Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Broken


1. "Next time I'll go easier on you," Army of Mom promised with a wink.

2. The SEIU strongly expressed their disapproval of Ricky's "Free Samples" stand.

3. Nathan regrets cutting off Michael Moore at the All-you-can-eat buffet.

4. "I went to the ObamaCare Clinic for a skull fracture and they said it would be cheaper to treat me for four broken limbs."

5. When Gay Pron Star "Johnny Schlong" tried to escape the basement of his "Number One Fan," Barney Frank went all Misery on him.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, what's with the banjo music? Guys? Guys? Okay, this isn't funny..."

Best of Matt the K
Spotting her disabled prey from high above, Army of Mom swoops in for the kill.

Best of sonicfrog
"Next time I'll go easier on you," Army of Mom promised to the twink.

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
OK Uncle Frank, hit that shock absorber with the air hose again!

Best of robert
You put your right foot in / You put your right foot out / You put your right foot in / And you shake it all about. / You do the Hokey Pokey / And you turn yourself around... and then it got weird.

Best of prince of leaves
"Brokelimb Crawlspace", Ang Lee's acclaimed sequel to "Brokeback Mountain", earned the director six Oscars and three consecutive life terms.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Since he was already plaster cast in the right position and on Extra Strength Vicodin, Fred's frat brothers ignored his weak protests and decided he could go skydiving again.

Best of mega
"Let's take a vacation this summer, she says. Let's go to Toronto cause the people are so friendly, she says."

Best of JohnS1959
In retrospect Bobby realized he probably shouldn't have asked the team of BP scientists and engineers to help him with his bad hair day.

Best of Adriane
"Just a flesh wound ... "

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Hey Nancy, want to see my fifth cast"?

Vinney

Jack Reacher said...

"Hey, what's with the banjo music? Guys? Guys? Okay, this isn't funny..."

Matt the K said...

And that was the last time Skeeter tried to hump an over-heating meth vat.

Matt the K said...

Spotting her disabled prey from high above, Army of Mom swoops in for the kill.

Matt the K said...

"Wut do you say to a redneck rent boy with 2 broke legs and 2 broke arms?"
"Nuthin. You done told him 4 times."

Matt the K said...

It puts the lotion in AoM's basket or it gets the hose.

sonicfrog said...

"Next time I'll go easier on you," Army of Mom promised to the twink.

Army of Dad said...

The doctor was stumped as to how he broke all four limbs at once.

Army of Dad said...

This is not the cast wrap party he hoped for.

Army of Dad said...

Oh the irony, the white supremacist not only got his ass kicked, but had to have to black arms for 6-8 weeks.

Army of Dad said...

Dude, yo casts dey be so gimp!

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

OK Uncle Frank, hit that shock absorber with the air hose again!

robert said...

I swear! I was just helpin' the bull over the fence!

You put your right foot in / You put your right foot out / You put your right foot in / And you shake it all about. / You do the Hokey Pokey / And you turn yourself around... and then it got weird.

prince of leaves said...

"Brokelimb Crawlspace", Ang Lee's acclaimed sequel to "Brokeback Mountain", earned the director six Oscars and three consecutive life terms.

Spin said...

Ebony & Ivory yur doin it rong.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

And now, if Dumb can crawl to the podium a little faster, he'll be accepting a posthumous Darwin Award for his brother Dumber for "Best U R Doing It Wrong Stunt" filmed during JackAss sweepsweek.

-OR-

Just as Kyle thought things couldn't get worse, the doorbell rang and he heard... "Hewwo, it's Congrethman Bawney Fwank, looking for a new fwiend!"

-OR-

Obamalama's Credit Loan Remediation deals sound good, but with banks outsourcing collections to guys like Knuckles and Jimmy the Claw, you know there's got to be a downside.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Someday, Zippy would look back on the machine wash/tumble dry dare and laugh. Someday.

-OR-

Geronimo!
Since he was already plaster cast in the right position and on Extra Strength Vicodin, Fred's frat brothers ignored his weak protests and decided he could go skydiving again.

mega said...

"Let's take a vacation this summer, she says. Let's go to Toronto cause the people are so friendly, she says."

JohnS1959 said...

In retrospect Bobby realized he probably shouldn't have asked the team of BP scientists and engineers to help him with his bad hair day.

Anonymous said...

The best Tarzan scream I ever heard was at the circus, when the catcher realized he was the blunt of a nasty prank, SUPERGLUED to his trapeze AND to his catch. I sure hope it's posted on YouTube.

wv: thatHow

Tim said...

Gay suburbanites have the weirdest fetishes

Adriane said...

"Just a flesh wound ... "

JohnS1959 said...

How was I supposed to know it was Chuck Norris blowing that vuvuzela?

Steve O said...

An obvious lack of Monroe shock absorbers.

And maybe he was hauling too wide a load, with a not wide enough stance.