Monday, May 24, 2010

The Rat in the White House

Doogie

1. "Has anyone seen M'Chel's lunch?"

2. "Why, yes, Richard Gere did stay in the Lincoln Bedroom last night. Why do you ask?"

3. "Mr. Sullivan, if you can't control your flatulence, The Atlantic will no longer be welcome at my press availabilities."

4. "Yeah, they've been deserting the White House for the last six months or so."

5. ORA: "All I know is Rahm says its name is 'Ben' and we won't f-ck with it if we know what's good for us."

Best of Vinney
Chuckie Schummer never misses a photo op.

Best of GregMan
"Another illegal alien crossing the border! Quick, give it free health care and some food stamps!"

Best of dub
Unfortunately a rodent ruined an otherwise nice photo of a lifesized replica of the new Uncle Jemima Syrup bottle.

Best of sonicfrog
Can you spot the lying rat in this picture?

Best of Jay Guevara
Rat thought bubble: "Great. Now they've got a photo of me with Obama. I'll never live this down."

Threadwinner: curly
In a redraft of the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, Winston Smith must choose between listening to an endless stream of patronizing Obama drivel or the standard rat torture.

Best of dadoctah
"What's the matter with you people? Haven't you ever seen a pygmy Portuguese water dog before?"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"...and that is why I have chosen this lemming as the new symbol for the Democratic party under my leadership."

Best of Jack Reacher
"...and so I told Rahm, hey, GEICO has that lizard. My administration needs a cute mascot. See what you can do, ah, with a, you know, Chicago theme."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Peter Pettigrew reports in to "He Who Must Not Be Named"

Best of Submariner
...and with a simple, three word edict; "Release the Kracken!" The Obamessiah unleashed Secretary of State Clinton on an unsuspecting world.

Best of metalgarth
"created or saved 5 million rats"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Proof that the marxist messiah is just phoning it in - a newly unemployed White House flunky forgot to cover up the air hose running from a compressor to the inflatable obamalama doll behind the podium.

Best of Rodney Dill
Let 'im go... professional courtesy.

45 comments:

Double the U said...

Let me be perfectly clear, as I have stated before we have cleaned out all the critters and rodents of the previous administration.

Anonymous said...

Chuckie Schummer never misses a photo op.

Vinney

GregMan said...

"Another illegal alien crossing the border! Quick, give it free health care and some food stamps!"

GregMan said...

Hey look, another SEIU member at a presidential event.

GregMan said...

"I'd like to introduce my next Director of National Intelligence."

dub said...

Um no, he hasnt read it either.

Submariner said...

Another course of gagh makes a break for it from the East Wing kitchens.

Submariner said...

All of you media, repeat after me:
THERE.ARE.FIVE.LIGHTS.

Submariner said...

Oil in the Gulf? I'm, uh, happy you asked that. Ummmm, BP, Haliburton, um, Bush Administration... um...

Submariner said...

The Vice President will be kept in an, ummmm, "Undisclosed Location" for the , uh, remainder of this administration's, um, term.

Submariner said...

To misdirect your, uh, attention from actual world events, I've, um, instructed Secretary Gates to, um, draw up war plans, uh, against the Isle of Bali.

Submariner said...

Yes, that viral email is correct; my administration IS the greatest economic disaster to ever hit this country. But none of YOU would ever publish that fact, now would you?

Submariner said...

"...so I selected Army of Mom to design the new page uniforms for the Legislature."

dub said...

Unfortunately a rodent ruined an otherwise nice photo of a lifesized replica of the new Uncle Jemima Syrup bottle.

dub said...

I'll bid $30 for him.

sonicfrog said...

Can you spot the lying rat in this picture?

Jay Guevara said...

Rat thought bubble: "Great. Now they've got a photo of me with Obama. I'll never live this down."

curly said...

If he weren’t already President, Obama could parlay his cheesy, yeast infection scented queefs into a lucrative career as a modern day Pied Piper.

curly said...

In a redraft of the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, Winston Smith must choose between listening to an endless stream of patronizing Obama drivel or the standard rat torture.

curly said...

While pandering for the rat vote, Obama promised free government cheese and the unconditional amnesty of Speedy Gonzales.

dadoctah said...

"What's the matter with you people? Haven't you ever seen a pygmy Portuguese water dog before?"

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

"...and that is why I have chosen this lemming as the new symbol for the Democratic party under my leadership."

Jack Reacher said...

"...and, of course, a fair, uh, path to citizenship, ah, for voles."

Jack Reacher said...

Vole announcement: "Never mind the man behind the teleprompter!"

Jack Reacher said...

"...and so I told Rahm, hey, GEICO has that lizard. My administration needs a cute mascot. See what you can do, ah, with a, you know, Chicago theme."

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

The CIA fears that there may be a foreign mole in the White House appear to be justified.

molson said...

I knew I shouldn't say it... I didn't want to say it... But the teleprompter made me say it. Now go f_ck yourself.

Mr. Hankey said...

Peter Pettigrew reports in to "He Who Must Not Be Named"

Mr. Hankey said...

Yes Rachel, it has been stated that upcoming global disasters are often first identified by fleeing birds and rodents...now please let me be the first to introduce you all to Elena Kagen!

dadoctah said...

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Ok, if I return the freaking Nobel Prize, will you yahoos stop asking me what my brilliant ideas are for plugging the oil?

-OR-

That's right, I'm not calling on you because of that Times cover photo! Superimposing the Mission Accomplished banner over a picture of BP's leaking well was just meanspirited.

-OR-

Huzzah! Great News! HUD's projections now suggest that it won't take nearly as long to soak up the foreclosed homes inventory as it will to soak up the oil spilled in the Gulf or soak up the national debt! Heyyy, who slipped that onto the teleprompter??

-OR-

You know damn well the CaptionThis crowd is going to claim that's a rat leaving a sinking ship, but I know rats and that ain't no rat!

Submariner said...

...and with a simple, three word edict; "Release the Kracken!" The Obamessiah unleashed Secretary of State Clinton on an unsuspecting world.

Submariner said...

...and, finally, the intelligence community has provided trained pathfinders to lead me to White House doors instead of windows...

metalgarth said...

"created or saved 5 million rats"

Submariner said...

"Anybody got a Newport for a homey?"

dadoctah said...

"Seriously, when I said release the kraken, I was expecting something a little more intimidating."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

As you might have heard, I woke up this past weekend and noticed my head and neck had turned a pasty white. The White House physician ran a complete diagnostic and gave me a nasty tonic that tasted like bullsh*t. Turns out it was! Doc said I was a quart low.
***ba dah bing ba dah boom***

WordVerify: pehor - yo dub... this one's for you :-)

mega said...

"...and middle-east initiative. Hey what is THAT?? Man, this is like a surgery room after 2014. (warm applause) But I digress..."

Mr Hankey said...

...and since we couldn't live in Chicago, we've bright Chicago here!

Mr Hankey said...

...and our Spanish waiter has named him Basil.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Proof that the marxist messiah is just phoning it in - a newly unemployed White House flunky forgot to cover up the air hose running from a compressor to the inflatable obamalama doll behind the podium.

Rodney Dill said...

Let 'im go... professional courtesy.

Matt the K said...

Obama insisted the kings for his new chess set be modeled exactly thus. Well, the black king anyway.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

Someone tell Barney Frank that he left his gerbil here again....

Mr. Hankey said...

Templeton helps Rahm promote the pig to keep him from the slaughter...