Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Heavy Rain

Jule the Jarhead

1. All charges would be dismissed after dub blamed "Sudden Acceleration Syndrome" for the mishap.

2. All charges would be dismissed after dub claimed he was unable to avoid the collision after being sucked into her event horizon.

3. All charges would be dismissed after dub claimed he tried to swerve to avoid her but ran out of gas.

4. All charges would be dismissed after dub invoked the "What happens at Avalon Manor stays at Avalon Manor" defense.

5. "Dub, don't hit her! She's on her way to sing over the Obama presidency."

Best of Vinney
On the next Ghost Hunters, Jason and Grant investigate really full body apparitions at a local Jenny Craig.

Best of dub
Has M'chelle lost weight?

Threadwinner: Army of Dad
Buffalo Bill eyes his next victim.

Best of Army of Dad
Wow, Kirstie Alley has really lost weight!

Best of Jack Reacher
Her family brings her to the self-serve car wash because it's faster, and doesn't stress the tub at home.

Best of Steve O
Ojects may be larger than they appear.

Actually, strike that.

Best of Submariner
al'Gore smirked; "I'd hit that..."
Bubba giggled; "I already did!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
You know you're obese #829: When you have to take the detour because of a weight limit sign on the Main Street overpass.

Best of Matt the K
Kelly LeBrock reeeeeaaaallly let herself go.

Best of dadoctah
Golden oldie: Aiieee! Gojira!!!

35 comments:

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"Now we will find out if Fat Ladies really sing!"

blue said...

Thank god it's not Thursday!

Anonymous said...

On the next Ghost Hunters, Jason and Grant investigate really full body apparitions at a local Jenny Craig.

Vinney

dub said...

Has M'chelle lost weight?

dub said...

Yeah right, like she's gonna fit in the back of a MINI-Van.

Kaptain Krude said...

Keep your chins up, baby!

Kaptain Krude said...

In Soviet Russia, street walks you!

Army of Dad said...

Buffalo Bill eyes his next victim.

Army of Dad said...

Wow, Kirstie Alley has really lost weight!

Army of Dad said...

Jessica Simpson after she replaced Tony Romo with food.

Jack Reacher said...

Her family brings her to the self-serve car wash because it's faster, and doesn't stress the tub at home.

Jack Reacher said...

Yea, I have derided the "America is obese" studies for the last time, as today a vision passed before me. Took a while to pass, actually.

dadoctah said...

Ever notice that funny smell when pork gets wet?

wv: acombo. A whole *bunch* of combos, if you ask me!

Steve O said...

Ojects may be larger than they appear.

Actually, strike that.

dadoctah said...

Santa?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Tough call. Judge has to decide if Dub struck a pedestrian or, as he claims, simply couldn't avoid a huge obstruction in the road.

-OR-

PETA's lawsuit forced Ringling Bros. to stop parading elephants down roads to announce the arrival of the circus... so now they're using the fat lady.

-OR-

DC Metro BOLO - Albino hippo just stole Michelle's favorite drapes and was last seen ambling down Pennsylvania Avenue.

WordVerify: inguesh - What ahole liberals refuse to make immigrants learn before* they qualify for citizenship. *(or after)

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Your Taxes At Work
With unemployment at record levels, the Sec. of Transportation begins deploying fat broads as mobile impact barrels.
UPDATE: PETA files protest, the ACLU remains conflicted.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

al'Gore smirked; "I'd hit that..."

Bubba giggled; "I already did!"

Julie the Jarhead said...

In their bid to out-sleeze the Democrats during the presidential election, the Republicans discover a new red state in its entirety.

mega said...

Jeez, man, doesn't the Surgeon General get a limo or something?

Spin said...

Mu, muumuu or just MOO!

mega said...

I thought Lewinsky had moved to England.

Submariner said...

♪ The lady in red - is dancing with me...
and you...
and the next guy...♫

Submariner said...

Inspiration for the commercial where the rolls of silk fabric are covering everything from sea to shining sea?
We report - you decide.

Submariner said...

"Watch as Kirstie moon-walks to demonstrate our new line's safety feature..."
>beep< >beep< >beep< >beep<

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Shortest Carpe Caption Everrr:

WIDE LOAD

-OR-

Mu Mu's for the really obese - Size Double-Wide

Carpe Phlogiston said...

You know you're obese #829: When you have to take the detour because of a weight limit sign on the Main Street overpass.

Matt the K said...

Kelly LeBrock reeeeeaaaallly let herself go.

Kaptain Krude said...

You guys really shouldn't be making fun of this lady. Somewhere in there, there's a sweet little girl struggling to get out.

Or maybe two.

Adriane said...

Baby got back!

... and wings, legs, thighs, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, n' biscuits ...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Patty's Thawtbubble: What does that self-esteem coach know? "Dress up, walk down the street thinking sexy thoughts and you'll be sexy!" Should have known he was a fraud when he said, "Good Luck, Fatty, er... I mean Patty."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Honestly, it's the serendipitous captcha words that keep dragging me back!

WordVerify: fallosit - the bigger they are, the harder they...

dadoctah said...

Golden oldie: Aiieee! Gojira!!!

molson said...

I don't know why, but I have a sudden craving for tater tots and moon pies.