1. At her confirmation hearings, Elena Kagan recounts how she won the bronze metal in shot put for the Soviet Team at the 1988 Olympics.
2. Like most trans-sexuals, Elena Kagan favors subtle accessories that draw the eye away from her man hands.
3. "Senator, it's very hard to answer your questions while that little Dutch boy keeps poking me."
4. After winning confirmation, Elena Kagan celebrates with her co-workers, Pat, Chris, and Terry.
5. "This one time, at the Leather Womyn's Retreat..."
Threadwinner: mpur
My name is no longer Chastity, it's Chaz.
Best of curly
"That’s some pig!”: E. B. White Charlotte’s Web and Obama’s Charlatan’s Web shared several common themes.
Best of GregMan
Enough already with the pictures of that fat cow in Switzerland.
Best of HLam
Shrek testifies at his Supreme Court nomination hearing.
Best of Submariner
But why would a little piggy have roast beef without the mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed corn and buttered biscuits? That makes no sense, Senator.
Best of dub
ATDEE
(and then dubs eyes exploded)
Best of Submariner
Supreme Court nominees are like onions...
Best of dadoctah
The Napolitano Look is really taking the country by storm!
Best of sonicfrog
Dude.... that shirt material... I think she's wearing my old couch from college!
Best of metalgarth
I'm a big, angry, androgynous, something or other and I want a big cereal.
Assistant Threadwinner: dadoctah
English subtitle: "Enough! Throw the Jedi to the rancor!"
Best of prince of leaves
At this very moment, Lorne Michaels is on the phone with John Lovitz, negotiating a recurring guest role on SNL.
Best of Pedantius
Paul Blart: Supreme Court Justice
Best of Jay Guevara
"If I find whoever put the open can of tuna on the desk I'll pinch his balls off!"
Best of Mr. Hankey
Senator: Qualifications?
Elena Kagan: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Senator: You said rape twice.
Elena Kagan: I like rape.
69 comments:
My name is no longer Chastity, it's Chaz.
"Yes, I really would like fries widdat."
"No I would not consider a reprise of Pat on SNL."
"That’s some pig!”: E. B. White Charlotte’s Web
and Obama’s Charlatan’s Web shared several common themes.
Jabba the Hutt has really let himself, er, herself, uh, ITSELF go.
Putting the mule in muliebrity
Enough already with the pictures of that fat cow in Switzerland.
"Senator, I would like to call as character witnesses Chaz Bono, Jodi Foster and Hillary Clinton."
"Yes Senator, my clenis is enormous, and yes, it is real."
"Moo."
The Great White Hope. Finally, someone who can kick Tonya Harding's ass.
Vinney
T.R. Knight (Dr. George O'Malley) is joining the Supreme Court?
"I will submit to a chromosome test, if Mr. Frank does."
Vinney
Shrek testifies at his Supreme Court nomination hearing.
Yes, I DID get an invite as part of the DL Group in Indianappolis. What does that have to do with my appointment?
M'Chel; Now THOSE are a set of cojones!
When did John Goodman start wearing a dress and earings?
The Fat Fingers that caused last week’s Dow melt down was called before the SEC: “I’m an ADHD-addled dyslexic who sometimes confuses Billions with Millions”. The SEC was so impressed they asked her to work on Obama’s budget.
ORA:
I milk cats.
Conflict of Interest Testimony: "I will recuse myself from cases involving:"
a) airlines charging fatties more
b) regulating or taxing junk foods
c) fat jokes and speech police
d) my heroines, Rosie O'Donnell & Rosanne Barr
e) anything within 6 degrees of bacon. NO, not Kevin
-OR-
Hell, if any conservative geezer on SCOTUS dissents, I'll just wring his neck.
But why would a little piggy have roast beef without the mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed corn and buttered biscuits? That makes no sense, Senator.
ATDEE
(and then dubs eyes exploded)
Happy Thurzday Everyone!
Supreme Court nominees are like onions...
Constitution?
We don' NEED no stinkin' Constitution.
“Wise Latina? Sure, I’ve dined on Mexicans while eating at the ‘Y’.”
Every penis in this room belongs to me.
I do NOT suffer from "PMS" you sexist toad! Asking me to stand up and show off my cankles would offend about 73% of the other females in this country based on recent obesity reports.
-OR-
Very funny, Senator. I may not be the poster child for the President's Council on Physical Fitness... but if you ask nice, I'll recuse myself from lawsuits involving Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers!
-OR-
No, I never watched the Jerry Seinfeld Show. Why are you laughing, Senators?
The Napolitano Look is really taking the country by storm!
..and you would not believe what Obama had me do to him to get this appointment!!
"Get in mah belly!"
"Why yes, I am still a virgin. Why do you ask?"
Dude.... that shirt material... I think she's wearing my old couch from college!
I'm a big, angry, androgynous, something or other and I want a big cereal.
(it's a repeat but it still fits)
and then he huffed and he puffed and he blew my house in.
vw: stringer
Yes, many years ago my boyfriend and I posed for some pictures with a sword. I was broke and needed a Big Uns sandwich.
Guy in background: "Yeah, I'd hit that."
English subtitle: "Enough! Throw the Jedi to the rancor!"
"And now, I'm going to eat this wafer-thin mint."
Susan Boyle didn't clean up as well as we thought she would.
At this very moment, Lorne Michaels is on the phone with John Lovitz, negotiating a recurring guest role on SNL.
In this photo from the archives, Lou Costello testifies before the Congressional HUAC.
"Yes, those figures are correct. I spend about $200 a month on batteries. What? What?"
Paul Bart: Supreme Court Justice
I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky...
No, Senator, there really IS nothing like a good cigar after sex. Before or during either, for that matter...
No, can't say that I see any Constitutional conflict with a Kenyan as President. Why do you ask?
Let me cut to the chase; confirm me or go to the first alternate:
M'Chel Obamalama.
v word - screch - well said.
"Senator, I'd appreciate you not calling me "Butch." And no, I don't think your equipment is bigger than mine."
Paul Blart's got nothin' on this guy...er...uh...
Frank Caliendo for Supreme court Justice!
Brett Farve finally retires from the NFL to argue cases in the nation's highest court.
♪ You've lost that lovin feeling, whoa-o that lovin feeling... ♫
"I did not wear a pearl necklace to get these earings, why do you ask?"
"Mess with the bull and get the horns, you following me senator?"
Well if it gets confirmed we will have our first open cross dresser on the court.
If Kevin James and Janet Reno had a love baby...
Now thatsa spicy meatball
I will not eat green eggs and ham
I'm into tuna
womyn I am.
A smart lesbian can make better decisions than any white man.
"What? You're giving _me_ sh!t about being unqualified? Where were you last November?"
"If I find whoever put the open can of tuna on the desk I'll pinch his balls off!"
If you've ever wondered what Jon Lovitz would look like with a sex change....
As you can see by the placement of my arm, I am able to occasionally lean to the right.
Senator: Qualifications?
Elena Kagan: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Senator: You said rape twice.
Elena Kagan: I like rape.
"Bartender, I'll have boiler-maker."
Vinney
I'd hit it......with a shovel.
"Hey, Ab-bo-ott!"
"So, Who's on the bench?"
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