley M.
Shelley Finkelbauer -- Stimlus Job "Saved or Created" Number 1, 247,592 -- gets word that her NEA grant has just been approved.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Jane's having second thoughts about Obamalama's full employment jobs bill. TSA's new Scary Clowns division hadn't spooked a single superstitious jihadist from a boarding line in 2 months.

Best of Passionate Conservative
The new JetBlue flight attendant uniform made passengers even more agitated than usual.

25 comments:

Double the U said...

It doesn't matter... if it is a female and a mime, it still wont stop talking.

Unscrupulous said...

"Yes, this is Dorothy. Yes, I would love to have aluminum siding installed. On my house? Ohhhhhh. never mind."

metalgarth said...

"if you know the name of the party that stole your tarts... press 1. If you'd like to select from a list press 2"

metalgarth said...

Burger King's daughter obviously needs to get out of the family business

metalgarth said...

Yes. That'll be 6 tacos, 2 burrito supremes, some nachos, fried ice cream, and a diet coke

blue said...

yes, my Hawaiian birth certificate says that Ronald McDonald put his Big Mac into Wendy's Hot & Juicy - which resulted in me - the Burger Queen!!!!

Matt the K said...

"Hello, Acme Guillotine Company...yes, we need to order a few more-- hang on a sec...'OFF with her head!!!'...sorry, I'm back now. "

Matt the K said...

Even the drag queens thought Mimi's makeup on the final episode of The Drew Carey show was a bit over the top.

Spin said...

Yes, I rolled in flour but no one is looking for my wet spot.

curly said...

"Curly! How is it in Tikrit, Iraq? What? Hotter than hell and you ain't gettin' any?"

Jack Reacher said...

I see the MSNBC job fair is in full swing.

JohnS1959 said...

Tony Hayward gets his life back and finds his true calling in life all on the same day...

GregMan said...

"Oh, hi Francine. You want to set me up on a blind date with a guy named Dub? Sure, why not?"

GregMan said...

"Newsweek, how may I direct your call?"

GregMan said...

"U.S. Department of Justice, Civil Rights division."

Double the U said...

I am at the event now, and I can't wait to meet you. No... seriously you can't miss me...

molson said...

Meet your next Supreme Court nominee.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

MOM!! (breathless giggles) I've been invited to a frat party! .... Uh, yeah, he did call it a Fugly party. How did you know?

-OR-

MOMMEE!! Could I have been punked?? Nobody else showed up to the cell phone swarm and I stick out like that abscessed whitlow on Uncle Jake's thumb.


WordVerify: nomleshm - Yiddish mother phrase meaning "Eat, Eat, it's kosher!"

Wesley M. said...

Shelley Finkelbauer -- Stimlus Job "Saved or Created" Number 1, 247,592 -- gets word that her NEA grant has just been approved.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Come on down!
Roseanne Barr's career has sunk so low, she's vying for prizes on the Price Is Right.

-OR-

Fat Buddies Phone Tree
Ohmygawd, tell the whole gang... Obese Chix is OPEN!! Ooooh, and they had my size... Gassy Giant!!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

9 out of 10 kids agree, the new crossing guard uniforms did make the first day of school a little easier to deal with.

-OR-

Jane's having second thoughts about Obamalama's full employment jobs bill. TSA's new Scary Clowns division hadn't spooked a single superstitious jihadist from a boarding line in 2 months.

Passionate Conservative said...

Down time for Elton John

Passionate Conservative said...

The new JetBlue flight attendant uniform made passengers even more agitated than usual.

Anonymous said...

Officer Tracey hated working vice at King's Dominion.

Vinney

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I THINK MY OUTFIT'S TOO LOUD!