Monday, July 05, 2010

Il Douchebag

K is P

1. "I gave up a golf fame for this. You crackers damn well better applaud for me!"

2. Bammy still grossly underestimates the size of Streisand's ass.

3. "On this Fourth of July, I just wanna say, American Flag, Bic Lighter, Burn, baby, Burn!"

4. M'Chel hated the flag ever since she realized horizontal stripes made her ass look as big as a Kansas wheat field.

5. "Workers of the World Unite! You have nothing to lose but your, um, chains!"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
See America, it's OK not to have flags behind you when giving a speech, as long as you are using one for a tablecloth.....

Best of mega
To Obama it was a gathering of subjects and supplicants, but to Michelle, they were just food.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Michelle's bored expression suggests Obamalama's claim to a schlong the size of a mature eel might be an exaggeration.

Best of curly
"Allah Bless Amerikkka!"

Best of GregMan
"I swear, Frank Marshall Davis' wang was this big!"

Best of Submariner
"If this represents your pay, then my national debt now stretches from here to the sun.
Of the Alpha Centari system.
And back.
Twice..."

Best of metalgarth
Go get us a watermelon... about yay big!
(ATDHE)

Best of dadoctah
"Every Fourth of July it's like clockwork. Gets a sixer of Bud into him and launches right into Volare."

Best of divine miss m
"Okay, which one of you clowns swiped my vuvuzela?"

Best of Vinney
"I swear it was this big and then I had to call a plumber."

Best of Army of Dad
♫ ♪ ♪ O---klahoma where typical white people cling to guns and religion..♫ ♪ ♪

Best of Submariner
ORA:
♪ I get no kicks from champagne...♪
♪ Ooh-ooh...♪

Best of dub
Please note the new American flag has only one star to represent the State Of Obama.

57 comments:

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

see America, it's OK not to have flags behind you when giving a speech, as long as you are using one for a tablecloth.....

blue said...

OK - count 'em - since I had Biden light the fireworks, I still have 10 fingers left - It's a good thing Joe doesn't have to sign bills like me

mega said...

Michael Steele later commented, "As Republicans, we stand firmly opposed to the use of microphones, word."

Passionate Conservative said...

"Arbeit, macht FREI!"

mega said...

In an eerie reprise of Spinal Tap's 18" Stonehenge, Obama angrily pointed out that the Presidential podium seal was supposed to be THIS big.

mega said...

To Obama it was a gathering of subjects and supplicants, but to Michelle, they were just food.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The messiah looks out upon a throng of sycophants and rambles on, while the bored wife prays for a freak hailstorm.

-OR-

Michelle's bored expression suggests Obamalama's claim to a schlong the size of a mature eel might be an exaggeration.

-OR-

Michelle's Thawtballoon - Hah, he claimed his schlong was that big on our first date. Look at them! They still believe his promises. What a bunch of retards.

curly said...

"Allah Bless Amerikkka!"

curly said...

"...and we're protecting the last few remaining actual taxpayers to the Endangered Species Act."

curly said...

Red, White and Glue.

dadoctah said...

We're two-thirds of the way to that much anticipated Tony Orlando and Dawn reunion.

Jack Reacher said...

ORA: "I sure likes me some potted meat, Mmmm-hmmm."

Jack Reacher said...

M'Chel cringed, knowing that once he got started on the "Who's on First" routine, he could go on for half an hour.

Jack Reacher said...

"And so, in conclusion, I must go now. Time for Wapner."

Jack Reacher said...

"Dyslexics of the world, untie!"

Adriane said...

'Ave Maria ... '

GregMan said...

"I swear, Frank Marshall Davis' wang was this big!"

GregMan said...

"How big is baby? This big!"

GregMan said...

"No, no! Not God Bless Amerikkka! God D@mn Amerikkka!"

GregMan said...

"And now it's time for the human sacrifice! Cthulhu, um, fhtagn!"

molson said...

Worship me monors. Worship me this much or M'chel here will eat your first born faster than I can turn arugula into an economic plan.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

"If this represents your pay, then my national debt now stretches from here to the sun.

