Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Slurpy

Chronos the Wonder Pig

1. Bernice's lemonade business actually boomed during the Gulf Coast cleanup.

2. Country Tyme's marketing has gotten decidedly aggressive.

3. Andrew Sullivan tried to compete with a similarly-inspired "hand-soap dispenser" but found few takers.

4. "No, I'm not a metaphor for the welfare state; I haven't been sucked dry yet."

5. Worst case of post-partum depression EVAH!

Best of Vinney
The man's a genius. Where does Ron Popeil come up with these ideas?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
When Shelly told hubby Ted she'd volunteered to bring 2 jugs of lemonade to the tailgate party, he nodded absentmindedly and said, "Sounds fine." Ted's stopped reading the paper at breakfast.

Best of mega
Democrats ban bottled water. Unintended but acceptable consequences.

Best of Jack Reacher
Janice tells people her son was breast-fed. She doesn't tell them that he still is, 23 years later.

Best of Dactyl
When your gender-reassignment surgeon is Salvador Dali...

Threadwinner: prince of leaves
When life gives you melons, make melonade.

Best of Matt the K
Well, I prefer Hi-C but I spose Hi-D will work in a pinch.

Best of Adriane
Sadly, Obamacare made short work of the Society for Cosmetic Surgery's annual Most Imaginative Use of Silicon Award ...

Best of molson
They aren't real, but they're full of liquor so it's all good.

Best of Submariner
I really like the way my doctor ensures I get at least two daily servings of citrus to ward away the rickets.

Best of Steve O
Frank feels like he's made a connection, and wonders if he should ask her out.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now that the prototype was built, Naomi began testing her latest invention- the shooter's hooters.

Vinney

Anonymous said...

The man's a genius. Where does Ron Popeil come up with these ideas?

Vinney

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Shades of Frank Zappa! Titties and Beer!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

As with decaffienated coffee in diners, the Boobie Carafe® has a downside... blonde waitresses can forget which lemonade is sweetened and which is unsweetened.

-OR-

When Shelly told hubby Ted she'd volunteered to bring 2 jugs of lemonade to the tailgate party, he nodded absentmindedly and said, "Sounds fine." Ted's stopped reading the paper at breakfast.

-OR-

The manufacturer claims the nipples have a backflow preventer "so spit don't flow upstream" - but in this day and age, few are stupid enough to risk it.

Unscrupulous said...

The poor man needed something to get rid of the taste from the fudge dispenser in her shorts!

Anonymous said...

The long waiting line of 'bottle babies' reveals much to be considered by any future mothers.

Anonymous said...

The slurpie will never be the same.

Vinney

mega said...

Democrats ban bottled water.
Unintended but acceptable consequences.

Jack Reacher said...

Janice tells people her son was breast-fed. She doesn't tell them that he still is, 23 years later.

Dactyl said...

When your gender-reassignment surgeon is Salvador Dali...

prince of leaves said...

When life gives you melons, make melonade.

Steve O said...

Heh. The typical customer has no tan, and wears a digital watch and a backpack to the beach.

Who would have expected THAT??!!

Matt the K said...

Dear Cousin Luke,
We sure do miss you back in Tatooine. Booba Fett says hi.

Matt the K said...

Well, I prefer Hi-C but I spose Hi-D will work in a pinch.

Matt the K said...

Bridgette left home to roam free in the desert, for the people of her hometown were lactate intolerant.

Anonymous said...

Lemonade? Heavens no, that is spit from every other guy that has sucked on these things.

JohnS1959 said...

Another metaphor for Mr. Obama's welfare state. At first it seems like a good idea, but...

jeff said...

Finally - science creates an effective way to guarantee men get their adequate intake of liquids!

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Whoa; that margarita machine has style!

Submariner said...

Looks like it's up to ol' Subby to enforce the "No Food or Drink Packaging" on this beach.

Adriane said...

Sadly, Obamacare made short work of the Society for Cosmetic Surgery's annual Most Imaginative Use of Silicon Award ...

molson said...

They aren't real, but they're full of liquor so it's all good.

Submariner said...

I really like the way my doctor ensures I get at least two daily servings of citrus to ward away the rickets.

Steve O said...

She says her name is "Margarita" but I don't know if it really is or not.

Steve O said...

Frank feels like he's made a connection, and wonders if he should ask her out.

Anonymous said...

...the lonely lives of inventors.

Steve O said...

Well how about that.

Some clever inventor has found a way to combine two of my favorite things!

Matt the K said...

Just another tequila tit sunrise.

dadoctah said...

Sadly, it's grapefruit juice, which as we all know has an unfortunate tendency to squirt you right in the eye.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Not only does it dispense a refreshing beverage, when you're done, you talk in that funny high pitched helium voice.

-OR-

Throw in some balloons and ponies and this becomes a Burning Man metaphor for the do nothing pigs in Congress who suckle on the public teat.