Friday, June 11, 2010

The Reassuring Gaze

The Onion

1. "Let me see that ass!" Obama's search for the person to blame for the oil spill led to some unfortunate misunderstandings.

2.ORA: "I want my famly back!"

3. When the madness of Pon Farr was upon him, Tuvok couldn't resist the pungent smell of mansweat.

4. "I see that you're a white person, but are you a typical white person?"

5. "Sorry, I thought you were Simon Pegg. The proletariat all look alike to me."

Best of JohnS1959
Look son, I can't have you running against our guy. How would you like a job in my administration? You could be ah, um, err, ah - I know - Secretary of the Interior! You could um, ah, you know, craft our entire response to oil spills and disasters and stuff.

Best of dub
This picture isnt funny. Clearly the guy is retarded. The guy in the purple shirt seems ok though in comparison.

Best of GregMan
"What do you mean, your iPod has something on it besides my speeches?!"

Best of dub
Brains.....brains.....brains....damn, someone already got to the negro.

Best of Jack Reacher
"So, Timmy, you ever seen a community organizer naked?"

Best of mega
Empathy Practice Fridays required one staffer to put down the beer bong and toss on a shirt for an hour. The displeasure was evident.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Bob, do you remember that time I gave you a ride to the Circle K when you had the munchies at 2:00 a.m.? Well I'm calling in my marker, Bob. I need you to give 787 billion dollars.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Look, I really need you to pay back that student loan... NOW!

Threadwinner: Kaptain Krude
ORA?: "My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought, careening through a cosmic vapor of invention."
"Ditto."

Best of Matt the K
Obama pleads with Jay Mohr to return to the cast of "Ghost Whisperer".

Best of Army of Dad
"Did you ever dance with a wookie in the pale moon light?"

Best of Jay Guevara
"Gimme your wallet cracka muthaf*cka!"

Assistant to the Regional Threadwinner: Best of Submariner
Have you seen my stapler? It's a red Swingline...

40 comments:

Submariner said...

Look; The bus is coming and I just need someone, anyone, to toss under it or it'll come for me.
You're it...

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble: "Wait a second - 'I feel your pain?' - I know what happens to the US after a Democrat President says that..."

Submariner said...

Whaddaya mean when you say "Have you swum in the Gulf today?"

JohnS1959 said...

Look son, I can't have you running against our guy. How would you like a job in my administration? You could be ah, um, err, ah - I know - Secretary of the Interior! You could um, ah, you know, craft our entire response to oil spills and disasters and stuff.

dub said...

This picture isnt funny. Clearly the guy is retarded. The guy in the purple shirt seems ok though in comparison.

dub said...

Coming the Summer of 2010: Dumb and Dumber 2

GregMan said...

"No, kid, you don't understand: I really do hate Amerikkka."

GregMan said...

"What do you mean, your iPod has something on it besides my speeches?!"

Anonymous said...

"Kid, how would you like to be The Oil Spill Czar? I'm serious."

Vinney

jj said...

Hey! Isn't that the iPod I gave to the Queen?

wv: remam - what you don't call Barbara Boxer

Anonymous said...

"Look you worthless piece of White Trash, I need to score some blow now...Oh, and pick me up a quarter of a pounder with fries and a coke. And, don't tell Michelle about Mickey D's, either."

Vinney

dadoctah said...

The Administration reaches out to a typical representative of the right wing.

dub said...

Brains.....brains.....brains....damn, someone already got to the negro.

molson said...

How dare you invoke the Constitution. I know what the Constitution says. I just choose to ignore it. Now off to FEMA prison for you.

molson said...

I'm gonna fill you with so much hope your eyes are gonna come clean out of your head.

Jack Reacher said...

"So, Timmy, you ever seen a community organizer naked?"

mega said...

"If you like your iPod, you can keep your iPod."

mega said...

"If you like listening to music other than JayZ or 50 Cent, you can keep listening to music other than JayZ or 50 Cent."

mega said...

Empathy Practice Fridays required one staffer to put down the beer bong and toss on a shirt for an hour. The displeasure was evident.

Anonymous said...

The patient always wondered how Dr. Obama could do the prostate exam with both hands on the patient's shoulders.

..................arf

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Bob, do you remember that time I gave you a ride to the Circle K when you had the munchies at 2:00 a.m.? Well I'm calling in my marker, Bob. I need you to give 787 billion dollars.

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Obama will not rest until each and every American thanks him personally for destroying American Health Care and indenturing their children for generations.

mpur said...

Do YOU know how to plug that damn hole?

mega said...

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we're taking your mortgage interest deduction away. Oh, and your 401k money too."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Look, I really need you to pay back that student loan... NOW!

-OR-

In-Tim-I-Da-Shun
Obamalama takes time out of his busy schedule to teach gangbangers (sorry - "at risk kids" - not pictured for their protection) the Left way to steal from the white middle class. Old fashioned mugging never goes out of style!

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA?: "My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought, careening through a cosmic vapor of invention."
"Ditto."

James Mcenanly said...

"Trussst in me, jussst in me...'

Jack Reacher said...

"You've used your carbon credits for the year. You must stop breathing now. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do."

Jack Reacher said...

"Have I told you about Ron, er, Rand Paul?"

Jack Reacher said...

"I hear and I obey, Mr. President." Another ACORN worker joins the fold.

Matt the K said...

Obama pleads with Jay Mohr to return to the cast of "Ghost Whisperer".

danika@israel said...

white person, black person... in the very beggining maybe it was really interesteng and people really were focuced on the coulour of obama's skin, as for now-i think he is only one who still trying to provocate interes to this subject

Jay Guevara said...

"Trust me. Forget the history books. With the right people in charge, we can make socialism work this time."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Messianic Epiphany
O's Thawtbubble - Here I've begged and pleaded with this guy for this photo op, and he looks at me with a blank stare. Oh, wait, he's not even listening to me! Nobody's listening to me!!!

Submariner said...

Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?

Army of Dad said...

"Be healed!"

Army of Dad said...

♪Put your hands on my shoulders..♪

Army of Dad said...

"Did you ever dance with a wookie in the pale moon light?"

Jay Guevara said...

"Gimme your wallet cracka muthaf*cka!"

Submariner said...

Have you seen my stapler? It's a red Swingline...