Of the Alpha Centari system.

And back.

Twice..."

Submariner said...

Secretary of State? Like that! But I'm STILL the better man; right M'Chel? M'Chel?

Anonymous said...

"All right, which one of you clowns stole my vuvuzela? It's about this big."

prince of leaves said...

"Godddd blesss Indonesia, myyy hoooome sweeee--- Wait! WTF? Who changed the lyrics on the teleprompter??!?!?!?"

prince of leaves said...

One-upping Jesus at Cana, the Obamessiah turns the Potomac into his favorite metrosexual microbrew in honor of July 4.

metalgarth said...

Go get us a watermelon... about yay big!



(ATDHE)

dadoctah said...

"Every Fourth of July it's like clockwork. Gets a sixer of Bud into him and launches right into Volare."

JohnS1959 said...

In a major revamp of presidential policy, Mr. Obama announced a switch to wide screen teleprompters. In other news the oil spill reached the Texas coast today and the federal deficit has climbed to new record highs...

JohnS1959 said...

When asked to comment on his economic policy, Mr. Obama borrowed a line from the old Get Smart series and said, "Missed it by that much".

JohnS1959 said...

"Let me be perfectly clear um, I say to um, the American er, people that um, um, this is ahh, how much er, wood that um, a woodchuck ahh, could chuck um, um, er, if er, woodchucks, ah, in fact did chuck um, wood."

Dr. Doom said...

Not your typical white person.

Submariner said...

♪ Five. ♪
♪ Five Euro. ♫
♪ Five Euro third-of-a-meter long... ♪

Submariner said...

"...and when I bowed over, my face was only THIS FAR from Kim Jong Il!"



v word - hooming - ol' Subby's still not so sure the first Wookie is...

Matt the K said...

Um five. Um five dollar. Um five dollar foot LONG, people.

Anonymous said...

Il Chickenshit Grifter

mpur said...

"I'd like to buy the world some, uhm, a Coke...."

As promised, Obama sings the new national anthem.

Submariner said...

Know how you can tell Obamalam is 3/4 white Arab? He ain't got the internal rhythm to clap on the upbeat like M'Chel...

Submariner said...

Oh yeah, and then Dawn's head went nuclear...

Submariner said...

♪ The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire...♪

divine miss m said...

"Okay, which one of you clowns swiped my vuvuzela?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"And so, I tell the oceans to stop rising. I tell the planet to start healing. For verily, I say unto ye, it was all Bush's fault!" The Kool-Aid was extra-strong today.

Anonymous said...

"I swear it was this big and then I had to call a plumber."

Vinney

Submariner said...

In honor of myself, I give you;
Dependence Day.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Snarling Thawtbubble - Okay, Carpe, I've stopped wearing the xmas ornaments. Happy now, "Mr. Blackwell?"

WordVerify: matent - Nickname for Michelle's favorite drapes, as in, "I wanna wear matent today."

Army of Dad said...

♫ ♪ ♪ O---klahoma where typical white people cling to guns and religion..♫ ♪ ♪

Steve O said...

Our Dear Leader leads the congregants in a song about the glories of unemployment insurance and the evils of capitalism.

Jay Guevara said...

"And I can play - not just caddy - at any country club in the U.S. How 'bout dat?"

Jay Guevara said...

"Oh, and I've sacrificed to achieve this position. All the white girls I could've had, but the Party made me marry Kizzy here to maintain my black authenticity."

Jay Guevara said...

"Of course America is a great country. America invented the teleprompter. Probly did some other stuff too."

Jack Reacher said...

RESPECT MAH AUTHORITEH!

Submariner said...

ORA:

♪ I get no kicks from champagne...♪
♪ Ooh-ooh...♪

Submariner said...

♪ My country, tis of me. ♪

Passionate Conservative said...

Yes, it's this much longer than Ron Jeremy's, and I'm much thinner too!

dub said...

Please note the new American flag has only one star to represent the State Of Obama.

Submariner said...

Wait! Don't go yet!
I haven't,um, bowed to you, You, or, um, YOU!