Saturday, June 12, 2010

Holsteins and a Soldier


1. Coming from farm country where entertainment options were limited, Private Brody thought nothing was more hilarious than letting cows lick crystal meth off her hands.

2. "Guess what, you ladies are going to be the 'guests of honor' at the company barbecue." Click

3. "... And under Obamunism, the Government takes your cow to a petting zoo and gives you an unemployment check."

4. "Maggie, Bessie... you're safe now. The National Guard has secured Enumclaw."

5. "I suppose you girls are wondering why we brought you the Mutant Piranha Experimentation Laboratory..."

Best of Double the U
Wow, Rosie O'Donnell and Rosanne are doing a USO tour?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Hey, Sarge! I thought these discount nightvision goggles the Army bought from Toys R Us would be crappy but I can see this enemy combatant on his knees begging for his life as clear as day!

Best of Submariner
heh heh
Billy Joe picked the ugly one...

Best of mega
The new nanny-state rules for petting zoos required onerous protective clothing and safety gear. But as Democrats explained, the odds of injury from an animal attack dropped from 0.000013 to 0.000000011 per 100,000.

Best of Rodney Dill
Edmund was chagrined as he discovered he had inadvertantly stumbled into a Hay Bar.

Best of Matt the K
California National Guard cows are happier.

Best of Matt the K
The remake of 'Top Secret' lacks the comic punch of the original.

Best of Rodney Dill
Preparing to deploy the automatic land mine dispensers.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Those country boys always go ugly early.

Vinney

dadoctah said...

This just in: WMDs reported in Wisconsin.

wv: plort. You hear that a lot around dairy farms.

dadoctah said...

Tell the truth now. First time you heard about a "cattle guard", what did *you* picture?

dub said...

Hey, didnt I see you 2 days ago on V the K's site?

Double the U said...

Wow, Rosie O'Donnell and Rosanne are doing a USO tour?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Hey, Sarge! I thought these discount nightvision goggles the Army bought from Toys R Us would be crappy but I can see this enemy combatant on his knees begging for his life as clear as day!

-OR-

Countryboy's Lament - Dang, here I get to visit an exotic country, and the girls look about the same as back home.

-OR-

Overzealous 90-day Wonder yells at squad member: Soldier! No fraternizing with the enemy!

WordVerify: hoetil - one of them rent-by-the-hour places down along Rt. 19
-OR-
extremely concise instructions for weeding a garden?

Submariner said...

heh heh
Billy Joe picked the ugly one...

Submariner said...

As ordered by the Obamessiah, picking the entree for the State Dinner for India.

Submariner said...

I think the First Predator will love this print.

-or-

I think the First Klingon will love this print.

-or-

I think the First Wookie will love this print.

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble; "First taste is free, girls, but ONLY the first taste is free..."

mega said...

The new nanny-state rules for petting zoos required onerous protective clothing and safety gear. But as Democrats explained, the odds of injury from an animal attack dropped from 0.000013 to 0.000000011 per 100,000.

dub said...

So ladies, wanna see my waterboard?

dub said...

*Bessie thought bubble* "She needs more douche"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Gimme Some Tongue!
The squad had Timmy put on blackout glasses for his special 'in country' bachelor party... after that first slobbering lick from "Faatima" Tim knew his buds had arranged a wild evening.

Rodney Dill said...

Edmund was chagrined as he discovered he had inadvertantly stumbled into a Hay Bar.

Rodney Dill said...

Gary Glitter's History of Rock and Roll groupies.

Rodney Dill said...

"All Moo-slims will suffer udder destruction."

Rodney Dill said...

(Cow Talk)
"So how does he taste?"
"Should go good with a nice Chianti."

.... mad cow

Matt the K said...

California National Guard cows are happier.

Matt the K said...

The remake of 'Top Secret' lacks the comic punch of the original.

Army of Mom said...

Just another GI and his fat military dependent wife and her fat kids.

*Army of Dad will appreciate this one*

Army of Mom said...

What do cows and mopeds have in common? They're both fun to ride till your buddies see you.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

Bessie, if they finally repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" I will marry you!

Rodney Dill said...

"You want fries widdat?"

Rodney Dill said...

Preparing to deploy the automatic land mine dispensers.

molson said...

Darn. Another dry hole. Now that's something only a BP exec can appreciate.

Matt the K said...

Smell my finger.