Monday, May 10, 2010

In the Oval Orifice

Al

1. "Huh huh huh. Huh Huh huh. This desk is on my butt. Huh huh huh!"

2. "It's Chris Matthews's birthday. Send him a signed copy of How to Make Love to a Black Man."

3. The Gulf is filled with oil, Nashville is under eight feet of water, and all the president does is play "Invisible Limbo Pole."

4. "And I was thinking, maybe I should take responsibility this time instead of blaming Bush. ... Hahahahahaha! Just kidding! Damn, Axelrod, did you crap your pants?"

5. "I didn't get an 'Allahu Akbar!' out of that man!"

Best of HLam
"Damn it Rahm. If one drop of apple juice soils this rug after Sasha and Malia cleaned it you'll be fired. Why do you think I levitated over it to the desk?"

Best of Submariner
Weeeelllllll, if you're both SURE I can't get Ward Churchill through, let's go with that Kagan broad...

Best of dub
Not to be outdone by anyone, Barry orders the most extravagant presidential toilet ever.

Best of molson
Who's up for a Hot Karl?

Threadwinner: Jay Guevara
"Fifty? No sh!t? You're sure?"

Best of GregMan
"I know, let's nominate a fat ugly bull-dyke to the Supreme Court!"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
..look, you 2 honkeys better learn how to do the hand jive or else you are out of here!

Best of Rodney Dill
"OK, so the damage done, Elena's been named, but I wanna change my nominee to Betty White... She's popular and I really need a win on this."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Rahm, I'm going to need you to Google 'Removing Super Glue from pants and desk.' Just do it!"

Best of Army of Dad
Rahm: Mr. President, that isn't the copier.

Best of Eric
Only opinions on the palm side of my hand will be forced on congress.

Best of dadoctah
"Careful! The floor is lava!"

Best of Mr Hankey
As I am no fool, I can definitely see this wonderful clothing you are holding up and will gladly wear it in tomorrow's parade.

46 comments:

HLam said...

A camera crew from Fox News discreetly pans out and shows Axelrod and Emmanuel pulling Obama's strings.

HLam said...

"No dear, you cannot use those curtains behind me to make a dress for the affair tonight. What? The flag? Sure, go ahead and use that, it's pretty much useless anyway."

HLam said...

"Damn it Rahm. If one drop of apple juice soils this rug after Sasha and Malia cleaned it you'll be fired. Why do you think I levitated over it to the desk?"

Rodney Dill said...

"OK OK, this time lets get it right...

row, row, row, your boat..."

Rodney Dill said...

Playing the worlds tiniest violins as Greece burns.

Paul said...

Another major decision decided by Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Submariner said...

Weeeelllllll, if you're both SURE I can't get Ward Churchill through, let's go with that Kagan broad...

Submariner said...

And another thing, Rahm; for the next State Dinner, make triple-damn-sure that the gagh is still living. We DON'T want M'Chel going off again like last time...

Submariner said...

Who do we have left to toss under a bus to deflect criticism of my lack of handling in the Gulf oil clean-up?

Submariner said...

I'm depressed. Create another, um, stimulus plan for, oh... let's, uh, say $250 Trillion; that ought to, um, satisfy me until, um, Friday.

Submariner said...

Do NOT say "It's all in your head" again. Ever since you hooked the TOTUS up to Blogger's v-word generator, I'm POSITIVE it's sentient.

dub said...

Not to be outdone by anyone, Barry orders the most extravagant presidential toilet ever.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Look you dimwits, I want this skit ready for the Sunday talk shows to show how banks help the economy!:
"You put your right hand IN, you pull your right hand OUT and you shake it all about... that's how we do the hokey pokey!"

divine miss m said...

Ronald Reagan respected the Oval Office so much he never removed his suit coat while in it; Bill Clinton respected it so little he couldn't keep his pants on in it; and the lingering metaphor for Barack Obama will be forever taking a dump on the American people.

molson said...

Who's up for a Hot Karl?

Anonymous said...

So two self-hating Jews and a Muslim walk into an Oval Office...

Jay Guevara said...

"This desk is a lot more comfortable to sit on than Chris Mathews's face, but I enjoy that more."

Jay Guevara said...

"Fifty? No sh!t? You're sure?"

GregMan said...

"I know, let's nominate a fat ugly bull-dyke to the Supreme Court!"

GregMan said...

"Man, I just dropped a truly massive dookie on this desk. Rahm, fetch the Amerikkkan flag and wipe my butt with it."

GregMan said...

"Bad news, guys, my old Imam in Indonesia says I have to kill you two jooos even if you are helping me to destroy Amerikkka."

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

..look, you 2 honkeys better learn how to do the hand jive or else you are out of here!

Rodney Dill said...

"OK, so the damage done, Elena's been named, but I wanna change my nominee to Betty White... She's popular and I really need a win on this."

Rodney Dill said...

"Whaddya mean ICHC won't give me a free burger for being a NOMinator?"

dadoctah said...

Tony Orlando and Dawn they ain't

dub said...

Guys, this is my desk, not an auction block....and stop calling me Toby.

sonicfrog said...

Following the smashing success of the Bush bashing rock opera "American Idiot", here are scenes from the upcoming Broadway feature "Obama - The Musical"!

Jay Guevara said...

"Whaddya mean, 'TOTUS achieved consciousness, and I'm out on my ass'?"

Jack Reacher said...

"Oh, and a special thanks to you, Rahm, for wearing pants to the meeting. I owe you one for that."

Jack Reacher said...

"...and regarding the Gulf oil spill, perhaps we could...Hey. You know what? I just realized why it's called the Oval Office."

Jack Reacher said...

"...and then will I be a real boy?"

Jack Reacher said...

"Rahm, I'm going to need you to Google 'Removing Super Glue from pants and desk.' Just do it!"

Submariner said...

Visual punchline for Karnac's envelope reading "two headaches and one enormous pain in the a$$."

Submariner said...

Tonight on "The Left Wing"
The boys argue over who has to drive M'Chel to the mall until The One settles it with an imperious "Get me the Senate Majority Leader!" Hilarity ensues.
Brought to you without commerce interuptions by your friends at the DNC.

Army of Dad said...

♪ Sitting on a desk in DC, watching our country's pride roll away. ♫

Army of Dad said...

"So if I get a birth certificate I can be a real American?!"

Army of Dad said...

Rahm: Mr. President, that isn't the copier.

Passionate Conservative said...

Circle Jerk, Obama style.

curly said...

Affirmative action presidency: Obama’s staff makes sure our glorious Messiah® wins every game of rocks, papers, scissors.

Eric said...

Only opinions on the palm side of my hand will be forced on congress.

Jay Guevara said...

C'mon, guys, pick up your game!

"We have to protect our phony baloney jobs here, gentlemen!"

Jay Guevara said...

"Well, OK. If you're _sure_ Judge Judy won't fly, let's go with Kagan."

Submariner said...

Nope, nope, that isn't quite it; we need a bass. Have Kagan get in here.

dadoctah said...

"Careful! The floor is lava!"

Mr Hankey said...

As I am no fool, I can definitely see this wonderful clothing you are holding up and will gladly wear it in tomorrow's parade.

Anonymous said...

"OK, Mr. President you golf with Limbaugh. If you win, he has to go out with Kagan. If he wins, she goes out with Clinton."

"Uh, uh, which Clinton are you referring to"?

Vinney