Monday, May 10, 2010

Leave it to Obama to Find a Woman That Makes Janet Reno Look Like Tawny Kitaen (c. 1987)


1. At her confirmation hearings, Elena Kagan recounts how she won the bronze metal in shot put for the Soviet Team at the 1988 Olympics.

2. Like most trans-sexuals, Elena Kagan favors subtle accessories that draw the eye away from her man hands.

3. "Senator, it's very hard to answer your questions while that little Dutch boy keeps poking me."

4. After winning confirmation, Elena Kagan celebrates with her co-workers, Pat, Chris, and Terry.

5. "This one time, at the Leather Womyn's Retreat..."

Threadwinner: mpur
My name is no longer Chastity, it's Chaz.

Best of curly
"That’s some pig!”: E. B. White Charlotte’s Web and Obama’s Charlatan’s Web shared several common themes.

Best of GregMan
Enough already with the pictures of that fat cow in Switzerland.

Best of HLam
Shrek testifies at his Supreme Court nomination hearing.

Best of Submariner
But why would a little piggy have roast beef without the mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed corn and buttered biscuits? That makes no sense, Senator.

Best of dub
ATDEE
(and then dubs eyes exploded)

Best of Submariner
Supreme Court nominees are like onions...

Best of dadoctah
The Napolitano Look is really taking the country by storm!

Best of sonicfrog
Dude.... that shirt material... I think she's wearing my old couch from college!

Best of metalgarth
I'm a big, angry, androgynous, something or other and I want a big cereal.

Assistant Threadwinner: dadoctah
English subtitle: "Enough! Throw the Jedi to the rancor!"

Best of prince of leaves
At this very moment, Lorne Michaels is on the phone with John Lovitz, negotiating a recurring guest role on SNL.

Best of Pedantius
Paul Blart: Supreme Court Justice

Best of Jay Guevara
"If I find whoever put the open can of tuna on the desk I'll pinch his balls off!"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Senator: Qualifications?
Elena Kagan: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Senator: You said rape twice.
Elena Kagan: I like rape.

69 comments:

mpur said...

My name is no longer Chastity, it's Chaz.

Rodney Dill said...

"Yes, I really would like fries widdat."

Rodney Dill said...

"No I would not consider a reprise of Pat on SNL."

curly said...

"That’s some pig!”: E. B. White Charlotte’s Web
and Obama’s Charlatan’s Web shared several common themes.

curly said...

Jabba the Hutt has really let himself, er, herself, uh, ITSELF go.

Rodney Dill said...

Putting the mule in muliebrity

GregMan said...

Enough already with the pictures of that fat cow in Switzerland.

GregMan said...

"Senator, I would like to call as character witnesses Chaz Bono, Jodi Foster and Hillary Clinton."

GregMan said...

"Yes Senator, my clenis is enormous, and yes, it is real."

GregMan said...

"Moo."

Anonymous said...

The Great White Hope. Finally, someone who can kick Tonya Harding's ass.

Vinney

paul said...

T.R. Knight (Dr. George O'Malley) is joining the Supreme Court?

Anonymous said...

"I will submit to a chromosome test, if Mr. Frank does."

Vinney

HLam said...

Shrek testifies at his Supreme Court nomination hearing.

Submariner said...

Yes, I DID get an invite as part of the DL Group in Indianappolis. What does that have to do with my appointment?

Submariner said...

M'Chel; Now THOSE are a set of cojones!

Submariner said...

When did John Goodman start wearing a dress and earings?

curly said...

The Fat Fingers that caused last week’s Dow melt down was called before the SEC: “I’m an ADHD-addled dyslexic who sometimes confuses Billions with Millions”. The SEC was so impressed they asked her to work on Obama’s budget.

Submariner said...

ORA:

I milk cats.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Conflict of Interest Testimony: "I will recuse myself from cases involving:"
a) airlines charging fatties more
b) regulating or taxing junk foods
c) fat jokes and speech police
d) my heroines, Rosie O'Donnell & Rosanne Barr
e) anything within 6 degrees of bacon. NO, not Kevin

-OR-

Hell, if any conservative geezer on SCOTUS dissents, I'll just wring his neck.

Submariner said...

But why would a little piggy have roast beef without the mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed corn and buttered biscuits? That makes no sense, Senator.

dub said...

ATDEE

(and then dubs eyes exploded)

dub said...

