Friday, July 23, 2010

Greens on her Head

Brender

1. An elderly woman was killed today in a freak accident when a basket of arugula fell from a passing presidential helicopter.

2. "Dammit, Aunt Jeanne, that stuff is supposed to be medicinal!"

3. "M'Chel, I am sorry I mistook your dress for a picnic blanket. How long do I have to stand in your garden like this."

4. Not only was the Obama's gift basket of arugula an insult to the Norwegian Prime Minister, but the method of delivery also left something to be desired.

5. Shirley Sherrod said, "I can't help you, why don't you go seek help from your own kind ... the other chalk-faced whores."


Best of Jack Reacher
I see the "Green Economy" is about as productive as I'd expected.

Best of Vinney
"Hi, welcome to The Olive Garden. My name is Beth and I'll be your waitress tonight. Would you like some salad"?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Everyone remarked as to how lifelike taxidermist Smith's scarecrow was, yet it took over a month before anyone asked why Edna hadn't returned from a visit to her mother's.

Best of dadoctah
"Who throws salad? Honestly?"

Best of mega
Hillary realizing she'd been played and was a humiliated husk of her former self, plastering a smile on her face, Round 1,329.

Best of JohnS1959
"No it isn't really that difficult", said the Secretary of State, "I have many years of practice handling basket cases and vegetables".

Best of Submariner
How to deliver arugula to the Oval Office, Lesson 1...

17 comments:

Double the U said...

You can guess where she carries the organic vegetables.

Jack Reacher said...

Congressman Rangel only charges me $300 a month to grow vegetables on my head.

Jack Reacher said...

I see the "Green Economy" is about as productive as I'd expected.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

Hillary learned quickly how to approach the President.

Adriane said...

Well, according to the Law of Conservation of Culture ... with American jobs and Free Enterprise going to India, something had to come back!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Many dog owners begin to look like their pets, so perhaps the same holds true of gardeners who grow eggplants?

-OR-

Two Faces of Vegetarians
Tom was enchanted by Mary's smile and healthy appearance; but when she caught him eating a hamburger, kicked him in the groin and yelled, "murderer!" he swore off eHarmony.

-OR-

Bountiful Harvest
a) Manhours = 497
b) Tools, Pest Control & Soil Prep Material Costs = $2675
c) Lost opportunity to subdivide before market crash = $2,893,000
d) Happy vegetarian wife with enough flatulence to wilt cornstalks = Priceless

Anonymous said...

"Hi, welcome to The Olive Garden. My name is Beth and I'll be your waitress tonight. Would you like some salad"?

Vinney

Carpe Phlogiston said...

How's the Wife, Ed?
Everyone remarked as to how lifelike taxidermist Smith's scarecrow was, yet it took over a month before anyone asked why Edna hadn't returned from a visit to her mother's.

-OR-

Sally loved doing her garden gnome sundail impersonation and would, in later years, say how disappointed she was never to have been invited The Letterman Show.

Anonymous said...

And that ladies and gentlemen is why it is called a head of lettice. You can learn so much from the Internet.

Vinney

Anonymous said...

Cheryl was such a tease. She come up to guys and ask them if she could toss their salad and then she'd go for her head dress.

Vinney

dadoctah said...

"Who throws salad? Honestly?"

mega said...

Hillary realizing she'd been played and was a humiliated husk of her former self, plastering a smile on her face, Round 1,329.

molson said...

After pissing the Israelis off for the 999th time, Hillary was finally appointed to the prestigious position of Salad Czar.

mega said...

M'chel: 'Listen up, you biatch, walking the arugula from the garden to the kitchen IS SecState work, and if you give me lip about it again, I'll just have hubby declare the garden a sovereign state."

molson said...

Hillary was heard to exclaim... "It's like a Tea Party on my head!"

JohnS1959 said...

"No it isn't really that difficult", said the Secretary of State, "I have many years of practice handling basket cases and vegetables".

Submariner said...

How to deliver arugula to the Oval Office, Lesson 1...