Happy Thurzday Everyone!

Submariner said...

Supreme Court nominees are like onions...

Submariner said...

Constitution?
We don' NEED no stinkin' Constitution.

curly said...

“Wise Latina? Sure, I’ve dined on Mexicans while eating at the ‘Y’.”

molson said...

Every penis in this room belongs to me.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I do NOT suffer from "PMS" you sexist toad! Asking me to stand up and show off my cankles would offend about 73% of the other females in this country based on recent obesity reports.

-OR-

Very funny, Senator. I may not be the poster child for the President's Council on Physical Fitness... but if you ask nice, I'll recuse myself from lawsuits involving Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers!

-OR-

No, I never watched the Jerry Seinfeld Show. Why are you laughing, Senators?

dadoctah said...

The Napolitano Look is really taking the country by storm!

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

..and you would not believe what Obama had me do to him to get this appointment!!

Passionate Conservative said...

"Get in mah belly!"

Passionate Conservative said...

"Why yes, I am still a virgin. Why do you ask?"

sonicfrog said...

Dude.... that shirt material... I think she's wearing my old couch from college!

metalgarth said...

I'm a big, angry, androgynous, something or other and I want a big cereal.

(it's a repeat but it still fits)

metalgarth said...

and then he huffed and he puffed and he blew my house in.

vw: stringer

metalgarth said...

Yes, many years ago my boyfriend and I posed for some pictures with a sword. I was broke and needed a Big Uns sandwich.

Jay Guevara said...

Guy in background: "Yeah, I'd hit that."

dadoctah said...

English subtitle: "Enough! Throw the Jedi to the rancor!"

dadoctah said...

"And now, I'm going to eat this wafer-thin mint."

dadoctah said...

Susan Boyle didn't clean up as well as we thought she would.

prince of leaves said...

At this very moment, Lorne Michaels is on the phone with John Lovitz, negotiating a recurring guest role on SNL.

Jack Reacher said...

In this photo from the archives, Lou Costello testifies before the Congressional HUAC.

Jack Reacher said...

"Yes, those figures are correct. I spend about $200 a month on batteries. What? What?"

Pedantius said...

Paul Bart: Supreme Court Justice

Submariner said...

I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky...

Submariner said...

No, Senator, there really IS nothing like a good cigar after sex. Before or during either, for that matter...

Submariner said...

No, can't say that I see any Constitutional conflict with a Kenyan as President. Why do you ask?

Submariner said...

Let me cut to the chase; confirm me or go to the first alternate:
M'Chel Obamalama.



v word - screch - well said.

Passionate Conservative said...

"Senator, I'd appreciate you not calling me "Butch." And no, I don't think your equipment is bigger than mine."

Passionate Conservative said...

Paul Blart's got nothin' on this guy...er...uh...

Army of Dad said...

Frank Caliendo for Supreme court Justice!

Brett Farve finally retires from the NFL to argue cases in the nation's highest court.

Army of Dad said...

♪ You've lost that lovin feeling, whoa-o that lovin feeling... ♫

Army of Dad said...

"I did not wear a pearl necklace to get these earings, why do you ask?"

Army of Dad said...

"Mess with the bull and get the horns, you following me senator?"

Army of Dad said...

Well if it gets confirmed we will have our first open cross dresser on the court.

Rodney Dill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dub said...

If Kevin James and Janet Reno had a love baby...

Rodney Dill said...

Now thatsa spicy meatball

Rodney Dill said...

I will not eat green eggs and ham
I'm into tuna
womyn I am.

Eric said...

A smart lesbian can make better decisions than any white man.

Jay Guevara said...

"What? You're giving _me_ sh!t about being unqualified? Where were you last November?"

Jay Guevara said...

"If I find whoever put the open can of tuna on the desk I'll pinch his balls off!"

dadoctah said...

If you've ever wondered what Jon Lovitz would look like with a sex change....

Mr. Hankey said...

As you can see by the placement of my arm, I am able to occasionally lean to the right.

Mr. Hankey said...

Senator: Qualifications?
Elena Kagan: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Senator: You said rape twice.
Elena Kagan: I like rape.

Anonymous said...

"Bartender, I'll have boiler-maker."

Vinney

dub said...

I'd hit it......with a shovel.

Submariner said...

"Hey, Ab-bo-ott!"

Submariner said...

"So, Who's on the bench?"